OMGWTFPolarbear!
Title: Withdrawal - Relapse.
Fandom/Pairing: Lost - Charlie/Sayid.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Shannon is a scheming bitch.
Warnings: The usual - drugs, angst, smut and a wee hint of het!
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. Never will.
fanfic100 prompt: #42 Triangle.
Notes: Much love and thanks to the truly wonderful lillyjk who beta'd and hand-held and made me laugh hysterically during the process. *points to title of the post* For you babe, for you. *snogs* This is installment #6 in the series we are writing together,links to earlier parts are under the cut please make sure you check the warnings before you read. Oh and this is all philomel's fault as it was her Kinkathon request that started this whole thing off.
Withdrawal by lillyjk
Withdrawal - Craving
Withdrawal - The Fix by lillyjk
Withdrawal - Need
Withdrawal - Interactions by lillyjk
Withdrawal - Relapse
“Dude. What the hell is going on in there?”
Charlie crashed back down to earth as the sound of Hurley’s voice broke through his post-orgasmic high. He had to bite back a laugh at the shock poor old Hurley would get if he walked into the cave. It was highly unlikely that Hurley had ever imagined finding him and Sayid in such close proximity to each other.
“Hey man, Charlie, are you ok dude?”
Charlie held back a groan as Sayid pulled out of his body a little too quickly - Hurley’s voice was louder now, like he was just outside the cave. A flash of inspiration hit and Charlie spun around, feeling the sharp rock of the cave wall cutting into his skin as he did. Sayid had a look of panic on his face and for once Charlie was the one who knew what to do. Raising a finger to his lips and then motioning with his head towards a corner of the cave where the rock jutted out a little, providing a place to hide. Sayid nodded and then made a move to undo the bindings from around Charlie’s wrists but Charlie stopped him, they didn’t have time for that. If Sayid wanted to keep this thing between them a secret then he was going to have to let Charlie tell him what to do.
“Hey, hey Charlie. Look dude, I’m coming in unless you tell me not to.”
Jesus, the man was persistent. Charlie motioned to the corner again and then moved on the next stage in his plan.
“No Ethan, don’t. Please don’t take Claire….”
Confusion and then understanding passed across Sayid’s face in response to his shouted words then he felt a hand briefly touch his face before Sayid finally scrambled away to hide in the corner. Charlie let out a sigh of relief and then quickly dived for his makeshift bed, arranging the blanket over himself to hide his bound hands and Sayid’s clothes that lay scattered about nearby. He let out a moan, part as a continuation of his ruse and part as a reaction to the sharp pain he felt when the side of his face, which had been pressed against the cave wall moments earlier, touched his pillow. Clearly there had been some damage done, more marks on his body to show just how far he was willing to go for Sayid. But he didn’t have time to relish this new discovery as he heard Hurley’s footsteps at the mouth of the cave.
“Oh my God, it’s a polar bear!”
Fuck, he should have paid more attention in drama class at school.
“Dude, did you say polar bear?”
Charlie closed his eyes quickly as the light of Hurley’s torch illuminated the space where he lay.
“Ethan, no, please don’t hurt her…”
“Wake up man; you’re having a bad dream.”
A hand pushed at his shoulder and Charlie had to force himself not to grin, this was almost too easy.
“Please if you are going to kill one of us to make Jack pay, then kill me, not her.”
The hand rocked him again but Charlie was too busy considering what he had just said, it was weird, like a memory resurfacing or something, he felt like he had actually said those words before and meant them.
“Charlie wake up, come on dude, Ethan’s dead it’s ok.”
“Wha… who’s there?”
“It’s me, Hurley. You were having a nightmare dude. You were shouting out stuff about Ethan and moaning a lot.”
Again, the urge to grin was overwhelming as Charlie thought about the true reason for the moaning that Hurley had heard. It would be so easy to tell him the truth, to reveal Sayid hiding in the shadows, let Hurley in on their… whatever the hell it was that they had going on between them. But he knew from the way Sayid had been angry at his actions when they had encountered Shannon the day before, that he obviously didn’t want people to know that he was screwing a washed-up junkie, and why would he? It wasn’t exactly something to write home about.
“Hey Charlie, are you ok?”
Hurley’s voice broke through his thoughts and now Charlie felt a little bad at the concern he could hear there. He started to roll over so that he could talk to the big man directly but then he remembered that his hands were bound and that the side of his face currently hidden from view was at least a little cut up, if not a mess of scratches, so he stayed as he was and put on his best I’ve just woken up voice.
“What? Yeah, I’m fine, nothing to worry about, it was just a dream. Thanks for…”
He wanted to say caring but that seemed to melodramatic so he settled for
“waking me up.”
“Hey, it’s all good dude. No problem. Are you going to be ok now or do you want to come patrol with me?”
This time Charlie let himself smile, Hurley was a good guy, a good friend and he didn’t exactly have a lot of those around the camp.
“No, no, it’s ok. I’m just gonna try and get back to sleep. Thanks again. Oh and sorry for shouting at you earlier, that was out of order of me.”
“Dude, no problem. I get a little cranky when I’m trying to sleep too. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Sure Hurley, see you in the morning.”
“Later dude.”
And with that phrase, Hurley was gone. Charlie let out a sigh of relief and then finally allowed himself to grin. That really had been very easy, he felt quite proud of his resourcefulness in the face of, maybe not danger but, at least mild peril. He rolled onto his back, wincing as his face pulled away from where it had been stuck to his pillow - clearly he had been bleeding quite a bit - and waited for Sayid to come out from his hiding place. He didn’t have to wait long, within moments he felt the weight of Sayid’s body straddling his and he opened his eyes to see Sayid looking down at him. But Sayid’s expression wasn’t one of pride, or even one of mild congratulation. He looked…. Annoyed.
“You are a very convincing liar Charlie. I think that I shall have to listen very carefully when you speak to ensure that you are not telling me the same kind of lies that you just told Hurley.”
Great, was that all the thanks he was going to get. Another patented Sayid lecture on the evils of not telling the truth. At least Sayid was keeping his voice to a whisper though; he didn’t fancy having to explain yet more noise coming from his cave to Hurley the night watchman.
“Yes I told a few lies, but it did the trick didn’t it? Hurley swallowed the whole thing and went away, problem solved.”
“I have told you before Charlie that I do not like it when you lie to me. I also find that I do not like it when you lie to others.”
Oh he was sick of this now, couldn’t Sayid see that just this once there had been no option other than to tell a little white lie or two?
“Fine, whatever, go find Hurley and bring him back here and I’ll tell him that the noises he heard were you fucking me into the cave wall. Will that make you happy Sayid? Somehow I don’t think it will, I don’t suppose you want everyone to know your dirty little secret do you?”
Sayid’s hand shot out and grabbed his chin; Charlie recoiled from his touch, hissing in pain as he did.
“Ow, shit. Careful with the face please. I’m in quite a bit of pain here.”
Silence. Charlie turned his head so that he was looking back up at Sayid. The older man was staring at his hand, rubbing his thumb over the pads of his fingers again and again as though transfixed by something. There was almost a look of horror on Sayid’s face and all of Charlie’s anger vanished as he felt the urge to sooth the man that had been such a tower of strength to him for the last few days.
“Sayid?”
Sayid shook his head as if to clear it and then reached out to touch Charlie’s face again, gently this time, fingers smoothing over the places where the sharp rock of the cave wall had broken the skin. Charlie tried hard not to wince as salt-sweat made the cuts sting, instead he tried to focus on the feel of Sayid touching him with such tenderness as the hand traveled lower pushing the blanket aside and revealing further cuts on his arms and chest. Sayid looked so guilt stricken that Charlie wanted to reach out and comfort him, but the fact that his hands were still tied made the gesture seem more of a plea and less of a comfort. Sayid didn’t look him in the eye as he quickly untied the bindings, dropping the rope to one side and keeping his eyes firmly fixed on it as he spoke.
“I have hurt you. I did not mean to do that and I am sorry for having done so.”
Guilt was radiating from Sayid in waves and Charlie found that he didn’t know what to do to help him. He reached out a hand to touch Sayid’s arm, stroking gently down it, trying to calm Sayid in the same way that Sayid had calmed him during the hallucinations that his withdrawal had caused.
“Sayid, it’s fine. I’m fine. No lasting damage done. Hey, maybe I’ll get a scar, I’ve always wanted a scar on my face, make me look all rugged and tough.”
His attempts at humor did not appear to be working, Sayid still refused to look at him. His voice so quiet now that Charlie had to strain to hear it.
“I lost control. I should not have let that happen. I will not let it happen again.”
Charlie tried to sit up but Sayid’s position stopped him from being able to, so instead he reached out with both hands and turned Sayid’s head to face him.
“Don’t say that. I like it when you lose control; it makes me feel good that I can have that effect on you. Listen to me for once, I’m fine, there is no problem here, stop beating yourself up about it.”
Sayid’s eyes finally met his and Charlie could see confusion in them mixed with concern and the still present guilt.
“I do not understand this need that you have to feel pain Charlie. I could have hurt you badly, I still could. I worry that you will not stop me if I go too far, if I lose control completely.”
This was new, Sayid actually telling him something about the way he was feeling. Strange but, good at the same time.
