In which I dream of Hibari smiling at me...
And I'm not sure if I should be afraid or not. So I change my header in his honor... sorta.
I solemnly swear to start work on Subrosa...
Later. TOMORROW. Repeat cycle until night before submission and /wrist. This is why I can't have extensions.
/EDIT - Mother is on the road to recovery. The pain is less noticeable, so all's better. Thanks for the prayers.
Title: Evanescence
Rating: PG
Characters: Everyone at the final crucifixion of a fallen hero, wronged till the end.
A/N: A series of 7 drabbles or character introspectives, a bad excuse for closure, AGAIN. Spoilers everywhere. Edit in progress.
Cornelia li Britannia and Viletta Nu
The tiny resistance group she forms with Guilford amounts up to nothing in Lelouch's stronghold and many a time, she wonders where she went wrong. Cornelia knows. Since Marianne. But she keeps mum. They are aware that the rescue plan is suicidal but they need hope and Cornelia refuses to die.
"Troy if it's a boy and Andrea if it's a girl," Cornelia murmurs, binoculars in hand.
Viletta continues to peer through the window blinds. "He will want a Japanese name."
Cornelia squares her shoulders and resumes her watch. They don't mention names anymore.
***
"The devil is dead! Free the hostages!"
Cornelia feels no satisfaction. But she understands and because of her understanding, she stands by Nunnally however begrudgingly. She is the harshest critic of the 100th Empress' decisions, not because Zero is behind her wheelchair or Nunnally's blind faith in Lelouch but because Cornelia is hardest on herself for failing Euphemia. In the end, the truth dies with Lelouch and she cannot forgive the sacrilege.
She runs out of excuses when the truth hits her a year too late but Nunnally teaches her to forgive. For a moment, she feels Euphie.
***
Cornelia is named godmother of the baby girl, Kaname Yuuhi.
-Yuuhi can be loosely translated to the evening sun-
Sumeragi Kaguya and Tian-zi
Kaguya would never forget C.C's words at her revelation of Lelouch's true intention. She was not the kind young woman C.C praised her to be or the wise good leader Lelouch spoke of. Kaguya was selfish but she understood the weight of the mask Lelouch carried. It was no self-praise when she claimed to be the perfect match for Zero. Because Kaguya knew exactly what it was like to grow up too quickly, to see the ugliness of reality and become disillusioned. She understood Lelouch, perhaps more than others. Because unlike Lelouch, Kaguya didn't need a physical mask to survive, she was born into the mask of a living doll, trapped in this inconvenient time.
After ashes fade to dust, Tian-zi came to realise that Kaguya was just a girl looking for love in the wrong person.
***
Their statuses had been restored but all Kaguya did was lock herself in the temporary quarters she shared with Tian-zi. Tian-zi watched on, eyes too large for her face, as Kaguya withered away.
Tian-zi did not understand Kaguya's need for tears. They were free, the tyrant Emperor was dead and Zero came back for them. Kaguya should be celebrating with the rest of the world, not cooped up like a prisoner of war. Didn't Kaguya say she and Zero were married in name? Shouldn't she be happy that Zero has risen from the dead? Tian-zi stopped trying to make sense of the situation and momentarily wondered if the Japanese shared a Chinese tradition of widows crying the length of the Yellow River for their fallen husbands.
"Why do you cry?"
"Why not?"
Kaguya's answer was cutting and Tian-zi leaned back, as if distance would keep her safe from the truth. She didn't want to know or understand like Kaguya did. She wanted someone to blame and Lelouch was perfect.
What did one say when your best friend was crying her heart out for the death of a man who never loved her?
Tian-zi had no answer.
Kozuki Kallen and Jeremiah Gottwald
"Zero?" She cannot believe her eyes and Kallen thinks it is a trick of the light.
"But Lelouch is right there!" She strains her eyes for some sort of illusion but Lelouch's sad smile is real and it strikes her hard.
