I Know You Want Me - Chapter Eight

[thelastpen]

Title: I Know You Want Me
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: Hard NC-17
Length: 45,573
Spoilers: This is AU. No Beth. No Lucy. Puck/Rachel lasted for a few months instead of a week and Jesse is a bigger ass than canon. Also Santana's promiscuity implied in the canon is not in effect for this fic for reasons that will be made evident.
Pairing: Rachel/Santana, Puck/Quinn
Summary: Rachel's longed after someone since the first day they met, but will a big secret bring them together or destroy them?
Warnings (highlight to read): Gender Identity Disorder, pregnancy, angst, topping, language, voyeurism, dub-con, non-con, anal, oral, vaginal, public, fisting, size-kink, and talk of self harm

Chapter Eight - Possession

The day of the first - well, the first traditional - ultrasound had arrived and Rachel found herself feeling restless with anxiety as she sat on the table in one of Mr Lopez's exam rooms in a thin gown. She couldn't stop herself from running her hand over and over the swell of her bump as she watched the door. Every once in a while, her eyes flicked to where Santana was sitting in a chair, seemingly casually flicking through a older copy of Vogue. She didn't understand how she could seem so calm. This was their first time really seeing their child and she was afraid that something horrible would be revealed.

"I don't understand how you can be so calm," she muttered, her gaze turning back to the door again. "I am a nervous wreck that something will be wrong and you can just... just sitthere..."

The other girl didn't even look up from her magazine. "I've been in this room so much in the last 10 years that it's a second home." Santana replied - one of her father's co-workers was her endocrinologist so she was in the office for appointments often. After a few more minutes of silence, Miguel walked into the room wearing a light pink dress shirt and a black skinny tie under his lab coat. Santana just looked up and shook her head.

"Daddy, you look like a homo," Santana said quickly which earned her a gentle slap to the back of her head. "Ow. Abuse," She mumbled before going back to looking at her magazine.

"How are you feeling today, Rachel?" He asked, ignoring his child and getting Rachel's chart. "You look to be about 14 weeks... So, second trimester. Have you noticed the decreased nausea? You should have some more energy from now on."

"Her boobs aren't as painful anymore." Santana interjected, earning her a glare from her father and a gaping expression of shock from Rachel. "What! They were painful before, you said so yourself!" Santana replied, as she threw the magazine down on the table.

Rachel blushed furiously, "Yes, but I didn't expect you to tell your father, Santana!" She turned to Miguel, still blushing, "Actually, yes, I have noticed that it's easier to keep things down - a fact I am terribly grateful for - but your daughter is correct in that the hypersensitivity of my breasts has decreased as well."

"That's pretty normal." He said, as he started to get all of the machines in place. "I've learned that it's easier to just ignore some of her comments rather than give into her remarks." He smiled at Rachel, Santana just crossed her arms and pouted in her chair as she watched attentively. "Alright so we're going to do an ultrasound, the nurse already took your blood so we will get the levels on you back before you go... but, Rachel, have you thought about leaving your vegan lifestyle while your pregnant and if you breast-feed? I'm not saying you need to eat red meat, but I think that maybe moving to a vegetarian diet that included eggs and milk could help you gain more weight for the baby." He looked down at the chart and checked Rachel's weight, "You've only gained a pound and a half since I saw you at 8 weeks, you should have gained at least 3. So please, consider this."

What Rachel didn't see was Santana quietly writing everything down in a tiny black moleskin notebook. She always did this at doctor's appointments for herself, so the habit had carried over to her child. She wanted to make sure that she knew everything and had everything written down to reference back at a later time.

"Okay. Rachel," he pushed the gown aside and exposed the small bump that hat formed slightly above the girl's pelvic bone. "This is gonna be cold." he sated, as he grabbed the jelly from a warming station and put a liberal amount on the girl's stomach. "I keep it in a warming holder but it's still cold sometimes." He smiled and got ready to grab the ultrasound head.

Rachel shivered as the gel was applied. "I don't know if I'd be able to change my diet, to be honest. I've been vegan most of my life and the few times I have attempted to eat animal byproducts such as cheese I have become terribly ill." She watched him press the device to her stomach and begin moving it around as he watched the monitor, "I don't react well to animal byproducts..."

"Okay... Well, I'm just going to monitor you more closely and do some reading about vegan pregnancy tonight." He smiled and worked to get a full image of his grandchild on the screen. "There you go, mom." He smiled when the blob shaped image with little fingers and legs appeared on the screen. "The fetus looks to be normal sized, maybe a bit small but you and San are both kinda tiny so..." He smiled proudly as he looked at the image, "It's about 3 and a half inches... kinda like a little lemon right in your uterus." he smiled and clicked a few keys to 3D picture. "Santana?" He looked over at his daughter who was staring wide-eyed at the screen.

Rachel couldn't even see Santana's reaction, her own attention fixed on the screen. "Oh my gosh," she whispered, awed, "that's... that's amazing, Mr Lopez. Santana," she reached over towards the other girl without taking her eyes from the screen. "Santana, look... that's our baby..."

Santana got up and slowly walked closer, her eyes wide as she looked at the screen then down to the wand on Rachel's stomach. Then up to her dad who smiled softly at his daughter who looked absolutely freaked out.

"Everything looks good." Miguel stated as he pressed print on the machine and moved to flip on the sound and the soft thumping of the baby's heartbeat flooded through the room causing Santana to let out a soft gasp.

When Rachel heard her baby's heartbeat for the first time, she gasped softly and reached out until she could take Santana's hand. She knew she probably shouldn't, but she needed the connection to her baby's other parent in that moment. "Isn't it amazing, Santana?" she whispered, "Our little miracle baby..." She couldn't tear her eyes away from the tiny figure on the screen.

