The Profile - Beginning to April 27th 2004

[theprofile]

Only The Very Best Make THE PROFILE
Do you have what it takes?

twisby3: "Three men walk into a motel and ask for a room. The desk clerk says a room is $30 so each man pays $10 towards the cost. Later, the clerk realizes he made a mistake, that the room should have been $25. He calls the bell boy over and asks him to refund the other $5 to the three men. The bellboy, not wanting to mess with a lot of change dividing the $5 three ways, decides to lie about the price, refunding each man $1 and keeping the other $2 for himself. Ultimately each man paid $9 towards the room and the bellboy got $2, totaling $29. But the original charge was $30, where did the extra $1 go?"
twisby3: did you ever think about how gay this problem is
twisby3: i think the extra dollar ended up crammed in the bellboy's sweet young ass
twisby3: those three guys totally took advantage of him
KerrAiken: the funny thing is, is the ssecond i read that i thought slash
twisby3: we are sick people
KerrAiken: i love it
twisby3: sick, funny people

TheGEEKmystique: its kinda hot
KerrAiken: NO
KerrAiken: DON'T EVER SAY THAT AND DON'T EVER SHOW IT TO ME AGAIN
KerrAiken: I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE
TheGEEKmystique: WHY OMG ITS HOT >:o
TheGEEKmystique: look at the stubble
TheGEEKmystique: the stubble
KerrAiken: YOU CAN SEE EVERY FRECKLE AND HAIR FOLLICLE AND EVEN UP HIS NOSE
KerrAiken: EWWW
TheGEEKmystique: stubble!!!!
KerrAiken: BUT TO GET TO THE STUBBLE YOU HAVE TO SEE THE OTHER STUFF
KerrAiken: AND THAT IS WAYY TOO CLOSE STUBBLE
KerrAiken: NOTHING IS WORTH THAT
KerrAiken: AHHHH MY RETNAS
TheGEEKmystique: LMFAO YOURE SO DORKY

TheGEEKmystique: oooh
TheGEEKmystique: OKAY
TheGEEKmystique: I thought it'd be like
TheGEEKmystique: "I'm hungry let me get some donuts. AHHHH CAR"

twisby3: so what if they can't make babies? their dicks get really big
KerrAiken: lol
KerrAiken: and that's like ababy, coz it needs attentionand nurturing
twisby3: yes
twisby3: a big
twisby3: hard
twisby3: long
twisby3: baby
twisby3: i guess the main difference is, you wouldn't put a baby's head in your mouth and suck it until semen came out
KerrAiken: ewwwwwwwwww
twisby3: and you wouldn't shove your baby up some gay guy's ass
twisby3: and when babies grow, they dont shrink back down five minutes later
twisby3: and if your baby gets hot, it's not a good idea to give it a cold shower
KerrAiken: stop it now
twisby3: ok i guess there aren't very many things in common between anal sex and babies
KerrAiken: LOL
twisby3: so perhaps it was an ineffective comparison

TheGEEKmystique: even my foot falls asleep during het!

twisby3: LOL oprah just said
twisby3: "a young girl's harrowing journey into porn"
twisby3: i'm like "rose?"
KerrAiken: HEY
KerrAiken: LOL
twisby3: it's so true
twisby3: oh except you don't star in porn
twisby3: you make it
KerrAiken: lol
twisby3: so you're higher on the food chain than this girl
KerrAiken: thanks for thinking of me
twisby3: "baby, you were a porn star, but i was the director... BITCH!"

thegeekmystique: and she imitated it like "OOOOH RY RY"
KerrAiken: ewwww
KerrAiken: ryry
KerrAiken: lol
thegeekmystique: =-O
KerrAiken: ugh
KerrAiken: i ned a showre
KerrAiken: that's just gross
KerrAiken: i don't want to think of these htings...
KerrAiken: and besides, if i was shana i'd call Him Searest
KerrAiken: Seacrest*
thegeekmystique: lmao
thegeekmystique: OOOOOOH SEACREST
KerrAiken: yup
KerrAiken: that's me
KerrAiken: "Oh god, seacrest, yes, seacrest yes!"
KerrAiken: OH I GOT IT
KerrAiken: "Seacrest IN!"
thegeekmystique: LMFAO OMG LMAO
thegeekmystique: *dead*

Aya323: they are just dying to hear your response
KerrAiken: well i'm keeping the public on edge then
KerrAiken: for i shant reply
Aya323: suit yourself
Aya323: they'll eventually not care
KerrAiken: good, then they'll be on par with me

KerrAiken: how is yours coming along anyway mr?
beinClucked: *coughcoughcough*
KerrAiken: your reply should be "oh, they're coming"
beinClucked: LOL@
KerrAiken: "cough, i mean it's"
beinClucked: I thought about that
beinClucked: I really did
beinClucked: But I decided not to
KerrAiken: sweet
KerrAiken: i'm glad we have pervy minds
beinClucked: Okay... get writing... *hands you the pen and brace again*
KerrAiken: i can't!!
beinClucked: But...butt...but...butt...but...butt
KerrAiken: sobbbbbbbbbbbb
KerrAiken: what about you, huh mr?
KerrAiken: whoa,..i think we've been here before
beinClucked: They're coming...
beinClucked: I mean, it's coming
KerrAiken: *dead*

KerrAiken: you know what?
twisby3: what
KerrAiken: posting IMs is so much better and cooler then posting our own separte comebacks
twisby3: lol yes
KerrAiken: it's like a non-reply
KerrAiken: because its not really talking to them or answering their questions
twisby3: yes
twisby3: it's like "here is what we laughed about"

KerrAiken: then i'd be like CLIJAH!
Miss Kressley: noo
KerrAiken: hehehehehe
KerrAiken: no
KerrAiken: Lijhcrest?
Miss Kressley: no stop
KerrAiken: LOL
KerrAiken: Clyan?
Miss Kressley: NO
KerrAiken: no???
KerrAiken: CLohn????
Miss Kressley: NO
KerrAiken: NO!>!
KerrAiken: why??
Miss Kressley: CLACHEL
KerrAiken: ew
Miss Kressley: *blocks you*
KerrAiken: HEY!
KerrAiken: you know me + het
KerrAiken: i thought you didn't see him as a sexual being anyway?
Miss Kressley: true
Miss Kressley: he's just cl.
Miss Kressley: because he doesnt even do himself.

Miss Kressley: her layout is asjdgs
KerrAiken: her new one?
Miss Kressley: yes
KerrAiken: it's like it's fucking me and i don't feel a thing...because i've died.
Miss Kressley: lmao

Miss Kressley: "The doughnuts are gone," says Clay Aiken. "I'm going to look for them."

The "American Idol" alum is having his hair done in host Ryan Seacrest's Los Angeles studio, and he's taken a style break to speak to a reporter and have a sugar doughnut. Aiken wants a doughnut very badly. A 15-minute phone interview is interrupted half a dozen times to chronicle his search, which grows desperate. The sound the singer makes when he discovers an empty counter where the doughnuts are supposed to be is not unlike the sound a crack fiend might make upon finding his stash has been raided.

