I Know You Want Me - Chapter Twenty-Six

[thelastpen]

Title: I Know You Want Me
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: Hard NC-17
Length: 139,810
Spoilers: This is AU. No Beth. No Lucy. Puck/Rachel lasted for a few months instead of a week and Jesse is a bigger ass than canon. Also Santana's promiscuity implied in the canon is not in effect for this fic for reasons that will be made evident.
Pairing: Rachel/Santana, Puck/Quinn
Summary: Rachel's longed after someone since the first day they met, but will a big secret bring them together or destroy them?
Warnings (highlight to read): Gender Identity Disorder, pregnancy, angst, topping, language, voyeurism, dub-con, non-con, anal, oral, vaginal, public, fisting, size-kink, and talk of self harm

Chapter 26

At fifteen minutes after midnight on Christmas Eve, Rachel found herself looking at the clock in the living room at a loss for what to do. Miguel and Santana had wanted to take AJ to his first ever Midnight Mass, and she didn't have the heart to deny them the pleasure, nor did she want to deny her son any exposure to the traditions of his mami's faith. But it had left her sitting alone in the brightly decorated house as Christmas Eve slid into Christmas Day.

She'd already slipped the neatly wrapped little box into the stocking for Santana as well as small gifts for Miguel and AJ that she'd picked up down in New Orleans. The gift for Santana was the one she was most nervous about though and she could only wait anxiously until the girl opened it to see her reaction. But now that it was wrapped and put into the stocking, all she could do was sit and stare at the tree as she waited for her family to come home.

Staring at the tree though made her remember the first year her fathers hadn't managed to come home for the holiday. She'd been thirteen and still pretty small. Smaller than she was now anyway. She'd tried to keep the traditions of her previous thirteen years and set up the tree, so she'd dragged the box out of the the basement and tried to put it together.

For the most part it had gone well. It was a fairly simple operation to put the paint dipped metal ends into the color coordinated holes on the green dowel rod after all. And she'd had the idea to put it together on the ground and then push it up into place when she realized she wouldn't be tall enough to get all the branches in the top. In the end, she was scratched and far dirtier than she liked, but there was a bushy green tree in the corner of the room and she felt entirely proud of herself even if some of the branches were bending off in strange directions leaving big gaps here and there.

But a Christmas tree had lights and garland and ornaments so she treked back into the basement to find the boxes of decorations and haul them upstairs. It took several trips - one involving physically shoving the oversized Rubbermaid tote up the stairs as she walked up backwards with it leaning on her shoulders - but she got everything up there. The lights were a pain until she figured out that she could hook one end of the strings to the top of the tree and then spin it down to get them more or less on. The same with the garland. She hadn't even needed a stepstool, just leaning the tree back over each time.

But the ornaments were a different story. They hand to be hung individually. All over the tree. And the tree was more than a foot taller than the little girl. She'd worried until she thought to get a chair to help her reach. She was so thrilled that she hadn't even thought that the desk chair from her father's study was so easy to get into the room despite being heavy because it was on wheels.

Things had almost worked though. Almost. She'd gotten many of the decorations on the tree and was standing on the chair, stretching to reach up and put the pretty angel on the top when her luck ran out. The chair rolled, shooting out from under her and she'd grabbed frantically for the tree to break her fall. But the tree wasn't strong enough to hold her even small as she was and it had teetered before crashing to the ground on top of her, ornaments smashing and tumbling about the room.

She'd lain there for a few minutes stunned and hurt, a small cut from one of the ornaments bleeding on her cheek and stinging from tears, but she didn't cry out, still trying to save her voice even unconsciously. After a while she realized no one would be coming to help her and shakily pushed the ruined tree off of her, getting her trembling legs under her and pushing to her feet. The floor was covered in broken glass and china and she tried to be careful, but she still stepped on a few pieces as she made her way to the bathroom to clean up.

It had been a disaster, only a small box of ornaments had managed to be salvaged and she'd been yelled at for the first time when her fathers came home from that business trip to find out many old family heirlooms had been destroyed. They'd never come home for another holiday after that and she hadn't even tried to decorate for Christmas again. But she'd loved the ornaments she'd managed to save and as she sat in the Lopez living room and looked at Miguel's tree she became determined to get it for her home. She knew Santana loved Christmas from how she acted and she was fairly certain with her lover's help, it wouldn't be another disaster and she wanted those ornaments.