"Little..." Santana choked on her words, "Baby." She was trying to figure out how she felt but her emotions were almost too much to handle. Miguel looked at his daughter and reached over and rubbed her shoulder before cleaning off Rachel's stomach.

"You two look at the image for a minute and I'm gonna go check on the labs." He stated, snapping off his gloves and looking at them for a second before leaving the room. Santana was staring at the screen, not really able to move or say anything.

"Santana?" Rachel murmured, finally tearing her eyes from the screen long enough to look up and see the freaked out look in her dark eyes. She felt like something was seizing her heart in a cold fist when she saw it. Sighing softly, she let go of the other girl's hand - shivering as the connection was lost - and closed her eyes to try and block the image that seemed burned into her mind.

She sounded tiny and lost when she spoke again, "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have asked you to come. I pushed again..." Her hormones were running rampant through her and she just wanted to cry at the thought that thier child wasn't wanted by their other parent. It wasn't the first time she'd thought it, knowing that Santana would have been happier if they'd never been conceived.

Santana looked down and shook her head, "It's not... it's just a lot." Santana whispered, trying to fight her own feelings to make Rachel understand. "It's just scary." She bit her lip as she spoke. "Just seeing it... it's real and I don't know how to take care of it.... or how to make it know we love it." Santana was just trying to make Rachel feel less scared, but she knew she was failing.

"I know," Rachel muttered, turning her head to the side, "you don't want to have impregnated me and you would rather not be here. I know, Santana. I'm grateful to you for taking so much responsibility for me and this baby - even if it is because your father basically forced you to. I," she rolled on her side away from Santana, sniffling softly, "I won't make you come to any more appointments, won't push you any further if I can possibly avoid it."

"Stop it!" Santana exclaimed, "I know this is hard. I'm sorry if I'm scared and whatever but don't fucking shut me out of my kid's life. Not now, we already decided that we're doing this so just fucking stop okay!"

"I'm not shutting you out!" Rachel snapped, rubbing at her eyes to try and stop crying, "I just don't want to hurt you any more! I hate making you scared or making you feel like you're not a girl!" She wrapped her arms around herself, giving up on trying to stop the tears, "I hate that I've done this to you. I like you, Santana, I have for years, but I've put you in this awful position..."

"You're right. I never wanted to be a dad..." Santana breathed through her nose trying to calm down. "I'm trying really hard to be okay with all of this. I want the baby and I want to be here okay, I just can't control my face sometimes!" She looked down as she heard the girl say she liked her, "You don't like me, Rachel. Don't lie okay?"

"Why does it have to be a lie?" Rachel turned to look up over her shoulder at Santana with red, pained eyes, "I've liked you ever since fifth grade when you made Evan Samuals stop harassing me because my fathers are gay. But I never was good enough to be your friend - let alone anything else - once you became friends with Quinn and Brittany."

"So you liked me..." Santana swallowed, just overwhelmed. "I'm sorry I don't know what to say. Brittany was too stupid to understand why I was different and Quinn knew and didn't care. I didn't become friends with anyone because I was scared..." Santana looked down and carefully joined their hands again and sighed. "I've never liked anyone."

"I'm not asking you to like me," Rachel whispered, sounding sad even though the feeling of her hand being taken eased the pressure in her chest a bit, "I know I'm at the bottom of the social ladder and you're at the top. I just," she sighed softly, blinking back the urge to cry again, "I just wish I could have had a chance with you without messing things up. I wish I could have been good enough to be your friend like they were without all this happening."

"I do like you." Santana whispered as she looked down under long eyelashes. "I do." She let her hand shake slightly as she spoke. "I'm here... and I don't care about the social ladder or whatever I never did."

Rachel glanced up again, smiling waterily, "I believe you, Santana, but... if this never happened," she ran her free hand over her belly, "I don't think we would be friends even now." She sniffled, fully believing that Santana never would have given her the time of day if things hadn't occurred the way they had, "We're from different worlds and you always said I annoyed you."

"Everything annoys me." Santana smiled as she tilted her head. "Please remember we were having sex for some time prior to this happening..." She reminded the pregnant girl, "I wouldn't have stayed if I hated you."

"You wouldn't have had sex with me the first few times if I hadn't basically forced myself on you either," Rachel swallowed, letting her head drop back down so she could look at the monitor again. "You don't have to be nice to me just because I'm carrying your child, Santana. I'm a big girl, I can live with the truth."

"I also wouldn't have had sex with anyone if you hadn't come onto me. I wasn't a passive observer, Rachel, I was beating off to you," Santana exhaled and rubbed her tired eyes. "I'm being nice to you because you're nice to me. It's not pity, it's not maternal instinct or whatever I might have... I'm just being me. So, just stop."

"I don't know how," she sounded slightly defeated, staring at the ultrasound image of their child, "I'm not used to people liking me for any purpose other than sexual." She sighed and moved to sit up. "I wanted you to notice me - to like me - so I gave," she faltered slightly, "pushed myself to you. Now we have a baby developing inside me. Our very own little miracle child." She looked down at the bump she was gently rubbing, "Maybe Noah will take credit and I will appear to be a terrible slut, but I don't care. I made a child with the girl I like and that's enough for me."

Santana just took a breath and looked down at Rachel. In the months that they'd been having sex, they'd done almost everything to each other - except one. She looked down at the woman carrying her child, a child that she never thought she'd have and moved on instinct. She leaned down and brushed her lips gently against Rachel's. It wasn't much - it wasn't really anything at all in the world of kisses - but it was their first.