The lack of faith puts her to shame. As Lelouch's friend, she should have known better. But most of all, as Zero's guard of honor, miracles should no longer send a jolt through her. But Kallen shivers desspite the heat as Zero leaps, soaring past.
Her mind is a whirl of Lelouch, Zero, Lelouch and Lelouch again. His name drowns out her confusion.
But before she can help Ougi understand, it is over. The world seems to stop spinning for that moment and time slows down. The masses are in an uproar but Kallen cannot hear them. Her gaze is on Lelouch, a silent salute for the man she loved.
***
The infamous Jeremiah Gottwald is the one who releases her but he is gone before she can question him. They tell her he killed himself after the coup d’état. But fate has it so that when Kallen is convinced the truth is lost forever, she sees her. A ghost. Anya Alstreim, presumed dead.
And Kallen finds answers in the least likely of places - an orange grove by the name of Lamperouge.
She is not surprised to hear that it is the same orange farm that supplies the 100th Empress' favourite fruits.
C.C
The day before his end, Lelouch finds C.C. in his private chambers. She stands at the balcony, hair flapping softly at the back of her knees. Her hair is longer than he remembers. He casts the maudlin thought away.
Lelouch does not question her presence and she does not react to his entrance. For a long while, they stand in silence, waiting. A stalemate, Lelouch muses, fingering the black chess piece in his robe pocket. He wonders if they can find forgiveness in their hearts to bury him.
"You're a liar Lelouch."
"Tell me something new, witch." She can hear his lazy smile and it gets under her skin.
"I loved you." It comes out like the barest of whispers, as if she cannot bear to say it.
Lelouch pretends not to hear her but he cannot pretend not to hear the past tense.
C.C turns on her heel, they don't touch as she floats by, leaving his world. The words ring and his grip on the black king tightens.
"There is no going back," Lelouch whispers to no one in particular. He just needs to say those words.
***
C.C does not place her trust in miracles. They are nothing but strategies and tactics. She hears Lelouch in her head and laughs, the sound foreign to her ears. It is pointless to pray for redemption of a soul long-lost and witches don't believe in God. But she is human (with a name and a past) before she is a witch, so she kneels to beg for a miracle. Even if they break like hearts do, C.C. wants to hope.
"You're a liar through and through," C.C says aloud. The church is hopelessly empty. It sounds like her soul.
The clock ticks and C.C. knows it is time it happens. Time has long stopped for her and she feels no loss but it does not explain the tears.
"How will I die with a smile like this--"
... ne Lelouch...
You're no liar right?
Kururugi Suzaku and Arthur
Arthur stands vigil at a tomb nobody visits. He does not understand death but he misses the gentle touch and green eyes. The tomb stone smells wrong. It doesn't match the gentle touch and green eyes, so Arthur sits, confused. When he stands to leave, Arthur is sure the humans got it wrong (as usual). The gentle touch and green eyes cannot be here. He decides that it's a game of hide and seek, and Arthur loves to play.
Suzaku shares a love-hate relationship with Arthur, more of love and less of hate for the cat is the closest family he will ever have. But it comes as a shock to the maids who find a feisty black cat curled up on Zero-sama's laundry. When confronted, Zero does not explain and Nunnally is delighted at the discovery. Zero does not have time to explain when Arthur is busy using his spare cape as a scratching post.
***
He will never admit but the late Vampire Knight had a point. The most important thing in the world is life, so Suzaku lives doggedly. He lives because of their sacrifice and in order to continue the sacrifice. Till the bitter end, his oldest friend is right, he must live on for everyone who died.
"Together we can do anything," Suzaku mutters under his breath.
It becomes a ritual for Suzaku. Every time he puts on Zero's mask, he whispers Lelouch's mantra. The words of a misunderstood prince echo in the privacy of Zero's chambers. It's been months but he still sounds desperate and urgent. Lelouch's words are all he has left.