“Listen carefully to what I am about to say Sayid. I promise you that this is the truth. I’ve spent a lot of time feeling numb, shutting the world out and hiding away. So yes, I like a little pain now and again, it helps remind me that I am still able to feel but believe me if you ever do anything that hurts too much or I think that you are going too far I will tell you. Now can we stop with all this guilt crap and get back to the part where you lose control? Sometime soon maybe, before Hurley comes back and I have to make another attempt at winning an Oscar.”
And at last there it was, a smile. A half- hearted one, but a smile nonetheless. He was obviously getting his message across at last.
“I mean, seriously, would you have believed in my little performance? Oh my God it’s a polar bear? Please, I expected to hear you burst out laughing any second.”
The smile on Sayid’s face widened a little and Charlie smiled back, his expression widening to a grin as Sayid dipped his head down and began to place light kisses on each of the cuts on his face.
“As I said before Charlie, you are a very accomplished liar.”
“Oh please don’t start that again. I’m a junkie, we lie, we also cheat and steal and generally do bad things, it comes with the territory. I promise you that I won’t lie to you, I may evade some questions now and again but I won’t lie.”
Sayid’s mouth was working its way down to his neck now and Charlie leaned his head to one side to give him better access.
“I will accept your promise and hold you to it. I did sense some truth in your words tonight. You spoke of offering yourself as a sacrifice in place of Claire. That did not seem to me to be a lie.”
“And that would be one of the topics I’m going to evade. Now, will there be actual kissing and body contact any time soon or shall I just go to sleep. I am quite tired.”
Charlie felt the exhale of breath as Sayid laughed, better, much better.
“I think that I preferred you when you were still weak. You were much less demanding then.”
“Well then, go get me some heroin. I’ll get hooked again and then you can drag me off to your little hideaway for some less demanding sex.”
He knew as soon as the words had left his mouth that it was the wrong thing to say. Sayid froze and Charlie scrambled to unspeak his own words.
“Joking, I’m joking. Not the best joke ever I’ll admit but I’ve never pretended to be a comic genius. Now if you could please get under the blanket with me I would be most grateful, it will be much easier to hide you from Hurley that way.”
“Do not make jokes about drugs Charlie. I have no wish to see you in the pain you were in at the cave again.”
“Ok, ok fine. No more drug jokes. Now, under the blanket if you please. There are still a few cuts that you haven’t kissed better.”
This time Charlie heard Sayid’s laugh rather than felt it and for a moment Sayid’s weight was gone from atop him before the blanket was pulled back and then replaced by a warm body. Much better. Charlie relaxed and let himself forget that they were stuck in a cave on a hellhole of an island in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by people and things that wanted to harm them and just enjoyed the feel of Sayid working his way from one cut to another, kissing each one as he went.
Lips touching his skin gently at first, then the pressure grew firmer as Sayid began to lick and bite as he moved lower still. Charlie arched into the feeling, luxuriating in the attention, trying desperately not to make any noise that might draw Hurley’s attention back to the two of them. Biting his lip as he felt the scrape of Sayid’s beard against his thigh and then the heat of Sayid’s mouth on his cock.
Charlie looked down and his eyes met Sayid’s. Sayid smiled, the feral look in his eyes sending shivers down Charlie’s spine and causing his cock to twitch. Jesus, he was getting hard again. Charlie shook his head in disbelief; this had to be a personal record.
Lips and tongue moving on his cock, hand wrapped round the base moving in time to their rhythm. Another hand sliding between his legs, rolling his balls then pressure on the point just behind them. Biting at his own knuckles to keep the cry that wanted to escape his mouth inside. Fingers dropping lower, two pushing inside of him easily where he was still slick and ready. A third joining them and then a tempo being set, in, out, in, out. Hard and fast and the pleasurepain was kicking in, still sensitive from the last time when Sayid fucked him hard against the wall. So hard not to make a sound. Wanting to shout out as Sayid’s tongue swirled around the head of his cock, diving into the slit, hard suction following. The fingers inside him grazing at his prostate again and again. Suddenly it all stopped and he looked down praying that Sayid was not going to make him wait again, not this time.
Sayid slowly working his way up his body, hands under his thighs forcing them upwards and out. Sayid’s mouth on his, tongue forcing its way into his mouth, giving in to it, letting Sayid claim him. The push of Sayid’s cock sliding into his body in one sure stroke, then nearly all the way out again, not waiting for him to adjust. Sayid pounding into him, hard deep thrusts, faster and harder until he was seeing stars and his back was arching, hips raising high in the air. Sayid’s hand wrapping around his cock, one sharp tug and then another and he was coming again. Sayid’s mouth covering his and swallowing his cry.
Boneless now, aware that Sayid was still hard and still inside him but no longer moving. Mouth opening, trying to ask why but being silenced with another kiss. Sayid’s mouth leaving his, trailing kisses up his jaw. Voice whispering in his ear
“I am sorry that I caused you pain”
Mumbling a reply before sleep’s darkness claimed him, still dimly aware of the feel of Sayid’s cock inside his body.
*******
Charlie woke to the sound of movement. Dawn was breaking and light was beginning to enter the cave, Sayid was dressed and looking like he was about to leave. Leave without saying goodbye it seemed. Charlie closed his eyes again. Fine, let him go, he was probably going to go and find Shannon, finish what he started with him last night with her. He tried not to think about the image of Sayid and Shannon tangled up in each others arms but he couldn’t get it out of his mind. No matter what Sayid said, it was hard to believe that he preferred the company of a washed-up loser to a woman like that.
“Charlie, I know that you are awake. Open your eyes please.”
A hand cupped his face, thumb tracing patterns back and forth under his chin. Charlie leant into Sayid’s touch and opened his eyes as he was told.
“I must leave now before it gets too light, but I shall return later as we have much to discuss. Will you wait here for me?”
A question not an order. That was new. Charlie turned his head and pressed his lips onto Sayid’s palm.
“Where else would I be? It’s not like there’s a great deal of places to go for a day out around here is it?”
Sayid laughed and nodded in agreement.
“I thought perhaps that you might have plans.”
“Nope, no plans other than getting up and having a wash and then finding something to eat. I’m starving, must be all that sex I’ve been having, I need to stock up on the calories.”
Sayid laughed again and then dipped down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. Then he stood up and walked to the entrance of the cave, stopping there and turning around once more.
“I will speak with you later.”
And then he was gone. Charlie closed his eyes again, God he ached. In a good way but ached all the same. He still wished that they had never come back to the camp. If they had been at the other cave then Sayid would still be lying next to him and not on his way back to the beach, back to Shannon.
Stop thinking about that. He told you it was over between him and Shannon and as its been firmly established that he does not lie, it must be. Get up, go wash up and then go find something to do until he comes back. Or maybe just go back to sleep for a while. No sense in rushing to start another day on craphole island.
********
A couple of hours later Charlie wandered out of his cave, trying to stretch out all the aches in his muscles as he walked. He had a headache and was still tired but the hustle and noise of the cave camp had forced him awake. He made his way across to the pool that the inhabitants of this little area used for washing and sat down beside it, closing his eyes and rubbing at his temples with the palms of his hands.
“Hey Charlie.”
Oh great, Jack, just what he needed to start the day, another round of check the junkie for track marks. He kept his eyes fixed firmly on the ground and pretended not to hear the other man’s greeting. It didn’t work; Jack came over and crouched down in front of him anyway.
“Hey, how are you doing today? Hurley said he had to wake you up from a nightmare, anything you want to talk about?”
Charlie made a mental note to kill Hurley and then looked up with a sigh.
“No, no, I’m fine. Just a dream, nothing to worry about.”
Jack nodded and then fixed him with his classic “I don’t believe you and I am not giving up until you spill” stare. Oh God, he so wasn’t in the mood for a run in with Saint Jack today. He let his gaze wander about the camp, smiling slightly to himself when he noticed that Sayid had already returned from the beach and was chatting to Sun. Or maybe he hadn’t left yet, didn’t matter either way, at least he wasn’t with her.
“So, Charlie, are you going to tell me about the cuts on your face?”
Bugger, he’d forgotten about those. A little thrill ran down his spine as the memory of the cuts stirred up the memory of how they had happened and what had followed.
“What? Oh it’s nothing. I guess I … er... must have been thrashing about a bit in the night. Woke up on the cave floor and not on my blankets. Not the most comfortable place to sleep.”
Jack reached out a hand and touched his face, holding his chin gently and angling it slightly so he could inspect the damage a little better causing Charlie to have to strain to keep his eyes on Sayid. Sayid who was now staring over at the two of them.
“A couple of these look pretty deep; I want to take a proper look at them. Are you sure that’s how it happened?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Just a little mishap, nothing dramatic to tell you.”
Sayid had moved from staring to glaring now, he looked really rather angry. Charlie sighed again. Now what had he done wrong? Surely Sayid didn’t mind if he didn’t tell Jack what had really happened? Surely this was one of those times when it was ok to lie?
“Charlie did someone do this to you?”
Huh? Where had that come from? Charlie turned to face Jack, his brow furrowed in confusion.
“What do you mean did someone do this to me?”
