Loving Ryan Atwood
Title: Loving Ryan Atwood
Author: Savage Midnight
Rating: G
Summary: Ryan no longer fell in love because he had to. He fell in love out of choice. And there were no chains and no rules and no laws that demanded. It simply was.
Authors notes: This is short. I mean, really short. I mean, postcard short. It's short.
I dunno where this came from, but it was definitely inspired by the fact that I think Ryan only really fell in love with Marissa because she was the first to acknowledge him. I'm sticking to that theory, so hmph.
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Ryan had fallen in love with Marissa because it was what he needed. He was seventeen, branching out into a life he wasn't sure was even for him, and Marissa had been the first step to acceptance.
His theory was that, if he belonged with Marissa, he belonged in Newport.
Then Ryan started to realise that he didn't have to be in love with Marissa. There was no rule demanding it, no law against him that would exclude him from his new life if he didn't love her. But he did, and he didn't stop loving her, because Ryan belonged for the first time in his life and now that he was with Marissa, he no longer felt like he was floating.
Marissa grounded him.
And then, something in the fairytale twisted and Ryan realised that love was all about floating. He was holding steady, two feet on the ground, wondering and wondering why he wasn't giddy and light and dizzy with love because that's the way he was told it happened.
Except Ryan was too grounded for that. Ryan was too scared to float again, so he didn't. He stood and he watched and he waited and the sense of belonging never really lifted, but neither did his spirit.
Then Marissa released the chains bounding him to her and Ryan was left floating again. Except now that he was floating, Ryan missed having his feet on the ground. It made him nauseous and it made him ache because he didn't belong anymore and he didn't know what to do.
So he latched on and he fell in and out of love until he was dizzy and worn down and unable to stand on his two feet anymore. He was constantly floating, up in the air, and still Ryan didn't know what to do.
And then, as the months passed, as the year slipped into two and then three, Ryan miraculously found his feet and discovered that, even without the chains to ground him, he was able to stand up on his own. Alone. And he no longer ached and he was no longer dizzy and he no longer fell in love just because he had to.
He fell in love out of choice. And there were no chains and no rules and no laws that demanded it. It simply was, and Ryan gave her everything because it didn't matter that he was taking a risk, because finally Ryan had a family and a home and it had nothing to do with love or lust or passion or any of those things.
He was floating. He was giddy and light and dizzy and he was floating and he was grounded and he was flying and he was standing and he was everything because he was Ryan Atwood and he belonged and nothing else mattered.
Ryan was in love, but it wasn't really the important thing. It just was and Ryan accepted it and never doubted it, never took it for granted or threw it away. He cherished it the only way a boy like him could because he'd known what it was to float alone and stand alone and live alone and he didn't want that anymore.
But Ryan had found his own strength and maybe his family had helped, maybe Seth and Kirsten and Sandy were the ones he needed to thank, but Ryan was secretly proud that he'd taken this step alone, that he'd found his own medium in life without their help or the help of others. Because he had, and a different kind of love had saved him.
Because after months and years of struggling, of falling and floating and everything in-between, Ryan Atwood had finally learnt to love himself.