Fic: The More You Give {Part 1}
Title: The More You Give
Rating: NC-17
Warnings Age!kink, but both parties are over the age of 18.
Summary: When Blaine Anderson gets a fresh start at McKinley High in 1997 thanks to his best friend Rachel Berry, her parents, Emma Pillsbury, and the group of misfits that would become the New Directions, the last thing he expects to gain from playing it straight and dating Quinn Fabray is a daughter at the age of sixteen. Fast forward to present day, where Blaine is raising Sugar as a single dad in the same sleepy town of Lima he grew up in. When Sugar is recruited at the beginning of her sophomore year by Will Schuester to join New Directions and falls deeply in love at first sight with one of the co-captains, Blaine isn’t sure what to think, especially since Kurt Hummel is quite out of her league, being three and a half years older and, well, gay.
Little did he realize how much Kurt would end up turning Blaine’s own life upside down in the year ahead - a story of Blaine’s struggles to find his true self as his daughter grows up herself and his personal journey to realize age is just a number.
“Daddy, I’ve decided I’m going to join glee club this year,” Sugar announced as she burst through the door after the first day of her sophomore year.
“Well, that’s wonderful, sweetheart. We’ll have to call Rachel, she’ll be so pleased!” Rachel Berry was Sugar’s godmother, and she’d been trying to convince Sugar to join the New Directions since the middle of Sugar’s eighth grade year, when she learned Sugar would be going to McKinley and Mr. Schuester was still in charge.
“Sugar, honey, your daddy and I - and your mom too! - were the founding mothers and fathers of New Directions, and you shouldn’t let the fact that there are probably much more talented people in the club hinder your decision, you are a legacy.”
Blaine Anderson had never been the type of parent to coerce Sugar into joining anything her heart wasn’t in, so when she seemed ambivalent her freshman year, he hadn’t pushed her. He and Sugar had sung along with enough cartoons and songs on the radio when she was growing up to know she didn’t have the most spectacular voice, despite Leroy and Hiram’s attempts to foster what little talent Sugar had whenever they babysat her. He’d left her with them the weekend of his twenty-first birthday, when Rachel had insisted on dragging him to New York alone so he could act his age for once. When he returned, he had a five-year-old who knew all of the words to the ‘My Fair Lady’ soundtrack, which she proceeded to screech at the top of her lungs for four months straight.
“I think Rachel might have emailed Mr. Schuester. Or written him on Facebook or called or texted or something. He was waiting for me outside homeroom today.”
Blaine suddenly felt a twinge of guilt - he hadn’t talked to Mr. Schuester in almost a decade, despite never leaving Lima, Ohio. He hadn’t even gone to any of the parent-teacher nights Sugar’s freshman year, because he couldn’t work up the courage. He listened to Sugar ramble on while he cut vegetables for their salad, about how she had him for American History this year (Blaine hadn’t realized he’d switched subjects) and he came to find her and he was really nice about everything and she could use some new friends because her friends from middle school were turning into catty bitches -
“Language, Sugar,” Blaine interjected, but he bit the inside of his cheek and would have pumped his fist in the air if he could, because he’d been waiting almost six months for Sugar to come to this realization on her own and was almost to the point of begging for her to do something, anything new to make some different friends.
“So, the first meeting is tomorrow and I might as well go, right? If I hate it, I can just not go back!” Sugar grinned and snapped her gum one final time before throwing it in the trash, as if she knew the next words out of Blaine’s mouth were going to be how she shouldn’t snap her gum.
Sugar continued on her recount of the rest of the day’s events, setting the table as she spoke, and Blaine pulled the chicken out of the oven. This was Sugar in her element, excited and babbling to anyone who would listen, not all that different from other teenage girls, Blaine supposed, but whenever she got this way, he could see just the tiniest hint of Quinn sparking behind her eyes.
Blaine had never been in love with Quinn Fabray - not when he started dating her, not when he drunkenly slept with her to prove he found her attractive after Noah Puckerman fed her with wine coolers and lies (well, not all lies - Puck was fairly perceptive), not when she got pregnant, not when Sugar was born. Certainly not the second half of their junior year, just weeks after Sugar was born, when Quinn figured out Blaine was essentially using her to pretend to be straight, to avoid getting beat up at yet another school.
Quinn signed all of her rights over to Blaine when he wouldn’t agree to put Sugar up for adoption, and she’d spent the rest of junior year avoiding them, requesting to switch the one math class they’d been put in together. Blaine had given her space, hoping she’d come around, and she had, Christmas of their senior year, shortly after Sugar’s first birthday. She’d shown up on the Anderson’s doorstep that afternoon with a stuffed bear and a smile, and even though Cooper had wanted to refuse her entry, Blaine had insisted she join them.
There had been a little bit of happiness after that, Blaine and Sugar going on play dates with Quinn after school and on weekends, Quinn waxing poetic about how she didn’t know how Blaine did it all, how he could be so selfless. He’d usually deflect, not answering her question outright, but the honest answer was - someone had to. Blaine had always been that person, doing the hard work no one else wanted to in group projects, in glee club, in life.
Their happiness was short lived, because just before graduation, Quinn was killed in a car accident. When Blaine crossed the stage to get his diploma, he’d never felt so alone. All of his friends would be running away to colleges in different states, and he was stuck in Lima with an eighteen month old.
Things didn’t continue quite as dramatically after that (teenage Blaine did have a flair for the melodrama - who could blame him?). Blaine was lucky enough that his grandfather had written both him and Sugar into his will, leaving them decently-sized trust funds, so after his death and Blaine’s nineteenth birthday, Blaine and Sugar moved into their own modest home, close to both his parents and Rachel’s, and Blaine quit his job as a Lima Bean barista to go to the local OSU campus, taking classes when Sugar was in school.
He still frequented the Lima Bean, because the owner, Allie, had been gracious enough to hire him after high school graduation. Blaine ended up getting a degree in business - a far cry from the musical theater degree he wanted before Sugar was born - and one day, at twenty-three, when Sugar was seven and Blaine had no idea what he wanted to do with his life (and if he was being realistic - his grandfather had left him enough money where he could be a stay at home dad to Sugar until she graduated), he brought up an interesting proposition to Allie. There were only two Lima Bean locations at that point - what if there were more? Now, at thirty-two, Blaine was the proud owner of the eight other Lima Bean locations around the state, with three more opening in the coming year.
So, Blaine Anderson was part Lima Bean franchise owner, part stay at home dad, but unfortunately, none of him was listening to Sugar’s stories. “Daddy!” she squealed as he handed her the salad bowl.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Sometimes when you’re telling a story, I get lost in my brain because you look so much like your mother.” Sugar beamed at the comment. Blaine had made it not only because it was true, but because he knew Sugar loved being compared to her mother - Blaine only mentioning Quinn’s good qualities, not her less than desirable ones. “Go ahead and start over. I promise you have my full attention.”
***
“Blaine, have her call me the second she walks through the door - well, after she talks to you of course, but I want to hear all about it. I’m sure it’s changed so much since we graduated; we were the first to win Nationals under Mr. Schue, but he’s won six more times since then, not recently, though. I’m sure Sugar will help change that! Blaine Anderson, are you listening to me?”
Blaine sighed and looked up from his laptop and over at his phone, sitting next to him on the couch with the speakerphone engaged. “Yes, Rachel, I’m listening to you, but you’re a Tony-award winning actress with a new show that you’re trying to workshop for Broadway. Don’t you … have bigger things to worry about?”
Rachel harrumphed loudly into the phone. “What kind of godmother would I be if I didn’t help my goddaughter realize her true dreams?”
“Your true dreams,” Blaine interjected, but he was grinning. “I’ll have her call you, promise. Now, I’m going to hang up on you so I can start dinner.”
“You have never appreciated what I do for you,” Rachel retorted back, but he could hear the smile in her voice. On the contrary, Blaine was beyond thankful for everything Rachel had done for him and Sugar over the past fifteen years. She had truly been the best friend anyone could ask for.
“Love you, Rach,” Blaine replied before ending the call and wandering to the kitchen to start dinner.
Blaine had just put a casserole dish of veggie lasagna in the oven when Sugar burst through the door. “So, how was it honey?” Blaine asked, wiping his hands on a towel as he turned to face the door.
“Daddy,” she said overdramatically. “I am in love.” She collapsed into a chair at the kitchen table and Blaine had to fight the urge to do the same. He knew Sugar was fifteen, and he knew she was a little boy-crazy, but he wasn’t ready for love. Thankfully, he was pretty sure Sugar wasn’t actually in love, so he sat down across from her after setting the kitchen timer and waited. “His name is Kurt Hummel,” she started, sighing at his name, and oh, she had it bad. “He’s a senior and he’s in glee club and he’s so dreamy.”
“Sugar, honey, I’m pretty sure dreamy hasn’t been a hip adjective to use to describe someone since before I was born,” he teased, and she folded her arms on the table.
“You haven’t seen Kurt Hummel, Daddy. Plus, I think it’s making a comeback. And hip doesn’t mean … hip.” She scrunched up her nose quickly before staring off into space a while and finally Blaine cleared his throat.
“Sweetheart, I’m glad you like this boy, but are you sure you’re in love? That’s awfully quick.” Blaine tried to hide the amusement in his voice, because it wasn’t that he didn’t take Sugar seriously - okay, he didn’t, but regardless, it was adorable.
“Yes!” Sugar squealed, somewhat offended at his question. "You were in love with Sebastian, right? This is just like that."
Blaine didn't want to point out that despite being in a relationship with Sebastian for two years, he wasn't exactly in love with him. No need to crush her idealistic dreams so soon. "Have you even talked to him?"
“Of course! He introduced himself and shook my hand and he and this other girl Mercedes are the captains and he told me to come to him if I need any help picking a song for this week’s assignment. We have assignments already, Daddy, it’s crazy, and I think I’m going to ask for his help.”
Well, invite him here. What?” he added at Sugar’s shocked reaction. “I think I should be able to see this dreamy boy myself! I won’t embarrass you … much.” Sugar didn’t look like she believed him, but agreed all the same. “Good. Now, set the table and then call Rachel, she’s dying to hear about your day.”
***
Sugar announced the following day that Kurt would be coming over after dinner on Friday to help her with her song selection (Blaine missed the assignment, something about new beginnings or starting over - he had bigger things to worry about at the moment). He called Cooper Friday afternoon, freaking out a tad, because even though there was no way Sugar was actually in love, she thought she was in love, and his baby was old enough to think she was in love. Cooper surprisingly calmed him down, offered to bust the guy’s skull, and then launched into a ten minute diatribe about his recent experience on the latest TNT cop drama pilot as a rugged attorney that might just turn into a recurring role if it got picked up. Blaine then called Rachel and yelled at her because it was all her fault Sugar even joined glee club.
By the time Sugar actually got home and they ate dinner, he’d calmed considerably, which was for the best, because she, on the other hand, had worked herself up into a tizzy, retreating to her room with half of her dinner still on her plate. Blaine cleaned up even though it was normally her job, and he’d just finished loading the dishwasher when the doorbell rang.
Sugar ran down the stairs at lightning speed, almost tripping over her own feet so she got to the door before Blaine, and he just shook his head as he made his way out into the living room. “Hi, Kurt!” she said brightly as she opened the door, and Kurt replied hello, walking in and spotting Blaine and they both eyed each other up and down for a minute. Kurt looked vaguely terrified and confused, and it took Blaine exactly one and a half seconds to realize Kurt was unquestionably gay. Also, absolutely stunning - Blaine knew he was half his age, but still, he couldn’t help noticing how undeniably gorgeous Kurt was. No wonder Sugar had fallen so hard and fast for him - Blaine would have done the same thing at fifteen.