Rachel gasped, her fingers coming up to brush over her lips. Her heartbeat had picked up just from the simple brush of lips on lips, leaving a slow tingle behind as Santana pulled away. "Santana?" she whispered, afraid to hope that there was any meaning behind the kiss.

Her eyes remained closed, no matter how much experience she had with Puck and how much sex she and Rachel had been having - Santana had never kissed anyone. She licked her bottom lip quickly before opening her eyes and looked at the other girl. "Stop thinking I don't feel anything for you."

Rachel let her hand drop from her lips, the tip of her tongue poking out to lick her lips as she watched Santana. "Okay, but can I... Can we do that again?"

A stifled laugh busted out of Santana's lips as she leaned down and brushed a gentle kiss against the girl's mouth once again. Rachel let her free hand rest on the other girl's shoulder for a moment before sliding down to take a handful Santana's shirt in a loose grip as she leaned forward. She let out a soft whimper as her lips moved softly against Santana's, her eyes falling closed as she let herself revel in the sensations.

The kiss remained chaste. Just silky lips against each other. Santana smiled softly into the kiss, her hand moving to Rachel's stomach to rest on the swell of the other girl's stomach as they remained intertwined.

"Sorry," Miguel's voice clamoured through the silent room, causing Santana to move away quickly and scuff her feet awkwardly against the ground. "I just wanted to let you know that you can go, Rachel. Your labs are okay, not really where I want them, but we can get you eating better and getting the nutrients you and the baby need."

Rachel blushed, looking down at her bump as she folded her hands over it, her hand feeling oddly cold with Santana's fingers no longer entwining hers. "I understand, sir. I'll do my best to eat more. Hopefully it will be easier now that the nausea is subsiding. I simply haven't been as hungry as I normally am the last few weeks and the smell of cooking food made me want to vomit much of the time, so other than when I joined the two of you for dinner and made myself eat, I've generally been living on vegan protein shakes..." She bit her lip and glanced up at Miguel, "I'll do whatever it takes to ensure this child is healthy, sir..."

He smiled and offered his hand to help the young woman off the bed. "Well, I will make Santana learn some vegan friendly recipes and I will learn what I can about what I need to do to make you medically fit for the next few months." Santana scowled and grabbed Rachel's clothing for her as she spoke to her dad. "I'm going to write you a prescription for some prenatal vitamins. I will see you tomorrow night for Sunday night dinner?" He asked with a smile. When Rachel nodded, he left.

"You change and I'll wait outside for you..." Santana blushed as she leaned against the wall.

"You don't have to wait outside, but okay," Rachel murmured with an oddly shy blush as she began to strip out of the gown and put her bra and shirt back on, having left her skirt on under the gown. After a moment she came out and took a breath before smiling shyly and hesitantly offering her hand to the taller girl without a word.

Santana took her hand and quietly led them out to her car. She climbed in and rested her arm on the arm rest and linked her fingers with Rachel's. "Um. Let's go get your meds and then I'll take you to get food if you want... I don't know if you're hungry or whatever..." Santana whispered as she started to drive back to Lima from her dad's practice in Dayton.

"Actually, as a vegan, I can't eat at most restaurants. Even salads tend to be unfriendly to vegans due to the addition of meat, eggs, cheese, or even the dairy in the dressings. It would be easier to just make something at home. Speaking of," she smiled hesitantly over at Santana, "you could come to my home if you'd like. You never have, after all..."

"Okay... I need to grab a coffee before we bounce though, okay?" Santana said as she pulled into the coffee shop. She drove up to the window and the 20 something year old man smiled brightly when he recognized who was there.

"Oh hey, Santana!" He exclaimed brightly, "Want your regular? I thought you didn't come to Dayton on the weekend? Did you have an appointment? Is everything okay?" He asked as he quickly left to grab Santana's coffee order.

"Yeah, Bryce, I'm good. It was actually my friend's appointment," she nodded her head over to Rachel.

"She's so pretty! Is she the..?" He said softly as he smiled checking the girl out.

"Yeah. Yeah, do you still have the vegan Chai? Rachel, do you want one? It's actually really good." She looked over to Rachel.

"That would be very nice, Santana. Thank you." Rachel tried to offer a shy smile, the overwhelming series of events that had occurred in Santana's father's practice washing away her normal confidence. Uncertain around the stranger who seemed to have an unsettling knowledge of the situation, she bit her lip and glanced out the window at the street, her hand nervously gripping Santana's.

"Sure thing!" Bryce smiled and went to quickly grab their drinks. Santana paid quickly and shot the boy a smile and waved.

"Alright bro, I'll see you on Tuesday?" She asked, he nodded and they headed back to the road. "Rachel?" She handed the girl her drink and took a sip of her own. "Bryce goes to my trans group with me... I've known him since he was Bridget and I was like 12."

Rachel sighed and nodded, accepting the cup Santana offered and letting the heat warm her hands as she thought. "I understand," she finally murmured, nibbling on her lip, "it's just... he knew, Santana. I didn't even know who he was, but he knew what was happening with us. It was scary..." She glanced at Santana, hoping she'd understand.

Santana squeezed Rachel's hand. "I'm sorry. He's just excited. He more or less told me to get my head out of my ass and deal with my problems. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told him." She looked down, "He's kinda like my big brother, he's four years older and has gone through some of the same stuff..."

"It's okay," Rachel managed a little smile, reaching over to lightly squeeze Santana's forearm, "Really. I don't mind you telling people if you feel comfortable with them knowing. I just didn't know who he was or that he knew and it was a bit of a shock." After a little while, she asked a question that had been bothering her since they'd left the coffee shop. "Are there a lot of people like you then? People born into the wrong bodies?"