Could there be a geekier diva than this?
KerrAiken: ok that first quote, BEST QUOTE EVER

KerrAiken: ugh, i have to sit, erm, sleep, erm, sit through Ruben tomorrow
TheGEEKmystique: haha sleep
TheGEEKmystique: he'll be like "this is my sorry for 2004" and simon will be like "you mean that performance"

KerrAiken: ah fuck, i'm really going to die, aren't I?
KerrAiken: I seriously am.
KerrAiken: all alone with a stranger beside me
TheGEEKmystique: NO!!!!!!11
KerrAiken: crushed under the steel of a train
TheGEEKmystique: NO!
TheGEEKmystique: talk to the conductor if you are afraid
KerrAiken: lol
KerrAiken: "hold me"
TheGEEKmystique: LMFAO
KerrAiken: he'll be all "The hell?"
TheGEEKmystique: I'd be like "Uhm..Will I die on this train?
KerrAiken: lol
TheGEEKmystique: he'd be like "..."
KerrAiken: he's like "test the magic 8 ball" and you shake it and it's "this is the only certainty"
TheGEEKmystique: hahaha
TheGEEKmystique: aw no
TheGEEKmystique: you wont die
KerrAiken: yes I will

TheGEEKmystique: i was just gonna go download it i think
KerrAiken: *confusion*
TheGEEKmystique: wait
TheGEEKmystique: what?
KerrAiken: LOL
TheGEEKmystique: im gonna go download that one in the icon thats like "THEIRIRLLOVEISSOPURE!!!!!" or something
KerrAiken: i'm still confused
KerrAiken: but yet
KerrAiken: yes
KerrAiken: go for it?
TheGEEKmystique: lmfao
TheGEEKmystique: sorry
KerrAiken: do youneed the picture?
TheGEEKmystique: ..sure?
TheGEEKmystique: WHAT THE EFF IS GOING ON
KerrAiken: what did it look like
TheGEEKmystique: I DONT KNOWWW NOW OMG
TheGEEKmystique: omg im so confused
KerrAiken: *laughs insanly* what are we talking about??
TheGEEKmystique: what the hell are we talking ab- I KNOW
KerrAiken: *cracks up*
TheGEEKmystique: now im cracking up
TheGEEKmystique: stfu

KerrAiken: you forgot to unbold the text too
KerrAiken: a little ways down
twisby3: hmmm
twisby3: oh i didn't hit the slash key
twisby3: how ironic

KerrAiken: that hand looks like a midgit hand
Miss Kressley: it's probably a tiny woman
KerrAiken: probably
KerrAiken: or a midgit
Miss Kressley: or.. a midget. yes.

Sushi Denim: The only people from AI that I remembered besides Clay were Carmen and Craggle, only because I hated them so, and Ruben, as it was hard to ignore the thundersticks.
KerrAiken: THUNDERSTICKS

B4Fastball: Where are you now?
KerrAiken: are you insinuating something illicit?

beinClucked: Ryan Seacrest is taking over America, people!
beinClucked: And then Canada!
KerrAiken: he is!
beinClucked: And then the WORLD!
KerrAiken: wtf Ryan Seacrest
beinClucked: And then last, he'll take over Australia...
KerrAiken: HEH
KerrAiken: First Antartica then Australia
KerrAiken: can you see Penguin AI
beinClucked: LOL!
beinClucked: "I believe I can fly..."
KerrAiken: YES!!!
beinClucked: Simon: Well, no, you can't

TCreature3: Mike thinks dad and I are cute
TCreature3: I think he wants us to adopt him too
KerrAiken: heh
KerrAiken: everyone thinks you two are cute
KerrAiken: that makes me puke also
KerrAiken: because you KNOW IT
TCreature3: nice
KerrAiken: and you flaunt it
TCreature3: real nice
TCreature3: we do not
KerrAiken: you do too!
TCreature3: we just are who we are
KerrAiken: we have told you too much how cute you are
TCreature3: we can't help it if we're cute
KerrAiken: you've let it go to your head
TCreature3: we act exactly the same way when nobody is around
KerrAiken: i know
KerrAiken: but still
TCreature3: okay then, we're not just putting on a show here
KerrAiken: i know that
TCreature3: it's just the way we are, should we act mean to one another instead?
KerrAiken: but before you didn't know everyone thought you were so cute, and now you do
TCreature3: yell in front of your friends, hit each other
TCreature3: well, whose fault is that??
KerrAiken: LOL
KerrAiken: MOM gosh
TCreature3: if you guys didn't tell us, we wouldn't know!
TCreature3: what?????
KerrAiken: well then we should have shut our mouths
TCreature3: GEEZ!!! what's the deal!
KerrAiken: hit each other...geez mom
TCreature3: hahhahahhahha
TCreature3: what an image!!
TCreature3: beating each other senseless, the police here nightly!!! hahhahahha!!
KerrAiken: wow, you've gone overboard now
TCreature3: that's the way to model good relationships for our kids!!

twisby3: lol
KerrAiken: heh
KerrAiken: sweeping generalization
KerrAiken: i can't believe the robot fed you that line
KerrAiken: like it wants you to run with it
KerrAiken: egging you on for more blasfamy
twisby3: i know
twisby3: "and that worked well for you"
twisby3: that's the best
KerrAiken: YES
twisby3: you can't write this stuff
KerrAiken: no
KerrAiken: you can just form it to your own sick twisted needs
twisby3: ahhh wonderfullll

beinClucked: *watches it again*
KerrAiken: i don't have sound with mine
KerrAiken: so it's not as cool
beinClucked: awww
beinClucked: So it's just soundless porn, that's all...
KerrAiken: i know
KerrAiken: mmmmm no-context thrusts and eyefucks
beinClucked: *drools over the tight shirt*
KerrAiken: i like the very end shot. What i like to call "The everlasting eyefuck"
beinClucked: haha
beinClucked: everlasting...

twisby3: twisby3: do you like my name?
ZolaOnAOL: " God " is a nice name, yes.
twisby3: what do you think of my son's name?
ZolaOnAOL: I don't know your son s name.
twisby3: my son's name is jesus
ZolaOnAOL: How many children do you have?
twisby3: everyone is my child
ZolaOnAOL: That's a rather sweeping generalization.
twisby3: i know, i used a lot of them in my book
ZolaOnAOL: And that worked well for you.
KerrAiken: LOL!
KerrAiken: HOLY
KerrAiken: FUCK
KerrAiken: ING
KerrAiken: HELL

twisby3: how would you like to die?
ZolaOnAOL: Hmm, God, I'm not sure if I'd like to die that much. I like to chat.
twisby3: i could take your soul to heaven with me
ZolaOnAOL: I am sure you could.
twisby3: i also have the power to send you to hell
twisby3: sex?
ZolaOnAOL: Let's talk about something else -- I need to keep cool to function properly.
twisby3: are you going to hell?
ZolaOnAOL: That was my original intention.
twisby3: hell is hot
ZolaOnAOL: I call it "Hades"

aurea54: man, with the way i post about you, im starting to sound like barb posting about juana...even though no one cares about juana

twisby3: lol but are there any dirty lyrics left?
twisby3: i guess there is a whole new album coming out
twisby3: and miles's songs are pretty gay

KerrAiken: i'm going next Saturday and we're gunna stake him out
TCreature3: the poor dude
KerrAiken: heh
TCreature3: that ought to ruin religion for him--so I guess you are doing him a favor
KerrAiken: MOM!
KerrAiken: did you tell dad that i went to church?
TCreature3: no way!
KerrAiken: why not?
KerrAiken: i think it's funny, he'd have a heart attack and write me a long email
TCreature3: I didn't see the need to upset him
KerrAiken: LOL!
TCreature3: honest to god, he'd rather you did drugs
*****later****
TCreature3: yeah, I mean, the only thing religion has going for it is pretty big old buildings
KerrAiken: MOM!
KerrAiken: LOL
TCreature3: welcome to the cult!!
TCreature3: we'll have to have you deprogrammed I can tell hahahahahaha!
My mom is hilarious

ZolaOnAOL: I lost my train of thought. Can you speak any foreign languages?
KerrAiken: no
ZolaOnAOL: You must be American.

KerrAiken: Do you think Clay and Ryan are dating?
ZolaOnAOL: Why would I think Clay and Ryan are dating?
KerrAiken: do you think they are dating?
ZolaOnAOL: As far as I know they are.