“Daddy, this is Kurt Hummel,” Sugar finally said, and Blaine shook Kurt’s hand, just to terrify him a little more, because he was pretty sure it was just now hitting him that Sugar might be interested in more than just song selection help.
(See? This whole dating thing could be fun!)
“Blaine Anderson, nice to meet you, Kurt,” Blaine said with a smile, shaking his hand and the poor kid looked like he wanted to curl in on himself and disappear. “So, you’re co-captain of New Directions? I would say congratulations, but I’ve been a co-captain once before and I know how much work Mr. Schue expects of you.” Blaine laughed at his comment, mostly because Sugar was turning bright red behind Kurt - this was not the script they discussed.
A look of realization passed Kurt’s face and he pointed a finger at Blaine. “You were in Rachel Berry’s class, right? He talks about you guys all the time. No, really, all the time. I’ve heard three years of stories of the olden days of the New Directions.” Kurt grinned at his comment, and Blaine now understood why Sugar had called Kurt dreamy - the kid practically had a song in his voice when he spoke.
“Hopefully just the good things,” Blaine replied, suddenly curious of what stories Will Schuester was telling, though they had to be mostly Rachel ones - she had made it to Broadway after all. Kurt looked like he was going to say more, but Sugar grabbed at his arm to lead him upstairs. “Nice meeting you, Kurt!” Blaine called up the stairs behind them. “Door stays open, Sugar!” he added as a warning, even though he knew there was no need for it.
Is Sugar’s love adorable? Blaine had been sitting on the couch not even ten minutes when the text from Rachel came through. The couch in the living room had a spectacular view of the stairs, so Blaine figured it was as good a place as any to work.
Adorably gay Blaine responded, trying not to chuckle again, but really, he wasn’t sure if he should applaud his parenting or weep for it if Sugar couldn’t figure that out.
It’s a mistake many of us make, Blaine. Before Blaine could bring up Rachel’s similar past, Sugar and Kurt came bounding down the stairs again. “Kurt says I don’t have any good songs. I told him I had my credit card linked to my iTunes account, but he wants to go to an actual music store, with sheet music or something.” Sugar was popping her gum in between sentences.
“Kurt’s a safe driver?” Blaine asked, knowing full well he could ask Kurt himself, but he liked Sugar to think about these things - he knew she rarely did.
“Extremely,” Kurt replied for her. “My dad owns a car repair business. I’ve known how to change a tire before I even had my license.”
Something clicked in Blaine’s mind at that moment. “Hummel, right? I’ve been there before. It’s hard to find an honest mechanic, and your dad was bluntly honest.” Kurt smiled at Blaine’s kind words, and he turned to Sugar. “Fine, have fun, be home by ten. Eleven, sorry forgot it was Friday,” Blaine corrected at Sugar’s pointed glare.
“Not midnight?” Sugar asked sweetly.
“You’re not sixteen yet, honey. Be safe and see you at eleven o’clock on the dot.” Blaine got up to shut the door behind them and called out to Sugar, “And stop popping your gum!”
Sugar scrunched up her face as she got in Kurt’s car, and Blaine swore he heard Kurt say something about how the gum popping wasn’t an attractive quality.
Oh, this kid was good. Boyfriend material or not, Blaine hoped he’d stick around.
***
Kurt didn’t appear on the Anderson's doorstep again for a few more weeks. Sugar was upstairs in her room, running late as usual, and she called down for Blaine to occupy Kurt’s time. A group of kids from New Directions was headed to the mall and a movie late one Saturday afternoon, and Kurt had offered to pick Sugar up. (Or Sugar had pleaded. Blaine wasn’t entirely sure.)
“Hi Kurt, good to see you again,” Blaine said as he swung open the door. “Sugar’s not ready yet. Can I get you anything to drink while you wait? Water, soda, coffee?”
“Thanks, Mr. Anderson, coffee would actually be wonderful,” Kurt said, following Blaine into the kitchen. “You’re not going to yell at me for stunting my growth or something?” Kurt smiled as he slid into a chair at the kitchen table and Blaine grabbed an extra mug from the cupboard.
“No, what are you, seventeen? Coffee’s better than those awful energy drinks you kids love these days anyway. Cream and sugar?” At Kurt’s nod, he grabbed the half and half from the fridge, setting it next to the sugar bowl on the table. He handed Kurt his mug, adding, “And please, call me Blaine.”
“Thanks … Blaine,” Kurt replied, stumbling over his name a little and busying himself with the cream and sugar. “And I’m actually eighteen. I turn nineteen a week after graduation. I, uh -“ he suddenly looked panicked, as if he realized just that instant how things sounded, his spoon clacking loudly where it fell against the ceramic mug. “I just wanted you to know - Sugar and I - we’re just friends - I’m gay.”
“I figured that out already,” Blaine replied, slowly and calmly. “Has Sugar?” he asked, and Kurt shook his head. “I haven’t told her, I figure she needs to hear that from you.” He took a sip of his own coffee and watched as Kurt relaxed.
“How -“ Kurt started, looking squarely at Blaine, but then he stopped and dropped his gaze back to his coffee mug, muttering something along the lines of how didn’t he know, and before Blaine could explain, he continued with his previous story. “My mom decided to keep me home another year before sending me to kindergarten. They were letting kids with summer birthdays pick back then, I guess. It kind of sucks now, but she died when I was eight, so I’m glad I got that extra year with her, even though I don’t remember much. Sugar’s mom died when she was young too, right?”
Blaine nodded, setting his coffee mug on the table but keeping his hands wrapped around it. “She wasn’t even two yet. So, I don’t think she remembers much at all. It’s been just the two of us since then.”
“You never remarried?” Kurt asked, and then realized what he’d just said. “Sorry, that was … probably out of line.”
Blaine had to laugh, because the poor kid couldn’t help but say the wrong thing. “No, no it’s fine. I was never even married to Sugar’s mom.” He watched as Kurt’s face became more worried, and he just kept digging a hole for Kurt to climb into didn’t he? “No, Kurt. I - how do you think I knew you were gay?”
Realization bloomed on Kurt’s face just as Sugar sauntered into the kitchen, in a jean jacket and skirt too short for the cool October weather, but it covered everything important, and Blaine was a parent who picked his battles. “I’m ready!” she announced, and Kurt was still staring at Blaine as if he didn’t realize people like him existed in Lima, Ohio.
“Sugar, sweetheart, you’re going to be cold, why don’t you put on some tights?” Blaine pleaded, figuring Kurt needed another minute or two to compose himself. Sugar rolled her eyes, but trudged up the stairs all the same. Sugar was someone who’d learned how to pick her battles over the years too. “Kurt, if you ever need someone to talk to - I’m not eighteen anymore, but I was once. I don’t know how much help I can be, but I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”
Kurt’s brow was furrowed in confusion, as if he had hundreds of questions he could ask, but what he did ask was, “How old are you? Because I wasn’t kidding when I said Mr. Schuester talks about you guys a lot, and he makes it seem like it was just yesterday.”
“Thirty-two. Class of ninety-eight. Sorry Mr. Schue likes living so far in the past.” Before Blaine could say anything more, Sugar reappeared in the doorway wearing her newly donned tights.
“I - I haven’t even touched my coffee,” Kurt said, suddenly staring at his still-steaming mug.
“You can take it with you and send the mug back with Sugar,” Blaine said with a smile. “What time is the movie?” he asked, turning to Sugar.
“Eight-twenty, so we’ll leave right after so I don’t miss curfew, promise,” she replied, walking over and leaning up on her tip toes to kiss him on the cheek. “Come on, Kurt!”
“Thanks for the coffee, Mr. - I mean, Blaine.” Kurt locked eyes with Blaine before turning to follow Sugar, offering him a small smile, and Blaine knew he wasn’t thanking him for just the coffee.
Blaine kept himself busy with yard work while Sugar was gone; finally heading in when it grew dark. He figured should eat something for dinner before showering and contemplating which movie to rewatch for the hundredth time after he got cleaned up. He was just sitting down on the couch with his sandwich, flipping through the DVR, when the doorbell rang. Blaine walked over to the door and peered through the peephole, seeing Kurt clutching the coffee mug on the other side.
Blaine opened the door slowly, but Kurt jumped regardless. “Kurt. I didn’t expect you back so soon. Is everything alright?”
Kurt’s eyes grew wide as he realized his presence without Sugar was making Blaine worry, and he started speaking as fast as possible. “Sugar’s fine, my friends Mercedes and Sam are going to drive her home after the movie, I told them I wasn’t feeling well, I, um, shouldn’t have just shown up here unannounced, I can come back -“
“Kurt,” Blaine said calmly, stopping his tirade. “I told you it was alright. Come in.” Blaine opened the door wide for Kurt, walking back over to switch off the TV and grab his plate. “I was just eating dinner. Have you eaten?”
Kurt nodded as he shut the door behind him. “We ate at the food court. I’m really sorry for just showing up like this. I just - I don’t even really know why I’m here.” Kurt followed Blaine into the kitchen, tripping over the doorjamb and sending the coffee mug flying, landing on the tile and shattering into hundreds of pieces. “And now I’ve broken your coffee mug, I’m so sorry,” Kurt added, sounding on the verge of hysteria, taking a deep breath to regain his composure. “I’m never like this, this is horrible.”
“Kurt, it’s fine, it was just a free Lima Bean one anyway.” Blaine set his sandwich down on the table before walking over to Kurt and steering him to a chair. He walked over to the cupboard for a glass - opting for a plastic cup at the last second, just in case - and filled it with water. “I don’t know if I should offer you more coffee, so here, drink this.” Kurt accepted the water and Blaine ducked into the pantry to grab the broom and dustpan.
By the time Blaine had cleaned up the broken coffee mug, Kurt had regained some of his composure. “I really am sorry,” Kurt repeated, wincing as Blaine sat down at the table. “I’ll - I can buy you a new one.”
“I told you, it’s fine,” Blaine said, taking a sip of his own water and trying not to laugh. “I own almost all of the Lima Beans. I’m sure I can find a replacement.”
Kurt looked at him skeptically. “Sugar said that, I wasn’t sure if it was actually true.” Blaine smiled and started to eat his sandwich, not wanting to push Kurt, and finally, he spoke. “I still don’t know why I’m here. I have good friends that listen to me, but I guess - they don’t get it, you know? Plus, now that Mercedes and Sam are dating each other, I just constantly feel like the third wheel. I guess that’s why I’m trying to become friends with Sugar and the other sophomores and juniors, to give them some space. Plus, team morale and all that.” Kurt worried his lip, and Blaine said nothing still, waiting patiently.
“I’ve just never had the opportunity to really talk to someone else gay before. I went to a Ohio NYADA mixer at the end of last year, and there were other kids that were gay there, but … they were also kind of crazy, and from bigger cities and performing arts high schools with their own support systems and ... they weren’t like me.”
“That’s understandable,” Blaine replied, remembering Rachel’s own NYADA stories from a decade before. “I’m guessing McKinley hasn’t changed much in the past few years.”
Kurt shook his head. “Probably not. Was it - was school hard for you too?”
Blaine set down his sandwich, suddenly not so hungry. “Yeah. Surprisingly, middle school was the worst - I got beat up pretty badly and ended up in the hospital for a few weeks.” Kurt’s eyes grew wide, so Blaine figured it best to gloss over that part. “So, when I started at McKinley - it wasn’t my normal high school, we used my friend, Rachel’s address - I couldn’t go through that again, couldn’t put my parents through a repeat of everything. I joined the football team - shut up, back then it wasn’t full of kids on steroids - and started dating Sugar’s mom, Quinn. Rachel was the only one who knew. I thought I had it all worked out, because Quinn was president of the Celibacy Club - do they even still have that? One night there was a New Directions party, though, and one of the kids brought alcohol, and bad decisions were made. At some point when Quinn was pregnant she figured everything out and spread the rumor like wildfire so …”
Blaine got up, throwing the remnants of his sandwich in the garbage and rummaging in the cupboard for a kettle. “Can I trust you with another mug? Do you want any tea?”