She drove for a bit, thinking about how she would respond to Rachel. "There are... I guess statistically there are. I know like five people, maybe? Bryce was born female and transitioned when he hit puberty... I know a few others too but they're like adults and run the group..."

"I'm glad you know people who know what you're going through and can help you." She sipped at her drink gathering her thoughts, "I can try all I want, but I'll never truly understand how you feel no matter how much I might wish I could."

"Besides," she smiled shyly, turning her cup in her hands, "it feels like maybe you're excited - even a little - about our baby when you tell people. It," she glanced over at Santana, blushing lightly, "it feels nice..."

"I.. I'm scared. I won't lie and tell you I'm not. I don't really know how to handle this... but I am excited about the idea of the baby." She admitted, "I needed to tell Bryce because I promised a long time ago that whenever I was scared or contemplating doing...stupid things that I'd talk to him and he'd try to calm me down."

Santana sighed and looked out at the road as she spoke. "I'm fortunate that I've been aware since I was a baby. That I didn't have to change my world when I got older. All my dad and I did was move to Lima. He sighed me up for school and registered me as a girl and not a boy. That was it..."

Rachel kept her hand on Santana, moving to watch her as the other girl drove, "I'm scared too, you know. I don't have siblings or really any family besides my dads and my cousin Leon and his wife and little girl, whom I hardly ever see. I have no idea what I'm doing. All I know," she licked her lips, smiling hesitantly, "is I want this baby... and I'm grateful that I can have it with you."

"So, maybe," she shrugged hopefully, "maybe we can be scared together? Lesbian couples have children together all the time and this is even better because this baby really will be part of both of us." She hesitated, biting her lip, "Not that we're a couple or anything..."

"Yeah," Santana said quietly, before she drank the last of her coffee. She drove in silence for awhile before it occurred to her what Rachel had said. "Not a couple?" she looked down at the their hands and back up with a confused face. "I thought... when we.... we kissed, right? Doesn't that like imply that we are?" Santana was just so confused, she spent most of her teen years hiding her secrets that she lost some of the social interaction that everyone else learned. "I get that sex isn't dating... but I thought that... I never kissed anyone else before so I just assumed. I don't wanna be with anyone else and you are carrying a child..."

"You want..." Rachel bit her lip, glancing over hesitantly, a hopeful but unsure smile growing on her face, "you want to be a couple? With... with me? I'm not too frumpy or... or mannish or anything?"

She tried not to be self-conscious about her appearance, not often having opportunities to shop for clothes since she didn't drive or own a car. And with how often her clothes were damaged at school, she couldn't really afford it either. Between that and how often she was belittled based on her appearance, she didn't have much confidence in her looks.

"You're really cute." Santana admitted, "Plus, if anyone is mannish?" she tried to joke as she pulled into Rachel's house. "I like how you dress thought we need to get you some maternity stuff for when you get bigger. Actually, you're just really small, so you can probably just go up a few sizes and be fine."

Rachel lifted a brow, "You... like how I dress? Santana, you do realize that you have been one of the chief detractors of my clothing choices for years, correct?" She smiled, her tone teasing. "I would have thought you'd wish to encourage a change in my fashion choices." She looked around, unbuckling as she realized they'd arrived at her home. "Thank you for driving me home, Santana."

She got out of the car and opened Rachel's door and helped her out. "Your dads aren't back from their trip?" Santana asked, looking around and not seeing a car. The girl's dad had invited the men over, but Rachel had claimed they were on a trip - though during that conversation Santana was playing her X-box and not actually listening to them.

"Yes," Rachel knew she was disassembling and that she was often quite bad at disguising that fact, but she wasn't certain how Santana would react if she found out her dads worked overseas most of the year. "It's for business so it'll be a bit yet before they come home."

"Oh. That sucks. Um. Well since you don't have a car you can use mine if you need it... How long will they be gone for?" Santana stood behind Rachel as the girl unlocked the door to her home. She looked around, she had only been there once before and she was less nervous now that she knew she wouldn't have to face the girl's fathers tonight.

"I'm afraid I have neither a license nor the knowledge to properly utilize it, but thank you for the generous offer, Santana," Rachel smiled back over her shoulder as she opened the door and headed inside, "When will they be back? Oh... well, that depends on how well things go with their work, but not for a while yet."

"Um." She shuffled awkwardly once inside. She didn't do well with being in a place she didn't know or couldn't control. "Do you wanna have dinner? Or like just chill?"

Rachel hung her jacket in the closet, taking Santana's and hanging it up too before making her way toward the kitchen. "If you don't mind vegan, I can cook us something. I'm not especially hungry yet, but I likely should be eating more and," she paused in the doorway to the kitchen to smile shyly back at Santana, "I'd like to cook for you. You've been doing so much for me and I'd like to return the favor. Besides," the smile grew brighter, "we should celebrate becoming a couple, don't you think?"

"Yeah." She blushed nervously, "Sounds good. I'm not really hungry ether..." She replied and looked around the kitchen. She saw the numerous pictures of Rachel as a child in various competitions and award ceremonies. "You really did do a lot as a kid..." Santana remarked, "Gymnastics, dance, singing, plays..." She looked around then back at her new girlfriend. "Did you really like it? Was it fun for you to be that busy and around all the other kids and whatever?"

"Hmm?" Rachel queried, backing out of the fridge with an armful of vegetables. She glanced over at what Santana was looking at as she placed her selection on the counter. "Oh," she shrugged, "I suppose." She turned back to the vegetables sorting them out and beginning to clean them off, "Mostly I was just happy to be around people who seemed to enjoy having me around. But then I never really got away from people who didn't like the fact that I am small but have a big voice or that I have gay dads."

