That goal of 1 AM looks father every night...
The following is a form of therapy for me, not a form of obligation for others. Please only read if you genuinely want to.
Just randomly started using the internet archive wayback machine to look at old postsecrets 'cause I couldn't sleep and started SUPER empathizing with all the sad secrets... I'm here to cope with the slight panic that ensued. I'm fine, I'm good, really I am, and frankly I want to take more time to write here, I just, y'know, don't. Ugh- I just want to help everyone on planet Earth and I'm not doing ANYTHING for anybody- especially the common man and total stranger. I'm not making money so I haven't put a dime towards any charity in so long. I'm not freaking out like "oh no, I'm the worst" so everyone can be like "Adam, it's fine, you're a good person" yadda yadda, no... As people we just tend to not do enough for others, especially the people we can't see benefiting and subsequently coming over and thanking us...
All these super sad secrets are making me want to reach out to the sexually abused, the depressed and guilty, the soldiers serving far away from their families and the families they leave behind; maybe forever. Blech bluch blook I just feel oogi all over like I could never do enough to feel like I'd done anything for this world and It isn't logical but it's choking me right now for some reason... what if it was me? What if it was any of who knows how many people I know and care about, but I never knew their pain or understood what they were looking for- what they weren't getting... I'm not saying I can or should- I mean I do think I should do more but this isn't a healthy concern for my fellow man and a subsequent action... It's just an intense feeling with some rationale behind it. I'm fine, I am. Writing here is just helping me get through this sooner than later. It feels good to write about some kind of externalized pain or struggle and this is just SO intense right now. Shivery shudders icky bleck Grar hrk mphlgar.
I'm feeling better now. Champions online hasn't been my crutch lately, but I wanted to play it a bit when I started to feel weird and it's not working 'cause of some big patch they did- and with my old AND rare video card it may not be a bug they care to fix anytime soon, but I'm basically completely cut off. Not. On. Anyway, I was just feeling weird. I still don't delete what I write here, so even though I really just wrote this to kind of get me through the moment and such, I'll leave it here. Things are gonna be good soon, I hope. I'm optimistic about the future even if I'm still confused and not a lot has changed (That's true and not true). I'm alive and I have my health and I'm still a strong young man with infinite potential and God on my side. I'm gonna get a good solid pray on, then sleep- maybe soundly- for the evening. Hike in the morning'll be good. Maybe I should add some kind of extra disclaimer when I really REALLY just write it for myself... then again I guess that shouldn't be any different than other posts... Never give up on life, guys. No matter how bad it gets- or how good it gets- it can always get better, and I believe it always will!
Just randomly started using the internet archive wayback machine to look at old postsecrets 'cause I couldn't sleep and started SUPER empathizing with all the sad secrets... I'm here to cope with the slight panic that ensued. I'm fine, I'm good, really I am, and frankly I want to take more time to write here, I just, y'know, don't. Ugh- I just want to help everyone on planet Earth and I'm not doing ANYTHING for anybody- especially the common man and total stranger. I'm not making money so I haven't put a dime towards any charity in so long. I'm not freaking out like "oh no, I'm the worst" so everyone can be like "Adam, it's fine, you're a good person" yadda yadda, no... As people we just tend to not do enough for others, especially the people we can't see benefiting and subsequently coming over and thanking us...
All these super sad secrets are making me want to reach out to the sexually abused, the depressed and guilty, the soldiers serving far away from their families and the families they leave behind; maybe forever. Blech bluch blook I just feel oogi all over like I could never do enough to feel like I'd done anything for this world and It isn't logical but it's choking me right now for some reason... what if it was me? What if it was any of who knows how many people I know and care about, but I never knew their pain or understood what they were looking for- what they weren't getting... I'm not saying I can or should- I mean I do think I should do more but this isn't a healthy concern for my fellow man and a subsequent action... It's just an intense feeling with some rationale behind it. I'm fine, I am. Writing here is just helping me get through this sooner than later. It feels good to write about some kind of externalized pain or struggle and this is just SO intense right now. Shivery shudders icky bleck Grar hrk mphlgar.
I'm feeling better now. Champions online hasn't been my crutch lately, but I wanted to play it a bit when I started to feel weird and it's not working 'cause of some big patch they did- and with my old AND rare video card it may not be a bug they care to fix anytime soon, but I'm basically completely cut off. Not. On. Anyway, I was just feeling weird. I still don't delete what I write here, so even though I really just wrote this to kind of get me through the moment and such, I'll leave it here. Things are gonna be good soon, I hope. I'm optimistic about the future even if I'm still confused and not a lot has changed (That's true and not true). I'm alive and I have my health and I'm still a strong young man with infinite potential and God on my side. I'm gonna get a good solid pray on, then sleep- maybe soundly- for the evening. Hike in the morning'll be good. Maybe I should add some kind of extra disclaimer when I really REALLY just write it for myself... then again I guess that shouldn't be any different than other posts... Never give up on life, guys. No matter how bad it gets- or how good it gets- it can always get better, and I believe it always will!