text (can dequirk if you want)twowheeldeviceNovember 22 2011, 20:40:26 UTC
As A Helpful Tip For Future Correspondence The Device Picks Up Your Voice Quite Nicely Yelling Just Makes People On The Other End Drop Stitches In The Middle Of Perfecting Their Knitting Technique
Considering Everyone Else Keeps Consulting Me On That Exact Query I Dont See Why Not There Will Be Some Gaps In This Explanation However Or Rather Vagaries Fuzzy Amorphous Holes Of Unproven Speculation Or Otherwise Outright Bullshit Though Ill Seek To Minimize The Latter Ahem Sentient Life Forms From A Variety Of Universes Have All Appearified On Planet Earth Specifically To Trek Across A Desert Plain While Risking Their Lives Most Commonly Claimed I Have Been Told By Illness Or Drowning To Reach The Parcel Of Land Called Oregon I Would Tell You Who Dunnit Why They Dunnit And How We Can Un Dunnit But That Would Be Getting Into The Bullshit Part No One Has A Clue
Exasperating Isnt It And Not Everyone Here Is Even The Same Species Let Alone From The Exact Same Earth Im Presuming Youre Human From Your Prior Statements From Mine You May Quite Safely Gather That I Am Not
Simply Put An Alien A Troll To Be Exact Would You Like The Long Winded Explanation Highlighting The Most Important Cultural And Biological Differences Between Our Species In An Attempt To Spare You The Embarrassment Of The Most Common Misunderstandings And Us The Exasperation Of Going Over All This Again Or Does Just Saying A Troll Suffice
I can't say I've met a troll before. Or an alien. Maybe it's best that you give me a rundown on your species just so I don't stumble into one of these common misunderstandings.
Okay Heres The Important Points We Dont Have Custodians Of Our Same Species Because The Adults Are All Off Conquering The Known Universe As Might Be Gathered From That Statement We Are Also A Volatile Race Our Childhood Playtimes Often Proved Lethal And That Was All Just Part Of The Game That Being Said However We Make Excellent Companions For Weird Plot Shit Like The Present Situation Biologically We Cycle Through A Larval And A Pupal Stage Before Reaching The Forms You Are Likely To Encounter Should You Ever Invite A Troll To Your Wagon Please Have The Decency To Hide Any Pails Prior To Their Arrival The Explanation For This Is Sensitive But Really Just Dont Be Lewd Put Those Away Also Our Form Of Romance Sure Is Complicated Um Wow Did I Say All That Without A Single Obfuscating Metaphor I Feel Almost Proud
Im Kanaya Its Thoughtful Of You To Be So Considerate My Fellow Trolls And I Appreciate Your Open Mindedness From What Ive Heard Humans Believe Of Aliens Im Not Sure I Want To Know More About Their Guesswork Regarding Trolls Specifically
Unfortunately Not A Surprisingly Large Number Of My Own Acquaintances Have Come Along Though If That Circumstance Is Any Indication Of Potential Trends Then Its Not Guaranteed You Arrived Alone If Theyre Not Responding To Your Summons However The Chances Seem Grim
Well, I'll keep searching for them. They might've just gotten stuck somewhere further down this trail. If they're here, I'll find them for sure. And if not, well... it's probably best that they're still back at home.
The Device Picks Up Your Voice Quite Nicely
Yelling Just Makes People On The Other End Drop Stitches
In The Middle Of Perfecting Their Knitting Technique
Reply
Would you mind explaining what's going on here?
Reply
There Will Be Some Gaps In This Explanation However
Or Rather Vagaries
Fuzzy Amorphous Holes Of Unproven Speculation Or Otherwise Outright Bullshit
Though Ill Seek To Minimize The Latter
Ahem
Sentient Life Forms From A Variety Of Universes Have All Appearified On Planet Earth
Specifically To Trek Across A Desert Plain While Risking Their Lives
Most Commonly Claimed I Have Been Told By Illness Or Drowning
To Reach The Parcel Of Land Called Oregon
I Would Tell You Who Dunnit Why They Dunnit And How We Can Un Dunnit
But That Would Be Getting Into The Bullshit Part
No One Has A Clue
Reply
So we're supposed to go to a place called Oregon. That's all anyone's found out?
Reply
And Not Everyone Here Is Even The Same Species Let Alone From The Exact Same Earth
Im Presuming Youre Human From Your Prior Statements
From Mine You May Quite Safely Gather That I Am Not
Reply
If you're not human, then what are you?
Reply
An Alien
A Troll To Be Exact
Would You Like The Long Winded Explanation Highlighting The Most Important Cultural And Biological Differences Between Our Species
In An Attempt To Spare You The Embarrassment Of The Most Common Misunderstandings And Us The Exasperation Of Going Over All This Again
Or Does Just Saying A Troll Suffice
Reply
Reply
We Dont Have Custodians Of Our Same Species Because The Adults Are All Off Conquering The Known Universe
As Might Be Gathered From That Statement We Are Also A Volatile Race
Our Childhood Playtimes Often Proved Lethal And That Was All Just Part Of The Game
That Being Said However We Make Excellent Companions For Weird Plot Shit Like The Present Situation
Biologically We Cycle Through A Larval And A Pupal Stage Before Reaching The Forms You Are Likely To Encounter
Should You Ever Invite A Troll To Your Wagon Please Have The Decency To Hide Any Pails Prior To Their Arrival
The Explanation For This Is Sensitive But Really Just
Dont Be Lewd
Put Those Away
Also Our Form Of Romance Sure Is Complicated
Um
Wow Did I Say All That Without A Single Obfuscating Metaphor
I Feel Almost Proud
Reply
If I ever meet you in person, I'll make sure to keep that pail thing in mind. What's your name?
Reply
Its Thoughtful Of You To Be So Considerate
My Fellow Trolls And I Appreciate Your Open Mindedness
From What Ive Heard Humans Believe Of Aliens Im Not Sure I Want To Know More About Their Guesswork Regarding Trolls Specifically
Reply
[One of her friends is a god with horns sticking out of her head. She can't start discriminating now.]
Reply
It Was Mion Wasnt It
You Shouted So Many Names At The Beginning I Want To Be Sure Im Recalling The Right One
Reply
Reply
A Surprisingly Large Number Of My Own Acquaintances Have Come Along Though
If That Circumstance Is Any Indication Of Potential Trends Then Its Not Guaranteed You Arrived Alone
If Theyre Not Responding To Your Summons However The Chances Seem Grim
Reply
Well, I'll keep searching for them. They might've just gotten stuck somewhere further down this trail. If they're here, I'll find them for sure. And if not, well... it's probably best that they're still back at home.
Reply
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