She glanced over at Santana with her best show smile, "The applause from the audience made it worth how much it hurt to practice twice as hard as everyone else and still be treated like I didn't belong. I live for applause. For the longest time, that moment - when I've finished a performance and I can hear the applause beginning to swell around me, people rising to their feet to cheer for me - was the only time I felt as if I was loved outside of my family." Her attention dropped back to her work as she reached for a knife to begin chopping, "It made me feel wanted. I couldn't give that up even if it made everyone in Glee hate me."

Santana didn't know what to say. "Oh." She came over to the island to sit down on a stool. "I guess. I understand that I think. I'm sorry you had such a hard time. I'm sure my dad would have been friends with your dads if he didn't spend all his time with me..." She played with her hands and looked at the counter.

"I understand the rush. I think that's why I was so happy when my dad let me be a cheerleader... like the rush of people loving you in that moment is kinda the best thing." She looked up and smiled sadly, "Takes your mind off of everything else in the world that sucks.

Rachel spun about and crossed the room to let one hand rest on Santana's hip as she pressed a cherry tomato to her lips with a soft smile that brightened as she bit it. "I never thought I'd ever be with someone who understood that about me, Santana," she leaned in and softly brushed her lips against the other girl's. "I'm glad you do and no matter how hard it is to get applause now... we can lean on each other and this little one will love us like no one else can. Now," she grinned brightly, straightening and moving back towards the counter, getting the pots and sauté pan out she needed to cook, "I have decided to prepare vegan vegetable fettuccine alfredo for us if that sounds alright with you."

Santana chewed slowly before speaking again. "Sounds good." she rested her head on her hand as she watched. "Well, given that I was assured that I'd never be with anyone, maybe we'll understand each other more and more." she smirked and wiggled her eyebrows as she started her next sentence. "Also, I can always clap while we're fucking one day..." she smiled and enjoyed the surprised look on Rachel's face.

"First, I have no idea why anyone would tell you you couldn't be with anyone. That's patently absurd. Second," she fixed Santana with a sharp glare as she tossed a piece of green pepper at the other girl, "if you ever do that, you will not be receiving any form of sexual gratification from me for at least a week."

Santana caught the pepper in her mouth and chewed with a smile. "Come on, I thought you liked applause. Like when you make me cum really hard? or when you moan on pitch? I can totally clap for you!" Santana was amusing herself by teasing the girl while she cooked.

Rachel pointed the spoon she was stirring the tofu based sauce at Santana after tapping it on the side, "While you are doubtlessly talented enough to do so, I maintain that should you attempt it, you will be cut off. Beside," her lips curled up in a sly smirk, "I'm certain you can think of better things to do with your hands during our sexual encounters than use them for applause, don't you?"

She leaned over the island to hold out the spoon after scooping a bit of the sauce onto it, "Taste?"

"Half of me thinks that you wouldn't dare... the other half knows that you would actually cut me off." Santana pouted and leaned forward and took the taste offered to her. "Yummy." She smiled sitting back down. "Though..." she smirked, "I know of other substances that have a similar consistency that you would enjoy so much more..."

"Mmm," Rachel smiled over the island at her, going back to cooking, "Play your cards right, beautiful, and I might be willing to indulge after dinner. Your father did suggest I need more protein in my diet after all. Speaking of," she smiled shyly over her shoulder, "you are welcome to stay tonight if you'd like. If we are a couple now, then it only makes sense to be together as often as possible, right?"

Santana smiled and rolled her eyes at Rachel's comment. "Yeah. I'll call my dad and tell him." She said as she got up and grabbed her phone out of her pocket and dialed her father and walked into the adjoining room to speak to him. A few minutes later she came back in and wrapped her arms around Rachel from behind her. "He says it's okay if I stay."

Rachel leaned back against her with a smile as she finished transferring the pasta and vegetables into the sauce. "I'm glad. I like having you around, Santana. Is there anything you'd like to do after we eat? I truly would like you to consider my home to be yours as well after all."

"Well." Santana said as she pressed her lower body into Rachel's ass. "I'd like to fuck you." She started kissing up the back of the girls neck as she spoke. "Maybe in here... maybe in the living room, basement, your parents room, bathroom..." She continued to think as she kissed and nipped at the skin exposed to her.

Rachel shivered, letting her head fall to the side as a soft moan slipped from her lips. "R-really...?" She ground her ass back against the hardening member pressing against her through Santana's loose jeans. "You know, this food is terribly hot.. We should," she swallowed hard as she felt warm fingers sliding over the bare skin of her lower thigh under the hem of her skirt, "we should probably let it cool a little, if you can," her voice cracked as she felt hot breath on her neck, "think of something to do for a few minutes..."

Santana continued to suck on Rachel's neck as she ran her fingers up and over Rachel's cotton clad ass and pushed down her panties. She ran her fingers down the cleft of Rachel's ass and up into her core with one slow motion.

"Wet." She pointed out as she felt the silky arousal coat her fingers. She repositioned her hand in front so she could toy with Rachel's clit as she kissed up the girl's neck and started to suck on her earlobe.

Rachel whimpered, one hand dropping to her panties and fumbling them down her hips as Santana raised her skirt to bunch around her waist. "O-oh my gosh..." she gasped, hips bucking almost involuntarily into Santana's hand as she kicked her panties off. She moaned, long and low at the feeling of Santana's lips on her neck and sucking on her earlobe.

She pressed her bare ass back into Santana's crotch, spreading her legs to make it easier for her lover to touch her. Her movements were wanton and fumbled on the edge of desperate, but she didn't care because it was Santana. Her nipples strained against her shirt and bra even as her head fell back against Santana's shoulder, her breath coming in short pants. "Yes," she groaned, her voice trembling with need, "oh God, yes... I love when you touch me, Santana."