Jack didn’t speak he just looked past Charlie in the direction of …..Sayid. Oh shit, Jack thought that Sayid had hurt him. Of course the cuts on his face were in a way the fault of Sayid but not in the way that Jack envisioned. Jack’s hand moved to his face again, fingers stroking over the cuts, reminding Charlie of the way that Sayid had kissed each and every one of them. His eyes closed involuntarily and for a moment he could feel the weight of Sayid’s body on his, the thrust of Sayid’s dick inside him. He opened his eyes again and shook his head. Now was not the time to think about Sayid like that. He looked over at the man himself again, fuck he looked furious now, like he was about to come over and punch Jack. Sun had her hand on his arm and was saying something to him but Sayid just shook her off and continued to glare in his and Jack’s direction.
“You can tell me the truth Charlie; did Sayid do this to you?”
“What? Of course not. Why on earth would you think something like that? Sayid is one of the good guys; he’s been very supportive. He wouldn’t hurt me.”
Jack still didn’t look convinced, his eyes flicking between Sayid and Charlie as if he could sense that something had changed between them. Well something had changed, just not in the way Jack imagined.
“Look, I told you, I just moved around a lot in the night. Bloody cave floor just isn’t made for nightmares. I don’t suppose you’ve noticed a branch of Ikea anywhere in your travels have you? I could do with a new bed.”
Finally Jack snapped out of Mr. Intensity mode and laughed. Charlie relaxed a little and let himself look over at Sayid again, just in time to see him turn and stalk away, shoulders stiff with anger. Charlie wanted to follow him and see what the problem was, all he had to do was get away from Jack and his questions.
“I want you to come over to the hospital cave, I want to clean some of those cuts up. Make sure they don’t get infected.”
Damn. Ok, fine play along with him Charlie. Sayid isn’t here to listen in anymore. Agree to go and see him, and then sneak off.
“Sure, ok. Look just give me a little while to wake up properly and have a quick wash and I’ll come over.”
Jack smiled then stood up to leave, looking him over one last time before he did.
“Ok, half an hour….. Charlie, you would tell me if there was something wrong wouldn’t you?”
Jesus, did the man have to find something to fix in everything he saw?
“There is nothing the matter with me. I’m fine. Sayid’s fine. You’re fine. Everything is fine. Even the weather, but then it always is so….”
Jack nodded his head and then wandered away, stopping to chat with Hurley. As Charlie watched Sun came over to join them and the three of them glanced his way and then huddled in tight together. Oh goody, they were talking about him. Fantastic. Charlie rolled his eyes and looked away, his attention drawn to a small bottle lying on the ground where Jack’s bag had been.
His eyes narrowed, it was a bottle of pills. He reached out a hand and moved it slightly so that he could read the label. Diazepam - nearly a full bottle too by the looks of it. Instinct made him grab it and tuck it away securely in his pocket. Prickles started to crawl across his skin. Diazepam, Valium. That would be nice right about now, take the edge off, make life just that little bit more bearable. Charlie licked his lips, he’d taken this stuff before. Once on prescription, more than once after having scored it from some dodgy geezer in a pub. Nice little buzz to it, mellow, soothing. It wouldn’t hurt to take a couple now would it? It wasn’t like it was heroin or anything.
No. You don’t need it. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, focus. You’re fine; you just told Jack you are so you must be. Just get up and walk back to your cave as if nothing is the matter.
Charlie grabbed his stuff and hurried back to the relative privacy of the cave that he slept in. Off in the distance he could hear Aaron starting to cry, that meant that Claire would wake up any minute and probably come looking for him pretty soon after, he’d promised to look after the kid for a while for her today to give her a break. It wouldn’t do for him to have drugs lying around the place for little hands to find.
Ok fine, go find Jack and give him the bottle, say he dropped it ‘cos that’s what happened isn’t it. No, Jack will think you stole it, Charlie the junkie showing his true colors at last. Shit, what to do? Jack is going to realize that the bottle is missing; this is the first place he will come and look. Fuck, but what if this is a test cooked up between Jack and Sayid to see what you’ll do? God a couple of those pills would be good right about now; they are for anxiety after all.
NO! Stop it, stop thinking about taking them and start thinking about getting rid of them. Sayid! That’s it go and find Sayid. Tell him what happened and ask him to give them back to Jack. He’ll believe you; he’ll explain it to Jack. Yes, that’s it. Go to the beach and find Sayid.
But hang on; Jack probably doesn’t know how many are in there does he? Take out a few, put them somewhere safe for emergencies and then go and find Sayid. Not a problem, it’s not like you are going to take them right now is it? Yeah, good plan, just undo the cap and shake a few out.
NO. Put the damn bottle down. For fucks sake man you don’t need them. Think what will happen if Sayid finds your little stash. You’re clean again now, no need to start taking something else.
Charlie quickly dropped the bottle of pills into his bag and closed it up tight, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans in an attempt to stop himself from taking the pills out again. The tips of his fingers on one hand came into contact with something hard and cool. What the hell was….. realization dawned on him and he smiled grimly to himself. He would show all those people who had written him off as a lost cause that he could change. He’d prove them all wrong. Decision made, he left the cool shelter of the caves for the long walk to the beach.
*******
Charlie was about to leave the shade of the jungle for the openness of the grassy plain that stretched down to the beach camp, when he froze in his tracks. He had spent the whole walk thinking of how to best explain his situation to Sayid and had come to realize that he was worrying over nothing. Well, as long as he hadn’t made things worse by running off to the beach instead of just handing Jack back the bottle of pills in the first place that is. He felt quite proud of himself for not giving in to temptation. He hoped that Sayid would be equally as proud and would reward him in some way. Charlie was pretty sure he would enjoy any reward that Sayid was willing to offer. In fact he was completely sure he would. He’d started to walk just a little bit faster in anticipation of what he hoped was to follow. But now, now he was standing stock still, eyes wide, mouth hanging open in disbelief. There, just a little way in front of him, was Sayid. But he wasn’t alone. He was with Shannon. Very much with Shannon, joined at the mouth so to speak with the haughty blonde bitch, and looking like he was enjoying himself too.
Fucking asshole. How many times has he told me not to lie and yet here he is with his tongue stuck down the throat of one person he promised he had no interest in. Unfuckingbelievable. Jesus, why did I ever think that he even vaguely wanted to carry on with what started in that damn cave? Why the hell would he be when he can have her? Pathetic junkie loser or a beautiful woman like that, oh tough call I think I’ll take the junkie, like that was ever going to happen. Face it, you lose at life once again, should have seen it coming really. Well fuck him and fuck her and fuck giving the drugs back. They’re supposed to help in cases of depression aren’t they? Well I’m pretty sodding depressed so I prescribe myself some drugs, right this minute.
Charlie turned and walked away, pulling a bottle of water and the pills from his bag as he did, quickly opening them up and shaking a couple free. He paused and considered what he was about to do for a moment and then put the pills on his tongue, took a gulp of water and swallowed them down before continuing on his way.
******
Charlie crashed through the jungle with no real care as to where he was going, muttering under his breath as he walked. He should never have let himself relax and feel happy, nothing good ever came of him being happy. He’d been happy when Driveshaft made it big and look how that had turned out. It was so much easier to feel numb. Numb didn’t disappoint, numb didn’t build up your hopes and then smash them down again. From now on he was not going to bother feeling anything at all. And he certainly wasn’t going to rely on anyone else to make him feel good, not anymore. He had his bottle of diazepam and for now that was all he needed. And when it ran out… well Jack was sure to have something else stashed away in his supply kit and he still wasn’t convinced that Sayid had destroyed all of the heroin, not convinced at all. Speaking of Diazepam, he wasn’t feeling the old familiar buzz yet, wouldn’t hurt to take another one would it? He was pretty sure that it would take way more pills than were in the bottle to kill him. And anyway, what did it matter if he died? It wasn’t like anyone really cared about him was it?
Up ahead of him on the path he could see a clearing. A wide open space, its edges defined by trees and weird looking aerial roots. Charlie slowed, this place seemed somehow familiar, like he’d been here before but for the life of him he couldn’t remember when. He walked slowly forward, forgetting his anger for a moment and instead staring around at this place that he thought he knew.
It was like he’d been here in a dream or something, it all felt totally unreal. Or maybe the drugs were finally kicking in, taking that other pill had been the best idea he’d had all day. Charlie laughed to himself, yeah that was it, he hadn’t been here before, the familiarity he was feeling was the rush of warmth spreading through his limbs making them feel heavy and light at the same time. He closed his eyes and turned his face up to the dappled sunlight filtering through the foliage high above him. Warm. Calm. Good.
Charlie wandered over to one of the strange cathedral like structures that the trees and roots had created, dropping his bag on the ground and then sitting down beside it, back leaning against the wood behind him. He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before exhaling, enjoying the tranquility of this place and the feel of the chemicals coursing through his blood stream. He still felt like he knew this spot though. It was like an itch nagging in the back of his mind. Why did this all seem so familiar to him?
He opened his eyes again and looked around, then up and that was when he saw it. Vines hanging down above him, dead center to the curve of the trees. And there, on the ground, a little way from where he was sat - covered in dirt and damaged by the elements but still recognizable - the noose. The one that Ethan had used to hang him.
Hysteria began to bubble up in Charlie, the calm feeling of a moment ago replaced by fear and an urge to run far from this place. This was where he had died. He crawled forward to where the noose lay amongst the litter of the jungle floor. This was where Jack had brought him back from the dead. He reached out to touch it but his hand was shaking too much and his mind was swimming with memories. Images flashing through his head too quickly for him to understand them but leaving him with an overwhelming sense of despair.