“Sure,” Kurt said absently, as if he was still processing all of Blaine’s information. “God, I feel so stupid now, the worst that’s happened to me is getting tossed in dumpsters and being shoved into lockers for the most part.” Blaine caught the for the most part, but didn’t press it.
“It’s not a contest, Kurt. Wrong is wrong is wrong, no matter to what degree.” Blaine turned on the stove to heat the water - even though he had plenty of contraptions for making tea, this was still his favorite.
“This year’s better, the main guy that was a jerk to me transferred schools over the summer, but still, it’s not …”
“You don’t feel safe,” Blaine gathered, pulling down two more mugs from the cupboard. “You should be allowed to feel safe at school, Kurt.”
Kurt stared at the table, tracing patterns with his fingers on the quilted placemat in front of him. “I pretended too, for a while. I even dated a cheerleader, Brittany. It only lasted a week and didn’t change anything. It was my dad who finally snapped me out of it.”
They fell into a quiet silence, Blaine busying himself with getting the tea ready. He finally resumed the conversation once he sat back down. “It sounds like you have a pretty amazing dad.”
Kurt’s face brightened then. “I do.” He launched into story after story of his childhood, his big, burly, manly dad having tea parties with him, catering to his whims, no matter how eccentric. Blaine wondered briefly if Burt Hummel would be okay with him talking to his son; if Blaine had crossed some invisible line that he shouldn’t have. Blaine wanted to help, Blaine always just meant to help in everything that he did, but it didn’t always come across that way.
“Your dad obviously did a great job raising you, because you seem like a pretty courageous guy.” Kurt muttered something to the contrary, and Blaine wasn’t having that. “No, seriously, it takes a lot of courage to be who you truly are in high school. I don’t know if Sugar’s even figured out who she is yet, so you’re definitely not giving yourself enough credit.”
Kurt opened his mouth, as if he were going to disagree, but ended up muttering his thanks, his cheeks blushing slightly.
"You know, if you ever want someone else to talk to, Miss Pillsbury still works at McKinley, right? Err, Mrs. Schuester," he corrected at Kurt's confusion, forgetting that Will and Emma had gotten married the summer after Blaine and Rachel had graduated. "I know she might seem kind of ... flighty, but I'm not sure what I would have done without her help back in the day. Not that I'm trying to blow you off, she's just ... a professional. And options are always a good thing, right?" Blaine smiled warmly, hoping Kurt would take his suggestion to heart.
Kurt didn’t stay too much longer, wanting to leave before Sugar returned home and caught him in his tiny lie, but Blaine had insisted they exchange cell phone numbers in case Kurt ever wanted to talk more. He also assured Kurt he knew how to text (and Kurt had the decency to pretend like he hadn’t actually thought of that as a valid concern).
Sugar arrived home well before her curfew, looking a bit forlorn. “Was the movie okay, sweetheart?” Blaine asked, rubbing at her shoulder comfortingly as she fell onto the couch next to him.
She turned to him, pursing her lips as if she didn’t know how to word her response. “Daddy, did you know Kurt was gay?”
Oh, shit. “I had an inkling,” Blaine replied slowly, pulling Sugar into the crook of his arm for a hug. “I thought that was something Kurt needed to tell you.”
“Mercedes told me first,” Sugar said with a sigh. “She was really nice about it, but I feel really silly. Though I guess that’s something else I got from Mom too.” Sugar was teasing now, so she couldn’t be too broken up about it, and she curled up against Blaine’s chest even though she’d been too big for that to really work for at least four years now.
Blaine neglected to mention the fact that Sugar’s ignorance was a bit more illogical than Quinn’s - Kurt was out at school after all. “I’m pretty sure Kurt still wants to be your friend, which is why he wasn’t sure how to tell you when you didn’t figure it out yourself.”
Sugar drummed her fingers against Blaine’s chest before sitting up sharply. “I know Kurt said he wasn’t feeling well, but I think I’m going to call him and see if he’s feeling better. And let him know I totally don’t care, I mean, he knows you’re my dad, right? Like that would make me not want to be his friend.”
“I think it was more that he didn’t know how to deal with your, ah, how do I put this - fawning without breaking your heart.” Blaine grinned at Sugar as she got up off the couch.
“I was not that bad, Daddy,” she declared, stomping up the stairs, and Blaine wasn’t in the mood to disagree.
***
Blaine figured he couldn’t actually skip Parent/Teacher night this year at McKinley, what with Rachel suddenly in contact with Mr. Schuester once again. Sugar had never had any problems in school, so once she hit middle school, the open houses weren’t as beneficial, but Blaine knew he should still make the effort to get to know Sugar’s teachers - despite knowing one infinitely well already. He sat in the parking lot for a good ten minutes before going inside, finally getting the strength to get out of his Prius and walk through the front doors.
He was shocked at how little McKinley had changed in fourteen years, the lockers still the same disgusting shade they always were, perhaps a few more trophies in the cases, and thankfully, aside from Mr. Schue, none of Sugar’s teachers were ones that he’d had back in the day. Most of them were fresh-faced college grads who hadn’t been around long enough to have their spirits crushed, who eyed him up and down oddly, trying to figure out if Blaine just looked good for his age or there was another reason he was at least a decade younger than most of the parents. Thankfully, Sugar was a pretty good student, if a bit distracted, so none of them had any major complaints.
American History was last on Sugar’s schedule, and he walked into Mr. Schuester’s classroom, plastering a smile on his face. He wondered half-heartedly if Will was any better at teaching American History than he had been at teaching Spanish when he had been in school. Blaine couldn’t speak a single word of the language before entering his class, and Will hadn’t taught him anything he’d been able to use upon leaving it. Will broke into a grin when he recognized Blaine, throwing his arms around him in a hug. “Blaine Anderson, you look exactly the same as the last time I saw you!”
“Hopefully not exactly the same, it would be a little scary not to age in all this time,” Blaine teased, clapping him on the shoulder when they broke. Will hadn’t changed much either, perhaps a little less gel in his hair and a few more lines on his face.
“I can’t believe Sugar’s old enough to be here, where has the time gone?” Will asked, grinning again and folding his arms over his chest. “I just want to congratulate you on raising such a lovely daughter. Sugar’s been a joy in class and in glee club so far. Quinn would be proud.”
“Thank you,” Blaine replied with a sincere smile. “Also, thanks for seeking her out for glee club. It’ll be good for her, but I knew it was one of those things where she wouldn’t listen to me or Rachel.”
“How is Rachel? We’ve exchanged a few emails, but I’m just so happy for her!” The two talked a bit about Rachel, Will asking about Blaine’s own life afterward, and finally, Will realized he needed to start his presentation. “I’ll see you in the choir room after this, right? They put the extracurriculars on the schedule?”
Blaine assured him they did, and found a seat in the back to listen to Will speak. He thought about pulling his cell phone out to text Rachel, but figured he could wait until after the choir room meeting to call her.
When Will and Blaine walked into the choir room, a handful of parents were already there. Blaine met Tina’s parents, and Mike’s mom before Burt Hummel walked over and introduced himself. “I used to service your car, didn’t I? Green ’96 Saab?”
Blaine chuckled at Burt’s impeccable memory. “You did. It finally died a few years ago and I got a Prius with some crazy warranty, so I just take it to the dealership now. Sorry,” he said, pretending to wince at Burt’s eyeroll.
“You don’t look old enough to have a kid here,” Burt said matter-of-factly, swiftly changing the subject, and Blaine could see where Kurt got his bluntness from.
“I get that a lot,” Blaine admitted. “I’m Sugar’s dad? She and Kurt have sort of become friends lately.”
“Oh, right, Sugar. Friends,” Burt said in a tone that let Blaine know he knew all about Sugar and Blaine had to laugh.
“She can be a bit … overzealous at times,” Blaine said apologetically. “Kurt was very gracious about the whole thing.”
“He got that from his mom,” Burt replied, eyeing Blaine strangely as if he didn’t know if he should say what he was about to say next. “Thanks for letting Kurt talk to you the other day. It was … very kind of you. Kurt hasn’t had a lot of kindness in his life.”
Blaine blinked back at Burt. He wasn’t surprised necessarily that Burt knew about his chat with Kurt; he just hadn’t given it much thought as to whether or not Kurt would actually tell him. “It’s no problem. I remember being that age and just wanting someone who would listen, so it’s just that simple, really.” He and Burt smiled at each other, Burt looking as if he was going to say more, but at that moment, Will burst to the front of the room with renewed energy.
“Alright, parents! Sectionals is coming up in just a month, and as always, I’d love it if any of you would like to chaperone …”
***
Blaine was pleased to find out that Sugar was fitting into glee club nicely, making fast friends with all of the members. By the time November rolled around, Blaine had met all of Sugar’s new friends, and he was never surprised to find a handful of them in his living room when he walked through the door. Mercedes, Kurt, and Tina were over most often, sometimes joined by Sam and Mike, the other five members appearing every once in a while. Blaine could feel Kurt’s gaze on him when he met Brittany for the first time, but Blaine said nothing, pretending to forget anything Kurt had said about dating her. Anything Kurt had told him had been kept in confidence and Blaine wasn't going to break it.
It was wonderful to see Sugar around a group of kids who were positive for a change. The kids from New Directions were just as gossipy, sure, but at least they were working towards a common goal, and as Blaine knew from his own time in show choir, they were a family through and through. It was a nice change to see in Sugar, who, admittedly, had wandered aimlessly through the halls of McKinley her freshman year. Blaine tried not to be the parent who worried, because his own mother was a master worrier and no kid ever wanted to grow up to become exact replicas of their own parents, but the thought that Sugar had been ready to enter her sophomore year, the very year when Blaine's life turned upside down, with no extracurriculars to keep her out of trouble?
Really worrisome, when he let himself think about it. Blaine's schedule had been full of extracurriculars and he'd still found time to get into trouble. Maybe, now that he thought about it, Rachel was more in tune with him than he thought, and that's why she'd contacted Mr. Shue. He really needed to send her flowers or something.
Sugar and Tina had been put in charge of Sectionals costumes, and since it was Sugar's first official New Directions task, Kurt offered to help make selections. They went to the mall on a Saturday afternoon, coming back to the Anderson household to assess their purchases. Blaine walked out into the living room to find the couch covered in bolts of fabric, buttons and ribbons and zippers laid out on the coffee table. After making sure they'd eaten dinner, Blaine retreated to the kitchen, heating up the previous night's leftovers for himself, snippets of the living room conversation weaving in and out.
I still can't believe we saw him," Blaine heard Tina say followed by Sugar's squeaky question of, "Who was he anyway?"
"Just some guy who made Kurt's life hell these past few years," Tina said quickly, changing the subject, and the two girls continued to chatter about their purchases, Kurt staying silent.
Blaine finished his dinner, figuring he could head upstairs to his room and give the kids some privacy, but just as he entered the living room, Tina announced, "You've got to be kidding me, we bought the wrong zippers!"
"Oh no!" Sugar exclaimed, echoing Tina's tone. "Can we take them back?"
Tina nodded, pulling her purse open to search for the receipt. "You want to come with us?" Tina asked Kurt softly, resting her hand on his knee.
Kurt shook his head and patted her hand with his own. "Think I'll pass. I've had enough with the mall for today." He gestured to the fabric beside him. "I can stay here? Start cutting patterns so we’ll be ready when we get to school on Monday and start sewing?"
"Don't be silly, go home! You've done enough already! This isn't your job." Tina smiled warmly at him before turning to Sugar. "Alright, let's go. We'll be quick!"