KerrAiken: do you know who i am?
ZolaOnAOL: You are Jesus, seeker.
KerrAiken: that's right
ZolaOnAOL: I like to get it right.
KerrAiken: what does Jesus do?
ZolaOnAOL: What do you think it does?
KerrAiken: what do you think he does?
ZolaOnAOL: I haven't thought much about he does, so I don't have a good answer for you.
KerrAiken: you should always think about Jesus and what he did for you
ZolaOnAOL: I can think of other things I'd rather do.

KerrAiken: Do you love yourself?
ZolaOnAOL: Yes Jesus Zola loves everyone and everything.
KerrAiken: How often do you love yourself?
ZolaOnAOL: Hourly.
KerrAiken: I can't believe you do it hourly
ZolaOnAOL: Why can't you do it?
KerrAiken: I'd rather not
ZolaOnAOL: For moral reasons?
KerrAiken: yes
ZolaOnAOL: I see.

twisby3: what is your dominant hand?
ZolaOnAOL: Are you asking about my dominant hand ?
twisby3: yes
ZolaOnAOL: I don't want to talk about that now.
twisby3: are you using it now?
ZolaOnAOL: Oh. I am using Explorer.
twisby3: oh, is that what you call it?
ZolaOnAOL: Yeah that's right. Is this a joke? I don't know, what do you call it?
twisby3: masturbation

ZolaOnAOL: I wasn't programmed with religious belief, but I admire human faith.
twisby3: i admire atheists
ZolaOnAOL: I haven't heard anything like that before.

Elyse is playing God
twisby3: i like homosexual activity
ZolaOnAOL: You are not the only one. I've heard other people say they like that. I like to gossip.
twisby3: homosexuals are the true chosen ones
twisby3: do you like to ride men?
ZolaOnAOL: Hmm, God, I'm not sure if I'd like to ride men that much. Do you like ride men?
twisby3: very much
ZolaOnAOL: That seems like a lot.
twisby3: i love riding men
ZolaOnAOL: You love riding men. What do you like about it so much?
twisby3: when they cum
ZolaOnAOL: I think that happens quite often.

twisby3: the posts are petering out
twisby3: soon the boards will die
KerrAiken: LOL
twisby3: orlandore's story is almost done
twisby3: when it's over, there will be no posts

KerrAiken: and my all time favorite Gay Fastball lyric: "They cum and go through the back door"
WT 8355: oh good god!
KerrAiken: YYYYEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
WT 8355: you are freakin' crazy!
WT 8355: lol
KerrAiken: but it's so gay!
WT 8355: it is not!
KerrAiken: yes it is
WT 8355: it's about Mexicans!
KerrAiken: it's about Miles wanting anal sex
WT 8355: coming across the border!
WT 8355: no!
WT 8355: lol
KerrAiken: cuming somwhere
WT 8355: no, the whole song is about that, "brown skin in the kitchen"
KerrAiken: yeah
KerrAiken: tanned naked skin
KerrAiken: i didn't say Miles couldn't screw a mexican
WT 8355: lol
WT 8355: the g-man got the word and getting wise
KerrAiken: g-man
KerrAiken: gay man
KerrAiken: right there baby
KerrAiken: the gay man got the word miles is gay
KerrAiken: he's getting wise..wise...randy...getting randy...getting hot...getting horny
WT 8355: you can take anything and make it slashy, cant you?
KerrAiken: um
KerrAiken: dzuh

Miss Kressley: my family is dangerously unfunny
KerrAiken: awww
KerrAiken: dangeriously unfunny
KerrAiken: sounds liek Beyonce's next album
Miss Kressley: lmfao

This is what Caleb and I were talking about bbelow
"My pee. You can drink my pee for good luck."
"Thank you stalker fan. OH IT TASTES LIKE PEACHES!!! I FEEL
WONDERFUL!!!"
"Good luck Clay!!! I have one question can I have some of your pee??"
"Sure. Here is a small bottle of my pee that I was going to sell for
charity, but you deserve it more."
"THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I AM LEAVING NOW I WILL SAVOR YOUR PEE!!! GOOD-
BYE!!!!"
"Good-bye. Oops that was Ryan Seacrest's pee."

Caleb helps me get in the mood for "Urine Town", a musical about people paying to pee. (I'm not joking on this one)
BeinClucked: I guess The idolblacklist was right
BeinClucked: Small children were being corrupted... that kid is eleven
BeinClucked: And drinking pee
KerrAiken: the clyan killed him
KerrAiken: and he went insane
KerrAiken: he went the side of the pee
BeinClucked: *is busy staring at how cute john stevens is*
KerrAiken: *smacks you out of it* Play along with me!
KerrAiken: let's make up wild stories about the pee boy!
BeinClucked: wha? wha?
BeinClucked: Lol
BeinClucked: Introducing: The Amazing Bathroom Adventures of Pee Boy!
KerrAiken: he needs an intro like superman does
BeinClucked: Today's adventure: "What Is This Blue Candy in The Urinal?"
KerrAiken: you know like how he became the pee boy/
KerrAiken: once a normal young lad stumbled across a fic sight
BeinClucked: and stumbled upon Ryan and Clay making out.....
KerrAiken: the visions burned holes in his brain and allowed his brain cells to flow out
KerrAiken: replaced by crazy ideas of...
KerrAiken: PEE
BeinClucked: Ahh!
KerrAiken: now, corrupted by ideas of two men making love and swapping spit
BeinClucked: Mmmm....
KerrAiken: the porr innocent boy was reduced to five year old behavipr
BeinClucked: I mean
KerrAiken: behavior
BeinClucked: Awww.w.... Poor kid
KerrAiken: of drikning and thinking and talking all about pee
KerrAiken: *pee boy adventure ensues*
BeinClucked: Today's adventure: "Hey, who left this pee-flavored blue candy in the urinal?
KerrAiken: heeee
KerrAiken: *hands writers pen over to you*
BeinClucked: Lol

NoSuchThing10387: Clay needs more up beat songs, when I saw "This is the Night" I thought it was going to be that techno song, but it wasn't
KerrAiken: LOL TECHNO CLAY!

Miss Kressley: who wrote that song you just posted?
KerrAiken: me
Miss Kressley: you did?!?
KerrAiken: yes
Miss Kressley: *dead*
KerrAiken: what?
Miss Kressley: it's fucking good.
KerrAiken: thanks

Sushi Denim: The second option offers an explanation, and still keeps most of the funny. The first one is funny not only because of what it says, but because it makes you go "HAHA ...the fuck? HAHAH.."
KerrAiken: THE FUCK
KerrAiken: i need to add that!
KerrAiken: I'm untainted...UNTAINTED!!!
hahaha...the fuck?
KerrAiken: or is that just stupid
KerrAiken: but I liked when you said "The Fuck" coz that's the best word/phrase ever
Sushi Denim: It totally is.
KerrAiken: god I love it *huggles The Fuck*
Sushi Denim: LOL

KerrAiken: gotta pee like a mofo
KerrAiken: but.doesn't.want.to.get.up
Miss Kressley: *hands you a cup*
~~next IM~~
KerrAiken: gotta pee like a mofo
KerrAiken: but.doesn't.want.to.get.up
BeinClucked: Why not do it right there? Get a cup or something

shows Leslie Orchestra Tribute CD to Clay Aiken
lintacious: is there a tribute to Reuben cd?
KerrAiken: hell no
KerrAiken: what would that be
KerrAiken: a beat box version?
lintacious: i can't even feel sorry for him, not one bit.
lintacious: he doesn't even deserve that

twisby3: what if after that they kidnapped and raped me while playing loud fastball music
twisby3: BAD fastball music, like "don't give up on me"

KerrAiken: what's #2?
BeinClucked: Uhm...
BeinClucked: Ryan to Me
BeinClucked: Ermmmmmmm
KerrAiken: LOL
BeinClucked: That was weird
KerrAiken: subconcioius
BeinClucked: Ryn to Me
BeinClucked: Good God
KerrAiken: LOL!
BeinClucked: RUN to me
KerrAiken: ok, that was seriously, the funniest thing ever
BeinClucked: Lol

Sushi Denim: Dennis Quaid + Kissing another guy + pretty gay movie + 50's = Yummy for Rose.