Nodding her head decidedly, she sent Santana a quick text and bundled up against the cold before heading out to walk the two miles to her old home and get the box out of the basement.

Santana was bouncing her son on her knee as the choir sang. She had dressed him up in a burgundy polo, black pants and a little bowtie, her baby bag next to her protecting him from the grabby hands of old church ladies. Many of the women who she grew up around smiled and took turns trying to hold the beautiful boy and commenting on how much he looked like his mother.

She felt the side of her dress vibrate she carefully slid her hand into her pocket and looked at her phone. Rachel was letting her know she was going to her parents' place to grab some stuff. Santana almost immediately knew this would not end well, she carefully looked over her shoulder at the older African-American man sitting a few pews behind her with another man. She swore under her breath and looked at her dad. She quickly texted Rachel back.

Hey, Baby... I think your dads are in town...

Rachel didn't get the text.

It was cold, so she'd opted to keep her hands in her pockets, fingers curled around the key she'd kept to her fathers' front door instead of checking her phone when she felt it go off. It hadn't taken any longer to walk the two miles than it ever had, but after six months in much warmer weather, it certainly felt longer. But when she turned the final corner onto the street where she'd used to live, she'd suddenly wished she'd stopped to check her phone.

The house was lit up.

Bright white icicle lights were strung along the gutter line and colored chasers framed each window and door. There were brightly lit plastic ornaments in the yard. It was the kind of gaudily overblown sort of decorations she remembered from when she was a tiny child.

Her fathers were home. For the first time in nearly seven years, they were actually home for the holidays. They'd come home.

For the first holidays she wouldn't be there.

Rachel stood there on the sidewalk, frozen in place by more than the single digit temperatures and cold breeze. All she could do was stare at the house in disbelief. It was true. She finally realized it as the tears began to streak her face. Everything she'd been afraid of was true.

Her fathers had stayed away because of her.

It was everything she could do not to break down in tears on the sidewalk. She hadn't wanted it to be true. She'd wanted it to just be business. But she couldn't deny the fact when it was shoved in her face. She could only stare at the house and cry because her fathers - the two men who meant more to her than anything for the vast majority of her life, her only family beyond Santana and AJ - hated her so much they'd waited until she wasn't there to come home for the holidays.

When Santana didn't hear back from Rachel she started to get worried. "Daddy, I need to go pick up Rachel. Can you brings Aaron home?" He nodded worriedly and took the baby from her.

Santana gave AJ a quick kiss and grabbed her keys and hurried out of the church. She drove as quick as the snow and ice on the roads would let her, pulling into Rachel's fathers' driveway and seeing her lover shivering in front of the brightly decorated house. Once she threw the car in park she got out and rushed over to her girlfriend. "Baby..."

Rachel was so cold she could barely turn to look at Santana. She looked completely desolate, like everything she'd ever believed had been ripped away. "T-they h-hate me," she whispered, her teeth chattering with the cold, but she still made no effort to warm herself. "T-they w-waited un-until I was g-gone..."

Santana quickly took off her black wool jacket and wrapped it around Rachel's body and escorted her to the car and helped her inside. She quickly turned it back on and blasted the heat before taking Rachel's hands and pressing kisses to them. "Maybe... maybe they just had the holiday off," she whispered hoping it was true. She leaned closer and brushed the snow off of the girl's head. "How could they ever hate you? You're amazing."

Rachel shook her head, miserable. "No... t-they haven't," she shivered, "haven't had the h-holiday off since I was twelve. T-then I... I messed up the t-tree when I... when I was th-thirteen." She shrugged, still staring out of the window at the brightly decorated house, "I d-don't know wh-why they even h-had me..."

"God gave you to them so you could find me and Aaron, right?" she whispered. "That's what you tell me... please believe me that they fucked up and don't deserve you," she stated. "Lets go home okay? See our baby?"

Rachel just shrugged and nodded slowly, leaning against the cold window and staring out it. "Okay," she finally whispered, her fingers dragging down the glass, "I d-don't belong here anyway..."

Santana leaned over and took Rachel's hand and kept it tightly grasped in hers. She carefully drove back to her dad's house, parking before coming over and practically carrying her out of the car. She brought her up to the bedroom, noticing that her dad was yet to come home and laid her on the bed. She sat next to her and stroked her girlfriend's face.

"You're the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever met." She whispered, "I think that maybe they made a mistake, but I don't think they avoided you."

Rachel just curled into a ball on the bed. "They have a funny way of showing it," she whispered, miserably.