It started with Lelouch's vision and ends with Zero's justice. But Suzaku cannot convince himself that it doesn't matter who is beneath that cape as long as peace is rebuilt. Even he will sucuumb to death but the symbol of Zero cannot die. So Suzaku visualises the day he passes on the legend of this burden. It will be like the day Zero--, no, he killed Lelouch. Devastating. It will take herculean effort on his part to hand over the will of his best friend but Suzaku is grateful that he still has time to learn to be selfish.
There can only be one successor for Lelouch.
Lelouch Lamperouge
Lelouch is an actor from the beginning. He carries himself with menace and rage necessary for a dictator. The sneer comes naturally, the frown is etched on permanently but the laugh is practiced. No one knows that the 99th Emperor is afraid of his own reflection.
That cloudless day, he sits regal on his throne, impatient for the final curtain call. The stage is set and all eyes are on him. The tyrant is ready to court death and the resurrected hero shares his limelight, a stark contrast of black and white, goodness and evil personified. Loaded gun, Sword of Damocles, last words and blood on that familiar mask, every minute detail not forgotten. The wretched Emperor is flawless till the end.
Lelouch is a natural actor and the world is his playground. As he leans against his faithful partner, he realises the one difficulty in every role he plays - the exit. And this exit is particularly painful but he sticks to the script. The dark knight has executed his lines impeccably and it's his turn.
Lelouch doesn't feel the sword twist clean. There's nothing left but sheer tenacity and he stumbles forward. There is a gentle breeze and the conditions are perfect. He smiles the smile of a deranged ruler and at the edge of his stage, time stands still. He is suddenly reminded of a heartbreakingly familiar tune but he cannot put a finger to it. He pushes himself to complete the final act and the thought is lost. His fall from grace is long and excruciating but it must be done, so he does. Lelouch tumbles into her arms, the resting place where he belongs.
The tyrant lays limp. There are no more lies to tell and the curtain falls. The crowd is in a frenzy and the tyrant closes his eyes the last time.
***
Under the name 'Lamperouge', he is buried in Nunnally's private gardens. Surrounded by blooms of Forget-me-nots in the color of her eyes, Lelouch rests. No one is allowed in without the 100th Empress and that day, a pile of paper cranes lie at the foot of the tomb.
"It's time to leave, your majesty." The 100th Empress does not fight her dark knight.
"He's not here," Suzaku whispers and he is the only one who sees tear stains on clipped wings.
-The flower language of Forget-me-not is remembrance. Associated with tragic fate, it means faithfulness and true everlasting love. The Sword of Damocles stands for a situation threatening imminent danger, a perilous state of happiness. Also, I'm sorry for the shameless reference of Shakespeare's words from 'As you like it'. -
Nunnally vi Britannia
The 100th Empress does not grieve, not in public. She has no time for childish tears and wistful looks. She is the first to recover, growing in strength and wisdom to become Zero's pillar of support in the creation of a new peace. She learns to say no and to sacrifice-- no, to prioritise, like Zero says. She becomes everything Onii-sama wants to be and more because Onii-sama will expect no less of her. She is afterall, sister of Lelouch Lamperouge, so Nunnally never stops smiling that serene facade. But she is not without flaws. She makes mistakes and Zero-- no, Suzaku, is there to pick up the pieces. Nunnally feels a cross between resentment and gratitude but she crushes it for the promise of a greater good.
Suzaku is not one to break his word, Nunnally knows. He is like Onii-sama.
***
Nunnally learns to live the day Onii-sama dies. Because with life, she fulfills the dead's utopian dream.
"Onii-sama."
She fingers the pile of paper cranes on her lap. 365 psychedelic birds, one for each day he's gone. She wonders what possessed her to believe that birds with clipped wings can grant wishes. But her fingers move on habit. Bend, fold, press, bend, fold. She will continue believing.
"I'm on top of the world." Her words float towards skies so blue but she cannot look at the sky without remembering that day. So she tries to smile but her heart threatens to stop and Nunnally has to live.
"The gentle world you promised."
