[Christmas-present] Christmas Miracle (Part 1)
Title: Christmas Miracle (Part 1)
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, mild Angst, Fluff
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story XD
Summary: Ten years of waiting, and then miracle happens on Christmas Day. Typical love-story :P
Beta-ed by potatoos . I love you ♥
A/N: aaaa, I miss sharing fics and replying your comments!!! Everything gone by like a blur, I don't even remember when was the last time I posted my fic here... two or three weeks? Well, XD, whatever, this one I want to share no-matter-what on this Christmas, because it was written since last year! But I couldn't share it on last Christmas since I hadn't started my LJ yet :P. This is my presents for all of you, who always read and follow my fics, thus support me with your lovely comments! Thank you so much guys! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ From now on too, yoroshiku ne~!!!!!
♥ ♥ ♥ Merry Christmas!!!!! Wish for all your wishes coming true ♥ ♥ ♥
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“You guys!!! Christmas is coming!!!!”
Aiba dashed into the green room wearing a ridiculously huge pair of horns above his head, his usual big grin and eager eyes donned his face. The rest of Arashi raised their heads to look at their friend incredulously. It was so Aiba-like to do weird things on Christmas, and he was always so enthusiastic that he would drag the rest into that mess.
“We need to do something different this year!!” Aiba announced cheerfully. Sho looked at Aiba’s costume - a brown fur coat with a reindeer’s head attached to it as he shook his head, amazed.
“Masaki, we’re not going to wear that thing around…”
“No! You don’t need to wear this! This is mine!” And before Sho could let out a relieved sigh, Aiba shoved another costume into his lap. “This is yours!”
Sho’s draw dropped at the sight of a white coat, and attached to it was unmistakably a horse head.
“I’m not going to wear this!!!!” Sho winced helplessly.
“Me neither,” Jun shrugged nonchalantly and returned to his magazine, totally ignoring Aiba’s puppy eyes beside him. “It’d be a mess if we wear those things and walk around the company! How will people look at us?!”
“But it’s fun!” Aiba exclaimed fervently as his eyes trailed to Nino, who was still playing his game, totally uninterested.
“No, it’s not,” Nino chucked and paused his game, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “If you want to, do it alone!”
“Riida will do it with me!!!!” Aiba plopped himself down beside Ohno, who still kept his mouth shut until then. “Ne, Riida?? You’ll do it, ne??”
“It’s not that bad though…” Ohno smiled softly as he took the costume and examined it carefully. “We can have fun together…”
“Seriously, I’m not going to do this!” Nino stood up from his spot and started to collect his stuff. “It’s embarrassing!”
“We’ve done many embarrassing things before,” Aiba pouted “And this is hilarious!!”
“Just for the show,” Nino rolled his eyes and he shoved his DS into his bag.
“Huh? You’re leaving?” Jun raised his head and looked at Nino questioningly “Aren’t we going to go out for dinner tonight?”
“Sorry, I'll pass,” Nino shrugged as he slung his bag over his shoulder and smiled mischievously at his friends “I have something to do.”
“You’re not going with us?” Ohno asked in surprise, his eyes leaving the costume and came to Nino. When their eyes met, Ohno’s breath caught inside his throat as he saw Nino was looking at him too. But Nino just smiled softly at Ohno.
“Next time, Ohchan.” He waved his salutation before walking out of the green room.
When the door clicked close, Aiba leaned forwards and said with a low voice, a grin appeared on his face, just like a child had discovered a huge secret.
“You know what? Nino’s in love!!”
“What?" Sho and Jun cried in unison. They were astonished. Ohno just sat still, his face fell and his heart beat faster with the sudden announcement.
“Yeah… Didn't you notice? He’s so active these days… He sings and smiles a lot, and he's being so nice with other people. Don’t you think it’s weird??”
“But… are you sure that he’s in love? Maybe it’s kind of a crush or something?” Sho asked with a frown.
“I’m sure! I've seen him in love many times… But this time, I’m sure he’s serious about this one!” Aiba said with a grin “And I overheard him saying that he’s going to confess this Christmas!”