"Honestly, they suck," Santana whispered, pressing light kisses to her woman's neck. "I love you and I want you to be happy but I know how hard and hurtful this is... can I do anything? I'll do anything I promise."

"Can you make my parents love me?" Rachel whispered brokenly, feeling the tears starting to come again. "Can you make my mother want me? Can you make any of the people who were suppose to want me care for me at all?"

"I can't make them love you... but I can make sure you feel more love than you ever knew possible for the rest of your life," She said sadly, "I'm sorry I can't make them better..."

"No one can," Rachel whispered, laughing unhappily. "I'm an orphan and I didn't even know it. How could I have been so naive and stupid, Santana? I should have known the first time they didn't come home for my birthday or even call. When telling them about my boyfriends coming over didn't phase them. I," her voice cracked, "I thought they loved me! I didn't know anything!"

"Rachel... I can't tell you anything that's going to make you feel better. I don't know why some parents just decide to dislike their children, or why families sometimes suck super hard." She sighed and rubbed her back, "But, you know that you're loved. I love you, our son loves you and my dad loves you. If you want you have our family... I know it's not a replacement for them.. but it's the only thing I have to give."

"You're all I have," Rachel whispered finally rolling over and reaching for Santana, "you and AJ... please, please don't ever leave me..."

"I never will. We will love you forever okay?" She whispered running her fingers through her hair. "Baby, you're freezing... my dad has the baby do you want to take a bubble bath and I'll keep you company?"

She sighed softly and leaned into Santana, "Please? I just... I don't want to be alone for a while."

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered, scooping Rachel up and kissing her temple before walking them into the bathroom. She carefully settled her down and started running the bath with some of the baby bubbles before moving to help the girl undress. She got her stripped and into the hot water. "There you go."

Rachel shivered as the hot water hit her cold skin, sending a ripple of prickling fire across her body. She rubbed her arms and legs as the feeling came back to numb limbs. "I didn't know I was so cold," she whispered, staring down at the water.

"You felt like an ice cube," Santana said as she knelt down next to the claw foot tub, grabbing the body puff and put body wash on it and started working on the girl's legs and washing her softly. "I love you, Rachel. I'm sorry you're so hurt and I wish I could do something to make it better."

"So do I," she sighed, shrugging and leaning back against the edge of the tub. She laid limp, just letting Santana do whatever she wanted with her. "It just hurts so much to finally have to accept it." She sniffled, "I always just thought they couldn't come home, you know? That it wasn't me..."

"Maybe it was... but they don't deserve you, Rachel. No matter what... they don't deserve how amazing you are and how loving you are," she sniffled, trying to keep her emotions at bay.

Rachel rolled her head to look at Santana, reaching up to brush at her cheek. "It's okay to be sad, Santana. I'm sad too." She looked at her for a moment, then shifted in the tub, "Come in with me? I," she smiled sadly, holding her arms out, "I just want to feel something besides hurt..."

Santana nodded and quickly pulled off her dress and under garmets. She looked in the mirror and pulled her slightly curled hair into a a messy bun on top of her head and slid in the tub behind Rachel and wrapped her arms around the girl's middle. After a few minutes of silence, Santana sighed and simply remarked, "I should get my hair cut..."

"Why?" Rachel rolled her head where it laid against Santana's chest so she could look up at her, "I like it long. You look so beautiful and I really like running my fingers through it." She recognized the attempt for what it was and appreciated it, smiling softly up at her lover.

"It's really long," Santana said softly. "Maybe I'll just trim it so it's at my boobs like it was before we graduated, it's like down to my ass right now," she said softly, as she pressed a kiss to Rachel's crown.

"I know. More to hold onto," Rachel offered, with a slight teasing lilt to her voice. "But if you want it shorter, it's your decision." She nibbled her lip, considering something that she'd been thinking about asking but not having the courage to. Now though, it seemed like she had nothing else to lose by asking, "Santana, would you... could I ask you a question?"

"Maybe, I just cut it back to my boobs or something... more manageable," she shrugged and rested her hands on Rachel's stomach. "Sure, you can ask my anything you know that."

Rachel took at deep breath, "I was... wondering, um... when we have sex if you," she chewed on her lip, fidgeting slightly against Santana, "or well, if I could, maybe," she swallowed, nervousness pushing back the sadness of earlier enough where she could manage it, "penetrate you? Um... anally, but I just... I really want to be inside you sometimes. If... if it'll make you more comfortable, you can to me... I don't mind. I trust you."