The girls waved goodbye as they went out the front door again, and Kurt turned around, noticing Blaine behind him in the kitchen doorway. "You alright?" Blaine asked, even though it was painfully obvious from the way Kurt was carrying himself he wasn't.
"Yeah," Kurt answered, but the reply came out strained. Blaine's mind told him to leave it, but Kurt made no move to go out to his car.
"You sure?" Blaine asked once more, sounding skeptical. "I was about to make a pot of coffee if you want some."
Blaine walked into the kitchen, and sure enough, when he turned from the coffee pot, Kurt was headed to the kitchen table. Blaine worked in silence, giving him the space to figure out what he wanted to say, but when he still had nothing from Kurt when he handed him his coffee, he figured he should get the ball rolling - the girls would probably be gone less than an hour to the mall and back. "Is this about that guy you saw earlier?" Blaine asked, quickly adding, "Not that I am the type of parent that would eavesdrop on his kid, or anything."
Kurt laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling up (and when did Blaine start noticing things like that?), nodding as he stirred sugar into his coffee. "How old were you when you had your first kiss?" he asked, and that was the last thing Blaine expected him to say.
Kurt usually started their conversations out like this, asking Blaine a question, and he wasn't quite sure what purpose it served - if he truly wanted to know or he was just getting comfortable enough to tell Blaine what he really wanted to share. Blaine's past kisses assaulted his senses at once, his first kiss with Rachel, his first kiss with Sean, followed by kisses with Quinn, kisses with nameless strangers in New York bars and clubs and dance floors, kisses with Sebastian in every way imaginable, in ways Blaine didn't know was possible.
"Girl or guy?" Blaine finally asked, and Kurt shrugged as he took his first sip of coffee. "Technically, Rachel Berry when I was thirteen years old. We did community theater together every summer, and we were in this awful, awful adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. She was Juliet, of course, and this older kid, Jesse, was Romeo, and she was convinced she needed an actual kiss before she kissed him in practice, experience to draw from or something. I already knew I was gay, but it apparently didn't matter to her." Blaine paused to laugh, wondering if his story sounded insane to someone who didn't know Rachel. "First guy was Sean Massey, almost a year later, right before the Sadie Hawkins dance we went to, which I think I told you about."
Kurt nodded, still not sharing what this was all about, so Blaine prompted him again. "I'm guessing there was a reason why you asked?"
Kurt took another sip of his coffee, gripping the mug tightly. "I guess Brittany was my first kiss, when I was sixteen, and my first kiss with a guy was with the guy we saw today, last year. He - well, if you want to get technical, he was an asshole my freshman and sophomore years. So, last year, he shoved me against a locker and I just lost it, screaming at him and following him into the locker room - I don't even remember what I said, but then he was grabbing me and kissing me. I turned and ran, and then a few days later, he said he'd kill me if I told anyone."
Blaine's stomach twisted sharply and sank. Kurt put his elbows on the table, resting his head between his hands and sighed. Blaine got up from his seat and moved to the one next to Kurt. "That's awful. That's - you know that doesn't count, right?"
Kurt shrugged and Blaine was impressed with his composure. "A year later and I never told anyone. I didn't tell my friends, I didn't even tell my dad. They just thought he was a bully - and I know he's changed and he apologized but -"
"That still doesn't erase what he did," Blaine finished, reaching out for Kurt some unknown reason, an automatic need to comfort him washing over him, squeezing at his shoulder. He could feel Kurt tense up slightly under his touch and he quickly withdrew his hand. "Like I said, that doesn't count. Just focus on the kisses after that instead."
Kurt laughed, and Blaine could hear the bitter tone in his laughter. "There haven't been any kisses after that." Kurt turned to face Blaine finally, his mouth curving in a sad smile, and Blaine could see it in his eyes, the desire to replace that memory with good ones. Blaine's eyes drifted to Kurt's lips, and everything came rushing back to him, the feelings of being eighteen and lost and alone and not even needing to feel loved, just wanting to feel something from another person, something positive, something good, something right. A kiss meant so little to so many people, but to him when he'd been eighteen, to Kurt, it was a gift, and just like that, he could imagine leaning across the table and pressing their lips softly together.
His eyes widened in realization at his thought. Where the fuck had that come from?
Blaine bolted from his seat, probably a little too quickly, going to refill his coffee mug even though it was still half full. “You said you were applying to NYADA, right? Trust me, when you get to New York, you’ll have nothing to worry about. Plenty of guys will be falling head over heels for you.” Kurt didn’t look like he believed Blaine, but Blaine was at a loss of a way to reassure him that wouldn’t sound wrong on so many levels. “Listen,” he finally said, turning and leaning against the kitchen counter, “I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but it will happen for you, Kurt. I have no doubt about that.”
Kurt sighed, still gripping his coffee mug tightly. “I know, it just … it seems like everything is so far away.”
“At the risk of sounding old, you shouldn’t wish your life away. I mean, we’ve established my life has been pretty screwed up, especially when I was your age, but all of that made me who I am today.”
Kurt finally looked up from his coffee mug, grinning ruefully at Blaine. “Yeah, I guess you turned out alright.”
Blaine laughed, because Kurt didn’t even know the half of it. “Just … promise me you won’t throw yourself at the first guy that seems interested in you. You deserve better than that. You shouldn’t just want to get everything over with the second you meet someone who will make that happen.”
And wow, this was getting strangely personal, and Blaine was pretty sure Kurt could tell. He couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth next, but the fact that he’d been too drunk to remember most of his first sexual encounters with guys was swirling in his brain and he didn’t want Kurt to go down that road. Blaine had been there. He’d wanted to erase the past with the present and such things never ended well. Blaine had met Burt Hummel, and while he had no doubt he was an amazing father to Kurt, the fact that Kurt hadn’t told him about the kid kissing him was sticking, and he had to ask.
“I’m really sorry for asking this - but.” Blaine paused, sighing because Kurt was looking at him like he was insane, and he was insane, but that was irrelevant. “Your dad has talked with you about sex, right?” Blaine heard him mutter oh my god, did he actually ask that under his breath, and he was pretty sure Kurt didn’t even realize he’d said it out loud. “I know, I’m sorry, I just - someone should learn from my mistakes.”
Kurt looked at Blaine again, as if he didn’t really believe any of this was happening, and finally said, “Yeah, we talked last year. He - he gave me some pamphlets but I was too embarrassed to read them at the time.”
“Promise me you will? Before you to got New York?” Kurt was staring at the wall, his hands opening and closing in distraction, and Blaine was beyond embarrassed for both of them.
“Sure. If we can forget this whole conversation even happened,” Kurt replied, exhaling sharply, and deal.
“Perfect,” Blaine replied, turning to the sink to dump out his coffee - the additional he’d poured in had messed up the sugar and cream ratio, and no way was he walking over to the table to fix it. He took the time to wash out the mug for far longer than necessary, and as soon as he was done, he thankfully heard the front door open. He walked out into the living room, telling Tina and Sugar that Kurt had stayed and he’d made coffee and he was going upstairs to stay out of their way, and he really, truly couldn’t retreat to the privacy of his bedroom fast enough.
Fifteen minutes later, Blaine was sitting on the floor of his closet with the small bottle of scotch he kept hidden in his sock drawer, spilling his guts to Rachel via cell phone.
“So let me get this straight, this just happened and now you’re hiding in your closet drinking while Sugar and Kurt are still downstairs? Oh, Blaine.”
“Shut up. Also, don’t make an in the closet reference. Just don’t.” Blaine screwed the cap back on the bottle and shoved it behind a pair of shoes, not wanting to get totally plastered with minors in his house, just needing something to take the edge of embarrassment off.
“Well, he’s eighteen, right? At least I’m not going to have to bail you out of jail,” Rachel added and Blaine groaned.
“Not helping, Rach. Not helping at all.” He groaned again, uncrossing his legs and laying flat on his back on the floor. “You know me, Rachel, you know how worried I am about disappointing people and doing the wrong thing and I just don’t know why that doesn’t kick in when I’m around Kurt.”
Rachel hummed into the phone before saying, “You really are that clueless, aren’t you? I’m going to have to spell it out - because you like him, Blaine. You were like this with Sebastian too.”
Holy shit, she was right. She was exactly right. “When did that happen? I - I just wanted to kiss him, okay, not date him,” Blaine whined, far too loud and his voice bounced off the closet walls. He dropped his voice, not wanting the kids downstairs to hear. “Rachel, I’m like twice his age. This is wrong, so wrong.”
“Not quite twice,” she corrected, but still, fourteen years was … huge. Blaine’s father was ten years older than his mother and he always thought that was a bit much as a kid, though he supposed it didn’t seem that way now that he was all grown up. “Blaine, you’ve always had this dual personality going on, even when we were kids. When you’re not being a tiny responsible adult, you’re a goofy overgrown manchild. You never got a chance to really grow up, is it that much of a stretch?”
Blaine knew Rachel’s assessment was pretty spot on, but he said nothing, raising his free hand to his face to rub at his temples. “Plus, I dated Jacques last year for a while, and he was over twenty years older than me, remember?”
“Thirty and fifty is far different from eighteen and thirty-two.” Blaine sighed still rubbing at his face. “Why are you trying to make me feel better about this?”
Rachel scoffed. “Because what kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t, silly? Plus, you might be overreacting a tad, in my opinion.” She let Blaine mull over her words before adding, “And I know after Sebastian you said you’d be alright waiting until Sugar was out of high school to try dating again, but this whole lowly spinster thing is kind of getting on my nerves.”
“Oh, stop it, I’m not that bad,” Blaine retorted. “And again. Urge to kiss. No one said anything about dating. It’s not like you’re seeing anyone anyway, so you have no room to talk.” Rachel hummed again into the phone, and how had she not told him this? “You are, aren’t you? And we’re wasting time talking about me? Tell me everything!”
“No! I won’t let you live vicariously through me,” Rachel said, laughing. “It’s ... it’s new, give me a little time.”
“It’s not Finn again, is it?” Blaine asked, actually crossing his fingers, because he could not go through that again.
“No! God no, just. When I come visit next month, I’ll tell you everything in person, promise. Now, stop beating yourself up over this. Let the embarrassment settle, and just don’t do anything rash.”
“I’m pretty sure at this point, I never want to show my face around the kid ever again, so that won’t be difficult.” Blaine sighed again, knowing he was being overly dramatic, but he was talking to Rachel of all people. “Thanks, Rach.”
“Anytime,” she replied, and Blaine hung up the phone, wondering if it would be bad parenting to go to bed at eight o’clock and forget the day even happened.
***
Apparently, Blaine’s subconscious didn’t feel like cooperating, because he dreamt fitfully of Kurt all night. He tossed and turned, images of Kurt sitting at his dining room table filling his head, the perfect angle of his jaw and his delicious red lips. He dreamt of kissing Kurt, soft and sweet and chaste, the way he deserved to be. He dreamt of kissing Kurt the way he liked to be kissed, a little rougher, Kurt nipping at his bottom lip and kissing him deep and sensual, which he knew Kurt had no frame of reference for, but he was a man who hadn’t had sex in years, after all. It was beginning to take its toll.
Blaine dreamed about Kurt’s hands, often clasped tightly around a mug at his table, long fingers woven through the handle. He dreamt of what it would be like to hold Kurt’s hand, grip it tightly as they kissed and lace their fingers together, if Kurt would like it if he massaged his thumb into his palm, tight circles over warm skin.
He spent most of the night like that, in the peculiar twilight between actual sleep and being truly awake, aware that he was getting turned on by merely thinking of kissing and handholding, and at thirty-two, that should be absurd. That didn’t stop him from turning to sleep on his stomach, his hips rutting further and further into the mattress while his mind wandered, and he didn’t even remember having an orgasm at any point in the night, but waking up at sunrise to the surprise of come all over his sheets was a pretty big clue.
Kissing and handholding. He was in so much trouble.
