Fic: "Chicken"
"Chicken"
Author: lah (yeats)
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 744
Summary: Why Remus and Sirius barely scrape through the NEWT in Transfiguration.
Note: Written for devkel on the occasion of her NOT BEING DEAD OMFG LOVE!!!! Thanks to imochan for letting me write this in her crib, j0
"Well," Remus said, arching out of his own chair to look, "it's not -- a fern anymore?"
Sirius shook his head. "Not." He swallowed, fingers flexing against his wand. Two wisps of blue smoke shot off the end mutinously. Bloody perfect.
(Sirius had already written a letter to the brewers of Patrice Peel's Purifying Pumice, informing them that perhaps they should indicate that wands did not enjoy being scrubbed, even after having been covered in a green slime that was not deserved for a certain quantity of itching power belonging to a certain Potter somehow making its way into a certain Slytherin's bed.)
The bird - chick, Sirius amended - peeped indignantly, ruffling its short wings at the smoke.
Peeped.
Remus sank back into his seat, thumbing through the spellbook. "You're sure that was the right incantation?" Two deft hands reached to catch the green chick as it threatened to topple off the table. (Green! Sirius thought desperately. Bright green!)
He glanced down at Remus' hands, cradling the chick. "It's a chicken, isn't it?" He glared at his wand. Stupid fucking Snivellus.
"Of a sort," Remus sighed. He held the cheeping bird close to his chest, petting it with a finger. "A baby chicken."
Sirius shrugged. "Same thing, yeah?"
"Not."
The chick looked ready to burrow itself up in Remus' robes. "Want to turn it back?" Remus said, a bit sadly, disentangling its feet from the fabric.
"Want to keep it, as a pet?" Sirius cocked a grin at him. "Name it after me. My heir."
"What a legacy." Remus held the squirming creature up; it glared at Sirius, snapping its little beak. With its feathers puffed out, it looked rather like an artichoke with eyes. "Going to give the poor thing issues."
"Issues?" Sirius laughed, flipping through the text. "Stupid thing prob'ly still thinks he's a houseplant."
Sirius reached out a finger to rub its head. (Not really a bad little bugger.) "Well, at least it's - OH FUCK MOONY IT FUCKING GOT ME!" Howling, Sirius ripped his hand back, shaking his finger, sure it was going to fall off. "FUCK FUCK FUCK OW OW I'VE BEEN EVISCERATED!"
"Define eviscerated," Remus sighed, setting the chick down with a pat to its bottom. "And give your finger here, you minger."
Flipping Sirius' palm over, Remus traced along his ring finger. (Sirius gave his best manly grimace of pain.) "Padfoot, there's not even a mark." He glanced up, eyes shaded by his fringe.
Sirius didn't stare. (Much.) "Hurts," he mumbled. He glared at the chick - it was entertaining itself pecking at Sirius' Transfiguration text. "Bloody carnivore."
"Well, I suppose there's only one thing to be done," Remus said.
"Amputation?" Remus' nails on his palm, grazing, spinning out patterns, were doing all sorts of odd things to Sirius' stomach. Flippy things.
Remus chuckled, and raised Sirius' finger to the light. "No," he murmured, lowering his lips to the pad of Sirius' finger.
"Oh," Sirius choked out. He could feel a little bit of suction as Remus kissed the reddened skin. "Right."
(It wasn't right, was it, though, since it seemed that all the blood from his head was making his finger - and something else throb, since it seemed that all Sirius wanted to do was find out if Remus' lips felt just as dry on other places as on his finger. Stupid, lucky finger.)
"Better?" Remus blinked, setting Sirius' hand on the table, rubbing his knuckles on the top side before pulling away.
"M-much," he stammered.
Remus nodded - and he might have been smiling as he scooped the chick up again. "Do you think we can find another fern?"
"You're going to keep that little bloodthirsty monster?"
Remus nodded, looking back up at him. "Sirius Jr," he said, with a trace of a grin on his lips. "Really, he squawks just like you."
"I - I - " (Sirius had never, never squawked in his life, he was sure, and even if he had, what sort of behaviour was this from a boy who'd just kissed him. A finger kiss, yeah, but the only person to ever kiss Sirius' finger before ... he couldn't think of anyone who'd done that.)
With a laugh, Remus took out his wand, and waved it once. He set the newly restored plant onto the table; its leaves shook slightly, as if trying to peep.
"I like the original better," he murmured, low.