"Um... you.. you want that?" she asked softly, her fingers dipping into Rachel's bellybutton as she rested her hand on her flat stomach. "I mean... if that's what you want we.. we can try it," she whispered as she blushed into her girlfriend's neck. "I'll try anything with you."

"I just... want to be the one to take you sometimes," Rachel blushed, shoving the hurt from her fathers' rejection down further with each word. "If you want to with me, you can. Just... be slow please? So I can adjust?"

Santana kissed Rachel's shoulder. "Can you do the same with me?" she asked softly. "I've only been like that once and it hurt and I didn't enjoy it so much... I just kinda don't wanna feel like a fag you know?" she said in a whisper, her own gender and sexuality being in question in her mind.

"Santana, I'm fairly sure having your girlfriend finger your ass doesn't make you a fag - and that is a terrible word besides," Rachel rolled her eyes, leaning back for a kiss. "I'm pretty sure that doing anything with me doesn't change you from being my beautiful girlfriend. I don't like labels but if you insist on them, you're more of a lesbian than anything, Santana, and I'll always be slow and gentle if that's what you need."

"When you say it like that it just sounds so sexy," she chuckled softly, "But yeah we can try it."

Rachel smiled lopsidedly, "Cool." She slid around in the tub until she managed to get her knees on either side of Santana's hips, their bodies facing each other. "I love you, you know. All of me loves you. All of you. You and Aaron are all I have, Santana." She searched her eyes, "I need you to know that. I need you to know that if I didn't have you and him, I don't know if I'd even be here to achieve my dreams. I need you to be in the audience cheering for me when I'm performing almost as much as I'll need to see you smiling at me when I go up to get my awards if I want to be able to calm down and remember my lines."

"You can't hold me back," she whispered, begging Santana to see the truth of her words in her eyes, "because everything, everything I do from now is for you and Aaron. Every success, every award or interview. You are my inspiration." She leaned forward and kissed her softly.

Santana smiled into the kiss, her arms coming up to rest on Rachel's hips. "I love you and I will be there for you every step of the way, I promise," she whispered and kissed her again.

"Just like I'll be there every step of the way to where you decide you want to be. Whatever it is, I'm beside you," Rachel whispered, leaning down to slide her lips and tongue over Santana's throat, her body held only barely off of Santana's at their laps.

Santana whimpered as she reached between them and slid her hand over Rachel's core. "Want me to distract you baby?" She softly asked as she tenderly stroked her girlfriend.

Rachel whimpered as Santana put her finger on exactly what she wanted. "Please," she begged softly, "I'll do anything... I just want to think about you."

Santana nodded and gently stroked her girlfriend's core before she slipped two fingers inside her. She pumped slowly before moving her fingers out of her pussy to fill her lover's second opening with a single finger. She gently stroked her clit with her other thumb as she let her lover get used to being filled.

She moaned softly, biting her lip and pressing her face into Santana's shoulder as the strange sensation of her ass being stretched made her feel full in a way very different from when the same fingers were pumping into her core. She let her teeth sink almost gently into Santana's shoulders as she made herself relax and accept the feeling. It helped that the other girl had never stopped the gentle rubbing of her clit as she filled her. "Oh my god," she hissed into tanned skin, tentatively attempting a rock against the fingers spreading her.

After a few minutes, Santana took advantage of the water and slid her dick up and rubbed it over the girl's puckered hole. She removed her fingers and let her head push against the stretched muscle. She gasped when her head got enveloped and she pushed in slightly deeper.

Rachel whimpered, her body trying to push out the invader, only making it easier for Santana to slide in deeper. "S-so big," she whispered. She dragged her head up to look at Santana as the girl filled her, "You're the only one that completes me. The o-only," she slid a little further down on Santana's shaft, "only one who makes me feel so amazing."

Santana's mouth dropped open, "F-fuck." she grunted as she thrust up and worked to fit her whole member inside Rachel's ass. "So... tight... can't.. can't move." she whimpered, her hands pushing Rachel up so she was in more control of how much of her dick went into her.

Her ass tightened with every movement as Rachel shifted her weight above Santana, working to get more of her inside. "S-santana," she moaned, the water sloshing around them as she slowly slid down inch by inch until she could feel the soft hardness of the girl's balls pressing against the curve of her ass. "I-inside... your fingers... please," she dragged her eyes open and looked at Santana, spreading her thighs as much as she could in the narrow space of the tub to give the girl better access to the hot core pressed against her lower abdomen as she sheathed her rigid member in her ass. "Fill me. A-all of me..."