Part 2
Rating: NC-17
Warnings Age!kink, but both parties are over the age of 18.
Summary: When Blaine Anderson gets a fresh start at McKinley High in 1997 thanks to his best friend Rachel Berry, her parents, Emma Pillsbury, and the group of misfits that would become the New Directions, the last thing he expects to gain from playing it straight and dating Quinn Fabray is a daughter at the age of sixteen. Fast forward to present day, where Blaine is raising Sugar as a single dad in the same sleepy town of Lima he grew up in. When Sugar is recruited at the beginning of her sophomore year by Will Schuester to join New Directions and falls deeply in love at first sight with one of the co-captains, Blaine isn’t sure what to think, especially since Kurt Hummel is quite out of her league, being three and a half years older and, well, gay.
Little did he realize how much Kurt would end up turning Blaine’s own life upside down in the year ahead - a story of Blaine’s struggles to find his true self as his daughter grows up herself and his personal journey to realize age is just a number.
“Daddy, I’ve decided I’m going to join glee club this year,” Sugar announced as she burst through the door after the first day of her sophomore year.
“Well, that’s wonderful, sweetheart. We’ll have to call Rachel, she’ll be so pleased!” Rachel Berry was Sugar’s godmother, and she’d been trying to convince Sugar to join the New Directions since the middle of Sugar’s eighth grade year, when she learned Sugar would be going to McKinley and Mr. Schuester was still in charge.
“Sugar, honey, your daddy and I - and your mom too! - were the founding mothers and fathers of New Directions, and you shouldn’t let the fact that there are probably much more talented people in the club hinder your decision, you are a legacy.”
Blaine Anderson had never been the type of parent to coerce Sugar into joining anything her heart wasn’t in, so when she seemed ambivalent her freshman year, he hadn’t pushed her. He and Sugar had sung along with enough cartoons and songs on the radio when she was growing up to know she didn’t have the most spectacular voice, despite Leroy and Hiram’s attempts to foster what little talent Sugar had whenever they babysat her. He’d left her with them the weekend of his twenty-first birthday, when Rachel had insisted on dragging him to New York alone so he could act his age for once. When he returned, he had a five-year-old who knew all of the words to the ‘My Fair Lady’ soundtrack, which she proceeded to screech at the top of her lungs for four months straight.
“I think Rachel might have emailed Mr. Schuester. Or written him on Facebook or called or texted or something. He was waiting for me outside homeroom today.”
Blaine suddenly felt a twinge of guilt - he hadn’t talked to Mr. Schuester in almost a decade, despite never leaving Lima, Ohio. He hadn’t even gone to any of the parent-teacher nights Sugar’s freshman year, because he couldn’t work up the courage. He listened to Sugar ramble on while he cut vegetables for their salad, about how she had him for American History this year (Blaine hadn’t realized he’d switched subjects) and he came to find her and he was really nice about everything and she could use some new friends because her friends from middle school were turning into catty bitches -
“Language, Sugar,” Blaine interjected, but he bit the inside of his cheek and would have pumped his fist in the air if he could, because he’d been waiting almost six months for Sugar to come to this realization on her own and was almost to the point of begging for her to do something, anything new to make some different friends.
“So, the first meeting is tomorrow and I might as well go, right? If I hate it, I can just not go back!” Sugar grinned and snapped her gum one final time before throwing it in the trash, as if she knew the next words out of Blaine’s mouth were going to be how she shouldn’t snap her gum.
Sugar continued on her recount of the rest of the day’s events, setting the table as she spoke, and Blaine pulled the chicken out of the oven. This was Sugar in her element, excited and babbling to anyone who would listen, not all that different from other teenage girls, Blaine supposed, but whenever she got this way, he could see just the tiniest hint of Quinn sparking behind her eyes.
Blaine had never been in love with Quinn Fabray - not when he started dating her, not when he drunkenly slept with her to prove he found her attractive after Noah Puckerman fed her with wine coolers and lies (well, not all lies - Puck was fairly perceptive), not when she got pregnant, not when Sugar was born. Certainly not the second half of their junior year, just weeks after Sugar was born, when Quinn figured out Blaine was essentially using her to pretend to be straight, to avoid getting beat up at yet another school.
Quinn signed all of her rights over to Blaine when he wouldn’t agree to put Sugar up for adoption, and she’d spent the rest of junior year avoiding them, requesting to switch the one math class they’d been put in together. Blaine had given her space, hoping she’d come around, and she had, Christmas of their senior year, shortly after Sugar’s first birthday. She’d shown up on the Anderson’s doorstep that afternoon with a stuffed bear and a smile, and even though Cooper had wanted to refuse her entry, Blaine had insisted she join them.
There had been a little bit of happiness after that, Blaine and Sugar going on play dates with Quinn after school and on weekends, Quinn waxing poetic about how she didn’t know how Blaine did it all, how he could be so selfless. He’d usually deflect, not answering her question outright, but the honest answer was - someone had to. Blaine had always been that person, doing the hard work no one else wanted to in group projects, in glee club, in life.
Their happiness was short lived, because just before graduation, Quinn was killed in a car accident. When Blaine crossed the stage to get his diploma, he’d never felt so alone. All of his friends would be running away to colleges in different states, and he was stuck in Lima with an eighteen month old.
Things didn’t continue quite as dramatically after that (teenage Blaine did have a flair for the melodrama - who could blame him?). Blaine was lucky enough that his grandfather had written both him and Sugar into his will, leaving them decently-sized trust funds, so after his death and Blaine’s nineteenth birthday, Blaine and Sugar moved into their own modest home, close to both his parents and Rachel’s, and Blaine quit his job as a Lima Bean barista to go to the local OSU campus, taking classes when Sugar was in school.
He still frequented the Lima Bean, because the owner, Allie, had been gracious enough to hire him after high school graduation. Blaine ended up getting a degree in business - a far cry from the musical theater degree he wanted before Sugar was born - and one day, at twenty-three, when Sugar was seven and Blaine had no idea what he wanted to do with his life (and if he was being realistic - his grandfather had left him enough money where he could be a stay at home dad to Sugar until she graduated), he brought up an interesting proposition to Allie. There were only two Lima Bean locations at that point - what if there were more? Now, at thirty-two, Blaine was the proud owner of the eight other Lima Bean locations around the state, with three more opening in the coming year.
So, Blaine Anderson was part Lima Bean franchise owner, part stay at home dad, but unfortunately, none of him was listening to Sugar’s stories. “Daddy!” she squealed as he handed her the salad bowl.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Sometimes when you’re telling a story, I get lost in my brain because you look so much like your mother.” Sugar beamed at the comment. Blaine had made it not only because it was true, but because he knew Sugar loved being compared to her mother - Blaine only mentioning Quinn’s good qualities, not her less than desirable ones. “Go ahead and start over. I promise you have my full attention.”
***
“Blaine, have her call me the second she walks through the door - well, after she talks to you of course, but I want to hear all about it. I’m sure it’s changed so much since we graduated; we were the first to win Nationals under Mr. Schue, but he’s won six more times since then, not recently, though. I’m sure Sugar will help change that! Blaine Anderson, are you listening to me?”
Blaine sighed and looked up from his laptop and over at his phone, sitting next to him on the couch with the speakerphone engaged. “Yes, Rachel, I’m listening to you, but you’re a Tony-award winning actress with a new show that you’re trying to workshop for Broadway. Don’t you … have bigger things to worry about?”
Rachel harrumphed loudly into the phone. “What kind of godmother would I be if I didn’t help my goddaughter realize her true dreams?”
“Your true dreams,” Blaine interjected, but he was grinning. “I’ll have her call you, promise. Now, I’m going to hang up on you so I can start dinner.”
“You have never appreciated what I do for you,” Rachel retorted back, but he could hear the smile in her voice. On the contrary, Blaine was beyond thankful for everything Rachel had done for him and Sugar over the past fifteen years. She had truly been the best friend anyone could ask for.
“Love you, Rach,” Blaine replied before ending the call and wandering to the kitchen to start dinner.
Blaine had just put a casserole dish of veggie lasagna in the oven when Sugar burst through the door. “So, how was it honey?” Blaine asked, wiping his hands on a towel as he turned to face the door.
“Daddy,” she said overdramatically. “I am in love.” She collapsed into a chair at the kitchen table and Blaine had to fight the urge to do the same. He knew Sugar was fifteen, and he knew she was a little boy-crazy, but he wasn’t ready for love. Thankfully, he was pretty sure Sugar wasn’t actually in love, so he sat down across from her after setting the kitchen timer and waited. “His name is Kurt Hummel,” she started, sighing at his name, and oh, she had it bad. “He’s a senior and he’s in glee club and he’s so dreamy.”
“Sugar, honey, I’m pretty sure dreamy hasn’t been a hip adjective to use to describe someone since before I was born,” he teased, and she folded her arms on the table.
“You haven’t seen Kurt Hummel, Daddy. Plus, I think it’s making a comeback. And hip doesn’t mean … hip.” She scrunched up her nose quickly before staring off into space a while and finally Blaine cleared his throat.
“Sweetheart, I’m glad you like this boy, but are you sure you’re in love? That’s awfully quick.” Blaine tried to hide the amusement in his voice, because it wasn’t that he didn’t take Sugar seriously - okay, he didn’t, but regardless, it was adorable.
“Yes!” Sugar squealed, somewhat offended at his question. "You were in love with Sebastian, right? This is just like that."
Blaine didn't want to point out that despite being in a relationship with Sebastian for two years, he wasn't exactly in love with him. No need to crush her idealistic dreams so soon. "Have you even talked to him?"
“Of course! He introduced himself and shook my hand and he and this other girl Mercedes are the captains and he told me to come to him if I need any help picking a song for this week’s assignment. We have assignments already, Daddy, it’s crazy, and I think I’m going to ask for his help.”
Well, invite him here. What?” he added at Sugar’s shocked reaction. “I think I should be able to see this dreamy boy myself! I won’t embarrass you … much.” Sugar didn’t look like she believed him, but agreed all the same. “Good. Now, set the table and then call Rachel, she’s dying to hear about your day.”
***
Sugar announced the following day that Kurt would be coming over after dinner on Friday to help her with her song selection (Blaine missed the assignment, something about new beginnings or starting over - he had bigger things to worry about at the moment). He called Cooper Friday afternoon, freaking out a tad, because even though there was no way Sugar was actually in love, she thought she was in love, and his baby was old enough to think she was in love. Cooper surprisingly calmed him down, offered to bust the guy’s skull, and then launched into a ten minute diatribe about his recent experience on the latest TNT cop drama pilot as a rugged attorney that might just turn into a recurring role if it got picked up. Blaine then called Rachel and yelled at her because it was all her fault Sugar even joined glee club.
By the time Sugar actually got home and they ate dinner, he’d calmed considerably, which was for the best, because she, on the other hand, had worked herself up into a tizzy, retreating to her room with half of her dinner still on her plate. Blaine cleaned up even though it was normally her job, and he’d just finished loading the dishwasher when the doorbell rang.
Sugar ran down the stairs at lightning speed, almost tripping over her own feet so she got to the door before Blaine, and he just shook his head as he made his way out into the living room. “Hi, Kurt!” she said brightly as she opened the door, and Kurt replied hello, walking in and spotting Blaine and they both eyed each other up and down for a minute. Kurt looked vaguely terrified and confused, and it took Blaine exactly one and a half seconds to realize Kurt was unquestionably gay. Also, absolutely stunning - Blaine knew he was half his age, but still, he couldn’t help noticing how undeniably gorgeous Kurt was. No wonder Sugar had fallen so hard and fast for him - Blaine would have done the same thing at fifteen.
“Daddy, this is Kurt Hummel,” Sugar finally said, and Blaine shook Kurt’s hand, just to terrify him a little more, because he was pretty sure it was just now hitting him that Sugar might be interested in more than just song selection help.