He sat back again, trembling hands reaching out for his bag, fumbling with the fastenings. Where were those damn pills? He needed more, needed to get the buzz that he had been feeling back again, he didn’t want to think about what had happened that day, what had happened here.
Bag finally open now but…. Fuck, where were they. He tipped the contents out and searched through them. No bottle. Shit, had he dropped it earlier? No, he knew he hadn’t, he remembered putting the cap back on and putting the bottle…. in his pocket. That’s it, they were in his pocket. Hands pushing into the pockets of his jeans, one curling around the bottle of pills, the other finding the cold hard metal of the trinket he had picked up on the journey back to camp with Sayid.
Charlie laughed bitterly as he pulled both things from his pockets. It was just like that day so many years ago, the day when Liam walked out of his life, the day when Charlie chose drugs over family and the chance to get clean. He placed the bottle of pills on the ground beside him and looked at the little circle of metal, turning it over to read the inscription on one side and then back again, tracing the image with the tip of a finger. Charlie couldn’t really remember what Liam had said to him that day, he had been too high to take the words in, but he remembered finding Liam’s note and the gift that lay beside it. In the note Liam had begged him for forgiveness and asked him once again to seek help for his addiction. The gift had been a medal of St Jude - the patron saint of lost causes - the only thing that Liam thought could help Charlie now.
And now he had a new medal thanks to a bunch of drug runners disguised as priests. Charlie laughed again, they had clearly taken the art of disguise to a high level if they had included medals of saints amongst their cargo. He looked at the medal again and tried to remember the prayer that went with it, he knew that there was a line in it about being helpless and alone. That just about summed up his life right now, except that he was useless not helpless and he wasn’t alone because he had a bottle of pills to keep him company. Sighing, he put the medal back into the pocket of his jeans.
Charlie gathered up his scattered belongings and shoved them back into his bag. Then he grabbed the bottle and shook out another pill, how many did this make now? Four? Five? He couldn’t remember and quite frankly he didn’t really care, he just swallowed it down, stashed the bottle away safely and closed his eyes again.
“Are you dead?”
A voice and an accompanying kick to his shins pulled Charlie awake. He blinked in disorientation, who the hell was that and where the hell was he? Ah yes, he was sitting in the spot where he had died a few weeks before and the voice belonged to Shannon. Fabulous, just what he needed, the bitch had come to gloat. He didn’t bother answering her, he didn’t feel like talking really, he just wanted to sit here and enjoy the warm heavy feeling in his limbs and the way his head was spinning ever so slightly.
“Oh, you’re alive. Good. We need to talk, we have something in common…”
Charlie laughed and Shannon’s voice tailed off. He’d seen the way she’d looked at Boone when she thought no one was watching. He was pretty sure that they had way more in common than she could ever imagine.
“What do you want Shannon?”
Charlie pushed himself up from the ground and stood up, watching Shannon carefully. She looked a little surprised at the tone of his voice. What did she think he was going to do cry or something? Yeah right, Sayid has obviously made his choice and there was nothing he could do about that so why get all upset about it? Or at least, why let her see him get upset about it?
“Look Charlie, I want you to keep away from Sayid. We were getting along perfectly well until you went on that little trip with him and now….”
She trailed off again. Interesting, perhaps it was worth him paying some attention to what she had to say.
“Now what Shannon?”
“Now… now it’s complicated. I don’t like complicated, it doesn’t suit me.”
Yeah and nor does that dress, really not your color that one. I’d stick to slut red if I were you.
“What’s complicated Shannon, do tell.”
“God you’re such an asshole. You know damn well what I’m talking about. You and Sayid, you’ve….”
“We’ve what Shannon? Come on spit it out. What exactly have I done with Sayid.”
“It’s just that me and Sayid well we’ve never….”
This was odd, Shannon seemed off balance somehow, not her usual confident self. And then it dawned on him.
“You and Sayid have never fucked is that it?”
Charlie laughed. Suddenly his lot in life seemed much better. Imagine that, Shannon had obviously been going for the pricktease approach, more fool her then. He had the upper hand in this little scenario. Chemical confidence surged through him, he was going to make the bitch squirm.
“Is that it Shannon. You’ve never let Sayid get past first base and now you’re worried he doesn’t want you anymore? You don’t know what you’re missing love. ”
Shannon was blushing now. Oh he was enjoying this, enjoying seeing the ice queen melt a little. He stepped a little closer, invading her personal space, trailing a hand down her arm as he spoke.
“You have no idea what that man can do, do you? You don’t know what it feels like when he bites at your skin, or when he runs his hands all over your body, or when he pushes his cock inside you and fucks you so hard you think you are going to die because it feels that good.”
Shannon’s eyes were wide now, her mouth open to speak but Charlie wasn’t in the mood to let her get a word in. He grabbed her hands and pulled her in tight against his body, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning in to whisper in her ear.
“Do you want me to show you what he does when he’s with me? Would you like that Shannon? Do you want to close your eyes and pretend it’s him while I fuck you?”
He dropped a hand down so that it rested on the curve of her ass, reaching up and tangling the other into her hair, pulling her head back and exposing her neck. Shannon gasped but didn’t pull away. Charlie smiled. God she was so obvious, her plan was so see through that he almost felt sorry for her. Almost.
“I’ll do it if you want. You can call me by his name and everything. I can do a pretty good impersonation of his voice. I know the kind of things he says when he’s fucking, I know how he moves, how he teases, how he feels. Is that what you want Shannon, to know what it’s like to screw Sayid? Or did you come here to try and screw with my mind instead? A little game of fuck with the opposition until they give up and crawl away?”
He let go of his hold on her hair and stepped backwards, taking a moment to look her up and down. She wasn’t such a threat after all, she was just a scared little girl who was used to getting her own way and inclined to throw a tantrum if it didn’t happen. He was bored with her now, time to finish this little game.
“That’s why you came here isn’t it. You wanted to eliminate the competition so you could have Sayid to yourself. Tell me Shannon, what exactly was your plan? I’m guessing that you were going to seduce me and then go running to Sayid and tell him I raped you. Well tough luck sweetheart, not going to happen.”
Shannon’s mouth curled into a sneer and her eyes narrowed, anger flashing deep within them. Charlie wanted to laugh in her face but he was beginning to feel a little dizzy. He shook his head to clear it.
“Whatever. It doesn’t matter what you do. I’m going to tell him that you raped me whether you fuck me or not. He’ll believe me. He thinks I’m sweet and innocent, but you, you’re just a slut, a pathetic one at that. There’s no way he’ll believe you over me.”
“Oh I wouldn’t be too sure about that sweetheart.”
“Why not? What the hell have you got that I haven’t got?”
“A dick?”
Charlie couldn’t resist that one. Shannon didn’t appear to like his answer as she lashed out and landed a stinging blow on his cheek. Or at least, it should have been a stinging blow but it felt like….. nothing. Weird. Charlie raised a hand to the place where her hand had connected with his face, it felt warm under his fingers but there was no pain.
“Just leave Sayid alone and leave me alone too.”
“Sorry love, but there’s only one person whose words I obey and it ain’t you.”
Shannon’s face twisted in confusion.
“Who’s words do you obey?”
“His.”
Charlie reached out with both hands and spun Shannon around so that she was looking at the other person who had entered the clearing just after she had. The person who had heard every word that the two of them had just said, and to say that Sayid looked a little bit angry with her would have been a major understatement. He wanted to enjoy this moment but he was feeling really light headed now. He took a step back and leant against the trees behind him shoving his hands in his pockets as he did. Charlie smiled as his fingers came into contact with the medal again. Maybe St Jude was looking out for him after all, Shannon was the lost cause now not him. Or at least he hoped she was.
“Sayid I….”
Charlie watched as Sayid raised a hand to stop Shannon from continuing. His face like thunder, eyes flashing with anger.
“I think it would be best if you left now Shannon. I do not think you want to anger me any further.”
“Me anger you? Fuck you Sayid. How do you think I feel being replaced by a loser like that.”
Hey, that was uncalled for! Charlie wanted to say something in his own defense but he was having trouble getting his mouth to work.
“I’m going to go back to camp and when I get there I am telling everyone about your little secret. By the time you get back every single person is going to know about what you and Charlie get up to when you’re alone.”
Yeah you do that bitch, see if I care. But wait, Sayid probably did care. And yep, there it was, Sayid looking worried and taking a step forward, reaching out a hand to touch Shannon’s shoulder, eyes calmer now, trying to placate her. Wait why could he see two Sayids and two Shannons? What the hell?
“I would prefer it if you did not do that Shannon. Perhaps we can come to some arrangement. I am willing to pretend that we are still involved, You could, how would you put it?.... dump me in public and then you might not feel so slighted.”
Oh what a surprise, Sayid didn’t want anyone to know he was screwing the junkie. And it seemed like it was perfectly ok for Sayid to lie, as long as it suited his scheme of things. Charlie opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, just a strangled groan. Sayid and Shannon looked his way and he saw worry in both their eyes. Fuck that was odd, why was Shannon looking worried? Sayid took a step towards him and then stopped, worry turning to fear. Charlie didn’t have time to wonder what was wrong before his legs gave out under him and he slumped to the ground, vision tunneling as the world turned dark around him. Dimly aware of Sayid’s hands on his face and his voice asking what was wrong before he lost consciousness completely.