Santana quickly slid her fingers inside Rachel's cunt. "I.. I can feel myself in you." she whispered as she started pumping quickly as she started quickly slamming her fingers inside the girl.

Rachel arched her back, her breasts pointing at the ceiling as she rode her lover. "Oh God!" her voice was louder than usual, dragged from her from the intense feelings of being filled from both ends. "M-more, Santana," she hissed, thighs flexing as she pushed her self up and down. "Fuck me! I want to be sore until we go home! I want to feel you even when you're across the room and remember being connected to you like this!"

Santana started pumping her dick faster, almost breathless with exertion. She started to push three fingers inside, pumping in when her dick pumped out and kept going hard. "Fuck!" She nearly screamed when she felt Rachel's walls clamp down.

Water splashed over the side of the tub with the force of their movements. Rachel could feel her body stretching with a dull soreness that she knew would be far more intense when the endorphin high she was riding to her climax wore off but she didn't care. As long as she was with Santana like this, she didn't have to think about her fathers or how so many things she'd believed about her childhood were lies.

She bit her lip nearly to bleeding as her body clenched hard, walls rippling almost painfully tight against the fingers buried in her as she arched back, hands white knuckled on the rim of the tub. "S-Santana," she gasped, the words dying into a thready whine as her breath gave up with the force of her orgasm.

Santana came as soon as she felt Rachel's body find release. She came hard and let her dick slid out of Rachel's ass as she watched her cum drip out of her girlfriend and into the water. Her fingers slowed and she fell back exhausted against the tub. "Holy god," she whimpered as she let her limbs limply hang in the water.

Rachel slumped against Santana, her cheek pressing against her shoulder. "Ow," she chuckled softly, pleasantly sore for the moment but aware of how much that pleasant feeling would wear off soon enough. "Merry Christmas, Santana," she whispered after a moment of just panting for breath, leaning up to kiss her softly.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Santana whimpered as she kicked the plug in the tub and drained some of the water. "I can't feel my limbs or hips," she said softly. "Is your ass gonna be okay?"

"Good hurt," she whispered, smiling at Santana, "very good hurt. I'm okay, though I'm afraid I may be engaging in a more awkward manner of walking for at least a couple of days. I'm going to remember this. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said softly, "I love being with you... but I don't think I can do that again anytime soon." She looked away, "It makes me feel like too much of a boy." She looked down, "I love you and I want you to be happy, but... I don't think I can do this..."

"Santana, I honestly don't think I could let that happen any time soon." Rachel admitted with a sheepish smile, "I'm going to be sore for a while. Can we just..." she swallowed, smiling shyly, "just fingers for a while? Or like," she blushed, "your mouth? Like other girls? I'll take care of you in other ways. I just want to be with you just like girls for the next few times. I like it and you're really good at it... Is that okay?"

"I'm more than okay with it," she whispered and struggled to help them both get out of the tub. She wrapped a towel around herself and Rachel before heading back into the bedroom. "Get some pajamas on and get to bed I'm gonna clean up the bathroom and go make sure daddy brought Aaron home from the church ladies who wanted to eat him."

"Let me," Rachel murmured with a lopsided smile. "I'm just realizing how much I asked you for - far more than I expected and...I kinda want to be the one to crawl into bed with my girlfriend waiting for me to cuddle for once." She leaned up and kissed Santana. "Besides, I think you worked harder than me this time."

"I need to go put my dad's presents under the tree and Santa's gifts for you and Aaron," she said softly as she pulled on sleep pants and a long sleeve shirt. She carefully grabbed the duffel bag from the table and she slipped down stairs. Her father was sitting on the couch in the dark with only the Christmas tree lights lighting him and his grandson.

"Hello, mija." He said softly as she looked up from the tree.

"Oh god, Daddy," she clutched her chest when she heard his voice. "You're home."

"Yep," he smirked, as he looked up, "Is Rachel cleaning up the bathroom?"

"Oh god!" She blushed, "I didn't think you were home!" She put the wrapped gifts under the tree, "I'm sorry!"

"Whatever, San, I lived with you and Rachel for half a year... I'm kinda used to it." He rolled his eyes and stood up, "Aaron took a bottle and I changed him when we got back so he should be good for the night." He stated when Santana stood up and took him in her arms. "You doing okay, baby girl?" he asked as he noticed the worry lines in his daughters forehead.