Santana grunted, her right hand moved from the counter and moved quickly to her belt. She fumbled, but quickly got frustrated and had to pull her left hand away from Rachel. "Sorry." She whispered as she took a step back and pulled down her jeans and freed her cock that was straining out of her briefs. She quickly stepped back behind Rachel and bent her slightly, her dick pressed against Rachel's wet core. Santana started sliding slowly, the tip of her dick hitting Rachel's clit at every roll of her slim hips.

"How's that?" Santana whispered, one hand on the girl's hip and the other moved up to cover Rachel's breast.

"G-good," Rachel gasped, hands tightening on the edge of the counter little shivers going through her with every brush over her clit, "so g-good..." She moaned softly, grinding back against Santana's hips.

For a little while, the simple rubbing and pressure on her breast seemed like enough, but then she hit the edge and instead of falling over, she just trembled along it. She rolled her hips, changed the angle but nothing seemed to work. She whimpered in frustration, wishing she could get off without having to ask her lover to do something that made her feel like less of a girl.

"Inside..." she gasped finally, "Santana, please... I need to feel you inside me. I need you..."

Santana nodded and slipped her hand down to re-adjust her cock so it could slid into Rachel's hot passage. "Fuck, like that?" She asked as she filled her deeply. Santana moved and became flush against the girl's body, her lips traced down the other girl's cheekbone and sought out her lips as she slowly thrust into Rachel's body.

"God, yes," Rachel hissed, rocking back against Santana, very near her climax. When Santana's lips met hers for the first time ever while they were so intimately connected, she cried out into Santana's mouth, her body clenching around the other girl's member as she came hard, gasping out wordless little cries as each slow thrust through her orgasm sent another shocking jolt through her.

Santana kissed Rachel, her tongue sliding into her mouth when she gasped. She grunted as she thrust, her dick twitching inside her. She didn't wanna come. She wanted to take Rachel all night and she wanted stamina for the rest of the night. So when Rachel started to calm down she pulled her very hard cock out of her girlfriend.

Rachel whimpered at the loss, "B-but you didn't..."

The other girl tucked her still wet dick into her boyshorts, the head peaking out the top under her tank top. "I'm saving it." She smiled, pulling Rachel up straight and pulled her into a deep, wet kiss.

Turning to face Santana as they kissed, Rachel let her fingers stroke over Santana's hardness gently, pulling away from the kiss just long enough to whisper, "I hope you don't plan on saving it too long, beautiful girl. You know how much I love engaging in sexual congress with you." As the last words left her lips, she pressed against Santana, kissing her again and moaning softly at the delightful way their breasts pressed against each other. Her body ached slightly with the new depth Santana had been able to achieve with the angle she had fucked her from, but it ached in a good way and she could feel the rousing sensations building in the pit of her stomach as the girl kissed her.

"If we must wait though," she finally murmured, "perhaps we should eat. It's Saturday and I must admit... I would not at all be opposed to engaging in vigorous and frequent intercourse in various rooms, upon various surfaces and in various positions throughout this house until we finally pass out from sheer sexually induced exhaustion," she trailed her finger down through the valley between Santana's breasts as she looked up with a shy expression, "that is... if you're up to it..."

"Mmm. Sounds good." She smiled, "but you have to be naked the whole time." Santana added, pulling Rachel's shirt over her head deposited it on the floor with the rest of their clothing. Santana kicked off her pants but left everything else as she washed her hands and started to help Rachel plate up the food.

"If you want me naked," Rachel began while toeing off her shoes and undoing the fastener on her skirt, kicking it to the pile of their clothes, "don't you think I'm a little over dressed?"

She was still a bit self-conscious about her baby bump, but Santana never seemed bothered by it, so she tried not to be. Taking some of the lessons she'd made a point of learning while planning how to seduce the taller girl, she slowly bent over away from Santana to slide her knee high socks down her legs one at a time, tossing them to the pile before straightening and facing her with a smirk as she reached back to unfasten her bra, pausing for a moment with the bra dangling from her fingers before tossing it toward the pile. "Is this perhaps more the style of dress you had in mind for the rest of the day and night, beautiful?"

"Fuck." Santana's hand had moved down to pinch the head of her dick as she looked over her girlfriend. "Sexy as hell." She smiled as she moved over to kiss her again, her fingers moved up so they could palm one of Rachel's breasts. After a few minutes Santana pulled away, leaving Rachel breathless and brought the plates to the table. "Come eat, Rachel..."

Rachel growled softly, not at all liking being worked up and left hanging. "Keep teasing me like that," she muttered, nipples aching and her thighs slick with new arousal, "and it won't be dinner I'll be eating." She sat in the chair right next to Santana with a sly smile, letting her fingers trace over her hip under the table as she did. "You know," she began conversationally, taking a bite of her food and chewing and swallowing before continuing, "I must say it's really not fair that you get to see all of me while I lack the equal privilege of being able to properly appreciate the aesthetic beauty of your breasts at the same time."

She let her fingers trace closer and closer as she ate, until they finally slid into Santana's shorts and slipped around her stiff shaft. She squeezed gently, beginning to stroke her, slightly wringing her cock every time her hand reached the head. "So, Santana... What do you think of vegan alfredo? I particularly love the creaminess of the sauce, don't you?"

Santana grunted and she arched up as she felt her dick getting stroked under the table. "Evil." She groaned as she tried to eat a little bit and focus on anything but her erection. After three bites she just slumped back in her chair and let Rachel continue to stroke her. "Fuck, commit or get off the goods." Santana mumbled when she realized Rachel wasn't going to put anymore effort into getting her off then the soft stroking that was going on.