"But it's lonely Onii-sama."
So so lonely, without you.
I solemnly swear to start work on Subrosa...
Later. TOMORROW. Repeat cycle until night before submission and /wrist. This is why I can't have extensions.
/EDIT - Mother is on the road to recovery. The pain is less noticeable, so all's better. Thanks for the prayers.
Title: Evanescence
Rating: PG
Characters: Everyone at the final crucifixion of a fallen hero, wronged till the end.
A/N: A series of 7 drabbles or character introspectives, a bad excuse for closure, AGAIN. Spoilers everywhere. Edit in progress.
Cornelia li Britannia and Viletta Nu
The tiny resistance group she forms with Guilford amounts up to nothing in Lelouch's stronghold and many a time, she wonders where she went wrong. Cornelia knows. Since Marianne. But she keeps mum. They are aware that the rescue plan is suicidal but they need hope and Cornelia refuses to die.
"Troy if it's a boy and Andrea if it's a girl," Cornelia murmurs, binoculars in hand.
Viletta continues to peer through the window blinds. "He will want a Japanese name."
Cornelia squares her shoulders and resumes her watch. They don't mention names anymore.
***
"The devil is dead! Free the hostages!"
Cornelia feels no satisfaction. But she understands and because of her understanding, she stands by Nunnally however begrudgingly. She is the harshest critic of the 100th Empress' decisions, not because Zero is behind her wheelchair or Nunnally's blind faith in Lelouch but because Cornelia is hardest on herself for failing Euphemia. In the end, the truth dies with Lelouch and she cannot forgive the sacrilege.
She runs out of excuses when the truth hits her a year too late but Nunnally teaches her to forgive. For a moment, she feels Euphie.
***
Cornelia is named godmother of the baby girl, Kaname Yuuhi.
-Yuuhi can be loosely translated to the evening sun-
Sumeragi Kaguya and Tian-zi
Kaguya would never forget C.C's words at her revelation of Lelouch's true intention. She was not the kind young woman C.C praised her to be or the wise good leader Lelouch spoke of. Kaguya was selfish but she understood the weight of the mask Lelouch carried. It was no self-praise when she claimed to be the perfect match for Zero. Because Kaguya knew exactly what it was like to grow up too quickly, to see the ugliness of reality and become disillusioned. She understood Lelouch, perhaps more than others. Because unlike Lelouch, Kaguya didn't need a physical mask to survive, she was born into the mask of a living doll, trapped in this inconvenient time.
After ashes fade to dust, Tian-zi came to realise that Kaguya was just a girl looking for love in the wrong person.
***
Their statuses had been restored but all Kaguya did was lock herself in the temporary quarters she shared with Tian-zi. Tian-zi watched on, eyes too large for her face, as Kaguya withered away.
Tian-zi did not understand Kaguya's need for tears. They were free, the tyrant Emperor was dead and Zero came back for them. Kaguya should be celebrating with the rest of the world, not cooped up like a prisoner of war. Didn't Kaguya say she and Zero were married in name? Shouldn't she be happy that Zero has risen from the dead? Tian-zi stopped trying to make sense of the situation and momentarily wondered if the Japanese shared a Chinese tradition of widows crying the length of the Yellow River for their fallen husbands.
"Why do you cry?"
"Why not?"
Kaguya's answer was cutting and Tian-zi leaned back, as if distance would keep her safe from the truth. She didn't want to know or understand like Kaguya did. She wanted someone to blame and Lelouch was perfect.
What did one say when your best friend was crying her heart out for the death of a man who never loved her?
Tian-zi had no answer.
Kozuki Kallen and Jeremiah Gottwald
"Zero?" She cannot believe her eyes and Kallen thinks it is a trick of the light.
"But Lelouch is right there!" She strains her eyes for some sort of illusion but Lelouch's sad smile is real and it strikes her hard.
