I Was Once Held Captive on a Boat for Over an Hour...
... with no shade from the sun.
I was forced to put on a costume, still stinking of the sweat of previous victims.
I was forced to say ARRRGGGGHHH! and AYE! and AHOY!
I was forced to shake my fist in the air and shout nonsense at the landlubbers watching us from their park benches.
I was forced to shake my booty.
I was forced to shoot a teenaged kid in fake dreadlocks with a water cannon.
I was forced to do the limbo.
I was also forced to do "the crab," "the fish," and "the stingray" while dancing around the boat in a conga line. The sweeping motions of "the stingray" providing me with an opportunity to accidentally hit my husband in the head once or twice.
But worst of all, I was forced to sing a mock-up of Queen's "We Will Rock You," the chorus of which went "We are, we are, PIRATES!"
To all the women out there who just can't stop going on dates with that man who has a couple of kids but who still managed to slip under your deal breaker shield (I'll bet he's a really good kisser...):
BEWARE! This might be your fate.
I was forced to put on a costume, still stinking of the sweat of previous victims.
I was forced to say ARRRGGGGHHH! and AYE! and AHOY!
I was forced to shake my fist in the air and shout nonsense at the landlubbers watching us from their park benches.
I was forced to shake my booty.
I was forced to shoot a teenaged kid in fake dreadlocks with a water cannon.
I was forced to do the limbo.
I was also forced to do "the crab," "the fish," and "the stingray" while dancing around the boat in a conga line. The sweeping motions of "the stingray" providing me with an opportunity to accidentally hit my husband in the head once or twice.
But worst of all, I was forced to sing a mock-up of Queen's "We Will Rock You," the chorus of which went "We are, we are, PIRATES!"
To all the women out there who just can't stop going on dates with that man who has a couple of kids but who still managed to slip under your deal breaker shield (I'll bet he's a really good kisser...):
BEWARE! This might be your fate.