Daisuke, and the poem I wrote for him.
I say for myself, that the loss of Daisuke kinda hit me totally by suprise, and hit me really hard.
At first when Rucchan told me, I kinda didn't want to believe it. At the time, I happened to be asleep in my bed....(I been having problems sleeping lately). But still when she told me....It might sound cliche but, even if it was a joke...I already started with the tears.
Sure enough, it was the truth. And perhaps I was in shock, but I couldn't really grasp it. Then when I stopped chatting with Rucchan that morning....I pretty much just locked myself in the bathroom and cried.
It finally dawned on me...., ole buddy is gone. Then the tears came.
I hate to sound like a cold person but, I'd always felt like people were really melodramatic and showy when it came to someone who they liked dying. I'd always felt like " you don't even really know that person...how can you cry so easily for them?"
I always felt like people like that were putting on a show..that their emotions were not real, just a gimmick done out of some fleeting guilt they felt.
But, I know now, it hurts.
I am not naive, like I said before. My belief is that everything that lives must die, and we must all stand before the almighty. .....I guess in my mind I thought "meh..it won't happen to my faves any time soon"
but, it did.
And now I know, how people feel when an important person dies.
it just hurts.
I suppose i'm really upset about this because, I honestly did really love and respect Daisuke.
I don't use the word Love lightly, in this instance.
I'm not the greatest most hardcore fan in the world, but Daisuke's musical endeavors have been a part of my life for about 5 years now.
I loved him, because I just really was fond of his musical expression, just how even though he looked really small, there was so much life, emotion, and strength and to put it plainly .."Telling" in that guy.
Like i've said, I do not , even now after listening to jrock for about 6 years now, understand enough to make a coherrent sentence, .....but I believe that each artist has a spirit they manifest in their music.
I've always felt that Daisuke was so special to me because, I feel that he was the "Strength of Pain". Kagerou's music is fun, crazy, sometimes a bit blue, but none the less..GOOD FREAKING ROCK.
I just like the fact that, in Kagerou, Daisuke's lyrics and vocals show that life isn't all perfect. it wasn't all just beats or like really fancy guitar, bass, drums or what have you.
I think Kagerou was and still is super appealing because they really poured their souls, their feelings of life, and at times the harshness of reality, and the real magnitude of pain/sorrow,or anger. into that band. I know it sounds a bit crazy, but that's how I feel.
And Daisuke gave voice to all of their feelings. I guess that's why, I had respected him so much. vocally it seems he bared so much to us..in a simple song. some of which I don't understand....but, my heart and my spirit are touched.
plus like I told rucchan, thinking of all the HANDFUL of times i've actually seen a clip of Daisuke.....he just behaved very mature.
You never see him being playful, (well onstage but..), or you never see him doing something to get attention. he was just reserved, and he had an air of dangerous calamity about him.
i'd always thought daisuke would choke a ho...but that's just me! lol.
But really, even his manner of dress..what do you see him in? Mostly something really mature and casual. even in Kagerou, I felt he looked so plain, yet he just carried himself with an air of epicnes....(and the man could rock black)
SN>>>> to me the best features on Daisuke was his luxurious Hair...which always looked great. And I liked his belts...weird to say but..still I like how they always overlapped...it look like a coil.
And of course them damn white loafers HE ALWAYS WORE. I think them shoes survived the best and the worse of times. ....but the man was comfortable..so I can't complain
Another reason I respected the man was because of the look on his face. I remember telling rucchan the other day, when we were talking about Daisuke,....that I recall him having a really "Hard Stare".
his eyes, they were just so..abrasive. I mean not that it was scary, its more like....well to me
when someone has a hard look, it says they have been through something.
That could sum up to life, maybe a sort of hardship, or maybe they are just experienced. but Daisuke, thinking back on it..always had a very hard stare.
To me, I think even though I never knew daisuke, he just looked like there were things he experienced, or things he went through, that I, nor others probably wouldn't understand.
Its sort of hard to put into words but...looking at him in the face, you can sort of see that.
It also could be a look of determination or resolve.
And when I thought about what I had heard about Daisuke and his heart problems, that he had to have been a pretty mature and resolved person in order to live his life the way he did.
Dare I say Stubborn? but its pretty much the same thing LOL.
I'm still quite...sad that Daisuke left. I think of it in my mind, how cool it would have been to see one of the first people I ever really loved and respected in the jrock world..in person.
To tell him about how I first discovered him in like late 05, early 06. and that I loved Kagerou so much I eventually wrote a huge 12 page blog about them..pretty much. About how the songs he sang are special to me, because they make me think about things in perspective, and become aware of the raw emotion in them all. To shake his hand and say thank you for all the years of being a really cool, reserved, yet CRAZY dude on the stage and in the studio. And to say I'm glad in this life, I got to meet a person who owned such an awesome strength..inside of a little body.
I think on this, and I still say that even if Daisuke was here..he'd think maybe I was crazy. ...but reguardless, it would have been nice to say those things to him at least once. even if it was a fleeting moment, at least he would know.
But, I cannot really do that now, but that's ok. I know he's not really in a struggle any more, I know he is at peace. And I pray that I can make it into to heaven, maybe to say this to him myself one day.....I wonder will I even remember him at that time then?. I really hope so.
But just in case, I felt there is something personal I wanted to write for him.
here is the only words, I can manage to write:
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Requescat in Pace
I am saying goodbye,
The only way that I can.....
through a poem for you.
Just wanna let you know though,
It's really hard to say this to someone you hold dear...
So, im winging this one.
Tears,
They fall down, heavily on my face
Softly in my soul,
Spurred on by sweet memories of you.
Memories,
of all the times you touched my heart,
You greatly inspired me
Remembrance,
of how much I was enthralled by you,
I admired your persevereance...
Your pressence was indominable
Mature,
You maintained calamity,
And a playful 'madness'...
You were a very interesting being.
Talented,
With a unique voice,
A voice that sang of a myriad of emotions...
The sounds of life and pain.
Wisdom,
You held a great strength,
As well as a knowing spirit...
Music expressed your soul.
Everlasting,
You have departed
I will always remember you,
The music, and memories of you...
will never fade away.
Rest in Peace.