[The journal clicks on and it shows a clear image of Usagi, who just happens to be chewing on her bottom lip. She looks down at the journal for a moment and sighs.] I'm really nervous.
No, I'm not. [Though there's a sliver of uncertainty because he still worries about the side effects of the mushi.] But I was involved in the last draft, so I have an idea of what to expect.
[Frankly speaking, he's still pissed. He doesn't support this and as it stands, a full fifth of his Brigade is going. A full fifth of people he knows and values is is around all the time. He should see them off on a positive note but dammit. He's from the twenty-first century and so are they. Wars don't happen. Seeing people off doesn't happen. And what's more, Usagi is a girl and he's the guy here. So maybe he knows he's pathetic and maybe he knows he's shallow but he just... can't. Every time he's tried to say something his voice dies in his mouth. He can't even say something catty or demanding like he ought to. Like she owes it to him not to die or she's not allowed to or...
He needs to stop this, he wants to stop this but he knows all he can do is hope beyond a hope that they'll all make it out okay. Even if that means killing- ... No. No. When the fight came to the village, Haruki ordered the Brigade to fulfill a role of supporters. He knows now that was pathetic. Just like everything else? He knows he's not the
( ... )
not really [Voice]god_is_a_dudeJuly 23 2010, 22:06:22 UTC
[...And he saw her explode before. He saw her die. He can't handle it again, he can't handle failing again or how he failed to make the world better; he couldn't even manage what's supposed to be the basis of his power. What the hell good is this power anyway.
Muttering darkly to himself he presses the play-back button on Usagi's post again and again, getting progressively more pissed off an depressed until finally he just gives up with a snort that may or may not be recorded and decides that other people, like maybe that Albert bastard or her boyfriend or Winry or people who otherwise know war can handle this. Because he can't right now]
[That snort doesn't go unheard, but it takes Usagi a good long while to reply to it, perhaps because it wasn't hard to tell who it was (but hard to tell how he felt). Did he look down on her for being nervous? Was he angry at her? If she knew how he felt, she'd do whatever she could to comfort him. Say anything, even lie. Instead, she lets out a quiet, almost inaudible sort of sigh.]
Haruki? [She says it hesitatingly, as if she wasn't sure she should ask for him or not. Maybe he wouldn't even hear her.]
[And the sad answer is that he doesn't. Following his failure to even say anything, he walked away from his journal to just try to run away from it all. Sure when he checks back later - perhaps tonight, perhaps even later that afternoon in a pinch - he'll see that Usagi called his name - that Usagi knew he was responding...
But by then he'd have no intention of acknowledging it. Not then, it's not right at that point]
Aa, I know exactly how that feels. You might find it comes back with a little time and practice.
Or maybe something farther from the front lines? [ Not advice he wants to be considering. But still, he'd rather have you living through the whole thing. Name preferences also noted. ]
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He needs to stop this, he wants to stop this but he knows all he can do is hope beyond a hope that they'll all make it out okay. Even if that means killing- ... No. No. When the fight came to the village, Haruki ordered the Brigade to fulfill a role of supporters. He knows now that was pathetic. Just like everything else? He knows he's not the ( ... )
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Muttering darkly to himself he presses the play-back button on Usagi's post again and again, getting progressively more pissed off an depressed until finally he just gives up with a snort that may or may not be recorded and decides that other people, like maybe that Albert bastard or her boyfriend or Winry or people who otherwise know war can handle this. Because he can't right now]
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Haruki? [She says it hesitatingly, as if she wasn't sure she should ask for him or not. Maybe he wouldn't even hear her.]
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But by then he'd have no intention of acknowledging it. Not then, it's not right at that point]
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Or maybe something farther from the front lines? [ Not advice he wants to be considering. But still, he'd rather have you living through the whole thing. Name preferences also noted. ]
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Maybe I should practice before I head out, though. Just so I'm a little more prepared.
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