Rachel leaned over until her lips were almost brushing Santana's ear, "Finish eating and I'll sit in your lap if you want. Or perhaps you'd like to bend me over the couch out in the living room? Or fuck me on the stage downstairs... Or maybe up against a wall? Wherever and whatever you want, lover, just... finish dinner first." She smirked, giving the cock in her hand a little extra wring and squeeze as encouragement.

"Stop..." She whined, taking Rachel's hand off her cock and trying to calm her breath. "Gonna come if you do that anymore." She took a sip of her water and took another bite. "I wanna fuck you on the stage, but I want you to eat me and I wanna come in your mouth." She said calmly as she looked at Rachel. "I wanna come down your throat and then fuck you."

Rachel smiled, running her tongue over her lips in a manner she'd read as being considered seductive, "Mmm... that sounds like a perfect manner in which to finish a meal. The," she teased the tip of Santana's cock with one finger, "perfect dessert as it were." With a final wink, she turned back to her plate to finish her meal. But not without running her toes up and down the back of Santana's calf as she did.

When plates were pushed away and somewhat empty, Santana grabbed Rachel's hand and pulled her to the basement - remembering the way from the party the year before. Santana went and sat down on the couch, lightly running her hand over her mostly erect penis as she watched Rachel walk closer to her. She abandoned her dick and moved her hands to her tits and began playing with her hard nipples.

Rachel was dripping as she stalked towards Santana, only the stage lights illuminating the room. She was pinching and pulling her nipples taut as she knelt in front of Santana, her hands moving from her tits to the girl's hips and tugging her briefs down and off, tossing them away behind her. She ran her fingers up the length of the girl's shaft, leaning over to swirl her tongue about the tip, moaning softly at the taste of her essence still coating the girl's cock. Rolling her eyes up to look at Santana, she slowly slid the heavy cock into her mouth, gently scraping her teeth along its veined sides until the head bumped the back of her throat and she had to change the angle slightly to let it slide down her tight throat. She moaned around the meat in her mouth, her throat vibrating and squeezing the head of the thick dick as she cupped and gently fondled her balls with her hands.

Santana ran her fingers through Rachel's hair as she arched her hips. She loved when Rachel deep throated her because she could watch. She couldn't watch when Rachel was just sucking on her dick, but like this... it meant that she couldn't see her penis sliding into Rachel's mouth. She groaned, arched her hips and thrust into the other girl's mouth. "Fuck.. Baby god. Do you like it? Do you like licking me?" She asked, her own fantasy of being biologically female playing out in her head.

Rachel nodded, sucking hard and swallowing to create friction around Santana's penis. "Mmhmm," she mumbled, the vibrations trembling from her lips and throat to Santana's member. She did her best to keep her lips as close to her lover's body as she could having gleaned from past behavior that she preferred sexual encounters where she couldn't see her member and could pretend she was physically just as much a girl as she was mentally and emotionally. So she deep throated her almost every time she was allowed to orally please the girl and tried to chose positions that minimized the visibility of their genitals as much as possible. She wanted Santana to be okay with what they were doing.

"That feels good, babe." Santana whimpered, her fingers stroking Rachel's cheek. "I'm so wet for you." She whispered as she shuddered, "I'm gonna come." She arched up her hips and gripped the couch as she shot her orgasm down Rachel's throat. "F-fuck." She moaned her eyes closed and her head resting back against the couch, her body still trembling from the force of her orgasm.

Rachel swallowed desperately, trying to get it all down. When she saw Santana's eyes close and her head fall back against the sofa, she backed off her member. Swirling her tongue around it as best she could, she cleaned the remaining traces of semen away, eventually letting the still semi-stiff penis settle against Santana's thighs as she carefully crawled up to straddle her hips and hide the other girl's penis with her body as she kissed her, letting her taste herself on the diva's tongue. "I love licking you until you come, beautiful," she whispered, her hands coming up to cup and squeeze soft breasts. "You're so beautiful."

She rocked against her lap, the other girl's member slowly waking back up as she rocked her soaked core over its length. "Beautiful girl, will you play with me?" She asked softly, nipping gently at her lower lip. "I've wanted you to lay me down on that stage over there," she tugged gently on Santana's lip before letting it go and kissing her way over to the corner of her jaw, "and fuck me so hard I scream for a while now..." She nibbled at her lover's ear, sucking gently on the lobe before whispering in her ear, "I wanted you to do it the night of the party when you said you wanted me while I sang..."

"I-I can do that." Santana stumbled over her words as she spoke. Her hands slid around Rachel's ass as she got up and carried them both to the stage. She laid Rachel down and she kissed her soundly as she slid their bodies together. After a moment of kissing she slid down, kissing Rachel's breasts. She sucked gently at peaked nipples, Santana just contently sucked; her tongue sliding around and flicking over, and over again. Her other hand explored when she focused on Rachel's breasts, it came to rest on top of Rachel's bump gently stroking her hand over it.

Rachel groaned, arching her back as one hand came to rest in Santana's hair, gently scratching at her scalp. What was happening wasn't the usual frantic and forceful manner of coupling they usually engaged in. This was different. Gentler. Softer. It felt less about sex and more about - Rachel wasn't sure what exactly but it felt suspiciously like connecting. Like there was more than a purely physical joining.

She liked it. The slow build sending fire burning through her. She didn't understand what was happening or what it might mean, but she knew she wanted it to continue. She wanted this woman - this beautiful woman - to continue to touch her. Then. Tomorrow. Ten years from then. Whenever. The slow, easy tenderness threatened to bring tears to her eyes. It didn't feel like sex - even though her body insisted it was, her hips rolling and searching for Santana's touch - it felt like something more. Something that made Rachel's chest feel hollow and her eyes sting with unshed tears because it would be gone in five months with the dreadful surgery the girl wanted.