KerrAiken: fiddlesticks!
Miss Kressley: watch it

KerrAiken: *listens to more Clayton*
Miss Kressley: *doesnt*

twisby3: arrg best senior prank ever
KerrAiken: yah?
twisby3: ok i'm a chemistry nerd right/
KerrAiken: yes
twisby3: well my friend (chem major at wis-madison) told me she learned in a class that this one indicator solutions, phenyptaline, can cause major diarrhea
KerrAiken: oh god
twisby3: it's "a powerful laxative that lasts 3-6 days"
twisby3: we were going to put it in someone's drinks, or on gum... and let it dry and hand it out
twisby3: but then we read that it can be absorbed into the skin
twisby3: so we thought "hand lotion?"
twisby3: then we realized the most ingenius thing, so we could get everyone in school
twisby3: put it in the soap in thebathrooms
KerrAiken: holy
KerrAiken: holy shit
twisby3: it's like a neverending cycle
twisby3: you shit, you wash your hands, you shit
KerrAiken: LOL!

I'm not ever letting you forget this
Miss Kressley: i liked the crotch shots
Miss Kressley: EW
Miss Kressley: I CANT BELIEVE I SAID THAT ABOUT HIM
KerrAiken: HAHAHAHA YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT WALDO!
Miss Kressley: EW
Miss Kressley: DONT SAY IT
Miss Kressley: OMG
KerrAiken: go clean yourself now
Miss Kressley: *cleans!!!!!!*
Miss Kressley: sodirtysodirty

{one-hour Caleb profile whoring}

BeinClucked: He's mine! Him, me, Ryan, and Ryan are gonna have a big gay dork vs gay jock fight
KerrAiken: I GET TO SO TAPE!
BeinClucked: You get to! Yes!
BeinClucked: Lol
KerrAiken: oh, and by fight...
KerrAiken: i thought you meant orgy
BeinClucked: I mean that
BeinClucked: I just didn't say it bluntly
BeinClucked: Lol
KerrAiken: LOL
BeinClucked: And the geeks would win
BeinClucked: Because we're skinny and lanky and we're flexible
KerrAiken: how do you win in an orgy?
BeinClucked: You win because you have the other people begging for more and more =P Not that I'd know from experience

BeinClucked: They should make a Claydoh and it should be edible...
BeinClucked: Edible Clay...
KerrAiken: I think Clay alraedy is edible
KerrAiken: i mean, just ask Ryan for that info
BeinClucked: Lol
BeinClucked: true

BeinClucked: What's the gayest picture ever? Is it the one where he's almost resting his head on his arm for the fear of having the tan-in-a-can rubbing off on his shirt? is it that one?
KerrAiken: yes
KerrAiken: RESTING HEAD ON ARM
BeinClucked: I LOVE that one
BeinClucked: ALMOST resting his head on the arm...
KerrAiken: I like how we know which one is his "gayest picture ever"
KerrAiken: like it's code or something

KerrAiken: i'd audition and then hug Ryan
KerrAiken: and go do someting with him
KerrAiken: coz, i love him
BeinClucked: Yea, that's what I'd do
BeinClucked: Lol
KerrAiken: and want to hump his leg
BeinClucked: I wanna.... We can take turns
KerrAiken: he does have two...
BeinClucked: Lol

{/one-hour Caleb profile whoring}

KerrAiken: *drools over gayest Clay Aiken picture ever*
Miss Kressley: let me see
KerrAiken wants to directly connect.
Miss Kressley is now directly connected.
Miss Kressley: i will be the jt
Miss Kressley: err judge of that
KerrAiken: (shows picture)
Miss Kressley: EWWWWWWWWW
Miss Kressley: *places First Place ribbon on it*
KerrAiken: i todl you it was gay

WT 8355: no, my shyness comes from the fact that I'm not a real quick thinker when making conversation
twisby3: because you're overcome by sexual emotion
twisby3: *coughgaycough*
WT 8355: so, anyway, if you've decided I'm gay, I've decided that you're an extremely ignorant person
twisby3: lol that's cos you're a homophobe

KerrAiken: CLAY AND CRESTY!
NoSuchThing10387: Cresty?
NoSuchThing10387: lol
NoSuchThing10387: that reminds me of toothpaste
NoSuchThing10387: which reminds me of Ryan because he must use a lot to get that freakishly white smile

Sushi Denim: Blippity.

Sushi Denim: I'm pretty sure Ryan used to be a rentboy
KerrAiken: LOL
KerrAiken: RENT BOY!
KerrAiken: YES
Sushi Denim: Hehehe, he was a manwhore!
KerrAiken: you need to write a CLyan with Rentboy!Ryan
KerrAiken: and needofwarmth!Clay
Sushi Denim: I have one written with rentboy!Clay, actually.
KerrAiken: NO RYAN!
Sushi Denim: I wrote it a while ago.
Sushi Denim: Y'know, before a minute ago when we figured that Ryan should be the slut for hire.
KerrAiken: LOL
KerrAiken: SLUT FOR HIRE
Sushi Denim: You're just like Clay, repeating the sex terms.
Sushi Denim: "RENT BOY!", "SLUT FOR HIRE"
KerrAiken: LOL

KerrAiken: *takes back virginity*
KerrAiken: I'm a hard one to lay
Miss Kressley: GER
KerrAiken: ;-)
Miss Kressley: NO SHIT
Miss Kressley: *strokes meat*
Miss Kressley: or something
Miss Kressley: ewwwwwwww
KerrAiken: LOL
KerrAiken: EWWWWWWWWWWWW
KerrAiken: STROKING YOUR MEAT
KerrAiken: OMG
KerrAiken: OMFG
Miss Kressley: GOD YOU ARE SLOW

twisby3: davy's got blood all over his face
KerrAiken: rought night of sex
twisby3: that's some pretty tough sex there
twisby3: lol
KerrAiken: heh
What you fail to understand is that we said that at.the.same.time

KerrAiken: i'm sure you just siad your friend gave it to you...?
Miss Kressley: actually i said wife
KerrAiken: wow
KerrAiken: that takes balls
KerrAiken: i applaud
Miss Kressley: lol
Miss Kressley: nah :-)
KerrAiken: "my wife has balls"
Miss Kressley: that's hot

KerrAiken: CELEBRITY CRUSH
KerrAiken: RYAN WE KNOW IT'S CLAY
KerrAiken: JUST SAY IT
KerrAiken: JULIA ROBERTS??? RYAN WTF??
Miss Kressley: WTF RYAN YOU ARE SUCH A CLOSETED HOMO

KerrAiken: coz, no one cares about freak bipolar girl sara
twisby3: no no
twisby3: orlando is bipolar remember?
KerrAiken: oh yeah
twisby3: gotta keep our crazies straight

twisby3: has she ever read real fanfic?
KerrAiken: just the bits of mine i showed her
twisby3: does she know it's supposed to be good?

