Fit for Kings
Title: Kill me softly.
Rating: PG for implications
Characters: Rolo Lamperouge and Lelouch Lamperouge.
Summary: A series of drabbles - my take on the last things that go through Rolo's mind when he saves Lelouch's ass AGAIN.
A/N: Spoiler for Turn 19. My heart was threatening to break if I didn't write this, even though I know I should be doing my papers.
1. "There's a trick to it Rolo. Watch. With a sleight of the hand, I release the hidden lever and viola!" Lelouch pulls out a dove from the top hat with a flourish. Rolo's eyes widen and Lelouch laughs, setting the dove in the palm of Rolo's hands. The dove pecks his hand lovingly and Rolo feels the valves his heart tighten considerably. He only realises that he's holding his breath when Lelouch pats him on the head and sets the bird free. Rolo fixes his gaze to the dove and watches it till his vision blurs. If I were that bird, I'll never want to be free.
"It's real," Rolo whispers and Lelouch ruffles his hair like a brother would. It's real, Rolo wants to shout outloud. It's real. It's real. Lelouch is real.
"Happy Birthday Rolo," Lelouch says with a gentle smile, handing Rolo the one thing that will mean more than morals and loyalty.
"It's a music locket. Your birthday present." Lelouch presses the little heart to Rolo and with that, something is forever changed in him.
Rolo clasps the heart shaped locket tightly and his smile is brilliant like the sun. He is no longer afraid to want. Rolo is no longer fearful of wanting something that doesn't belong to him. The edges of the locket grate into his skin but the pain makes him feel alive. It's real.
Rolo will never forget this day. It is there and then that he gives Lelouch his heart. I know it's real because it hurts so much.
2. When the the Black Knights decide to forsake Zero for the greater good of Japan, Rolo is certain Kallen will not. But that doesn't stop him from preparing. He is back-up, just in case, the trump card, a last resort - just like how his dearest brother trained him to be. The fair haired boy, seemingly frail and meek, is everything but weak. Lelouch knows the value in Rolo is his unquestioning faith and he uses to it to the best of his advantage. And Rolo knows that he is a tool and he relishes in that position. To be needed is after all the highest level of love.
He believes in him, believes that Lelouch can carve out a future and a world where he can be real. Even after Lelouch throws him out of his chambers screaming death threats and words of hate, Rolo doesn't let it get to him. Rolo knows that Lelouch needs time and after this war, time will no longer be a luxury. He convinces himself that he is and will always be Lelouch's brother and that he is all that the other needs.
But Rolo forgets, he forgets that life is not a magic show. That there aren't hidden levers and secret compartments. That there aren't rehearsals to perfect an illusion or second chances to make amends. Rolo forgets that even the great Zero cannot create something out of nothing.
Rolo forgets on purpose that there are no tricks to surviving in life. But he reasons that he doesn't need to remember. Because he believes, he simply believes.
So his limbs move on auto-pilot as his mind becomes a whirl of... Lelouch, Lelouch, brother dearest, Lelouch, family, Lelouch, dear dear brother.
3. "Rolo, there's a trick to this," Zero explains the ultimate strategy in a few words and Rolo understands even the words unspoken. It is all for Nunnally. Rolo feels a slow irritation grow and he crushes it. There is no room in his heart for such useless anger. There is only Lelouch.
"Watch as I create a world where we can be happy," Lelouch finishes the pep talk with a flourish and Rolo beams like a good brother would.
And Rolo executes everything to perfection. They question and his answer is simple, always at the tip of his tongue: It is Zero's orders.
But what they don't hear is that one name that is on repeat, getting louder and clearer as the war progresses. Lelouch. Lelouch. Lelouch.
Dearest brother, I'll always be watching.
4. Lelouch is in hysterics beside you. The cockpit of the knightmare is too small to fit two growing boys but you are grateful for the lack of space. He rises, shouts, languishes and orders you to obey but all you feel is him leaning against you and for the first time, you go against his orders.
You know this moment is yours and you know you can trust every word he says. In his time of need and desperation, you come through and now, all that mattered is beside you. You feel your heart threaten to combust but all you see is Lelouch. Lelouch. Lelouch. Brother dear.
He demands you to stop but you don't. You cannot, not when it is the only way or when you are the only person who can do this. You don't beg for his understanding or his approval. It's too late now. You do it because you know you must and because that is the only way you know how.
Time stops time and time again. You freeze the space between your pursuers and pray your heart doesn't betray you. The distance continues to grow and you're glad that you make it this far. You do it all for him. And it should be enough now, you decide as you let your heart give way. You think you're ready to die but one look in those eyes is all it takes for you to wonder if you can manipulate time to cheat death a little longer.
You wonder what good is a Geass that stops time if it doesn't stop it long enough. You realise then that you would give the world for a Geass that destroys time. Lelouch. Because this is the time, this is your time, the perfect time. Lelouch. The moment you want to stay in forever. Lelou...
5. Lelouch is a liar that hates to lie. He lies because he knows what people want to hear. So he lies to Rolo one last time. He watches Rolo push his tiny frame over the limit and continues to watch Rolo break. Because all he can do is watch, so Lelouch watches as Rolo's lips curl into a familiar smile and fade away in his arms. He commands Rolo to live but the dead lie still and Lelouch wonders if he can command that part of him etched with Rolo's name to live. It is then he realises that for a man as aloof as the abandoned Prince of Britannia, all he wanted was never to be alone.
It is after the tinkling music of that precious locket ends that Lelouch admits, Rolo isn't a lie. Rolo cannot be a lie if his heart is breaking.
