People who don't know how to walk.
You’re moving along at a somewhat brisk rate. You’re not late yet, but it sure would make a great impression on the boss if you came in a few minutes early. You check your watch quickly, then approach the final turn before you reach your office. It’s a blind intersection, but you’re turning right, so you check to your left and round the corner and…SLAM! You run smack into someone who made a tight left turn and cut into your lane. The coffee you’re holding spills all over you, and your papers go flying. But your car is in fine condition because it’s in the parking lot. This collision happened in the office, and it happened when you and the other person were walking.
You would think that by the time people have reached working age, they would know how to walk. For the most part, they do. Standing upright, one foot in front of the other. But people don’t understand the “rules” of walking. Just like driving, there are certain traffic laws that need to be obeyed.
The first rule of walking is probably the most frequently violated. Stay to the right. Just like driving, traffic stays to the right. Don’t ask me if they walk on the left in England. I’ve never been there, so I couldn’t tell you. Staying to the right side of a sidewalk, hallway, or alley prevents any head-on collisions. It is also a good way to avoid those awkward “hallway dances”, where you and an oncoming walker misinterpret each other’s direction, and end up making short, darting movements like boxers sizing one another up before the first punch. Eventually, both parties are forced to emit an awkward laugh, and then one slips past the other like a running back past a defensive lineman. This is an embarrassing situation, particularly if the other person is your superior in the workplace, or an attractive member of the opposite sex.
The second most violated rule of walking relates to the aforementioned stay-to-the-right. It involves turning. If you’re driving and you want to cross oncoming traffic to make a left turn, you would not simply drive diagonally across the opposite lane of traffic. You would stop, wait for traffic to clear, and then make your turn. However, this does not always happen in walking. People take the left turns sharply, oblivious to the people who may be turning right from that hallway, therefore giving them the right-of-way. This is usually how occurrences such as the one dramatized at the start of this essay happen.
Just like when you are driving a car, be aware of who is around you when walking. Listen for footsteps to gauge the distance between you and a person behind you. If they are moving faster than you, move further to the right and let them pass, the same as you would on the road.
Etiquette is also a necessary component to walking. Gentlemen, hold the door for ladies if you reach it around the same time. If you pass an acquaintance along the way, be sure to make eye contact and say “hello”, otherwise the other person may begin to think ill of you.
Walking is so much more complex than we originally thought as we toddled around our living rooms as children, bracing against the furniture and drooling all over our Cookie Monster bibs. Oh wait, that was only me. I apologize. Yet remember that walking, while not as dangerous as driving, still has its hazards, and no one wants to be the guy with a massive coffee stain on his white shirt for the entire day. Practice defensive walking, and remember, stay to the right.