Random notes, redux

[themorrigan]

Regarding: Boys

Outside the one male I've been interested in for a little over a year or so - completely on an emotional and physical level, and he is perfectly aware of how I feel - I can think of one other male that is actually adorable enough for me to crush on in that fun sort of way. (*waves to g00n*) For the rest of you male readers out there,

Comments

Hello

[mahoganyhall]

I wandered past your journal from a mutual friends and just wanted to comment on this post. Though I don't know you, some of what you said really resonated with how I feel about the male persuasion, also. Only one guy has ever been able to break through my barrier to find my attraction - I ended up marrying him. I've never really been able to get people to grok why I was so into women for so long and then find that I could be OK with a male, but something tells me that you could :) Good post, thanks for sharing.

Re: Hello

[themorrigan]

Thanks. :) I am currently in a relationship with a woman, and the ring on my finger says it'll be for life. Luckily, we are both very much individuals participating in a healthy "open" realationship. I use quotation marks because there are rules, boundaries, strictures, whatever. People tend to associate the open part with a lack of morals or ethics. Simply because my perception on sex varies from much of the rest of the world does not imply that I have no ethics. That, however related, is likely a different rant.

More often than not, it is because people don't grok my perspective of polyamory/polygymy that I run into the issues of men - almost never women - who mistake my tendencies and personality for more than platonic intentions.

When Harry Met Sally is campy and fun, but I almost wonder if there isn't some truth to the assertion that men and women can't truly be friends. I hate to think so, but I'm currently feeling somewhat put out, so I am giving it some thought.

Re: Hello

[mahoganyhall]

Believe it or not, I can somewhat understand the poly rekationship misunderstandings. I was in a poly relationship for about 2 years or so.

What I found, when I would refer to myself as 'bi' in front of some men, they would automatically assume that meant I (and whomever I was seeing at that point) were 'bookends' for whatever they wanted. Rather, I had always meant it more as 'love does not hide in gender'.

I have often in the past wondered if opposite sex people can be just friends or not - Whether it is because of implications from society or otherwise, I am inclined to believe t hat, unfortunately, they usually cannot. There are, as always, exceptions to the rule, I am sure.

And also, I adore your user pic. One of my favourites :)

Re: Hello

[ex_coyotesda457]

eh

i think anyone can be friends with anyone. but then again, i do not think that sexual feelings necessarily negate feelings of friendship. someone can be attracted to a friend - can desire a friend - and still be a good friend. the feelings are all pretty normal and natural, you know? they just happen and i do not think it is an opposite gender thing. just a sexuality thing.

like, if one says "two lesbians can't be friends cause sex will get in the way" most people would shake their heads and disagree. yanno? i just woke up but yeah, i'm not sure. uhm, yah. crawling into the shower now. :)

- emily

[rosestorazors]

Meep. :)

[skyscape]

When Harry Met Sally is campy and fun, but I almost wonder if there isn't some truth to the assertion that men and women can't truly be friends. I hate to think so, but I'm currently feeling somewhat put out, so I am giving it some thought.

I think they can, but I've always had far better relationships with men than women, with very few of the male friends involving sex. It's the relationships with women that I have a significant amount of trouble with, always have.

There are a lot of underlying reasons, from the relationship with my mother compaired to the relationship with my dad, to the fact that I've had several female friends betray and stomp on me that mean I am the way that I am.

In the end, I think that we all have tendencies as to the type of person we get along wiht the best, male or female.

For what ever is going on, *hug*

[themorrigan]

*hug* Valid points, the lot of them, m'dear.

While I have often felt I do better in male friendships than I do with females, I have also noticed that the males are likely to be the ones mistaking my genuine, exuberant, and purely platonic affection for something more. While there've been a couple insane girlfriends/wives, the ratio is much higher to the detriment of my faith in men as rational human beings with an shred of non-egocentric reality.

Before anyone jumps on me for that statement, I'll grant that I am currently irritable with a particular situation, and I know there are exceptions. Cranky Morrigan today.

[samldanach]

Heh. I wonder just what your standard for "rational human being" is. Because I, personally, have yet to meet one.

"Everyone is normal, until you get to know them."

[themorrigan]

Whee! Look at the italics run away with me.

My standard for a rational human being (relatively speaking, I should have clarified that) is one who will talk *to* me instead of *about* me and can clearly delineate (I'm willing to give leeway for emotions to cool) the line between trust and assumption.

If you ask me a question, I'll give you an honest answer. And if I don't feel I can give the entire answer for one reason or another, I will tell you. Upfront.

[samldanach]

*sigh* My hopes and illusions lie shattered upon the ground....

*grin*

Seriously, though, a couple points. One, remember that males, in general, are clueless. Or, at least, don't appreciate subtle signals. Don't hold it against us. Most of us know and appreciate that "No," whatever it is said to, means "No." We just don't always understand if "Um" means "No," and often will interpret unclear signals in a manner most favorable to us.

Two, remember that there are degrees between wide open and completely shut down. I'll promise not to be a bull running through your china shop, if you'll promise to clearly mark where the aisles are.

I don't like muddy air.

I think I'm going to withhold comment on this statement coming from a chain smoker...

[themorrigan]

Seriously, though, a couple points. One, remember that males, in general, are clueless. Or, at least, don't appreciate subtle signals.

No subtle signals here. Just me. I may not completely be the "what you see is what you get" type, but I'm also pretty upfront. Every single person (except perhaps g00n, although he shouldn't be surprised) that I have more than platonic emotions for is well aware. They are all also well aware that - barring certain circumstances - it's just a harmless crush. Fun. Not serious.

Don't hold it against us. Most of us know and appreciate that "No," whatever it is said to, means "No." We just don't always understand if "Um" means "No," and often will interpret unclear signals in a manner most favorable to us.See, this is what I don't get. If the interpretation is favorable to the male, but there is angsting and moaning about the awkwardness or whatever, how is that precisely favorable? Unless you're telling me that crushes the male can unrequite and the subsequent likelihood of conversational drama is favorable

[samldanach]

Ah, no, you see. By "favorable" I meant "most likely to get you in the sack." Naturally, that's a gross over-simplification. It also refers to the fact that if a woman says, "I don't want to talk about it," the man believes her, because he doesn't really want to talk about it

[themorrigan]

Did I mention the part where this boggles my head?

If, for instance, the male is in a relationship, how does favorable translate into getting someone else in bed? Along with inherent awkwardness and drama?

[themorrigan]

42.

The Apcolypse.

Rainbows and bunnies.

Storms and thunderclouds.

Oh, wait. You weren't asking for general life answers.

Probably because the bill of the platypus would make live birthing awkward?

:-)

[nipsahoy]

I was dead at the time!

I was on the moon. With Steve.

[themorrigan]

*laughs* No, Mr. Officer. She was pregnant when I met her. I swear.