A pang hit Ohno’s chest as he blinked twice to calm himself down. It was not the first time Nino fell in love, and it was not the first time his heart reacted like this either. But each time it still brought loneliness inside Ohno’s chest, building up the coldness in his heart.
“But we can’t do anything about this, right?” Jun said thoughtfully as he flipped through the magazine and finally put it down “He’s still doing well at work… So as long as he’s happy, then it’s okay, right?”
They all nodded. It was Nino-like, to keep everything to himself even though his closest friends are the Arashi members. They would never know what was really going on with him, or who he was dating, as if Nino had drawn a line between his world and the others, to prevent anyone from stepping into it and discovering what he was feeling. Ohno had realized this fact after ten years of being Nino’s friend, and the realization didn’t make him happy. He always hoped that one day he would be able to break down that wall around Nino, to enter and understand Nino’s world, to see what really existed behind all those smiles. He wanted to know Nino - not the Nino everyone could see, but the Nino only him could see, could feel and could understand.
But Nino didn’t let him. Nino never let anyone, and Ohno was not an exception.
That day, he reached his home, totally exhausted, just like every single day when Nino was not around. Not bothering to turn on the light or to change into his pajamas, Ohno stumbled onto his bed, buried his face to his pillow and tried to wait for sleep to claim him. He curled himself into the blanket, feeling the warmth around him, but in his heart, the coldness just didn’t go away.
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He accidentally ran into Nino one day. There were many individual projects for Arashi these days so they barely met, and if there were any chance they could only nod and smile at each other, then they would go back to their work. Nino was busy with his drama, and Ohno was busy with holding exhibitions himself. This somehow made Ohno feel lonely, when Nino wasn’t around and maybe - just maybe, he was with his new girlfriend already. Ohno didn’t want to think much about this, it always made his heart constrict annoyingly, then he would always end up drowning in his thoughts and feeling frustrated.
So he was happy to catch a glimpse of Nino at the corner of the street, in his usual long gray coat, and he was walking deliberately on the pavement. Ohno’s smile subconsciously appeared on his face, but before Ohno could call him, his voice was caught in his throat as he realized Nino wasn’t alone. Walking happily with an arm clung around Nino’s was a girl, with blond hair and a cheerful smile. She was talking happily with Nino - they were both laughing as Nino turned to her and took a snowflake from her hair. They didn’t see Ohno. He stood still on the pavement, hands gripping tightly by his sides, and he couldn’t move an inch though he knew if Nino raised his head up, he would definitely see him. He would introduce his girlfriend to him, as he always treated Ohno as his friend… And Ohno didn’t know how he would react if Nino actually did so. He could heard his heart crying, but no tears came out from his eyes as he felt like all his senses were numbed. He tried to move, tried to run away from the happy couple in front of him, but from deep within his heart he wanted Nino to see him, to be aware of his love for him…
He could almost hear their laughter when he finally turned around, his legs moved on its own, and he ran as fast as possible from the hurtful scene - to protect his heart from breaking again.
All his senses were awakened as the biting cold of the wind stroked his cheeks in silent sympathy. He wasn't used to crying, but now tears started to fall on his cheeks helplessly. When he reached the corner of the street, he stopped and covered his eyes with his palms, and tried to wipe the tears away. It was the worst, he thought to himself, to love Nino like crazy, to know that Nino would never feel the same way, to see Nino with someone else, someone who could make him happy - that Ohno himself could never achieve. He just couldn’t be the person who was that important to Nino, even though they had been through many years with each other, shared many happiness, many sadness together… That just meant nothing to Nino. The gloomy feelings soaked into Ohno, and he blanked out for the rest of the day. He just stayed in his room, staring at the small figures in front of him - a small face with a blue feather was smiling at him. It hadn’t been finished. And it would never be finished. Ohno had lost all his motivation to do this. It was his present for Nino this Christmas, but it was not necessary anymore.