(See? This whole dating thing could be fun!)
“Blaine Anderson, nice to meet you, Kurt,” Blaine said with a smile, shaking his hand and the poor kid looked like he wanted to curl in on himself and disappear. “So, you’re co-captain of New Directions? I would say congratulations, but I’ve been a co-captain once before and I know how much work Mr. Schue expects of you.” Blaine laughed at his comment, mostly because Sugar was turning bright red behind Kurt - this was not the script they discussed.
A look of realization passed Kurt’s face and he pointed a finger at Blaine. “You were in Rachel Berry’s class, right? He talks about you guys all the time. No, really, all the time. I’ve heard three years of stories of the olden days of the New Directions.” Kurt grinned at his comment, and Blaine now understood why Sugar had called Kurt dreamy - the kid practically had a song in his voice when he spoke.
“Hopefully just the good things,” Blaine replied, suddenly curious of what stories Will Schuester was telling, though they had to be mostly Rachel ones - she had made it to Broadway after all. Kurt looked like he was going to say more, but Sugar grabbed at his arm to lead him upstairs. “Nice meeting you, Kurt!” Blaine called up the stairs behind them. “Door stays open, Sugar!” he added as a warning, even though he knew there was no need for it.
Is Sugar’s love adorable? Blaine had been sitting on the couch not even ten minutes when the text from Rachel came through. The couch in the living room had a spectacular view of the stairs, so Blaine figured it was as good a place as any to work.
Adorably gay Blaine responded, trying not to chuckle again, but really, he wasn’t sure if he should applaud his parenting or weep for it if Sugar couldn’t figure that out.
It’s a mistake many of us make, Blaine. Before Blaine could bring up Rachel’s similar past, Sugar and Kurt came bounding down the stairs again. “Kurt says I don’t have any good songs. I told him I had my credit card linked to my iTunes account, but he wants to go to an actual music store, with sheet music or something.” Sugar was popping her gum in between sentences.
“Kurt’s a safe driver?” Blaine asked, knowing full well he could ask Kurt himself, but he liked Sugar to think about these things - he knew she rarely did.
“Extremely,” Kurt replied for her. “My dad owns a car repair business. I’ve known how to change a tire before I even had my license.”
Something clicked in Blaine’s mind at that moment. “Hummel, right? I’ve been there before. It’s hard to find an honest mechanic, and your dad was bluntly honest.” Kurt smiled at Blaine’s kind words, and he turned to Sugar. “Fine, have fun, be home by ten. Eleven, sorry forgot it was Friday,” Blaine corrected at Sugar’s pointed glare.
“Not midnight?” Sugar asked sweetly.
“You’re not sixteen yet, honey. Be safe and see you at eleven o’clock on the dot.” Blaine got up to shut the door behind them and called out to Sugar, “And stop popping your gum!”
Sugar scrunched up her face as she got in Kurt’s car, and Blaine swore he heard Kurt say something about how the gum popping wasn’t an attractive quality.
Oh, this kid was good. Boyfriend material or not, Blaine hoped he’d stick around.
***
Kurt didn’t appear on the Anderson's doorstep again for a few more weeks. Sugar was upstairs in her room, running late as usual, and she called down for Blaine to occupy Kurt’s time. A group of kids from New Directions was headed to the mall and a movie late one Saturday afternoon, and Kurt had offered to pick Sugar up. (Or Sugar had pleaded. Blaine wasn’t entirely sure.)
“Hi Kurt, good to see you again,” Blaine said as he swung open the door. “Sugar’s not ready yet. Can I get you anything to drink while you wait? Water, soda, coffee?”
“Thanks, Mr. Anderson, coffee would actually be wonderful,” Kurt said, following Blaine into the kitchen. “You’re not going to yell at me for stunting my growth or something?” Kurt smiled as he slid into a chair at the kitchen table and Blaine grabbed an extra mug from the cupboard.
“No, what are you, seventeen? Coffee’s better than those awful energy drinks you kids love these days anyway. Cream and sugar?” At Kurt’s nod, he grabbed the half and half from the fridge, setting it next to the sugar bowl on the table. He handed Kurt his mug, adding, “And please, call me Blaine.”
“Thanks … Blaine,” Kurt replied, stumbling over his name a little and busying himself with the cream and sugar. “And I’m actually eighteen. I turn nineteen a week after graduation. I, uh -“ he suddenly looked panicked, as if he realized just that instant how things sounded, his spoon clacking loudly where it fell against the ceramic mug. “I just wanted you to know - Sugar and I - we’re just friends - I’m gay.”
“I figured that out already,” Blaine replied, slowly and calmly. “Has Sugar?” he asked, and Kurt shook his head. “I haven’t told her, I figure she needs to hear that from you.” He took a sip of his own coffee and watched as Kurt relaxed.
“How -“ Kurt started, looking squarely at Blaine, but then he stopped and dropped his gaze back to his coffee mug, muttering something along the lines of how didn’t he know, and before Blaine could explain, he continued with his previous story. “My mom decided to keep me home another year before sending me to kindergarten. They were letting kids with summer birthdays pick back then, I guess. It kind of sucks now, but she died when I was eight, so I’m glad I got that extra year with her, even though I don’t remember much. Sugar’s mom died when she was young too, right?”
Blaine nodded, setting his coffee mug on the table but keeping his hands wrapped around it. “She wasn’t even two yet. So, I don’t think she remembers much at all. It’s been just the two of us since then.”
“You never remarried?” Kurt asked, and then realized what he’d just said. “Sorry, that was … probably out of line.”
Blaine had to laugh, because the poor kid couldn’t help but say the wrong thing. “No, no it’s fine. I was never even married to Sugar’s mom.” He watched as Kurt’s face became more worried, and he just kept digging a hole for Kurt to climb into didn’t he? “No, Kurt. I - how do you think I knew you were gay?”
Realization bloomed on Kurt’s face just as Sugar sauntered into the kitchen, in a jean jacket and skirt too short for the cool October weather, but it covered everything important, and Blaine was a parent who picked his battles. “I’m ready!” she announced, and Kurt was still staring at Blaine as if he didn’t realize people like him existed in Lima, Ohio.
“Sugar, sweetheart, you’re going to be cold, why don’t you put on some tights?” Blaine pleaded, figuring Kurt needed another minute or two to compose himself. Sugar rolled her eyes, but trudged up the stairs all the same. Sugar was someone who’d learned how to pick her battles over the years too. “Kurt, if you ever need someone to talk to - I’m not eighteen anymore, but I was once. I don’t know how much help I can be, but I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”
Kurt’s brow was furrowed in confusion, as if he had hundreds of questions he could ask, but what he did ask was, “How old are you? Because I wasn’t kidding when I said Mr. Schuester talks about you guys a lot, and he makes it seem like it was just yesterday.”
“Thirty-two. Class of ninety-eight. Sorry Mr. Schue likes living so far in the past.” Before Blaine could say anything more, Sugar reappeared in the doorway wearing her newly donned tights.
“I - I haven’t even touched my coffee,” Kurt said, suddenly staring at his still-steaming mug.
“You can take it with you and send the mug back with Sugar,” Blaine said with a smile. “What time is the movie?” he asked, turning to Sugar.
“Eight-twenty, so we’ll leave right after so I don’t miss curfew, promise,” she replied, walking over and leaning up on her tip toes to kiss him on the cheek. “Come on, Kurt!”
“Thanks for the coffee, Mr. - I mean, Blaine.” Kurt locked eyes with Blaine before turning to follow Sugar, offering him a small smile, and Blaine knew he wasn’t thanking him for just the coffee.
Blaine kept himself busy with yard work while Sugar was gone; finally heading in when it grew dark. He figured should eat something for dinner before showering and contemplating which movie to rewatch for the hundredth time after he got cleaned up. He was just sitting down on the couch with his sandwich, flipping through the DVR, when the doorbell rang. Blaine walked over to the door and peered through the peephole, seeing Kurt clutching the coffee mug on the other side.
Blaine opened the door slowly, but Kurt jumped regardless. “Kurt. I didn’t expect you back so soon. Is everything alright?”
Kurt’s eyes grew wide as he realized his presence without Sugar was making Blaine worry, and he started speaking as fast as possible. “Sugar’s fine, my friends Mercedes and Sam are going to drive her home after the movie, I told them I wasn’t feeling well, I, um, shouldn’t have just shown up here unannounced, I can come back -“
“Kurt,” Blaine said calmly, stopping his tirade. “I told you it was alright. Come in.” Blaine opened the door wide for Kurt, walking back over to switch off the TV and grab his plate. “I was just eating dinner. Have you eaten?”
Kurt nodded as he shut the door behind him. “We ate at the food court. I’m really sorry for just showing up like this. I just - I don’t even really know why I’m here.” Kurt followed Blaine into the kitchen, tripping over the doorjamb and sending the coffee mug flying, landing on the tile and shattering into hundreds of pieces. “And now I’ve broken your coffee mug, I’m so sorry,” Kurt added, sounding on the verge of hysteria, taking a deep breath to regain his composure. “I’m never like this, this is horrible.”
“Kurt, it’s fine, it was just a free Lima Bean one anyway.” Blaine set his sandwich down on the table before walking over to Kurt and steering him to a chair. He walked over to the cupboard for a glass - opting for a plastic cup at the last second, just in case - and filled it with water. “I don’t know if I should offer you more coffee, so here, drink this.” Kurt accepted the water and Blaine ducked into the pantry to grab the broom and dustpan.
By the time Blaine had cleaned up the broken coffee mug, Kurt had regained some of his composure. “I really am sorry,” Kurt repeated, wincing as Blaine sat down at the table. “I’ll - I can buy you a new one.”
“I told you, it’s fine,” Blaine said, taking a sip of his own water and trying not to laugh. “I own almost all of the Lima Beans. I’m sure I can find a replacement.”
Kurt looked at him skeptically. “Sugar said that, I wasn’t sure if it was actually true.” Blaine smiled and started to eat his sandwich, not wanting to push Kurt, and finally, he spoke. “I still don’t know why I’m here. I have good friends that listen to me, but I guess - they don’t get it, you know? Plus, now that Mercedes and Sam are dating each other, I just constantly feel like the third wheel. I guess that’s why I’m trying to become friends with Sugar and the other sophomores and juniors, to give them some space. Plus, team morale and all that.” Kurt worried his lip, and Blaine said nothing still, waiting patiently.
“I’ve just never had the opportunity to really talk to someone else gay before. I went to a Ohio NYADA mixer at the end of last year, and there were other kids that were gay there, but … they were also kind of crazy, and from bigger cities and performing arts high schools with their own support systems and ... they weren’t like me.”
“That’s understandable,” Blaine replied, remembering Rachel’s own NYADA stories from a decade before. “I’m guessing McKinley hasn’t changed much in the past few years.”
Kurt shook his head. “Probably not. Was it - was school hard for you too?”
Blaine set down his sandwich, suddenly not so hungry. “Yeah. Surprisingly, middle school was the worst - I got beat up pretty badly and ended up in the hospital for a few weeks.” Kurt’s eyes grew wide, so Blaine figured it best to gloss over that part. “So, when I started at McKinley - it wasn’t my normal high school, we used my friend, Rachel’s address - I couldn’t go through that again, couldn’t put my parents through a repeat of everything. I joined the football team - shut up, back then it wasn’t full of kids on steroids - and started dating Sugar’s mom, Quinn. Rachel was the only one who knew. I thought I had it all worked out, because Quinn was president of the Celibacy Club - do they even still have that? One night there was a New Directions party, though, and one of the kids brought alcohol, and bad decisions were made. At some point when Quinn was pregnant she figured everything out and spread the rumor like wildfire so …”
Blaine got up, throwing the remnants of his sandwich in the garbage and rummaging in the cupboard for a kettle. “Can I trust you with another mug? Do you want any tea?”
