letters to the world that never wrote to me
[Yeah, I know I probably quoted that wrong. Shut up.]
Dear D:
Yes, I know it's technically your office now. However, you know that I've been taking my lunch break in there. Thanks so much for sticking to the desk like a cockleburr so I had to take my lunch out into the Student Center and eat with no 'net access. Bitca.
A.
Dear Bitchy Customer:
I'm not sure why you believed that your confrontational attitude would make me give you your way. Got news for you, I'm probably one of the stubbornest people alive, and I know my job, and I know our return policies. Your failure to save your receipt is not my problem. Get out of my face.
Sincerely,
Amy
Dear Wal-Mart Supercenter:
Remind me never to try to shop there at 5 p.m. on a weekday ever again, as it's a total zoo with the slowest. cashiers. ever. Thanks.
Amy
Dear Mom:
Thanks so much for that long and extremely disgusting story about my grandmother's constipation issues. You know, I so wanted to hear that after a long day at work, especially the details about how Dad had the same problem and the icky-squicky way you took care of it in both cases. You have cured me from ever wanting to eat again. Thanks ever so.
Love, your daughter,
Amy
Dear D:
Yes, I know it's technically your office now. However, you know that I've been taking my lunch break in there. Thanks so much for sticking to the desk like a cockleburr so I had to take my lunch out into the Student Center and eat with no 'net access. Bitca.
A.
Dear Bitchy Customer:
I'm not sure why you believed that your confrontational attitude would make me give you your way. Got news for you, I'm probably one of the stubbornest people alive, and I know my job, and I know our return policies. Your failure to save your receipt is not my problem. Get out of my face.
Sincerely,
Amy
Dear Wal-Mart Supercenter:
Remind me never to try to shop there at 5 p.m. on a weekday ever again, as it's a total zoo with the slowest. cashiers. ever. Thanks.
Amy
Dear Mom:
Thanks so much for that long and extremely disgusting story about my grandmother's constipation issues. You know, I so wanted to hear that after a long day at work, especially the details about how Dad had the same problem and the icky-squicky way you took care of it in both cases. You have cured me from ever wanting to eat again. Thanks ever so.
Love, your daughter,
Amy