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“So you won’t be at the Christmas party too?” Jun asked in disbelief when they were together at the greenroom. Aiba and Sho raised their heads to look at their friends in confusion.
“I’m really sorry,” Nino bowed at his friends and said apologetically “I need to do something important that night!”
“What’s wrong with you?” Jun muttered “We barely see you these days. And now you’re not going to the party??”
“You need to finish it before Christmas?” Sho asked softly as he put aside the newspaper “Is it so important?”
“It’s really important to me,” Nino bit his lips “And… Actually, before midnight so…”
“So when you're finished, just come and join us later,” Aiba said cheerfully “We’ll drink until morning!!!”
“Yes, I will,” Nino smiled gratefully at his friend “Sorry, guys… And thank you. You are my best friends!!!”
“Really, Nino…” Jun rolled his eyes “You’re really annoying. Just show up later, okay? I want us to be together at least on Christmas day!”
“Yes, I promise,” Nino grinned “I want to be there too.”
Ohno didn’t say a thing until then, he was leaning against the wall behind him, listening to his friends’ conversation. He couldn’t push himself to say anything to Nino. Nino was always like this - if he had a new girlfriend, he would definitely go out with her on Christmas Day. He might show up later, but it totally destroyed all of Ohno’s day. The void inside his chest just grew bigger and bigger, until it became unbearable and when he was alone, it burst into tears - the tears of loneliness and frustration that drained out his energy, until he was too exhausted to think about Nino anymore.
This would be another Christmas like that. Sometimes Ohno felt like Christmas hated him. He had never been happy on Christmas, though people always said that it was the most peaceful and warm day of the year. How could it be peaceful and warm when Nino wasn’t around, and Ohno knew clearly that he was happy with someone else…?
Ohno didn’t say anything as he quietly slipped away from the green room, trying to not be noticed by the others. He came up to the terrace and sat down, looking up at the dark sky above him. There was no snowflake falling from the sky, and Ohno closed his eyes to feel the gentle stroking of the wind on his cheeks. Somehow, this was similar to ten years ago…
“There you are,” Nino’s voice came from the door which led to the terrace. Ohno hastily wiped away his tears, his back to Nino to hide his red eyes from the other boy, and he kept silent. Nino sat down beside him and looked up to the sky, shivering slightly. “We’ve been looking for you, you know.”
Ohno shrugged. He didn’t answer but he forced a smile at Nino. The other boy continued.
“What are you doing here? It’s freezing.” Nino shuddered as he tightened his coat around his slim body, his hand came to his face, tried to warm up his frozen cheeks. Ohno lowered his head, his trembling lips didn’t let him form a word to answer.
“Ohchan?” Nino turned to Ohno, surprise was evident in his voice as he frowned and scooted closer to the older boy “What’s wrong?”
Ohno smiled bitterly. What was wrong with him? He couldn’t tell that he was hurt, seeing Nino shining in love, seeing him grinning like an idiot whenever she texted him, or seeing Nino planning to go out with her on Christmas day… and wasn't even a little aware of his love.
“Nothing.” Ohno muttered, but he knew Nino noticed that he lied.
“Really?” Nino shook his head and asked incredulously “Are you crying, Ohchan?”
“No,” Ohno turned away and refused to let Nino look at his eyes again.
“You’re lying, come on!” Nino shoved Ohno’s hand away and looked straight into his eyes “What’s wrong, Ohchan?”
Ohno bit his lips. Maybe this was his chance. His only chance to confess, his only chance to let Nino know about his love. His only chance to escape from his lonely world, in which Nino was the center, and everything about him existed because of Nino. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes tightly.
“You’re not going to the party this year, right?” Ohno finally asked.
Nino shifted beside him, and he looked surprise, but his eyes were sparkling, and there was undeniable happiness inside those eyes.
“Yeah…”
“Is that so…?” Ohno’s voice caught in his throat as he sighed in frustration. He knew he couldn’t win. The person that could make Nino shine like that, he just couldn’t win against her.