“Sure,” Kurt said absently, as if he was still processing all of Blaine’s information. “God, I feel so stupid now, the worst that’s happened to me is getting tossed in dumpsters and being shoved into lockers for the most part.” Blaine caught the for the most part, but didn’t press it.
“It’s not a contest, Kurt. Wrong is wrong is wrong, no matter to what degree.” Blaine turned on the stove to heat the water - even though he had plenty of contraptions for making tea, this was still his favorite.
“This year’s better, the main guy that was a jerk to me transferred schools over the summer, but still, it’s not …”
“You don’t feel safe,” Blaine gathered, pulling down two more mugs from the cupboard. “You should be allowed to feel safe at school, Kurt.”
Kurt stared at the table, tracing patterns with his fingers on the quilted placemat in front of him. “I pretended too, for a while. I even dated a cheerleader, Brittany. It only lasted a week and didn’t change anything. It was my dad who finally snapped me out of it.”
They fell into a quiet silence, Blaine busying himself with getting the tea ready. He finally resumed the conversation once he sat back down. “It sounds like you have a pretty amazing dad.”
Kurt’s face brightened then. “I do.” He launched into story after story of his childhood, his big, burly, manly dad having tea parties with him, catering to his whims, no matter how eccentric. Blaine wondered briefly if Burt Hummel would be okay with him talking to his son; if Blaine had crossed some invisible line that he shouldn’t have. Blaine wanted to help, Blaine always just meant to help in everything that he did, but it didn’t always come across that way.
“Your dad obviously did a great job raising you, because you seem like a pretty courageous guy.” Kurt muttered something to the contrary, and Blaine wasn’t having that. “No, seriously, it takes a lot of courage to be who you truly are in high school. I don’t know if Sugar’s even figured out who she is yet, so you’re definitely not giving yourself enough credit.”
Kurt opened his mouth, as if he were going to disagree, but ended up muttering his thanks, his cheeks blushing slightly.
"You know, if you ever want someone else to talk to, Miss Pillsbury still works at McKinley, right? Err, Mrs. Schuester," he corrected at Kurt's confusion, forgetting that Will and Emma had gotten married the summer after Blaine and Rachel had graduated. "I know she might seem kind of ... flighty, but I'm not sure what I would have done without her help back in the day. Not that I'm trying to blow you off, she's just ... a professional. And options are always a good thing, right?" Blaine smiled warmly, hoping Kurt would take his suggestion to heart.
Kurt didn’t stay too much longer, wanting to leave before Sugar returned home and caught him in his tiny lie, but Blaine had insisted they exchange cell phone numbers in case Kurt ever wanted to talk more. He also assured Kurt he knew how to text (and Kurt had the decency to pretend like he hadn’t actually thought of that as a valid concern).
Sugar arrived home well before her curfew, looking a bit forlorn. “Was the movie okay, sweetheart?” Blaine asked, rubbing at her shoulder comfortingly as she fell onto the couch next to him.
She turned to him, pursing her lips as if she didn’t know how to word her response. “Daddy, did you know Kurt was gay?”
Oh, shit. “I had an inkling,” Blaine replied slowly, pulling Sugar into the crook of his arm for a hug. “I thought that was something Kurt needed to tell you.”
“Mercedes told me first,” Sugar said with a sigh. “She was really nice about it, but I feel really silly. Though I guess that’s something else I got from Mom too.” Sugar was teasing now, so she couldn’t be too broken up about it, and she curled up against Blaine’s chest even though she’d been too big for that to really work for at least four years now.
Blaine neglected to mention the fact that Sugar’s ignorance was a bit more illogical than Quinn’s - Kurt was out at school after all. “I’m pretty sure Kurt still wants to be your friend, which is why he wasn’t sure how to tell you when you didn’t figure it out yourself.”
Sugar drummed her fingers against Blaine’s chest before sitting up sharply. “I know Kurt said he wasn’t feeling well, but I think I’m going to call him and see if he’s feeling better. And let him know I totally don’t care, I mean, he knows you’re my dad, right? Like that would make me not want to be his friend.”
“I think it was more that he didn’t know how to deal with your, ah, how do I put this - fawning without breaking your heart.” Blaine grinned at Sugar as she got up off the couch.
“I was not that bad, Daddy,” she declared, stomping up the stairs, and Blaine wasn’t in the mood to disagree.
***
Blaine figured he couldn’t actually skip Parent/Teacher night this year at McKinley, what with Rachel suddenly in contact with Mr. Schuester once again. Sugar had never had any problems in school, so once she hit middle school, the open houses weren’t as beneficial, but Blaine knew he should still make the effort to get to know Sugar’s teachers - despite knowing one infinitely well already. He sat in the parking lot for a good ten minutes before going inside, finally getting the strength to get out of his Prius and walk through the front doors.
He was shocked at how little McKinley had changed in fourteen years, the lockers still the same disgusting shade they always were, perhaps a few more trophies in the cases, and thankfully, aside from Mr. Schue, none of Sugar’s teachers were ones that he’d had back in the day. Most of them were fresh-faced college grads who hadn’t been around long enough to have their spirits crushed, who eyed him up and down oddly, trying to figure out if Blaine just looked good for his age or there was another reason he was at least a decade younger than most of the parents. Thankfully, Sugar was a pretty good student, if a bit distracted, so none of them had any major complaints.
American History was last on Sugar’s schedule, and he walked into Mr. Schuester’s classroom, plastering a smile on his face. He wondered half-heartedly if Will was any better at teaching American History than he had been at teaching Spanish when he had been in school. Blaine couldn’t speak a single word of the language before entering his class, and Will hadn’t taught him anything he’d been able to use upon leaving it. Will broke into a grin when he recognized Blaine, throwing his arms around him in a hug. “Blaine Anderson, you look exactly the same as the last time I saw you!”
“Hopefully not exactly the same, it would be a little scary not to age in all this time,” Blaine teased, clapping him on the shoulder when they broke. Will hadn’t changed much either, perhaps a little less gel in his hair and a few more lines on his face.
“I can’t believe Sugar’s old enough to be here, where has the time gone?” Will asked, grinning again and folding his arms over his chest. “I just want to congratulate you on raising such a lovely daughter. Sugar’s been a joy in class and in glee club so far. Quinn would be proud.”
“Thank you,” Blaine replied with a sincere smile. “Also, thanks for seeking her out for glee club. It’ll be good for her, but I knew it was one of those things where she wouldn’t listen to me or Rachel.”
“How is Rachel? We’ve exchanged a few emails, but I’m just so happy for her!” The two talked a bit about Rachel, Will asking about Blaine’s own life afterward, and finally, Will realized he needed to start his presentation. “I’ll see you in the choir room after this, right? They put the extracurriculars on the schedule?”
Blaine assured him they did, and found a seat in the back to listen to Will speak. He thought about pulling his cell phone out to text Rachel, but figured he could wait until after the choir room meeting to call her.
When Will and Blaine walked into the choir room, a handful of parents were already there. Blaine met Tina’s parents, and Mike’s mom before Burt Hummel walked over and introduced himself. “I used to service your car, didn’t I? Green ’96 Saab?”
Blaine chuckled at Burt’s impeccable memory. “You did. It finally died a few years ago and I got a Prius with some crazy warranty, so I just take it to the dealership now. Sorry,” he said, pretending to wince at Burt’s eyeroll.
“You don’t look old enough to have a kid here,” Burt said matter-of-factly, swiftly changing the subject, and Blaine could see where Kurt got his bluntness from.
“I get that a lot,” Blaine admitted. “I’m Sugar’s dad? She and Kurt have sort of become friends lately.”
“Oh, right, Sugar. Friends,” Burt said in a tone that let Blaine know he knew all about Sugar and Blaine had to laugh.
“She can be a bit … overzealous at times,” Blaine said apologetically. “Kurt was very gracious about the whole thing.”
“He got that from his mom,” Burt replied, eyeing Blaine strangely as if he didn’t know if he should say what he was about to say next. “Thanks for letting Kurt talk to you the other day. It was … very kind of you. Kurt hasn’t had a lot of kindness in his life.”
Blaine blinked back at Burt. He wasn’t surprised necessarily that Burt knew about his chat with Kurt; he just hadn’t given it much thought as to whether or not Kurt would actually tell him. “It’s no problem. I remember being that age and just wanting someone who would listen, so it’s just that simple, really.” He and Burt smiled at each other, Burt looking as if he was going to say more, but at that moment, Will burst to the front of the room with renewed energy.
“Alright, parents! Sectionals is coming up in just a month, and as always, I’d love it if any of you would like to chaperone …”
***
Blaine was pleased to find out that Sugar was fitting into glee club nicely, making fast friends with all of the members. By the time November rolled around, Blaine had met all of Sugar’s new friends, and he was never surprised to find a handful of them in his living room when he walked through the door. Mercedes, Kurt, and Tina were over most often, sometimes joined by Sam and Mike, the other five members appearing every once in a while. Blaine could feel Kurt’s gaze on him when he met Brittany for the first time, but Blaine said nothing, pretending to forget anything Kurt had said about dating her. Anything Kurt had told him had been kept in confidence and Blaine wasn't going to break it.
It was wonderful to see Sugar around a group of kids who were positive for a change. The kids from New Directions were just as gossipy, sure, but at least they were working towards a common goal, and as Blaine knew from his own time in show choir, they were a family through and through. It was a nice change to see in Sugar, who, admittedly, had wandered aimlessly through the halls of McKinley her freshman year. Blaine tried not to be the parent who worried, because his own mother was a master worrier and no kid ever wanted to grow up to become exact replicas of their own parents, but the thought that Sugar had been ready to enter her sophomore year, the very year when Blaine's life turned upside down, with no extracurriculars to keep her out of trouble?
Really worrisome, when he let himself think about it. Blaine's schedule had been full of extracurriculars and he'd still found time to get into trouble. Maybe, now that he thought about it, Rachel was more in tune with him than he thought, and that's why she'd contacted Mr. Shue. He really needed to send her flowers or something.
Sugar and Tina had been put in charge of Sectionals costumes, and since it was Sugar's first official New Directions task, Kurt offered to help make selections. They went to the mall on a Saturday afternoon, coming back to the Anderson household to assess their purchases. Blaine walked out into the living room to find the couch covered in bolts of fabric, buttons and ribbons and zippers laid out on the coffee table. After making sure they'd eaten dinner, Blaine retreated to the kitchen, heating up the previous night's leftovers for himself, snippets of the living room conversation weaving in and out.
I still can't believe we saw him," Blaine heard Tina say followed by Sugar's squeaky question of, "Who was he anyway?"
"Just some guy who made Kurt's life hell these past few years," Tina said quickly, changing the subject, and the two girls continued to chatter about their purchases, Kurt staying silent.
Blaine finished his dinner, figuring he could head upstairs to his room and give the kids some privacy, but just as he entered the living room, Tina announced, "You've got to be kidding me, we bought the wrong zippers!"
"Oh no!" Sugar exclaimed, echoing Tina's tone. "Can we take them back?"
Tina nodded, pulling her purse open to search for the receipt. "You want to come with us?" Tina asked Kurt softly, resting her hand on his knee.
Kurt shook his head and patted her hand with his own. "Think I'll pass. I've had enough with the mall for today." He gestured to the fabric beside him. "I can stay here? Start cutting patterns so we’ll be ready when we get to school on Monday and start sewing?"
"Don't be silly, go home! You've done enough already! This isn't your job." Tina smiled warmly at him before turning to Sugar. "Alright, let's go. We'll be quick!"
The girls waved goodbye as they went out the front door again, and Kurt turned around, noticing Blaine behind him in the kitchen doorway. "You alright?" Blaine asked, even though it was painfully obvious from the way Kurt was carrying himself he wasn't.