Rachel shook her head with a whimper and arched her body up as she tried to erase the thought from her mind and focus on the almost overwhelmingly pleasurable feelings the other girl was drawing from her body with gentle touches. "Santana, please touch me... Please..."

Santana nodded, she arched her hips and got her member lined up to penetrate the other girl. She slid in slowly, her dick filling Rachel to the hilt. She rolled her hips slowly as she kept her lips fused to Rachel's breast. Her body was trying to move quicker, to fuck the girl hard like she did every other time. But Santana was trying, she was trying to show Rachel that it wasn't just her dick and sex drive interested in her. That she really was starting to care, but she didn't know if she was doing it right. She pulled her lips away with a loud pop, "Is this okay?" Santana panted, moving up to rest her forehead on Rachel's as she kept thrusting.

Rachel nodded, her breath coming shakily as the sensations kept building slowly higher and higher. "It's," she had to swallow past the thickness in her throat, "b-better than okay... It's per-perfect... A-amazing..." Her eyes met Santana's for a second but she had to close them - deciding that she'd tell the other girl she was focusing on how she was making her feel if she asked. She just couldn't look into those dark eyes and see what looked like caring without wanting to breakdown in tears.

If it was all going to be gone in five months, she didn't want it. She didn't want to know what she'd be losing. What it could feel like to be cared for and wanted like she was afraid she might have saw beginning in Santana's eyes. She didn't want to spend the rest of her life knowing and regretting what she lost when her time with the beautiful woman that could make her feel more special than anyone else - even when she was just using her and her body as a sexual outlet - finally came to an end. So she closed her eyes and tried to hide the pain knowing all that made her feel by focusing on the purely physical reactions of her body taking pleasure from the girl's slow and gentle sex.

Santana whimpered when the eye contact stopped. She was confused. She didn't know if what she was doing was right, or wrong. She kept her slow love-making as she asked the questions she was scared of knowing the answers to. "When.. when you close your eyes," Santana whimpered, "Are you thinking of me being whole? Or someone else? A real boy?" She was nervous. She knew Rachel knew she was a girl but in bed the lines were blurred.

Rachel's voice trembled as she spoke, "I only ever think of you, Santana. Of h-how you make me feel." She opened her eyes and met her lover's, biting the inside of her cheek to try and keep from crying at the vulnerability she could see there. "You make me feel," she had to choke back a sob, her arms jerking around Santana to hug her tight so she couldn't see the painfully hopeful expression anymore as she tried to talk, "c-complete... You make me feel whole when you touch me..."

Her hips jerked, her body finally clenching and thumbing her over the edge of her climax as their breasts pressed together through the thin material of Santana's tank top and bra. She bit her lover's shoulder, crying out into her skin as she came, her core clenching hard over and over around the other girl's member.

Santana let out a soft sob, "You make me feel whole," she admitted, her body shaking. "I just want you to feel the same." She whispered, as she arched up coming hard inside Rachel's core. She wanted to flop down on top of Rachel, but she remembered the baby and she rolled to the side and pulled Rachel on top of her so she didn't squish the baby between them.

"I'm sorry." Santana whispered in Rachel's neck. "I know you think I'm whole. I'm just.. I have a hard time believing it in my head..." She admitted, as she wrapped her arms around the girl's waist.

Rachel pressed her lips to Santana's sweaty neck. "You are whole," she whispered into soft skin, "I don't just think that, Santana. It's something I know. I wish I could find a way to let you know it the way I do. As a simple truth. You're beautiful just the way you are." She wrapped her arms around the other girl and held her tight as she tried to push away the thoughts that in five months she wouldn't be allowed to hold the taller girl like this any longer. That she'd no longer get to feel her lover hold her or snuggle up against her back as they fell asleep in the same bed. It'd all be gone and she didn't know if she could take it.

"Can... Can we go to your bed?" Santana whispered. When Rachel nodded, she carefully slipped out of the other girl and quickly pulled on her underwear. She took Rachel's hand and let her lead them up to her bedroom. Once inside, Santana quickly went into the bathroom and washed herself off so she wouldn't have wake up sticky and came back out to the room. She saw Rachel lying on the bed in a long t-shirt and she switched off the lights and crawled in the bed with her. Santana rested her hand on the swell of Rachel's stomach and breathed in the comforting smell of the girls bed. "I'm sorry I get upset and confused sometimes."

"It's okay," Rachel murmured, covering Santana's hand with one of her own. "Everyone does occasionally. That's why you have me, right?" She stroked her thumb over the smooth skin of her lover's slender hand, "To calm you down and remind you of the truth." She only wished she could do a good enough job to keep that awful surgery from happening and taking the sweet girl she was finally being allowed to see away from her, but she couldn't. She couldn't even say anything without sounding like she wanted Santana to keep the part of herself she seemed to hate the most.

"I'll be okay." Santana whispered, her body wrapped around Rachel's. "We will be okay? Right? We have to for our little one." She ran her thumb over the swell as she spoke, her eyes falling closed as she did so. She wore herself out between the activities of earlier, the ultrasound and her constant inner battles she was exhausted and fell into a light slumber on Rachel's shoulder.

"Yes," Rachel nodded with a soft whisper, unable to keep her tears in check any longer as Santana fell asleep cuddled against her. She ran her fingers gently through dark hair and wondered how much longer she would be allowed this sort of simple pleasure, "We'll be okay..."

She just wished she knew how.