The lack of faith puts her to shame. As Lelouch's friend, she should have known better. But most of all, as Zero's guard of honor, miracles should no longer send a jolt through her. But Kallen shivers desspite the heat as Zero leaps, soaring past.
Her mind is a whirl of Lelouch, Zero, Lelouch and Lelouch again. His name drowns out her confusion.
But before she can help Ougi understand, it is over. The world seems to stop spinning for that moment and time slows down. The masses are in an uproar but Kallen cannot hear them. Her gaze is on Lelouch, a silent salute for the man she loved.
***
The infamous Jeremiah Gottwald is the one who releases her but he is gone before she can question him. They tell her he killed himself after the coup d’état. But fate has it so that when Kallen is convinced the truth is lost forever, she sees her. A ghost. Anya Alstreim, presumed dead.
And Kallen finds answers in the least likely of places - an orange grove by the name of Lamperouge.
She is not surprised to hear that it is the same orange farm that supplies the 100th Empress' favourite fruits.
C.C
The day before his end, Lelouch finds C.C. in his private chambers. She stands at the balcony, hair flapping softly at the back of her knees. Her hair is longer than he remembers. He casts the maudlin thought away.
Lelouch does not question her presence and she does not react to his entrance. For a long while, they stand in silence, waiting. A stalemate, Lelouch muses, fingering the black chess piece in his robe pocket. He wonders if they can find forgiveness in their hearts to bury him.
"You're a liar Lelouch."
"Tell me something new, witch." She can hear his lazy smile and it gets under her skin.
"I loved you." It comes out like the barest of whispers, as if she cannot bear to say it.
Lelouch pretends not to hear her but he cannot pretend not to hear the past tense.
C.C turns on her heel, they don't touch as she floats by, leaving his world. The words ring and his grip on the black king tightens.
"There is no going back," Lelouch whispers to no one in particular. He just needs to say those words.
***
C.C does not place her trust in miracles. They are nothing but strategies and tactics. She hears Lelouch in her head and laughs, the sound foreign to her ears. It is pointless to pray for redemption of a soul long-lost and witches don't believe in God. But she is human (with a name and a past) before she is a witch, so she kneels to beg for a miracle. Even if they break like hearts do, C.C. wants to hope.
"You're a liar through and through," C.C says aloud. The church is hopelessly empty. It sounds like her soul.
The clock ticks and C.C. knows it is time it happens. Time has long stopped for her and she feels no loss but it does not explain the tears.
"How will I die with a smile like this--"
... ne Lelouch...
You're no liar right?
Kururugi Suzaku and Arthur
Arthur stands vigil at a tomb nobody visits. He does not understand death but he misses the gentle touch and green eyes. The tomb stone smells wrong. It doesn't match the gentle touch and green eyes, so Arthur sits, confused. When he stands to leave, Arthur is sure the humans got it wrong (as usual). The gentle touch and green eyes cannot be here. He decides that it's a game of hide and seek, and Arthur loves to play.
Suzaku shares a love-hate relationship with Arthur, more of love and less of hate for the cat is the closest family he will ever have. But it comes as a shock to the maids who find a feisty black cat curled up on Zero-sama's laundry. When confronted, Zero does not explain and Nunnally is delighted at the discovery. Zero does not have time to explain when Arthur is busy using his spare cape as a scratching post.
***
He will never admit but the late Vampire Knight had a point. The most important thing in the world is life, so Suzaku lives doggedly. He lives because of their sacrifice and in order to continue the sacrifice. Till the bitter end, his oldest friend is right, he must live on for everyone who died.
"Together we can do anything," Suzaku mutters under his breath.
It becomes a ritual for Suzaku. Every time he puts on Zero's mask, he whispers Lelouch's mantra. The words of a misunderstood prince echo in the privacy of Zero's chambers. It's been months but he still sounds desperate and urgent. Lelouch's words are all he has left.