Rating: PG for implications
Characters: Rolo Lamperouge and Lelouch Lamperouge.
Summary: A series of drabbles - my take on the last things that go through Rolo's mind when he saves Lelouch's ass AGAIN.
A/N: Spoiler for Turn 19. My heart was threatening to break if I didn't write this, even though I know I should be doing my papers.
1. "There's a trick to it Rolo. Watch. With a sleight of the hand, I release the hidden lever and viola!" Lelouch pulls out a dove from the top hat with a flourish. Rolo's eyes widen and Lelouch laughs, setting the dove in the palm of Rolo's hands. The dove pecks his hand lovingly and Rolo feels the valves his heart tighten considerably. He only realises that he's holding his breath when Lelouch pats him on the head and sets the bird free. Rolo fixes his gaze to the dove and watches it till his vision blurs. If I were that bird, I'll never want to be free.
"It's real," Rolo whispers and Lelouch ruffles his hair like a brother would. It's real, Rolo wants to shout outloud. It's real. It's real. Lelouch is real.
"Happy Birthday Rolo," Lelouch says with a gentle smile, handing Rolo the one thing that will mean more than morals and loyalty.
"It's a music locket. Your birthday present." Lelouch presses the little heart to Rolo and with that, something is forever changed in him.
Rolo clasps the heart shaped locket tightly and his smile is brilliant like the sun. He is no longer afraid to want. Rolo is no longer fearful of wanting something that doesn't belong to him. The edges of the locket grate into his skin but the pain makes him feel alive. It's real.
Rolo will never forget this day. It is there and then that he gives Lelouch his heart. I know it's real because it hurts so much.
2. When the the Black Knights decide to forsake Zero for the greater good of Japan, Rolo is certain Kallen will not. But that doesn't stop him from preparing. He is back-up, just in case, the trump card, a last resort - just like how his dearest brother trained him to be. The fair haired boy, seemingly frail and meek, is everything but weak. Lelouch knows the value in Rolo is his unquestioning faith and he uses to it to the best of his advantage. And Rolo knows that he is a tool and he relishes in that position. To be needed is after all the highest level of love.
He believes in him, believes that Lelouch can carve out a future and a world where he can be real. Even after Lelouch throws him out of his chambers screaming death threats and words of hate, Rolo doesn't let it get to him. Rolo knows that Lelouch needs time and after this war, time will no longer be a luxury. He convinces himself that he is and will always be Lelouch's brother and that he is all that the other needs.
But Rolo forgets, he forgets that life is not a magic show. That there aren't hidden levers and secret compartments. That there aren't rehearsals to perfect an illusion or second chances to make amends. Rolo forgets that even the great Zero cannot create something out of nothing.
Rolo forgets on purpose that there are no tricks to surviving in life. But he reasons that he doesn't need to remember. Because he believes, he simply believes.
So his limbs move on auto-pilot as his mind becomes a whirl of... Lelouch, Lelouch, brother dearest, Lelouch, family, Lelouch, dear dear brother.
3. "Rolo, there's a trick to this," Zero explains the ultimate strategy in a few words and Rolo understands even the words unspoken. It is all for Nunnally. Rolo feels a slow irritation grow and he crushes it. There is no room in his heart for such useless anger. There is only Lelouch.
"Watch as I create a world where we can be happy," Lelouch finishes the pep talk with a flourish and Rolo beams like a good brother would.
And Rolo executes everything to perfection. They question and his answer is simple, always at the tip of his tongue: It is Zero's orders.
But what they don't hear is that one name that is on repeat, getting louder and clearer as the war progresses. Lelouch. Lelouch. Lelouch.
Dearest brother, I'll always be watching.
4. Lelouch is in hysterics beside you. The cockpit of the knightmare is too small to fit two growing boys but you are grateful for the lack of space. He rises, shouts, languishes and orders you to obey but all you feel is him leaning against you and for the first time, you go against his orders.
You know this moment is yours and you know you can trust every word he says. In his time of need and desperation, you come through and now, all that mattered is beside you. You feel your heart threaten to combust but all you see is Lelouch. Lelouch. Lelouch. Brother dear.
He demands you to stop but you don't. You cannot, not when it is the only way or when you are the only person who can do this. You don't beg for his understanding or his approval. It's too late now. You do it because you know you must and because that is the only way you know how.
Time stops time and time again. You freeze the space between your pursuers and pray your heart doesn't betray you. The distance continues to grow and you're glad that you make it this far. You do it all for him. And it should be enough now, you decide as you let your heart give way. You think you're ready to die but one look in those eyes is all it takes for you to wonder if you can manipulate time to cheat death a little longer.
You wonder what good is a Geass that stops time if it doesn't stop it long enough. You realise then that you would give the world for a Geass that destroys time. Lelouch. Because this is the time, this is your time, the perfect time. Lelouch. The moment you want to stay in forever. Lelou...
5. Lelouch is a liar that hates to lie. He lies because he knows what people want to hear. So he lies to Rolo one last time. He watches Rolo push his tiny frame over the limit and continues to watch Rolo break. Because all he can do is watch, so Lelouch watches as Rolo's lips curl into a familiar smile and fade away in his arms. He commands Rolo to live but the dead lie still and Lelouch wonders if he can command that part of him etched with Rolo's name to live. It is then he realises that for a man as aloof as the abandoned Prince of Britannia, all he wanted was never to be alone.
It is after the tinkling music of that precious locket ends that Lelouch admits, Rolo isn't a lie. Rolo cannot be a lie if his heart is breaking.