Fandom/Pairing: Lost - Charlie/Sayid.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Shannon is a scheming bitch.
Warnings: The usual - drugs, angst, smut and a wee hint of het!
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. Never will.
fanfic100 prompt: #42 Triangle.
Notes: Much love and thanks to the truly wonderful lillyjk who beta'd and hand-held and made me laugh hysterically during the process. *points to title of the post* For you babe, for you. *snogs* This is installment #6 in the series we are writing together,links to earlier parts are under the cut please make sure you check the warnings before you read. Oh and this is all philomel's fault as it was her Kinkathon request that started this whole thing off.
Withdrawal by lillyjk
Withdrawal - Craving
Withdrawal - The Fix by lillyjk
Withdrawal - Need
Withdrawal - Interactions by lillyjk
Withdrawal - Relapse
“Dude. What the hell is going on in there?”
Charlie crashed back down to earth as the sound of Hurley’s voice broke through his post-orgasmic high. He had to bite back a laugh at the shock poor old Hurley would get if he walked into the cave. It was highly unlikely that Hurley had ever imagined finding him and Sayid in such close proximity to each other.
“Hey man, Charlie, are you ok dude?”
Charlie held back a groan as Sayid pulled out of his body a little too quickly - Hurley’s voice was louder now, like he was just outside the cave. A flash of inspiration hit and Charlie spun around, feeling the sharp rock of the cave wall cutting into his skin as he did. Sayid had a look of panic on his face and for once Charlie was the one who knew what to do. Raising a finger to his lips and then motioning with his head towards a corner of the cave where the rock jutted out a little, providing a place to hide. Sayid nodded and then made a move to undo the bindings from around Charlie’s wrists but Charlie stopped him, they didn’t have time for that. If Sayid wanted to keep this thing between them a secret then he was going to have to let Charlie tell him what to do.
“Hey, hey Charlie. Look dude, I’m coming in unless you tell me not to.”
Jesus, the man was persistent. Charlie motioned to the corner again and then moved on the next stage in his plan.
“No Ethan, don’t. Please don’t take Claire….”
Confusion and then understanding passed across Sayid’s face in response to his shouted words then he felt a hand briefly touch his face before Sayid finally scrambled away to hide in the corner. Charlie let out a sigh of relief and then quickly dived for his makeshift bed, arranging the blanket over himself to hide his bound hands and Sayid’s clothes that lay scattered about nearby. He let out a moan, part as a continuation of his ruse and part as a reaction to the sharp pain he felt when the side of his face, which had been pressed against the cave wall moments earlier, touched his pillow. Clearly there had been some damage done, more marks on his body to show just how far he was willing to go for Sayid. But he didn’t have time to relish this new discovery as he heard Hurley’s footsteps at the mouth of the cave.
“Oh my God, it’s a polar bear!”
Fuck, he should have paid more attention in drama class at school.
“Dude, did you say polar bear?”
Charlie closed his eyes quickly as the light of Hurley’s torch illuminated the space where he lay.
“Ethan, no, please don’t hurt her…”
“Wake up man; you’re having a bad dream.”
A hand pushed at his shoulder and Charlie had to force himself not to grin, this was almost too easy.
“Please if you are going to kill one of us to make Jack pay, then kill me, not her.”
The hand rocked him again but Charlie was too busy considering what he had just said, it was weird, like a memory resurfacing or something, he felt like he had actually said those words before and meant them.
“Charlie wake up, come on dude, Ethan’s dead it’s ok.”
“Wha… who’s there?”
“It’s me, Hurley. You were having a nightmare dude. You were shouting out stuff about Ethan and moaning a lot.”
Again, the urge to grin was overwhelming as Charlie thought about the true reason for the moaning that Hurley had heard. It would be so easy to tell him the truth, to reveal Sayid hiding in the shadows, let Hurley in on their… whatever the hell it was that they had going on between them. But he knew from the way Sayid had been angry at his actions when they had encountered Shannon the day before, that he obviously didn’t want people to know that he was screwing a washed-up junkie, and why would he? It wasn’t exactly something to write home about.
“Hey Charlie, are you ok?”
Hurley’s voice broke through his thoughts and now Charlie felt a little bad at the concern he could hear there. He started to roll over so that he could talk to the big man directly but then he remembered that his hands were bound and that the side of his face currently hidden from view was at least a little cut up, if not a mess of scratches, so he stayed as he was and put on his best I’ve just woken up voice.
“What? Yeah, I’m fine, nothing to worry about, it was just a dream. Thanks for…”
He wanted to say caring but that seemed to melodramatic so he settled for
“waking me up.”
“Hey, it’s all good dude. No problem. Are you going to be ok now or do you want to come patrol with me?”
This time Charlie let himself smile, Hurley was a good guy, a good friend and he didn’t exactly have a lot of those around the camp.
“No, no, it’s ok. I’m just gonna try and get back to sleep. Thanks again. Oh and sorry for shouting at you earlier, that was out of order of me.”
“Dude, no problem. I get a little cranky when I’m trying to sleep too. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Sure Hurley, see you in the morning.”
“Later dude.”
And with that phrase, Hurley was gone. Charlie let out a sigh of relief and then finally allowed himself to grin. That really had been very easy, he felt quite proud of his resourcefulness in the face of, maybe not danger but, at least mild peril. He rolled onto his back, wincing as his face pulled away from where it had been stuck to his pillow - clearly he had been bleeding quite a bit - and waited for Sayid to come out from his hiding place. He didn’t have to wait long, within moments he felt the weight of Sayid’s body straddling his and he opened his eyes to see Sayid looking down at him. But Sayid’s expression wasn’t one of pride, or even one of mild congratulation. He looked…. Annoyed.
“You are a very convincing liar Charlie. I think that I shall have to listen very carefully when you speak to ensure that you are not telling me the same kind of lies that you just told Hurley.”
Great, was that all the thanks he was going to get. Another patented Sayid lecture on the evils of not telling the truth. At least Sayid was keeping his voice to a whisper though; he didn’t fancy having to explain yet more noise coming from his cave to Hurley the night watchman.
“Yes I told a few lies, but it did the trick didn’t it? Hurley swallowed the whole thing and went away, problem solved.”
“I have told you before Charlie that I do not like it when you lie to me. I also find that I do not like it when you lie to others.”
Oh he was sick of this now, couldn’t Sayid see that just this once there had been no option other than to tell a little white lie or two?
“Fine, whatever, go find Hurley and bring him back here and I’ll tell him that the noises he heard were you fucking me into the cave wall. Will that make you happy Sayid? Somehow I don’t think it will, I don’t suppose you want everyone to know your dirty little secret do you?”
Sayid’s hand shot out and grabbed his chin; Charlie recoiled from his touch, hissing in pain as he did.
“Ow, shit. Careful with the face please. I’m in quite a bit of pain here.”
Silence. Charlie turned his head so that he was looking back up at Sayid. The older man was staring at his hand, rubbing his thumb over the pads of his fingers again and again as though transfixed by something. There was almost a look of horror on Sayid’s face and all of Charlie’s anger vanished as he felt the urge to sooth the man that had been such a tower of strength to him for the last few days.
“Sayid?”
Sayid shook his head as if to clear it and then reached out to touch Charlie’s face again, gently this time, fingers smoothing over the places where the sharp rock of the cave wall had broken the skin. Charlie tried hard not to wince as salt-sweat made the cuts sting, instead he tried to focus on the feel of Sayid touching him with such tenderness as the hand traveled lower pushing the blanket aside and revealing further cuts on his arms and chest. Sayid looked so guilt stricken that Charlie wanted to reach out and comfort him, but the fact that his hands were still tied made the gesture seem more of a plea and less of a comfort. Sayid didn’t look him in the eye as he quickly untied the bindings, dropping the rope to one side and keeping his eyes firmly fixed on it as he spoke.
“I have hurt you. I did not mean to do that and I am sorry for having done so.”
Guilt was radiating from Sayid in waves and Charlie found that he didn’t know what to do to help him. He reached out a hand to touch Sayid’s arm, stroking gently down it, trying to calm Sayid in the same way that Sayid had calmed him during the hallucinations that his withdrawal had caused.
“Sayid, it’s fine. I’m fine. No lasting damage done. Hey, maybe I’ll get a scar, I’ve always wanted a scar on my face, make me look all rugged and tough.”
His attempts at humor did not appear to be working, Sayid still refused to look at him. His voice so quiet now that Charlie had to strain to hear it.
“I lost control. I should not have let that happen. I will not let it happen again.”
Charlie tried to sit up but Sayid’s position stopped him from being able to, so instead he reached out with both hands and turned Sayid’s head to face him.
“Don’t say that. I like it when you lose control; it makes me feel good that I can have that effect on you. Listen to me for once, I’m fine, there is no problem here, stop beating yourself up about it.”
Sayid’s eyes finally met his and Charlie could see confusion in them mixed with concern and the still present guilt.
“I do not understand this need that you have to feel pain Charlie. I could have hurt you badly, I still could. I worry that you will not stop me if I go too far, if I lose control completely.”
This was new, Sayid actually telling him something about the way he was feeling. Strange but, good at the same time.