“So?” Nino frowned slightly “Are you mad at me because of that?”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“You’re mad at me” Nino exclaimed “Why is that, Ohchan?”
“I’m not mad at you!” Ohno repeated, and he didn’t even notice that he had raised his tone. When he saw Nino’s stunned face, he looked away. “Sorry, I just… I didn’t mean…”
“Ohchan…” Nino sighed “What’s your problem?”
“…You’re my problem.” Ohno muttered.
“What?”
“You’re my problem, Nino.” Ohno hold his head desperately.
“I… don’t understand, Ohchan.” Nino titled his head as he looked at Ohno’s face “Why am I your problem?”
“You better understand!” A wave of anger suddenly washed through Ohno’s body. After all he had suffered for Nino, and now Nino said that he didn’t know?
“Why?” Nino frowned.
“Because it hurts, Nino,” Ohno’s voice was trembling as he could feel his blood running to his face “It hurts seeing you with someone else, dating someone else, loving someone else… And the only day I can spend with you, you just simple say that you can’t go and throw me aside like that! I just… I can’t bear with it anymore!”
Nino’s eyes widened as he stared at his friend, unable to say a word. Reality sunk into him slowly as he suddenly got what Ohno was trying to say, as he gasped and put his hand over his mouth.
“Don’t you tell me…”
“I’m telling you,” Ohno said miserably “It’s because I love you, Nino. Not as a friend. I love you!”
Ohno’s courage was drained out when he stared deeply into Nino’s eyes, and saw nothing despite of astonishment, worry, fear filled up inside them. No hint of love. No hint of affection. Though he still always knew, since the first day he knew he was in love with Nino, that Nino didn’t have the same feeling… It was still too much for him to bear. His heart hurt, as if it had never been hurt before. He didn’t even know if he was breathing or not.
And then, the words he always expected, the words he had prayed that it wouldn’t come from Nino’s mouth, finally was said.
“I’m sorry, Ohchan…” Nino bit his lips as he said apologetically “I… I didn’t know… But… you’re my friend, Ohchan. Couldn’t we just… be friends, like we always are?”
Ohno closed his eyes, letting the words sink in like knives piercing through his heart. He could almost feel his heart bleeding inside his chest, though it was expected, it still was unbearable when Nino said it. He held back his tears as he stood up, and avoided Nino’s gaze on him as he forced a smile.
“It’s okay, Nino” Ohno murmured “It’s okay. We’re friends. I’m sorry for saying stupid things… Just forget it, okay?”
“But…” Nino said, uncertainty weighing in his tone.
“Have a good day with your girlfriend.” Ohno smiled despite the pain in his chest. It was all he could do now, for Nino “I… I need to leave.”
And he ran away, as fast as possible, from Nino, from his love. He told himself, that he would never let Nino have that look on his face again. He would kill this love, even though it meant he would kill his heart which was shattered helplessly inside his chest. He ran, until he reached the doorknob of the bathroom door and stabled himself, his tears rolled down on his cheeks.
This had to end. All of this had to end.
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“You’re bad at hiding yourself, you know that?” A familiar voice resounded from the door, and Ohno didn’t turn around as he knew who he was. This time it brought a trace of warmth inside Ohno’s chest, as he realized Nino was still looking for him, Nino didn’t leave him alone this time. He felt the warmth radiated from Nino’s body as the other man sat down beside him.
“I’m not hiding myself.” Ohno answered softly. Nino chuckled.
“Liar.” Nino shrugged as he scooted closer to Ohno’s side.
“Well, maybe.” Ohno replied vaguely. He raised his head to look up to the sky. There was no star, no cloud either. The sky was dark.
“This evokes memories, ne.” Nino smiled and relaxed himself.
“Well…” Ohno smiled “You’re having a date again, right?”
“Not really,” Nino’s smile suddenly turned shy as he looked away from Ohno’s gaze “Just… to meet each other…”
“You two make a perfect couple,” Ohno said, trying to hide the sadness in his tone.
“You know who I am…?” Nino asked in surprise as he turned to Ohno.
