It has been far too long my old LJ. It's hard to believe that you even still exist. All those angst-fueled high school and college ramblings. All those misguided hopes that the world would change. I always knew I needed change within but I could never achieve that without serious actions. I will update you more soon. It's nice to see you again old

“I swear if I get stiffed by one more table, I'm walking out.” the young blond haired lady shrieked as she tossed her serving tray down.

“I've heard that same line every Friday night for the past year and you never go through with it, why is tonight going to be any different?” the twenty year old with a mo hawk and earrings replied to her.

“ ( Read more... )

The topic for today is dreams. If dreams are truly as some have said a window into one's subconscious then does that mean that we should take what happens in a dream and think that it is a true feeling? Perhaps that is not true and that dreams are merely a cluster of random images and memories, sights and sounds that are placed together and somehow ( Read more... )

My heart seems as though it has a clean slate. As much as that is a lie I think I have to believe it. Some say I'm too critical of myself and the mistakes I've made in the past.  I  can't argue with that thought as there is a good possibility that it's true. The question I've been asked multiple times is why? In all honesty, I don't know. I think ( Read more... )

All I have to say is I may be 21 but that doesn't mean my life has any more value than it did yesterday. I don't feel like celebrating. I feel more like loathing my continued existence. I know it's a bad way to look at things but I just feel so pathetic in recent weeks that I don't even know. I wish I could make certain people understand my thought ( Read more... )

One of these days I'll be fine. My luck will return and I'll be able to smile again. I feel like a complete and total loser in the eyes of society. This is in all honesty the lowest my self esteem has been in a long time. I don't even have the energy to do that which normally makes me happy. Why does life constantly punish us when all we desire is ( Read more... )

I've officially come to the conclusion that my paranoia is now justified. It is entirely possible that one could argue I am merely self-fulfilling prophecies, however I truly believe that I saw these situations coming. 3 for 3 with 3 broken hearts ( Read more... )

I woke up yesterday morning and strictly out of curiosity I checked the scales. It read 242. I don't believe I have been 242 since high school. That is very much good news. I believe once I see 239 or less I'll be able to have the drive necessary to reach my goal. I've also realized that my self-esteem is negatively correlated to my weight; or in ( Read more... )

Just to warn you all. I'm just going to start typing every thought that comes into my head as a bit of an exercise to see what my feelings really are with edits only when necessary. I hate ********** I think he is a narcissitic person who only wants women for pleasure. I also hate the effect he has on said women who believe he is worth losing ( Read more... )

So Kyle's party was pretty cool, got to see some friends I haven't seen in a while and also some "friends" who are friends for only the amount of time we're around each other. Then again, things are for the best or at least the best I can hope for. I know what I am not and what I will never be yet I do know who I am and I know there is nothing ( Read more... )