“Listen carefully to what I am about to say Sayid. I promise you that this is the truth. I’ve spent a lot of time feeling numb, shutting the world out and hiding away. So yes, I like a little pain now and again, it helps remind me that I am still able to feel but believe me if you ever do anything that hurts too much or I think that you are going too far I will tell you. Now can we stop with all this guilt crap and get back to the part where you lose control? Sometime soon maybe, before Hurley comes back and I have to make another attempt at winning an Oscar.”
And at last there it was, a smile. A half- hearted one, but a smile nonetheless. He was obviously getting his message across at last.
“I mean, seriously, would you have believed in my little performance? Oh my God it’s a polar bear? Please, I expected to hear you burst out laughing any second.”
The smile on Sayid’s face widened a little and Charlie smiled back, his expression widening to a grin as Sayid dipped his head down and began to place light kisses on each of the cuts on his face.
“As I said before Charlie, you are a very accomplished liar.”
“Oh please don’t start that again. I’m a junkie, we lie, we also cheat and steal and generally do bad things, it comes with the territory. I promise you that I won’t lie to you, I may evade some questions now and again but I won’t lie.”
Sayid’s mouth was working its way down to his neck now and Charlie leaned his head to one side to give him better access.
“I will accept your promise and hold you to it. I did sense some truth in your words tonight. You spoke of offering yourself as a sacrifice in place of Claire. That did not seem to me to be a lie.”
“And that would be one of the topics I’m going to evade. Now, will there be actual kissing and body contact any time soon or shall I just go to sleep. I am quite tired.”
Charlie felt the exhale of breath as Sayid laughed, better, much better.
“I think that I preferred you when you were still weak. You were much less demanding then.”
“Well then, go get me some heroin. I’ll get hooked again and then you can drag me off to your little hideaway for some less demanding sex.”
He knew as soon as the words had left his mouth that it was the wrong thing to say. Sayid froze and Charlie scrambled to unspeak his own words.
“Joking, I’m joking. Not the best joke ever I’ll admit but I’ve never pretended to be a comic genius. Now if you could please get under the blanket with me I would be most grateful, it will be much easier to hide you from Hurley that way.”
“Do not make jokes about drugs Charlie. I have no wish to see you in the pain you were in at the cave again.”
“Ok, ok fine. No more drug jokes. Now, under the blanket if you please. There are still a few cuts that you haven’t kissed better.”
This time Charlie heard Sayid’s laugh rather than felt it and for a moment Sayid’s weight was gone from atop him before the blanket was pulled back and then replaced by a warm body. Much better. Charlie relaxed and let himself forget that they were stuck in a cave on a hellhole of an island in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by people and things that wanted to harm them and just enjoyed the feel of Sayid working his way from one cut to another, kissing each one as he went.
Lips touching his skin gently at first, then the pressure grew firmer as Sayid began to lick and bite as he moved lower still. Charlie arched into the feeling, luxuriating in the attention, trying desperately not to make any noise that might draw Hurley’s attention back to the two of them. Biting his lip as he felt the scrape of Sayid’s beard against his thigh and then the heat of Sayid’s mouth on his cock.
Charlie looked down and his eyes met Sayid’s. Sayid smiled, the feral look in his eyes sending shivers down Charlie’s spine and causing his cock to twitch. Jesus, he was getting hard again. Charlie shook his head in disbelief; this had to be a personal record.
Lips and tongue moving on his cock, hand wrapped round the base moving in time to their rhythm. Another hand sliding between his legs, rolling his balls then pressure on the point just behind them. Biting at his own knuckles to keep the cry that wanted to escape his mouth inside. Fingers dropping lower, two pushing inside of him easily where he was still slick and ready. A third joining them and then a tempo being set, in, out, in, out. Hard and fast and the pleasurepain was kicking in, still sensitive from the last time when Sayid fucked him hard against the wall. So hard not to make a sound. Wanting to shout out as Sayid’s tongue swirled around the head of his cock, diving into the slit, hard suction following. The fingers inside him grazing at his prostate again and again. Suddenly it all stopped and he looked down praying that Sayid was not going to make him wait again, not this time.
Sayid slowly working his way up his body, hands under his thighs forcing them upwards and out. Sayid’s mouth on his, tongue forcing its way into his mouth, giving in to it, letting Sayid claim him. The push of Sayid’s cock sliding into his body in one sure stroke, then nearly all the way out again, not waiting for him to adjust. Sayid pounding into him, hard deep thrusts, faster and harder until he was seeing stars and his back was arching, hips raising high in the air. Sayid’s hand wrapping around his cock, one sharp tug and then another and he was coming again. Sayid’s mouth covering his and swallowing his cry.
Boneless now, aware that Sayid was still hard and still inside him but no longer moving. Mouth opening, trying to ask why but being silenced with another kiss. Sayid’s mouth leaving his, trailing kisses up his jaw. Voice whispering in his ear
“I am sorry that I caused you pain”
Mumbling a reply before sleep’s darkness claimed him, still dimly aware of the feel of Sayid’s cock inside his body.
*******
Charlie woke to the sound of movement. Dawn was breaking and light was beginning to enter the cave, Sayid was dressed and looking like he was about to leave. Leave without saying goodbye it seemed. Charlie closed his eyes again. Fine, let him go, he was probably going to go and find Shannon, finish what he started with him last night with her. He tried not to think about the image of Sayid and Shannon tangled up in each others arms but he couldn’t get it out of his mind. No matter what Sayid said, it was hard to believe that he preferred the company of a washed-up loser to a woman like that.
“Charlie, I know that you are awake. Open your eyes please.”
A hand cupped his face, thumb tracing patterns back and forth under his chin. Charlie leant into Sayid’s touch and opened his eyes as he was told.
“I must leave now before it gets too light, but I shall return later as we have much to discuss. Will you wait here for me?”
A question not an order. That was new. Charlie turned his head and pressed his lips onto Sayid’s palm.
“Where else would I be? It’s not like there’s a great deal of places to go for a day out around here is it?”
Sayid laughed and nodded in agreement.
“I thought perhaps that you might have plans.”
“Nope, no plans other than getting up and having a wash and then finding something to eat. I’m starving, must be all that sex I’ve been having, I need to stock up on the calories.”
Sayid laughed again and then dipped down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. Then he stood up and walked to the entrance of the cave, stopping there and turning around once more.
“I will speak with you later.”
And then he was gone. Charlie closed his eyes again, God he ached. In a good way but ached all the same. He still wished that they had never come back to the camp. If they had been at the other cave then Sayid would still be lying next to him and not on his way back to the beach, back to Shannon.
Stop thinking about that. He told you it was over between him and Shannon and as its been firmly established that he does not lie, it must be. Get up, go wash up and then go find something to do until he comes back. Or maybe just go back to sleep for a while. No sense in rushing to start another day on craphole island.
********
A couple of hours later Charlie wandered out of his cave, trying to stretch out all the aches in his muscles as he walked. He had a headache and was still tired but the hustle and noise of the cave camp had forced him awake. He made his way across to the pool that the inhabitants of this little area used for washing and sat down beside it, closing his eyes and rubbing at his temples with the palms of his hands.
“Hey Charlie.”
Oh great, Jack, just what he needed to start the day, another round of check the junkie for track marks. He kept his eyes fixed firmly on the ground and pretended not to hear the other man’s greeting. It didn’t work; Jack came over and crouched down in front of him anyway.
“Hey, how are you doing today? Hurley said he had to wake you up from a nightmare, anything you want to talk about?”
Charlie made a mental note to kill Hurley and then looked up with a sigh.
“No, no, I’m fine. Just a dream, nothing to worry about.”
Jack nodded and then fixed him with his classic “I don’t believe you and I am not giving up until you spill” stare. Oh God, he so wasn’t in the mood for a run in with Saint Jack today. He let his gaze wander about the camp, smiling slightly to himself when he noticed that Sayid had already returned from the beach and was chatting to Sun. Or maybe he hadn’t left yet, didn’t matter either way, at least he wasn’t with her.
“So, Charlie, are you going to tell me about the cuts on your face?”
Bugger, he’d forgotten about those. A little thrill ran down his spine as the memory of the cuts stirred up the memory of how they had happened and what had followed.
“What? Oh it’s nothing. I guess I … er... must have been thrashing about a bit in the night. Woke up on the cave floor and not on my blankets. Not the most comfortable place to sleep.”
Jack reached out a hand and touched his face, holding his chin gently and angling it slightly so he could inspect the damage a little better causing Charlie to have to strain to keep his eyes on Sayid. Sayid who was now staring over at the two of them.
“A couple of these look pretty deep; I want to take a proper look at them. Are you sure that’s how it happened?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Just a little mishap, nothing dramatic to tell you.”
Sayid had moved from staring to glaring now, he looked really rather angry. Charlie sighed again. Now what had he done wrong? Surely Sayid didn’t mind if he didn’t tell Jack what had really happened? Surely this was one of those times when it was ok to lie?
“Charlie did someone do this to you?”
Huh? Where had that come from? Charlie turned to face Jack, his brow furrowed in confusion.
“What do you mean did someone do this to me?”
