(no subject)
if you opened this you prolly should just click the back button, im just gonna say some emotional shit i just wanna remeber. so i could look back on it. but if you feel like reading you can idc.
i feel fake
i feel like my life is an act
i feel i cant be myself
i feel egotistical, and i try to deny it. i hate myself for that
no one knows the real me
i like things that ur not supposed to, that are not right
[hard to explain] i sometimes catch myself (with out lying) acting a certain way, to where i know i get a certain reaction from someone, to make me feel better OR to make them feel better and comfortable, in sacrifice of a part of me
i hate myself for that
i hate attention, but i crave it so. i hate ppl who crave attention, but i hate the ppl who try to cover it up and act like they dont like it, when they do, i hate myself for that
things that dont bother me, i act they do, because if i dont, im awkward or im stupid
when someone i know dies - it doesnt bother me - i dont know why. i think i grasped that death is inevitable too soon in my life. its a natural occurance.
i dont like how i am
i dont like where i am in life
i dont like
i havent been happy in the longest time
i know whats best for me, but i dont take it, and i dont know why
i want to be left alone i'm scared of losing everyone i don't know what that means
i want to see a therapist, but im scared of what they'll say
i feel like a normal teenager, with stupid problems
5 years too late
im not ready for this
its too much to take on
i dont know why im like this, but everyone is supposed to feel like this when theyre my age. or w/e
i want it all to go away
im too afraid of killing myself, so im not goin to do it. that is the only death im scared of.
i think im like everyother kid
but i also think that theyre is something very wrong with me,and im aware of it. and im not stopping it
i feel like ive told you too much, but this is what i was talking about earlier. i would never show this side of me to anyone. and im scared to post this. but im doin this for myself. i wish i could give up. but its outta my control, so i should do something about it. but thats also outta my control. so i dont know where i stand. im goin to get the wrong reaction that i want. from everyone because of this. (that who read)....i don't know....
i leave it at that...