Sirius blushed.
Author: lah (yeats)
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 744
Summary: Why Remus and Sirius barely scrape through the NEWT in Transfiguration.
Note: Written for devkel on the occasion of her NOT BEING DEAD OMFG LOVE!!!! Thanks to imochan for letting me write this in her crib, j0
"Well," Remus said, arching out of his own chair to look, "it's not -- a fern anymore?"
Sirius shook his head. "Not." He swallowed, fingers flexing against his wand. Two wisps of blue smoke shot off the end mutinously. Bloody perfect.
(Sirius had already written a letter to the brewers of Patrice Peel's Purifying Pumice, informing them that perhaps they should indicate that wands did not enjoy being scrubbed, even after having been covered in a green slime that was not deserved for a certain quantity of itching power belonging to a certain Potter somehow making its way into a certain Slytherin's bed.)
The bird - chick, Sirius amended - peeped indignantly, ruffling its short wings at the smoke.
Peeped.
Remus sank back into his seat, thumbing through the spellbook. "You're sure that was the right incantation?" Two deft hands reached to catch the green chick as it threatened to topple off the table. (Green! Sirius thought desperately. Bright green!)
He glanced down at Remus' hands, cradling the chick. "It's a chicken, isn't it?" He glared at his wand. Stupid fucking Snivellus.
"Of a sort," Remus sighed. He held the cheeping bird close to his chest, petting it with a finger. "A baby chicken."
Sirius shrugged. "Same thing, yeah?"
"Not."
The chick looked ready to burrow itself up in Remus' robes. "Want to turn it back?" Remus said, a bit sadly, disentangling its feet from the fabric.
"Want to keep it, as a pet?" Sirius cocked a grin at him. "Name it after me. My heir."
"What a legacy." Remus held the squirming creature up; it glared at Sirius, snapping its little beak. With its feathers puffed out, it looked rather like an artichoke with eyes. "Going to give the poor thing issues."
"Issues?" Sirius laughed, flipping through the text. "Stupid thing prob'ly still thinks he's a houseplant."
Sirius reached out a finger to rub its head. (Not really a bad little bugger.) "Well, at least it's - OH FUCK MOONY IT FUCKING GOT ME!" Howling, Sirius ripped his hand back, shaking his finger, sure it was going to fall off. "FUCK FUCK FUCK OW OW I'VE BEEN EVISCERATED!"
"Define eviscerated," Remus sighed, setting the chick down with a pat to its bottom. "And give your finger here, you minger."
Flipping Sirius' palm over, Remus traced along his ring finger. (Sirius gave his best manly grimace of pain.) "Padfoot, there's not even a mark." He glanced up, eyes shaded by his fringe.
Sirius didn't stare. (Much.) "Hurts," he mumbled. He glared at the chick - it was entertaining itself pecking at Sirius' Transfiguration text. "Bloody carnivore."
"Well, I suppose there's only one thing to be done," Remus said.
"Amputation?" Remus' nails on his palm, grazing, spinning out patterns, were doing all sorts of odd things to Sirius' stomach. Flippy things.
Remus chuckled, and raised Sirius' finger to the light. "No," he murmured, lowering his lips to the pad of Sirius' finger.
"Oh," Sirius choked out. He could feel a little bit of suction as Remus kissed the reddened skin. "Right."
(It wasn't right, was it, though, since it seemed that all the blood from his head was making his finger - and something else throb, since it seemed that all Sirius wanted to do was find out if Remus' lips felt just as dry on other places as on his finger. Stupid, lucky finger.)
"Better?" Remus blinked, setting Sirius' hand on the table, rubbing his knuckles on the top side before pulling away.
"M-much," he stammered.
Remus nodded - and he might have been smiling as he scooped the chick up again. "Do you think we can find another fern?"
"You're going to keep that little bloodthirsty monster?"
Remus nodded, looking back up at him. "Sirius Jr," he said, with a trace of a grin on his lips. "Really, he squawks just like you."
"I - I - " (Sirius had never, never squawked in his life, he was sure, and even if he had, what sort of behaviour was this from a boy who'd just kissed him. A finger kiss, yeah, but the only person to ever kiss Sirius' finger before ... he couldn't think of anyone who'd done that.)
With a laugh, Remus took out his wand, and waved it once. He set the newly restored plant onto the table; its leaves shook slightly, as if trying to peep.
"I like the original better," he murmured, low.
Sirius blushed.