Jack didn’t speak he just looked past Charlie in the direction of …..Sayid. Oh shit, Jack thought that Sayid had hurt him. Of course the cuts on his face were in a way the fault of Sayid but not in the way that Jack envisioned. Jack’s hand moved to his face again, fingers stroking over the cuts, reminding Charlie of the way that Sayid had kissed each and every one of them. His eyes closed involuntarily and for a moment he could feel the weight of Sayid’s body on his, the thrust of Sayid’s dick inside him. He opened his eyes again and shook his head. Now was not the time to think about Sayid like that. He looked over at the man himself again, fuck he looked furious now, like he was about to come over and punch Jack. Sun had her hand on his arm and was saying something to him but Sayid just shook her off and continued to glare in his and Jack’s direction.
“You can tell me the truth Charlie; did Sayid do this to you?”
“What? Of course not. Why on earth would you think something like that? Sayid is one of the good guys; he’s been very supportive. He wouldn’t hurt me.”
Jack still didn’t look convinced, his eyes flicking between Sayid and Charlie as if he could sense that something had changed between them. Well something had changed, just not in the way Jack imagined.
“Look, I told you, I just moved around a lot in the night. Bloody cave floor just isn’t made for nightmares. I don’t suppose you’ve noticed a branch of Ikea anywhere in your travels have you? I could do with a new bed.”
Finally Jack snapped out of Mr. Intensity mode and laughed. Charlie relaxed a little and let himself look over at Sayid again, just in time to see him turn and stalk away, shoulders stiff with anger. Charlie wanted to follow him and see what the problem was, all he had to do was get away from Jack and his questions.
“I want you to come over to the hospital cave, I want to clean some of those cuts up. Make sure they don’t get infected.”
Damn. Ok, fine play along with him Charlie. Sayid isn’t here to listen in anymore. Agree to go and see him, and then sneak off.
“Sure, ok. Look just give me a little while to wake up properly and have a quick wash and I’ll come over.”
Jack smiled then stood up to leave, looking him over one last time before he did.
“Ok, half an hour….. Charlie, you would tell me if there was something wrong wouldn’t you?”
Jesus, did the man have to find something to fix in everything he saw?
“There is nothing the matter with me. I’m fine. Sayid’s fine. You’re fine. Everything is fine. Even the weather, but then it always is so….”
Jack nodded his head and then wandered away, stopping to chat with Hurley. As Charlie watched Sun came over to join them and the three of them glanced his way and then huddled in tight together. Oh goody, they were talking about him. Fantastic. Charlie rolled his eyes and looked away, his attention drawn to a small bottle lying on the ground where Jack’s bag had been.
His eyes narrowed, it was a bottle of pills. He reached out a hand and moved it slightly so that he could read the label. Diazepam - nearly a full bottle too by the looks of it. Instinct made him grab it and tuck it away securely in his pocket. Prickles started to crawl across his skin. Diazepam, Valium. That would be nice right about now, take the edge off, make life just that little bit more bearable. Charlie licked his lips, he’d taken this stuff before. Once on prescription, more than once after having scored it from some dodgy geezer in a pub. Nice little buzz to it, mellow, soothing. It wouldn’t hurt to take a couple now would it? It wasn’t like it was heroin or anything.
No. You don’t need it. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, focus. You’re fine; you just told Jack you are so you must be. Just get up and walk back to your cave as if nothing is the matter.
Charlie grabbed his stuff and hurried back to the relative privacy of the cave that he slept in. Off in the distance he could hear Aaron starting to cry, that meant that Claire would wake up any minute and probably come looking for him pretty soon after, he’d promised to look after the kid for a while for her today to give her a break. It wouldn’t do for him to have drugs lying around the place for little hands to find.
Ok fine, go find Jack and give him the bottle, say he dropped it ‘cos that’s what happened isn’t it. No, Jack will think you stole it, Charlie the junkie showing his true colors at last. Shit, what to do? Jack is going to realize that the bottle is missing; this is the first place he will come and look. Fuck, but what if this is a test cooked up between Jack and Sayid to see what you’ll do? God a couple of those pills would be good right about now; they are for anxiety after all.
NO! Stop it, stop thinking about taking them and start thinking about getting rid of them. Sayid! That’s it go and find Sayid. Tell him what happened and ask him to give them back to Jack. He’ll believe you; he’ll explain it to Jack. Yes, that’s it. Go to the beach and find Sayid.
But hang on; Jack probably doesn’t know how many are in there does he? Take out a few, put them somewhere safe for emergencies and then go and find Sayid. Not a problem, it’s not like you are going to take them right now is it? Yeah, good plan, just undo the cap and shake a few out.
NO. Put the damn bottle down. For fucks sake man you don’t need them. Think what will happen if Sayid finds your little stash. You’re clean again now, no need to start taking something else.
Charlie quickly dropped the bottle of pills into his bag and closed it up tight, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans in an attempt to stop himself from taking the pills out again. The tips of his fingers on one hand came into contact with something hard and cool. What the hell was….. realization dawned on him and he smiled grimly to himself. He would show all those people who had written him off as a lost cause that he could change. He’d prove them all wrong. Decision made, he left the cool shelter of the caves for the long walk to the beach.
*******
Charlie was about to leave the shade of the jungle for the openness of the grassy plain that stretched down to the beach camp, when he froze in his tracks. He had spent the whole walk thinking of how to best explain his situation to Sayid and had come to realize that he was worrying over nothing. Well, as long as he hadn’t made things worse by running off to the beach instead of just handing Jack back the bottle of pills in the first place that is. He felt quite proud of himself for not giving in to temptation. He hoped that Sayid would be equally as proud and would reward him in some way. Charlie was pretty sure he would enjoy any reward that Sayid was willing to offer. In fact he was completely sure he would. He’d started to walk just a little bit faster in anticipation of what he hoped was to follow. But now, now he was standing stock still, eyes wide, mouth hanging open in disbelief. There, just a little way in front of him, was Sayid. But he wasn’t alone. He was with Shannon. Very much with Shannon, joined at the mouth so to speak with the haughty blonde bitch, and looking like he was enjoying himself too.
Fucking asshole. How many times has he told me not to lie and yet here he is with his tongue stuck down the throat of one person he promised he had no interest in. Unfuckingbelievable. Jesus, why did I ever think that he even vaguely wanted to carry on with what started in that damn cave? Why the hell would he be when he can have her? Pathetic junkie loser or a beautiful woman like that, oh tough call I think I’ll take the junkie, like that was ever going to happen. Face it, you lose at life once again, should have seen it coming really. Well fuck him and fuck her and fuck giving the drugs back. They’re supposed to help in cases of depression aren’t they? Well I’m pretty sodding depressed so I prescribe myself some drugs, right this minute.
Charlie turned and walked away, pulling a bottle of water and the pills from his bag as he did, quickly opening them up and shaking a couple free. He paused and considered what he was about to do for a moment and then put the pills on his tongue, took a gulp of water and swallowed them down before continuing on his way.
******
Charlie crashed through the jungle with no real care as to where he was going, muttering under his breath as he walked. He should never have let himself relax and feel happy, nothing good ever came of him being happy. He’d been happy when Driveshaft made it big and look how that had turned out. It was so much easier to feel numb. Numb didn’t disappoint, numb didn’t build up your hopes and then smash them down again. From now on he was not going to bother feeling anything at all. And he certainly wasn’t going to rely on anyone else to make him feel good, not anymore. He had his bottle of diazepam and for now that was all he needed. And when it ran out… well Jack was sure to have something else stashed away in his supply kit and he still wasn’t convinced that Sayid had destroyed all of the heroin, not convinced at all. Speaking of Diazepam, he wasn’t feeling the old familiar buzz yet, wouldn’t hurt to take another one would it? He was pretty sure that it would take way more pills than were in the bottle to kill him. And anyway, what did it matter if he died? It wasn’t like anyone really cared about him was it?
Up ahead of him on the path he could see a clearing. A wide open space, its edges defined by trees and weird looking aerial roots. Charlie slowed, this place seemed somehow familiar, like he’d been here before but for the life of him he couldn’t remember when. He walked slowly forward, forgetting his anger for a moment and instead staring around at this place that he thought he knew.
It was like he’d been here in a dream or something, it all felt totally unreal. Or maybe the drugs were finally kicking in, taking that other pill had been the best idea he’d had all day. Charlie laughed to himself, yeah that was it, he hadn’t been here before, the familiarity he was feeling was the rush of warmth spreading through his limbs making them feel heavy and light at the same time. He closed his eyes and turned his face up to the dappled sunlight filtering through the foliage high above him. Warm. Calm. Good.
Charlie wandered over to one of the strange cathedral like structures that the trees and roots had created, dropping his bag on the ground and then sitting down beside it, back leaning against the wood behind him. He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before exhaling, enjoying the tranquility of this place and the feel of the chemicals coursing through his blood stream. He still felt like he knew this spot though. It was like an itch nagging in the back of his mind. Why did this all seem so familiar to him?
He opened his eyes again and looked around, then up and that was when he saw it. Vines hanging down above him, dead center to the curve of the trees. And there, on the ground, a little way from where he was sat - covered in dirt and damaged by the elements but still recognizable - the noose. The one that Ethan had used to hang him.
Hysteria began to bubble up in Charlie, the calm feeling of a moment ago replaced by fear and an urge to run far from this place. This was where he had died. He crawled forward to where the noose lay amongst the litter of the jungle floor. This was where Jack had brought him back from the dead. He reached out to touch it but his hand was shaking too much and his mind was swimming with memories. Images flashing through his head too quickly for him to understand them but leaving him with an overwhelming sense of despair.
