this girl liz at the dance party last night asked me in a moment of stone cold sobriety amid her drunkenness why i always come out to everything alone. and that to which i replied, "why not?" there is a deep seeded discourse behind that and i frankly it's not worth rehashing it in here since it's become such a personal mantra.  call it a lone wolf ( Read more... )

i realize that in my almost past seven years the ones from high school i still run into are either becoming very prolific in their own personal stories and paths. or maybe i just i just hype too much. either way i think i should've become a headhunter instead of a psychologist. oh well

so i have extreme trust issues. the past twenty four years of my life i knew this most of the time. the past weekend reminded me being brave or strong or whatever the hell you call it when you're putting on the face of serenity when you're telling your friends the past month and  a half you haven't seen them is because you're in the middle of a ( Read more... )

postsecret made me cry a little bit tonight. it's easier to be alone than to admit to someone else "i like you enough to be a little codependent". is that fucked up?

bitterbitterbitter

it's one year going on two and yet

and yet

i still have some rage and seeing you on friday made me want to throw up a little bit.

seriously, what's wrong with me?

maybe it's just that time of the year for me, but i'm more humbled than i usually am.  it's been six years now, five years or two depending on those who know which histories i am referring to. i am burdened by the weight of acknowledging the things that have come to pass, the persistence of schemas that should't exist with more controlled thought, ( Read more... )

first day of school.  i think i'm enjoying the frozen tundra of a social life at OU but that's probably b/c none of the shitheads i thought were friends are students here.  last friday showed me what my worth was and who's genuinely pleased as punch to see me.  i'm not a fan of cowards and i certainly refuse these days to be be associated with ( Read more... )

dear me,

find some friends.  you've gained ten pounds since you got your laptop.  work and starbucks shouldn't be the only outside interactions you have.

ps. stop reading FML. it's cutting into your sleeptime.

it's not appropriate at work to have these conversations:

"Hey Doug!  I haven't seen you since last year!  I'm so glad we're closing up together!  If I wasn't barking from this fucking cold you could slam me on the counter all night!"

Yeah...maybe the problem IS with me. all the gays i know these days are married or VERY committed.  i'm just the not ( Read more... )