"Yeah," Kurt answered, but the reply came out strained. Blaine's mind told him to leave it, but Kurt made no move to go out to his car.
"You sure?" Blaine asked once more, sounding skeptical. "I was about to make a pot of coffee if you want some."
Blaine walked into the kitchen, and sure enough, when he turned from the coffee pot, Kurt was headed to the kitchen table. Blaine worked in silence, giving him the space to figure out what he wanted to say, but when he still had nothing from Kurt when he handed him his coffee, he figured he should get the ball rolling - the girls would probably be gone less than an hour to the mall and back. "Is this about that guy you saw earlier?" Blaine asked, quickly adding, "Not that I am the type of parent that would eavesdrop on his kid, or anything."
Kurt laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling up (and when did Blaine start noticing things like that?), nodding as he stirred sugar into his coffee. "How old were you when you had your first kiss?" he asked, and that was the last thing Blaine expected him to say.
Kurt usually started their conversations out like this, asking Blaine a question, and he wasn't quite sure what purpose it served - if he truly wanted to know or he was just getting comfortable enough to tell Blaine what he really wanted to share. Blaine's past kisses assaulted his senses at once, his first kiss with Rachel, his first kiss with Sean, followed by kisses with Quinn, kisses with nameless strangers in New York bars and clubs and dance floors, kisses with Sebastian in every way imaginable, in ways Blaine didn't know was possible.
"Girl or guy?" Blaine finally asked, and Kurt shrugged as he took his first sip of coffee. "Technically, Rachel Berry when I was thirteen years old. We did community theater together every summer, and we were in this awful, awful adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. She was Juliet, of course, and this older kid, Jesse, was Romeo, and she was convinced she needed an actual kiss before she kissed him in practice, experience to draw from or something. I already knew I was gay, but it apparently didn't matter to her." Blaine paused to laugh, wondering if his story sounded insane to someone who didn't know Rachel. "First guy was Sean Massey, almost a year later, right before the Sadie Hawkins dance we went to, which I think I told you about."
Kurt nodded, still not sharing what this was all about, so Blaine prompted him again. "I'm guessing there was a reason why you asked?"
Kurt took another sip of his coffee, gripping the mug tightly. "I guess Brittany was my first kiss, when I was sixteen, and my first kiss with a guy was with the guy we saw today, last year. He - well, if you want to get technical, he was an asshole my freshman and sophomore years. So, last year, he shoved me against a locker and I just lost it, screaming at him and following him into the locker room - I don't even remember what I said, but then he was grabbing me and kissing me. I turned and ran, and then a few days later, he said he'd kill me if I told anyone."
Blaine's stomach twisted sharply and sank. Kurt put his elbows on the table, resting his head between his hands and sighed. Blaine got up from his seat and moved to the one next to Kurt. "That's awful. That's - you know that doesn't count, right?"
Kurt shrugged and Blaine was impressed with his composure. "A year later and I never told anyone. I didn't tell my friends, I didn't even tell my dad. They just thought he was a bully - and I know he's changed and he apologized but -"
"That still doesn't erase what he did," Blaine finished, reaching out for Kurt some unknown reason, an automatic need to comfort him washing over him, squeezing at his shoulder. He could feel Kurt tense up slightly under his touch and he quickly withdrew his hand. "Like I said, that doesn't count. Just focus on the kisses after that instead."
Kurt laughed, and Blaine could hear the bitter tone in his laughter. "There haven't been any kisses after that." Kurt turned to face Blaine finally, his mouth curving in a sad smile, and Blaine could see it in his eyes, the desire to replace that memory with good ones. Blaine's eyes drifted to Kurt's lips, and everything came rushing back to him, the feelings of being eighteen and lost and alone and not even needing to feel loved, just wanting to feel something from another person, something positive, something good, something right. A kiss meant so little to so many people, but to him when he'd been eighteen, to Kurt, it was a gift, and just like that, he could imagine leaning across the table and pressing their lips softly together.
His eyes widened in realization at his thought. Where the fuck had that come from?
Blaine bolted from his seat, probably a little too quickly, going to refill his coffee mug even though it was still half full. “You said you were applying to NYADA, right? Trust me, when you get to New York, you’ll have nothing to worry about. Plenty of guys will be falling head over heels for you.” Kurt didn’t look like he believed Blaine, but Blaine was at a loss of a way to reassure him that wouldn’t sound wrong on so many levels. “Listen,” he finally said, turning and leaning against the kitchen counter, “I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but it will happen for you, Kurt. I have no doubt about that.”
Kurt sighed, still gripping his coffee mug tightly. “I know, it just … it seems like everything is so far away.”
“At the risk of sounding old, you shouldn’t wish your life away. I mean, we’ve established my life has been pretty screwed up, especially when I was your age, but all of that made me who I am today.”
Kurt finally looked up from his coffee mug, grinning ruefully at Blaine. “Yeah, I guess you turned out alright.”
Blaine laughed, because Kurt didn’t even know the half of it. “Just … promise me you won’t throw yourself at the first guy that seems interested in you. You deserve better than that. You shouldn’t just want to get everything over with the second you meet someone who will make that happen.”
And wow, this was getting strangely personal, and Blaine was pretty sure Kurt could tell. He couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth next, but the fact that he’d been too drunk to remember most of his first sexual encounters with guys was swirling in his brain and he didn’t want Kurt to go down that road. Blaine had been there. He’d wanted to erase the past with the present and such things never ended well. Blaine had met Burt Hummel, and while he had no doubt he was an amazing father to Kurt, the fact that Kurt hadn’t told him about the kid kissing him was sticking, and he had to ask.
“I’m really sorry for asking this - but.” Blaine paused, sighing because Kurt was looking at him like he was insane, and he was insane, but that was irrelevant. “Your dad has talked with you about sex, right?” Blaine heard him mutter oh my god, did he actually ask that under his breath, and he was pretty sure Kurt didn’t even realize he’d said it out loud. “I know, I’m sorry, I just - someone should learn from my mistakes.”
Kurt looked at Blaine again, as if he didn’t really believe any of this was happening, and finally said, “Yeah, we talked last year. He - he gave me some pamphlets but I was too embarrassed to read them at the time.”
“Promise me you will? Before you to got New York?” Kurt was staring at the wall, his hands opening and closing in distraction, and Blaine was beyond embarrassed for both of them.
“Sure. If we can forget this whole conversation even happened,” Kurt replied, exhaling sharply, and deal.
“Perfect,” Blaine replied, turning to the sink to dump out his coffee - the additional he’d poured in had messed up the sugar and cream ratio, and no way was he walking over to the table to fix it. He took the time to wash out the mug for far longer than necessary, and as soon as he was done, he thankfully heard the front door open. He walked out into the living room, telling Tina and Sugar that Kurt had stayed and he’d made coffee and he was going upstairs to stay out of their way, and he really, truly couldn’t retreat to the privacy of his bedroom fast enough.
Fifteen minutes later, Blaine was sitting on the floor of his closet with the small bottle of scotch he kept hidden in his sock drawer, spilling his guts to Rachel via cell phone.
“So let me get this straight, this just happened and now you’re hiding in your closet drinking while Sugar and Kurt are still downstairs? Oh, Blaine.”
“Shut up. Also, don’t make an in the closet reference. Just don’t.” Blaine screwed the cap back on the bottle and shoved it behind a pair of shoes, not wanting to get totally plastered with minors in his house, just needing something to take the edge of embarrassment off.
“Well, he’s eighteen, right? At least I’m not going to have to bail you out of jail,” Rachel added and Blaine groaned.
“Not helping, Rach. Not helping at all.” He groaned again, uncrossing his legs and laying flat on his back on the floor. “You know me, Rachel, you know how worried I am about disappointing people and doing the wrong thing and I just don’t know why that doesn’t kick in when I’m around Kurt.”
Rachel hummed into the phone before saying, “You really are that clueless, aren’t you? I’m going to have to spell it out - because you like him, Blaine. You were like this with Sebastian too.”
Holy shit, she was right. She was exactly right. “When did that happen? I - I just wanted to kiss him, okay, not date him,” Blaine whined, far too loud and his voice bounced off the closet walls. He dropped his voice, not wanting the kids downstairs to hear. “Rachel, I’m like twice his age. This is wrong, so wrong.”
“Not quite twice,” she corrected, but still, fourteen years was … huge. Blaine’s father was ten years older than his mother and he always thought that was a bit much as a kid, though he supposed it didn’t seem that way now that he was all grown up. “Blaine, you’ve always had this dual personality going on, even when we were kids. When you’re not being a tiny responsible adult, you’re a goofy overgrown manchild. You never got a chance to really grow up, is it that much of a stretch?”
Blaine knew Rachel’s assessment was pretty spot on, but he said nothing, raising his free hand to his face to rub at his temples. “Plus, I dated Jacques last year for a while, and he was over twenty years older than me, remember?”
“Thirty and fifty is far different from eighteen and thirty-two.” Blaine sighed still rubbing at his face. “Why are you trying to make me feel better about this?”
Rachel scoffed. “Because what kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t, silly? Plus, you might be overreacting a tad, in my opinion.” She let Blaine mull over her words before adding, “And I know after Sebastian you said you’d be alright waiting until Sugar was out of high school to try dating again, but this whole lowly spinster thing is kind of getting on my nerves.”
“Oh, stop it, I’m not that bad,” Blaine retorted. “And again. Urge to kiss. No one said anything about dating. It’s not like you’re seeing anyone anyway, so you have no room to talk.” Rachel hummed again into the phone, and how had she not told him this? “You are, aren’t you? And we’re wasting time talking about me? Tell me everything!”
“No! I won’t let you live vicariously through me,” Rachel said, laughing. “It’s ... it’s new, give me a little time.”
“It’s not Finn again, is it?” Blaine asked, actually crossing his fingers, because he could not go through that again.
“No! God no, just. When I come visit next month, I’ll tell you everything in person, promise. Now, stop beating yourself up over this. Let the embarrassment settle, and just don’t do anything rash.”
“I’m pretty sure at this point, I never want to show my face around the kid ever again, so that won’t be difficult.” Blaine sighed again, knowing he was being overly dramatic, but he was talking to Rachel of all people. “Thanks, Rach.”
“Anytime,” she replied, and Blaine hung up the phone, wondering if it would be bad parenting to go to bed at eight o’clock and forget the day even happened.
***
Apparently, Blaine’s subconscious didn’t feel like cooperating, because he dreamt fitfully of Kurt all night. He tossed and turned, images of Kurt sitting at his dining room table filling his head, the perfect angle of his jaw and his delicious red lips. He dreamt of kissing Kurt, soft and sweet and chaste, the way he deserved to be. He dreamt of kissing Kurt the way he liked to be kissed, a little rougher, Kurt nipping at his bottom lip and kissing him deep and sensual, which he knew Kurt had no frame of reference for, but he was a man who hadn’t had sex in years, after all. It was beginning to take its toll.
Blaine dreamed about Kurt’s hands, often clasped tightly around a mug at his table, long fingers woven through the handle. He dreamt of what it would be like to hold Kurt’s hand, grip it tightly as they kissed and lace their fingers together, if Kurt would like it if he massaged his thumb into his palm, tight circles over warm skin.
He spent most of the night like that, in the peculiar twilight between actual sleep and being truly awake, aware that he was getting turned on by merely thinking of kissing and handholding, and at thirty-two, that should be absurd. That didn’t stop him from turning to sleep on his stomach, his hips rutting further and further into the mattress while his mind wandered, and he didn’t even remember having an orgasm at any point in the night, but waking up at sunrise to the surprise of come all over his sheets was a pretty big clue.
Kissing and handholding. He was in so much trouble.
Part 2