He sat back again, trembling hands reaching out for his bag, fumbling with the fastenings. Where were those damn pills? He needed more, needed to get the buzz that he had been feeling back again, he didn’t want to think about what had happened that day, what had happened here.
Bag finally open now but…. Fuck, where were they. He tipped the contents out and searched through them. No bottle. Shit, had he dropped it earlier? No, he knew he hadn’t, he remembered putting the cap back on and putting the bottle…. in his pocket. That’s it, they were in his pocket. Hands pushing into the pockets of his jeans, one curling around the bottle of pills, the other finding the cold hard metal of the trinket he had picked up on the journey back to camp with Sayid.
Charlie laughed bitterly as he pulled both things from his pockets. It was just like that day so many years ago, the day when Liam walked out of his life, the day when Charlie chose drugs over family and the chance to get clean. He placed the bottle of pills on the ground beside him and looked at the little circle of metal, turning it over to read the inscription on one side and then back again, tracing the image with the tip of a finger. Charlie couldn’t really remember what Liam had said to him that day, he had been too high to take the words in, but he remembered finding Liam’s note and the gift that lay beside it. In the note Liam had begged him for forgiveness and asked him once again to seek help for his addiction. The gift had been a medal of St Jude - the patron saint of lost causes - the only thing that Liam thought could help Charlie now.
And now he had a new medal thanks to a bunch of drug runners disguised as priests. Charlie laughed again, they had clearly taken the art of disguise to a high level if they had included medals of saints amongst their cargo. He looked at the medal again and tried to remember the prayer that went with it, he knew that there was a line in it about being helpless and alone. That just about summed up his life right now, except that he was useless not helpless and he wasn’t alone because he had a bottle of pills to keep him company. Sighing, he put the medal back into the pocket of his jeans.
Charlie gathered up his scattered belongings and shoved them back into his bag. Then he grabbed the bottle and shook out another pill, how many did this make now? Four? Five? He couldn’t remember and quite frankly he didn’t really care, he just swallowed it down, stashed the bottle away safely and closed his eyes again.
“Are you dead?”
A voice and an accompanying kick to his shins pulled Charlie awake. He blinked in disorientation, who the hell was that and where the hell was he? Ah yes, he was sitting in the spot where he had died a few weeks before and the voice belonged to Shannon. Fabulous, just what he needed, the bitch had come to gloat. He didn’t bother answering her, he didn’t feel like talking really, he just wanted to sit here and enjoy the warm heavy feeling in his limbs and the way his head was spinning ever so slightly.
“Oh, you’re alive. Good. We need to talk, we have something in common…”
Charlie laughed and Shannon’s voice tailed off. He’d seen the way she’d looked at Boone when she thought no one was watching. He was pretty sure that they had way more in common than she could ever imagine.
“What do you want Shannon?”
Charlie pushed himself up from the ground and stood up, watching Shannon carefully. She looked a little surprised at the tone of his voice. What did she think he was going to do cry or something? Yeah right, Sayid has obviously made his choice and there was nothing he could do about that so why get all upset about it? Or at least, why let her see him get upset about it?
“Look Charlie, I want you to keep away from Sayid. We were getting along perfectly well until you went on that little trip with him and now….”
She trailed off again. Interesting, perhaps it was worth him paying some attention to what she had to say.
“Now what Shannon?”
“Now… now it’s complicated. I don’t like complicated, it doesn’t suit me.”
Yeah and nor does that dress, really not your color that one. I’d stick to slut red if I were you.
“What’s complicated Shannon, do tell.”
“God you’re such an asshole. You know damn well what I’m talking about. You and Sayid, you’ve….”
“We’ve what Shannon? Come on spit it out. What exactly have I done with Sayid.”
“It’s just that me and Sayid well we’ve never….”
This was odd, Shannon seemed off balance somehow, not her usual confident self. And then it dawned on him.
“You and Sayid have never fucked is that it?”
Charlie laughed. Suddenly his lot in life seemed much better. Imagine that, Shannon had obviously been going for the pricktease approach, more fool her then. He had the upper hand in this little scenario. Chemical confidence surged through him, he was going to make the bitch squirm.
“Is that it Shannon. You’ve never let Sayid get past first base and now you’re worried he doesn’t want you anymore? You don’t know what you’re missing love. ”
Shannon was blushing now. Oh he was enjoying this, enjoying seeing the ice queen melt a little. He stepped a little closer, invading her personal space, trailing a hand down her arm as he spoke.
“You have no idea what that man can do, do you? You don’t know what it feels like when he bites at your skin, or when he runs his hands all over your body, or when he pushes his cock inside you and fucks you so hard you think you are going to die because it feels that good.”
Shannon’s eyes were wide now, her mouth open to speak but Charlie wasn’t in the mood to let her get a word in. He grabbed her hands and pulled her in tight against his body, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning in to whisper in her ear.
“Do you want me to show you what he does when he’s with me? Would you like that Shannon? Do you want to close your eyes and pretend it’s him while I fuck you?”
He dropped a hand down so that it rested on the curve of her ass, reaching up and tangling the other into her hair, pulling her head back and exposing her neck. Shannon gasped but didn’t pull away. Charlie smiled. God she was so obvious, her plan was so see through that he almost felt sorry for her. Almost.
“I’ll do it if you want. You can call me by his name and everything. I can do a pretty good impersonation of his voice. I know the kind of things he says when he’s fucking, I know how he moves, how he teases, how he feels. Is that what you want Shannon, to know what it’s like to screw Sayid? Or did you come here to try and screw with my mind instead? A little game of fuck with the opposition until they give up and crawl away?”
He let go of his hold on her hair and stepped backwards, taking a moment to look her up and down. She wasn’t such a threat after all, she was just a scared little girl who was used to getting her own way and inclined to throw a tantrum if it didn’t happen. He was bored with her now, time to finish this little game.
“That’s why you came here isn’t it. You wanted to eliminate the competition so you could have Sayid to yourself. Tell me Shannon, what exactly was your plan? I’m guessing that you were going to seduce me and then go running to Sayid and tell him I raped you. Well tough luck sweetheart, not going to happen.”
Shannon’s mouth curled into a sneer and her eyes narrowed, anger flashing deep within them. Charlie wanted to laugh in her face but he was beginning to feel a little dizzy. He shook his head to clear it.
“Whatever. It doesn’t matter what you do. I’m going to tell him that you raped me whether you fuck me or not. He’ll believe me. He thinks I’m sweet and innocent, but you, you’re just a slut, a pathetic one at that. There’s no way he’ll believe you over me.”
“Oh I wouldn’t be too sure about that sweetheart.”
“Why not? What the hell have you got that I haven’t got?”
“A dick?”
Charlie couldn’t resist that one. Shannon didn’t appear to like his answer as she lashed out and landed a stinging blow on his cheek. Or at least, it should have been a stinging blow but it felt like….. nothing. Weird. Charlie raised a hand to the place where her hand had connected with his face, it felt warm under his fingers but there was no pain.
“Just leave Sayid alone and leave me alone too.”
“Sorry love, but there’s only one person whose words I obey and it ain’t you.”
Shannon’s face twisted in confusion.
“Who’s words do you obey?”
“His.”
Charlie reached out with both hands and spun Shannon around so that she was looking at the other person who had entered the clearing just after she had. The person who had heard every word that the two of them had just said, and to say that Sayid looked a little bit angry with her would have been a major understatement. He wanted to enjoy this moment but he was feeling really light headed now. He took a step back and leant against the trees behind him shoving his hands in his pockets as he did. Charlie smiled as his fingers came into contact with the medal again. Maybe St Jude was looking out for him after all, Shannon was the lost cause now not him. Or at least he hoped she was.
“Sayid I….”
Charlie watched as Sayid raised a hand to stop Shannon from continuing. His face like thunder, eyes flashing with anger.
“I think it would be best if you left now Shannon. I do not think you want to anger me any further.”
“Me anger you? Fuck you Sayid. How do you think I feel being replaced by a loser like that.”
Hey, that was uncalled for! Charlie wanted to say something in his own defense but he was having trouble getting his mouth to work.
“I’m going to go back to camp and when I get there I am telling everyone about your little secret. By the time you get back every single person is going to know about what you and Charlie get up to when you’re alone.”
Yeah you do that bitch, see if I care. But wait, Sayid probably did care. And yep, there it was, Sayid looking worried and taking a step forward, reaching out a hand to touch Shannon’s shoulder, eyes calmer now, trying to placate her. Wait why could he see two Sayids and two Shannons? What the hell?
“I would prefer it if you did not do that Shannon. Perhaps we can come to some arrangement. I am willing to pretend that we are still involved, You could, how would you put it?.... dump me in public and then you might not feel so slighted.”
Oh what a surprise, Sayid didn’t want anyone to know he was screwing the junkie. And it seemed like it was perfectly ok for Sayid to lie, as long as it suited his scheme of things. Charlie opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, just a strangled groan. Sayid and Shannon looked his way and he saw worry in both their eyes. Fuck that was odd, why was Shannon looking worried? Sayid took a step towards him and then stopped, worry turning to fear. Charlie didn’t have time to wonder what was wrong before his legs gave out under him and he slumped to the ground, vision tunneling as the world turned dark around him. Dimly aware of Sayid’s hands on his face and his voice asking what was wrong before he lost consciousness completely.