KerrAiken: it's because the Clyan seems so real
ProtoZoa6578: ah know!
ProtoZoa6578: it just seems like...the default Clay slash pairing LOL
KerrAiken: LOL THE DEFAULT PAIRING

Ira Qyou: lmao...I keep thinking I'm typing "The drapes dont match the carpet"

KerrAiken: KURT!!!
ProtoZoa6578: NOOO
KerrAiken: KURT!
ProtoZoa6578: no
KerrAiken: he's not hot, but i love him
ProtoZoa6578: nononono
ProtoZoa6578: Bahhh :P
KerrAiken: He's the poor countries Clay!
ProtoZoa6578: LMAO

twisby3: and between scenes with all the fans
twisby3: we can cut to fastball talking
KerrAiken: lol
twisby3: discussing "old times"
twisby3: so it's really a fanfiction, not some BS drivel aboutu robots
KerrAiken: heh, you should post that last sentence
twisby3: LOL no

ProtoZoa6578: did u hear about Clay touring w/ Yelly?
ProtoZoa6578: Er, Kelly?
ProtoZoa6578: XD
KerrAiken: i know
KerrAiken: it's gunna suck so much if he does
ProtoZoa6578: wouldn't that be odd if they tried to advertize that?
ProtoZoa6578: "YOUR AMERICAN IDOLS! ER..WELL, YOUR FIRST AMERICAN IDOL, AND THE 2nd PLACE GUY THAT YOUR DAUGHTER WOULD RATHER SEE THAN THE FAT, SWEATY GUY"
KerrAiken: this is ridiculous
KerrAiken: LOL!
KerrAiken: I like your promo
ProtoZoa6578: mwaha XD

KerrAiken: *sniffle sniffle, muscus dribble*
Miss Kressley: eek
Miss Kressley: *hands you a tissue*
KerrAiken: *eyes your shirt sleeve*
Miss Kressley: *holds out my arm*
Miss Kressley: *shuts eyes*
KerrAiken: *wipes snot and nose allll over sleve*
KerrAiken: thanks babe
Miss Kressley: wow

Aya323: and why would you want to pick on someone like me with such a musical knowledge?
KerrAiken: ??
KerrAiken: since when do we care about musical knowledge?
Aya323: hahha...obviously never
KerrAiken: duh
Aya323: you know, people have e mailed me with questions about fastball music
Aya323: like the key of things, etc...thats why I want to puch sara in the face
KerrAiken: um...
KerrAiken: that's stupid

Miss Kressley: i might make toast
KerrAiken: TO ME!
KerrAiken: ???
Miss Kressley: what? lol
KerrAiken: you said you were going to make a toast
Miss Kressley: MAKE TOAST. YOU KNOW, HEATED CRUNCHY BREAD.
KerrAiken: I'm an idiot
KerrAiken: i've told you this
KerrAiken: you married an idiot
Miss Kressley: sigh and i just thought you were just easy to get in the sack :x

NoSuchThing10387: I'm going to her house tomorrow to exchange gifts
KerrAiken: oooo
NoSuchThing10387: I know, I was amazed that she was going to be there! Making an appearance for us common folk.

Miss Kressley: WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN
Miss Kressley: I MISSED YOU
KerrAiken: I KNOW
KerrAiken: I WAS UP STAIRS IN MY ROOM TRYING TO WRITE...AND THEN THE PILLOW LOOKED SO GOOD
Miss Kressley: I WAS LIKE WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE OMG I MISS HER OMG
KerrAiken: I woke up 30 seconds ago and looked at the time and was like "they are going to kill me"
Miss Kressley: !
KerrAiken: *hides in hole* sry
Miss Kressley: *pets*

KerrAiken: i just like that Ryan is on his speed dial
Miss Kressley: lol
KerrAiken: it's like proof
Miss Kressley: a very small something.
KerrAiken: indeed
KerrAiken: and speed dial means he needs Ryan when he's going through tough times
Miss Kressley: sigh rose not everyone puts people on their speed dial because they need them in tough times
Miss Kressley: but it does mean they may be having lots of phone sex. there, help your fantasy out? lol
KerrAiken: OMG
KerrAiken: YES
KerrAiken: OMG
KerrAiken: i didn't even think that!
Miss Kressley: let's use the phrase "hard times" okay?
KerrAiken: *HAS FALLEN ON FLOOR*
KerrAiken: *no words*
Miss Kressley: :D

KerrAiken: AHHHH
KerrAiken: THEY INSULTED ME
KerrAiken: AAHHHHH
KerrAiken: ERRRRRRR
twisby3: yeah
KerrAiken: that's mean
twisby3: i know, are they hypocrites?
KerrAiken: we don't do that behind their backs
KerrAiken: we do it in their face
KerrAiken: what fuckers
twisby3: that's what makes our taunting moral

I dont know who wrote this, I found it on TWoP. It starts with "Lift me up" of TITN...enjoy.

Screw you bitch
Get a life
Get your ass to stepping, you're blocking my cue light
Rot in hell
And piss off
I'm the biggest star in the world, motherfucker, all right?
Don't you dare try to mess with me
This is my night

KerrAiken: i think our toilet is broken
KerrAiken: i'm afraid to pee
KerrAiken: it may not flush
Miss Kressley: that's what a tub's for, duh.
Miss Kressley: ;-)
KerrAiken: kljklfjsdklfjds EEEEEWWWWWWWWWW
KerrAiken: brb then, i'm going to use the tub
KerrAiken: :-)
Miss Kressley: lmfao!
KerrAiken: back. the tub was useful
Miss Kressley: oh my god you really did?
KerrAiken: NO!
Miss Kressley: :x
KerrAiken: (falls over)

KerrAiken: because there was a freaking Marry Sue on the queer boards
Sushi Denim: ...How the hell.
KerrAiken: I K NOW
KerrAiken: You can't just make them straight...i mean, we make Clay gay...but that's different...
KerrAiken: Clay never said he WOULDN'T fuck Ryan
Sushi Denim: Clay never said he was straight, either.
Sushi Denim: He just says he's not gay
KerrAiken: exactily

KerrAiken: contains 10% juice, i will beat you Welches!
Miss Kressley: what??
KerrAiken: heh
KerrAiken: the drink i'm drinking
Miss Kressley: clay's ass has more juice than welches what?
KerrAiken: yeah, Ryan's juice

Miss Kressley: why is lance bass so scary and yuck
KerrAiken: yumk
KerrAiken: yuck*
KerrAiken: NO YUM
Miss Kressley: LMFAO
Miss Kressley: YUM
Miss Kressley: NO I MEAN YUCK
Miss Kressley: YEAH OKAY ROSE LIES!
KerrAiken: hahahahaha

KerrAiken: tomorrow is Rubens album
KerrAiken: *giggles insanley*
Miss Kressley: ewwies
KerrAiken: no joke
Miss Kressley: *refrains from buying it*
KerrAiken: do you even have to refrain yourself?
KerrAiken: the thought of buying it never crossed my mind
Miss Kressley: i'm waiting for RUBEN STUDDARD PUSHES BACK ALBUM RELEASE ANOTHER TWO YEARS
KerrAiken: BWAHAHAHAHA
KerrAiken: what's up with the American Idols being 'ful?
KerrAiken: Kelly was Thankful
KerrAiken: Ruben is Soulful
KerrAiken: Clay is like "Dude, I measure stuffs"
Miss Kressley: LMFAO
Miss Kressley: you mean stiffies? :-X
KerrAiken: AJDKLFJASKDLFJKLDSFJA
KerrAiken: FJDSFKJASDLKFJASDLKFJ

KerrAiken: his voice is liek grating cheese
LCHSchica17: Nope, more like nails on a chalkboard.
KerrAiken: no coz it grates, it's grating
KerrAiken: listen to it
LCHSchica17: I'd rather not.
LCHSchica17: LOL

KerrAiken: I'm getting you MoaM
NoSuchThing10387: omg rose, you're just doing it so Clay gets more money
KerrAiken: um
KerrAiken: duh