It started with Lelouch's vision and ends with Zero's justice. But Suzaku cannot convince himself that it doesn't matter who is beneath that cape as long as peace is rebuilt. Even he will sucuumb to death but the symbol of Zero cannot die. So Suzaku visualises the day he passes on the legend of this burden. It will be like the day Zero--, no, he killed Lelouch. Devastating. It will take herculean effort on his part to hand over the will of his best friend but Suzaku is grateful that he still has time to learn to be selfish.
There can only be one successor for Lelouch.
Lelouch Lamperouge
Lelouch is an actor from the beginning. He carries himself with menace and rage necessary for a dictator. The sneer comes naturally, the frown is etched on permanently but the laugh is practiced. No one knows that the 99th Emperor is afraid of his own reflection.
That cloudless day, he sits regal on his throne, impatient for the final curtain call. The stage is set and all eyes are on him. The tyrant is ready to court death and the resurrected hero shares his limelight, a stark contrast of black and white, goodness and evil personified. Loaded gun, Sword of Damocles, last words and blood on that familiar mask, every minute detail not forgotten. The wretched Emperor is flawless till the end.
Lelouch is a natural actor and the world is his playground. As he leans against his faithful partner, he realises the one difficulty in every role he plays - the exit. And this exit is particularly painful but he sticks to the script. The dark knight has executed his lines impeccably and it's his turn.
Lelouch doesn't feel the sword twist clean. There's nothing left but sheer tenacity and he stumbles forward. There is a gentle breeze and the conditions are perfect. He smiles the smile of a deranged ruler and at the edge of his stage, time stands still. He is suddenly reminded of a heartbreakingly familiar tune but he cannot put a finger to it. He pushes himself to complete the final act and the thought is lost. His fall from grace is long and excruciating but it must be done, so he does. Lelouch tumbles into her arms, the resting place where he belongs.
The tyrant lays limp. There are no more lies to tell and the curtain falls. The crowd is in a frenzy and the tyrant closes his eyes the last time.
***
Under the name 'Lamperouge', he is buried in Nunnally's private gardens. Surrounded by blooms of Forget-me-nots in the color of her eyes, Lelouch rests. No one is allowed in without the 100th Empress and that day, a pile of paper cranes lie at the foot of the tomb.
"It's time to leave, your majesty." The 100th Empress does not fight her dark knight.
"He's not here," Suzaku whispers and he is the only one who sees tear stains on clipped wings.
-The flower language of Forget-me-not is remembrance. Associated with tragic fate, it means faithfulness and true everlasting love. The Sword of Damocles stands for a situation threatening imminent danger, a perilous state of happiness. Also, I'm sorry for the shameless reference of Shakespeare's words from 'As you like it'. -
Nunnally vi Britannia
The 100th Empress does not grieve, not in public. She has no time for childish tears and wistful looks. She is the first to recover, growing in strength and wisdom to become Zero's pillar of support in the creation of a new peace. She learns to say no and to sacrifice-- no, to prioritise, like Zero says. She becomes everything Onii-sama wants to be and more because Onii-sama will expect no less of her. She is afterall, sister of Lelouch Lamperouge, so Nunnally never stops smiling that serene facade. But she is not without flaws. She makes mistakes and Zero-- no, Suzaku, is there to pick up the pieces. Nunnally feels a cross between resentment and gratitude but she crushes it for the promise of a greater good.
Suzaku is not one to break his word, Nunnally knows. He is like Onii-sama.
***
Nunnally learns to live the day Onii-sama dies. Because with life, she fulfills the dead's utopian dream.
"Onii-sama."
She fingers the pile of paper cranes on her lap. 365 psychedelic birds, one for each day he's gone. She wonders what possessed her to believe that birds with clipped wings can grant wishes. But her fingers move on habit. Bend, fold, press, bend, fold. She will continue believing.
"I'm on top of the world." Her words float towards skies so blue but she cannot look at the sky without remembering that day. So she tries to smile but her heart threatens to stop and Nunnally has to live.
"The gentle world you promised."
"But it's lonely Onii-sama."
So so lonely, without you.