"I'm okay, Daddy," she sighed and gave him a hug before cradling her son. "Merry Christmas," she whispered before heading back to Rachel. She came into the room and brought the baby to Rachel's face for her to kiss goodnight. "Say goodnight to the baby."

Rachel laughed softly and kissed his cheek, "Good night, Aaron, though something tells me your mami is going to want to cuddle her boy for a while." She looked up at Santana from where she was mopping up the water, "How about until I finish cleaning up in here? Your dad was home the whole time, wasn't he." She blushed, assuming it from something in Santana's body language.

"Don't ask," she rolled her eyes and moved to lay down and cuddle her son close her her chest. She sighed softly as she watched him fall asleep in her arms with a soft yawn. She closed her eyes and kept one arm around him with a sigh as she drifted off.

Rachel finished cleaning up the bathroom and peeked in to see Santana asleep with AJ curled on her chest. She smiled softly as she watched them sleep for a moment, "He really does look like her son." Shaking her head quietly, she slipped out of the room and down the stairs pulling her robe on as she went.

She found Miguel in the kitchen drinking tea. "Hi," she spoke softly to avoid having her voice carry upstairs and wake her family. "I think I owe you an apology. I'm very sorry we were so loud, Mr Lopez."

He shook his head. "You're young and in love," he laughed softly. "I was worried that she'd never be happy or find someone to be intimate with or even that the hormones would hurt her sex drive. I'm glad to know she's a normal teen, honestly." he shrugged as he sipped his drink.

Rachel sat down in the chair across from him. "It's hard sometimes, but we manage. She tries to make me happy. Too hard sometimes."

"That sounds like my daughter," He sighed, "She tries too hard to pretend she's normal and everything is under control." He ran his hand over his face.

"Don't get me wrong, I love her for trying, but she doesn't always understand that I'd love her just as much for telling me she isn't comfortable wish something," Rachel smiled softly, glancing towards the stairs. "I'd give anything to make her even half as happy as she does me. We didn't always get along, but I'm so glad she gave me the chance to be with her."

"She loves you and she likes herself a lot more now then she ever did before." He smiled, "Part of me thinks maybe the surgery would have made her happier... but then the rest knows there would have been something else to remind her of the bad stuff. Rachel, I know your family is not the best and neither is Santana's... but I love you both and your son and I want to make sure you both are healthy, happy and loved."

"Thank you, but I don't have a family, sir," Rachel spoke quietly and calmly, her emotions about it locked away until she was away from Lima again and could just curl up in Santana's arms and cry her grief away, "I'm an orphan. Your daughter and our son is all I have for a family. They're all I need."

"Oh... kay," he nodded slowly. "Well... you have a father-in-law too I hope," he smiled and looked at her. "You are spectacular and make my kid happy. I couldn't wish for anything else. Well, maybe that you weren't so far away," he shrugged, hating to admit how lonely he was in Lima now that Santana had left and he had no real friends to speak of to take her place.

"I wish we weren't so far too. You're the only grandparent Aaron has and it's terribly important to me that he knows you." Rachel reached across the table and covered one of the man's hands, "Lima is just...bad for us. It has far too many bad memories for us to be happy here. You're the only reason we came back to visit."

"Maybe I'll look into relocating closer... I have nothing that ties me here, not like I have friends or a wife here. I can find another job... but I'm sure you don't want an old dude around all the time." he smiled softly, being only in his early 40's he knew starting fresh wouldn't be hard.

"Don't be silly," Rachel smiled at him, "we'd love having you closer. I know Santana misses you terribly and I rather miss our weekly dinners as well. Noah and Quinn join us for some meals, but it's not the same."

"I miss all of you, but Santana has been my whole world every day of the last eighteen years and I miss her so much it hurts." He smiled sadly, "How about I think about it and I'll let you know?" he put his cup in the sink, "Alright, you, get to bed or Santa won't come." He kissed her head and headed to his bedroom.

"I'm Jewish, sir. I don't believe in Santa," she murmured with a smile as she got up and headed up the stairs. She paused in the door, smiling at her son and the woman she hoped to one day call her wife. "Besides, I already have my presents right here." She slipped into the room, sliding off her robe and hanging it on the room's chair before sliding into bed with the two, not wanting to disturb either of them. She slid her arms around them and cuddled close. "I love you both so much."

Before too long, everyone in the house was asleep early on Christmas morning.