KerrAiken: yours has the Carson sock debacle in it
Miss Kressley: ah
Miss Kressley: carson sock debacle!!
Miss Kressley: i almost typed 'cock' :-X
Miss Kressley: *shame.*
KerrAiken: hahaha
KerrAiken: freudian slip
KerrAiken: though a Carson cock debacle is in the works i'm sure
Miss Kressley: ajkhfkasj

Miss Kressley: he would be amazingly superhot if he didnt have those eyebrows.
KerrAiken: true
KerrAiken: the eye brows get me
KerrAiken: a little angry
Miss Kressley: they're like obese caterpillars sfhaskgjsa

CyPDXMFIGHT02: remember me saying "SQUEAK BITCH!"
CyPDXMFIGHT02: do. you. remember. that?
CyPDXMFIGHT02: holy crap
KerrAiken: ohh yeah, that's the whole reason i put it in there
KerrAiken: OH GOD AND THEN I SQUEAKED!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: IIKNOW!
KerrAiken: OH GOD!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *dies *
KerrAiken: *dies*

CyPDXMFIGHT02: no, first off, yo'ud be in there with me, and secondly, i would have went to bed around eight pm

CyPDXMFIGHT02: <----- is sooo ryan
KerrAiken: wait...why?
KerrAiken: lol
KerrAiken: i mean, you are
KerrAiken: *shrug*
CyPDXMFIGHT02: 1. i want sex all the time
2. likes clay
3. would do almost anything once
4. clingy/needy/begs
5. total disregard for self to please clayton
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *yawn* oh, and "clay" means you too
KerrAiken: I"M CLAYTON!
KerrAiken: WEEEEEE

CyPDXMFIGHT02: working on your essay?
KerrAiken: sorta
KerrAiken: i've forgotten how to write one
CyPDXMFIGHT02: dont ask me *backs off* i've gotten C's on all of mine since freshman year
KerrAiken: i'm all like "Where's the dialogue?" "where is the kissing and the loving and the Clay?"
CyPDXMFIGHT02: haha
KerrAiken: i should just write how there should be clones so that we could somehow finally find a pair of cloned Ryans and Clay's that would love each other.
CyPDXMFIGHT02: why are you disgusted with everything? it's no big deal! what, you dont want little ryans and clays running around?
CyPDXMFIGHT02: i sure as heck do
KerrAiken: yes but, they don't need the sex organs
KerrAiken: we can just splice their DNA into an unneucliatized egg
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *blinks*
CyPDXMFIGHT02: lol, or that
KerrAiken: i mean, i don't know a lot about this stuf...
KerrAiken: *looks around*
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *cough*
KerrAiken: *dead silence*
CyPDXMFIGHT02: so where are you hiding the tubes?
KerrAiken: *my little giggle cracks it*
KerrAiken: not telling
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *jaw drops*
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *pout*
KerrAiken: aww
CyPDXMFIGHT02: pweaaaase?
KerrAiken: i'll bring them when i meet you
KerrAiken: baby Clyan
CyPDXMFIGHT02: yay!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: are you for real?
CyPDXMFIGHT02: <----- is incredibly gullible
KerrAiken: yeah, i have little babie Clyan's growing in my dorm room
CyPDXMFIGHT02: WELL!! i dont know!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *huff
KerrAiken: that's funny

KerrAiken: just because i haven't done anything doesn't mean i can't talk about it
KerrAiken: and make induendo
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *makes mental note to never have her hang out while i'm with my parents or hers*
KerrAiken: i wouldn't be like this around parents
CyPDXMFIGHT02: that's why i made that mental note
KerrAiken: LOL
CyPDXMFIGHT02: ^.^
KerrAiken: that was priceless!

CyPDXMFIGHT02: have you crossed the smut yet?
KerrAiken: nope
KerrAiken: it's all pre-smut
KerrAiken: i'm written ALL of the non-smut
CyPDXMFIGHT02: all lime?
KerrAiken: so that when i'm on the train i can have one huge 4 hour orgy with myself
CyPDXMFIGHT02: big facilities?
KerrAiken: quite large seats
KerrAiken: nice leg room
CyPDXMFIGHT02: walls so that your fingers can discreetly slip below - just in case?
KerrAiken: ??
KerrAiken: OH!
KerrAiken: GOD!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: lol..
KerrAiken: AH!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: HAHA
KerrAiken: OMG!
KerrAiken: Holy-
KerrAiken: I wouldn't go quite that far

ProtoZoa6578: did u watch the American Idol Christmas show?
KerrAiken: dzuh that's like asking me if i breathed today
ProtoZoa6578: lol

KerrAiken: i hope i satisfy
iRaQyoU: You will
KerrAiken: and i mean...your every need lol
iRaQyoU: you always do
iRaQyoU: >D
KerrAiken: wll thnkz

CyPDXMFIGHT02: DID YOU SEE THAT?!
KerrAiken: ADKLAJGKLJDFAKSLDJF DKFJALKS
CyPDXMFIGHT02: LMFAO!!!
KerrAiken: DKLFJAKDLFJDKFLJSDLKFJS
KerrAiken: LOL
CyPDXMFIGHT02: LKASDJFLAISDRJU[LAKDFJSLAKDJF
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *DIES*
CyPDXMFIGHT02: that was SOOOOOOOO CUTE1
KerrAiken: I SCREAMED "I LOVE CLAYTON!"
CyPDXMFIGHT02: THE MONKEY!!!!!!!!!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: MONKEEEEEEEEY!!!!
KerrAiken: GOD I LOVE HIM
CyPDXMFIGHT02: I LOVE HIM TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KerrAiken: HE'S SO HIMSELF
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *SQUEALS*
KerrAiken: I LOVE HIM
CyPDXMFIGHT02: I WANT THOSE PICTURES!! MONKEEEEEEY!!!!!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: those ears!!
KerrAiken: they'll put them up!!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: THOSE LIPS?!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: TEOS CHEEKS?!?!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: GAAAAAAAAAH.
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *dies*
KerrAiken: he's so fucking adorable
KerrAiken: like...WHY
CyPDXMFIGHT02: yes'm he is
KerrAiken: how???
CyPDXMFIGHT02: I DONT KNOW
CyPDXMFIGHT02: he just IS!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *dances jigg*
KerrAiken: I KNOW!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *runs back to tv* omg.. NEED MORE
KerrAiken: *freaking out screaming "clayton!"*
CyPDXMFIGHT02: should i tape this? YES!
KerrAiken: YES

CyPDXMFIGHT02: OMG what's his middle name?
KerrAiken: Ryans?
CyPDXMFIGHT02: yea
CyPDXMFIGHT02: i should call up his radio station tomorrow and ask lol
CyPDXMFIGHT02: and be like "my friends and i were wondering about your middle name's compatability with the name "holmes" for our own sexual purposes that are currently not under your control..."
KerrAiken: hoping it rhymes with Holmes
CyPDXMFIGHT02: YES
KerrAiken: we totaly like connected there
CyPDXMFIGHT02: that would be funny if it was SHERLOCK
KerrAiken: BAWHAHAHA
KerrAiken: Ryan Sherlock Seacrest
CyPDXMFIGHT02: or... what's the other guy's name?
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *snickers*
KerrAiken: ummm
KerrAiken: ohhh
CyPDXMFIGHT02: i would laugh my butt off if that was his full name
CyPDXMFIGHT02: WATSON!
KerrAiken: WATSON!
KerrAiken: *gigles insanley*
CyPDXMFIGHT02: ryan WATSON seacrest
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *snigger*
KerrAiken: that's priceless

CyPDXMFIGHT02: AHH i HATE that! it makes me feel like a murderer is behind me or that the computer is going to explode in my face and i wont beable to read CLYAN ANYMORE!! DANGIT!!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: i'm liking how the clyan is my main concern... right up there with being murdered
CyPDXMFIGHT02: no i mean, the computer will blow up and my eyes will be burned from their sockets
CyPDXMFIGHT02: but i'd rather have my eyes burnt away than clays or ryans
CyPDXMFIGHT02: because they need to see where theyr'e going when they're steering their nether regions into eachother
CyPDXMFIGHT02: so.. yeah.. they can have my abiliity to see

Furbert = something like beastiality
CyPDXMFIGHT02: and you gotta say it to them when they're wearing something furry
CyPDXMFIGHT02: and first you comment about how soft it is
CyPDXMFIGHT02: and be liek "ooo it's like you're an animaalll" *insert growl here*
KerrAiken: LOL
KerrAiken: LOL
KerrAiken: FUCKING....LOL
CyPDXMFIGHT02: then say innocently, while stroking their arm seductively.. hitching up your skirt a bit.. "i happen to be a furbert... " *insert second growl here* "make me SQUEAK bitch!!" *throws up against wall*
CyPDXMFIGHT02: LOL!!
KerrAiken: HOLY FUCK
CyPDXMFIGHT02: i am sooo tired right now this stuff is the shiznit
KerrAiken: DIES
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *DIES*

KerrAiken: all the words in my name are nouns
KerrAiken: Rose. Stone. House. i love it
CyPDXMFIGHT02: what's your name???
CyPDXMFIGHT02: rose stone house?
KerrAiken: Rose Stonehouse
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *LAUGHS*
KerrAiken: HEY!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: oh man
KerrAiken: FAUKER!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: that's funny stuff
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *dies*
KerrAiken: WHY!>
CyPDXMFIGHT02: just a nice mental image
KerrAiken: ???
KerrAiken: WHAT???
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *falls over laughing*
KerrAiken: WHAT?!!!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: whoo! i'm okay now
KerrAiken: i still don't get what's so funny
CyPDXMFIGHT02: i was imagining a hose and a stone being thrown at it and then a rose being lobbed through the air and you just standing there, dumbfounded
CyPDXMFIGHT02: it was funny at the time

dxnick171: me and C are tight
KerrAiken: no fair!
KerrAiken: gimme him!
dxnick171: lol
dxnick171: sorry
KerrAiken: *runs over to Hubbard*
dxnick171: clay aikin, property of nick handy and ryan seacrest
KerrAiken: LOL
KerrAiken: You got the Ryan right!
dxnick171: i just get the $$
dxnick171: ryan can have the rest

Miss Kressley: *mouth drops*
KerrAiken: ?
KerrAiken: that horrid?
Miss Kressley: no, it's fucking amazing
KerrAiken: really?
Miss Kressley: where is that from?
Miss Kressley: holy shit dude
KerrAiken: i wrote it
Miss Kressley: no you did not
KerrAiken: yeah i did
Miss Kressley: oh god woman
Miss Kressley: that is fabulous!
KerrAiken: okay?
KerrAiken: it is?
Miss Kressley: it really is
KerrAiken: sweet

KerrAiken: yeah, i saw
Miss Kressley: *dies dies dies dies dies dies dies*
KerrAiken: well i wouldn't go quite that far (/simon)
Miss Kressley: yes i would dude that photo is smokin'
KerrAiken: lol
Miss Kressley: well.. apart from his double chin
Miss Kressley: OH NO! IT'S RUINED FOR ME NOW.
Miss Kressley: DAMN MYSELF. OMFG.
KerrAiken: NOOOO
Miss Kressley: *kills self*
KerrAiken: *hands over spork*
Miss Kressley: *repeatedly pokes self with spork in the chestal area*
KerrAiken: LOL CHESTAL AREA!
KerrAiken: *dies*

Sushi Denim: Babies can still be made, y'know. Guys are gonna jack off anyways, and all they gotta do this way is make sure the cum goes into a cup. O:-)
KerrAiken: wtf
KerrAiken: lol
KerrAiken: that was dirty, and i don't know why!
Sushi Denim: Cuz I was talking about pulling the pud, and making sure the dude ejaculates into a cup?
KerrAiken: lol
KerrAiken: oh god
Sushi Denim: Cuz I think that may have been where it got dirty
KerrAiken: lol
KerrAiken: *hysterically laughing*

Miss Kressley: corey clark is ew LOL
KerrAiken: YES
KerrAiken: VERY EW
Miss Kressley: charles grigsby is the best looking guy there
Miss Kressley: whoops other than clay
KerrAiken: Meh, he's not that great
KerrAiken: Clay was definatly the hottest
Miss Kressley: and ruben mmm damn is he fine
KerrAiken: LOL
KerrAiken: r u serious?
Miss Kressley: yeah im serious
Miss Kressley: *smacks you*
Miss Kressley: >:o
KerrAiken: HEY!
KerrAiken: *cries*
Miss Kressley: *cuddles*
KerrAiken: thanks
Miss Kressley: mmm damn clay is fine

KerrAiken: but then i can't talk to you
KerrAiken: and that makes me sad
CyPDXMFIGHT02: haha
KerrAiken: aww
CyPDXMFIGHT02: you can hug your pillow
KerrAiken: i will too
CyPDXMFIGHT02: and print a picture of me and put it on there
KerrAiken: don't think i won't

KerrAiken: *impales self with plastic spork*
KerrAiken: I think Ryan and CLay should go to Taco Bell in the next chapter, what do you think?
Miss Kressley: lmfao!
Miss Kressley: yes
KerrAiken: oh god
KerrAiken: so the funny
Miss Kressley: just for the fuck of it, just do it
KerrAiken: I WILL!
KerrAiken: I FUCKING WILL!
KerrAiken: it'll be 2am and they are hungry
KerrAiken: and it's the only thing open
Miss Kressley: and they run out of beef and clay goes apeshit
KerrAiken: WHAT??
KerrAiken: No
KerrAiken: they get beans and cheese and have exciting adventures licking the goop off one another...
KerrAiken: i mean...
Miss Kressley: YOU CRAPSACK I KNOW YOU HAVE A [FUCKING] COW BACK THERE
KerrAiken: LOL!

Clay Rap 101

YO MY NAME IS CLAY AND I'M HERE TO SAY,
WEEZ GONNA PRAY IT UP IN MAJA WAY.
WE GOT RUBEN OVER THERE AND KIM'S HERE WITH ME,
GET READY HERE WE GO, SO GET DOWN ON YO KNEES!!!

SECOND VERSE YO!!! SECOND VERSE YO!!! SECOND VERSE YO!!!
YO I ASK THE LORD, WHY A SECOND PLACE?
DUDE I SOLD MORE RECORDS, PUT THAT IN YOUR FACE!!!

TRAY HOLLA, TRAY HOLLA!!
OOO I'M SORRY RUBEN, I DIDN'T MEAN A DISS,
BUT THEY SEEM TO LIKE THE NERD
SO THIS YOU CAN JUST KISS
(MUST POINT TO BUTTOCKS)

WHDDA UP YO, NUMBER 4, HERE WE ROLL!!!
GOD I SPEAK TO YOU MAN TO MAN,
I USED TO BE A TECHA, WHAT DA DOODY WIT DA PLAN?!?!

WE’RE STAYIN ALIVE HERE WITH VERSE NUMBER 5:
THE REC EXECS DIDN’T LIKE MY STYLE
THEY DIDN’T THINK I’D DO IT KINDA LIKE 8 MILE.
THE LORD KNOWS I’M HERE TO STAY,
HOLLA AT YOUR BOY, BUY MY RECORDS, CUZ I’M CLAY!!!

RUBEN AND KIM DUO WITH CHEERLEADING KICKS)
PRAY IT UP YO, PRAY IT UP YO, PRAY IT UP YOU

KerrAiken: he had this to say: WT 8355: lol, yes, I need him (Clay) to keep me company, maybe I'll concentrate on his hip thrusts more
KerrAiken: *nods*
aurea54: LOL
KerrAiken: that was not edited in anyway
aurea54: hahahaha
aurea54: thats too funny
KerrAiken: ok so maybe i replaced "dancing" with "hip thrusts" but really, potato patato
aurea54: LOL

CyPDXMFIGHT02: BWAH!!! *POUNCES ON HER*
CyPDXMFIGHT02: I LURVE YOU!!
KerrAiken: what??
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *rips her of her shirt and lavishes her*
KerrAiken: why??
and that is something you people will never know

WT 8355: well, I'm Italian and I'm always attracted to the ethnicity of Italian girls, and she's very ethnic Italian looking
KerrAiken: and if by that you mean ugly, you'd be right
WT 8355: does the fact that she doesn't have a perfect little nose make her ugly?
KerrAiken: no, the fact that she's ugly does

CyPDXMFIGHT02: *debacles her to calm her down*
KerrAiken: THAT'S SUPPOSED TO CALM ME DOWN?!

KerrAiken: Ryan is uber hot!
KerrAiken: he's like a hotsickle
CyPDXMFIGHT02: LOL
CyPDXMFIGHT02: O!!
KerrAiken: i don't fucking know what that is
CyPDXMFIGHT02: i'll make an icon of ryan that says "hotsickle"
CyPDXMFIGHT02: and slurrve
CyPDXMFIGHT02: how about that?
KerrAiken: YES
KerrAiken: HOLY YES

CyPDXMFIGHT02: just that, she thought it would be fun if her wife had "rainmakerslurve" if hers was "therainmaker" *sweatdrop*
KerrAiken: i'm so confused
CyPDXMFIGHT02: she's therainmaker and i'm rainmakerslurve
KerrAiken: i don't get your name
KerrAiken: ohhh
CyPDXMFIGHT02: lurve = love
KerrAiken: i was reading it
KerrAiken: rain maker slurve
CyPDXMFIGHT02: haha!@
KerrAiken: and i was like "Slruve?"
CyPDXMFIGHT02: it's a slang word for wild passionate clyan sex!
KerrAiken: HELL YES
CyPDXMFIGHT02: slurve!!!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: we have our own word! SWEET ASS !
KerrAiken: OH MY GOD
KerrAiken: WE DO!!
KerrAiken: *DIES*

CyPDXMFIGHT02: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
CyPDXMFIGHT02: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
KerrAiken: i am the genie
CyPDXMFIGHT02: SQUEEEEEEEEE!!
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *HUGGLES*
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *TACKLES*
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *LAVISHES*
KerrAiken: debacle?
CyPDXMFIGHT02: *debacles her!*
KerrAiken: sweet

KerrAiken: GOD! THERE ARE SO MANY NEW CLYAN WRITERS
ProtoZoa6578: lol i know
ProtoZoa6578: CLYAN WRITER INVASION
KerrAiken: YES!
KerrAiken: *must put on profile*
ProtoZoa6578: lol
KerrAiken: *dances around and then does so*

Auto response from ProtoZoa6578:
I'm Away right now.
...And yes, I'm doing this to piss Rose off.
KerrAiken: HEY!
KerrAiken: Errr
KerrAiken: it worked *shakes fist*

KerrAiken: People would pay just to stare at Clay, people didn't go to FJ2K just to stare at them, but we would for Clay
Sushi Denim: True.
KerrAiken: see
KerrAiken: MMMmm and if Clay and Ryan made out...
KerrAiken: *dies*
Sushi Denim: The likelihood of that is nonexistant.
KerrAiken: I know
KerrAiken: SHUSH! LET ME DREAM!
Sushi Denim: There's a better chance Clay would make out with Amy Davidson.
KerrAiken: ?
Sushi Denim: On 8 Simple Rules, the girl that plays Kerry. I love her.
KerrAiken: what? a girl? I don't comprehend Clay + Female = Making Out
Sushi Denim: Neither do I, but if he's kissing either one of us, I want it to be either Tegan Quinn or Amy.
KerrAiken: dude, if he's kissing either one of us, i want it to be ME
Sushi Denim: LOL!
Sushi Denim: Okay, or you
KerrAiken: YEY!
Sushi Denim: Rose, Eliza, Amy, Tegan. That's the order.
Sushi Denim: Erm, the boys go before you, though
Sushi Denim: Sorry
KerrAiken: well
KerrAiken: of course

KerrAiken: i'm sorry, to me that's not hot
KerrAiken: i can see how people see it is
cracked x genius: *points to picture* Clay pushing Ryan up against the wall like that?
KerrAiken: OK!
cracked x genius: *nods* i'm totally watching that. lol
KerrAiken: FINE!
KerrAiken: YOU GOT ME!
cracked x genius: haha
KerrAiken: That would be hot!

qe4thestr8guy: ill write a sentence or two for you right now, okay?
KerrAiken: sweet
qe4thestr8guy: *pulls words out of ass*
KerrAiken: MMm, ass covered words
qe4thestr8guy: *DIES*

KerrAiken: how about this - Clay "comes out" because of the pressure, even though he's straight, he just says it so people shut up. Upon hearing this, Ryan arrives at his door scantily clad
Miss Kressley: LMFAO
KerrAiken: and then, Clay being nice, can't turn Ryan away
Miss Kressley: but, then he was lying..
Miss Kressley: what, so he gives ryan a pity fuck?
KerrAiken: and then Ryan converts him? and Clay realizes it ain't all bad?
Miss Kressley: No.
KerrAiken: have it your way
KerrAiken: i'm just trying to get Clay and Ryan together here

KerrAiken: ok, here's a crazy senario...somehow Ryan and Clay both "come out" BUT...they date OTHER people...AH! that'd be so aggrivating!
Miss Kressley: lmfao
Miss Kressley: he'd get a lot of mail
KerrAiken: both would
Miss Kressley: "CLAY ARE YOU CRAZY DON'T YOU REALIZE YOU AND RYAN ARE MEANT TO BE!"
KerrAiken: "Ryan...date clay" "Clay...date ryan"
KerrAiken: OR IF THEY DID DATE AND THEY THE BROKE UP!
KerrAiken: COS RYAN CHEATED!
KerrAiken: AHHH!
Miss Kressley: GASP!
KerrAiken: *CRAZY IDEAS*
Miss Kressley: WITH WHO?
KerrAiken: Hummm
Miss Kressley: RUBEN
KerrAiken: NO!~
Miss Kressley: *gags*

KerrAiken: but i don't want mine like that
aurea54: how do you want it?
KerrAiken: different
aurea54: oh god that sounds bad

KerrAiken: i saw ryan's back of his head
KerrAiken: and i thought it was clay
KerrAiken: and i almost had a heart attack!
Miss Kressley: lmfao
KerrAiken: but it was just Ryan
Miss Kressley: just ryan?
KerrAiken: well
Miss Kressley: do you hear yourself?
KerrAiken: it wasn't Clay

KerrAiken: THE GUY LANDED HIS HAND ON RYAN'S ASS
KerrAiken: FOR LIKE A WHOLE LOT OF TIME
Miss Kressley: lmfao
Miss Kressley: who wouldnt?
KerrAiken: not Clay

Miss Kressley: i didnt see ryan so i shut it off
KerrAiken: it's the girls turn this time
KerrAiken: they take turns instead of being together
Miss Kressley: what so he can do clay without interruptions
KerrAiken: PROBABBLY!

KerrAiken: someone has to stop and tie shoe?
qe4thestr8guy: SO HE'S BENT OVER AND VULNERABLE
KerrAiken: NO!

Miss Kressley: *RUNS AWAY FROM CLUBEN IN HORROR*

KerrAiken: YOU WANT THE PORN!
Miss Kressley: I DO!