“Yes, I saw you two on the streets…” Ohno blinked “Ah, you didn’t see me. Sorry, I didn’t call you.”
“You mean… Toda-san?” Nino frowned, confused “Why do you think it’s her?”
“Because… you looked so happy?” Ohno tried. But Nino shook his head and smiled at him.
“No, she’s just a colleague. We act together in a drama and became good friends after that.”
“So… Another one? You seem to have too many relationships,” Ohno shrugged, trying to cover his embarrassment. He could feel his cheeks flushed helplessly.
“Yes… But, this hasn’t been a relationship yet.” Nino bit his lip “I’m not sure… if he’d accept me or not… “
“This time it's a guy?” Ohno stared at Nino in shock. Why not him?
“Yeah, well…” Nino shyly looked at his hand “… yes.”
“… Is that… so?” Ohno found his hands starting to tremble. Surely this time, he wouldn’t say any stupid thing. But why… a guy?
“… I've loved him for a long time,” Nino looked dreamily, and at that moment, Ohno knew that Aiba was right. Nino was really in love, this time. The happiness in Nino’s eyes was obvious. Ohno’s heart ached quietly “I just didn’t recognize it… How stupid I was, ne?”
“… Nishikido?” Ohno tried again. Even though he clearly knew that he shouldn’t ask, but he wanted to know. He needed to know. He wanted to know who was the one could make Nino that happy. Why it never be him? Even though he had tried that much for Nino’s love?
“No, of course not!!!” Nino rolled his eyes in disbelief “Ohchan, how could you even think it’s him??”
“But… You are hanging out too much with him these days…” Ohno stammered.
“Am I?” Nino laughed “That’s because you noticed me too much, Ohchan!”
“Well, that…” Ohno couldn’t say anything. It was the truth, after all.
“Is it okay… Ohchan?” Nino hesitated.
“That’s okay.” Ohno smiled, trying to be a little happy “I’m… over you now. Don’t worry.”
“Really?” Nino said.
“Yeah…”
They stayed silent, until snowflakes started to fall down from the sky. Nino caught one on his palm and beamed cheerfully. How much Ohno love Nino’s bright expression like this. At that moment, Ohno wished he could keep this scene in his mind forever. He wished he could have Nino for only himself for just this moment. But, at usual, his wish was never granted. He knew clearly that as long as he kept this secret love for Nino, he still never had a wish coming true.
Part 2
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, mild Angst, Fluff
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story XD
Summary: Ten years of waiting, and then miracle happens on Christmas Day. Typical love-story :P
Beta-ed by potatoos . I love you ♥
A/N: aaaa, I miss sharing fics and replying your comments!!! Everything gone by like a blur, I don't even remember when was the last time I posted my fic here... two or three weeks? Well, XD, whatever, this one I want to share no-matter-what on this Christmas, because it was written since last year! But I couldn't share it on last Christmas since I hadn't started my LJ yet :P. This is my presents for all of you, who always read and follow my fics, thus support me with your lovely comments! Thank you so much guys! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ From now on too, yoroshiku ne~!!!!!
♥ ♥ ♥ Merry Christmas!!!!! Wish for all your wishes coming true ♥ ♥ ♥
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“You guys!!! Christmas is coming!!!!”
Aiba dashed into the green room wearing a ridiculously huge pair of horns above his head, his usual big grin and eager eyes donned his face. The rest of Arashi raised their heads to look at their friend incredulously. It was so Aiba-like to do weird things on Christmas, and he was always so enthusiastic that he would drag the rest into that mess.
“We need to do something different this year!!” Aiba announced cheerfully. Sho looked at Aiba’s costume - a brown fur coat with a reindeer’s head attached to it as he shook his head, amazed.
“Masaki, we’re not going to wear that thing around…”
“No! You don’t need to wear this! This is mine!” And before Sho could let out a relieved sigh, Aiba shoved another costume into his lap. “This is yours!”
Sho’s draw dropped at the sight of a white coat, and attached to it was unmistakably a horse head.
“I’m not going to wear this!!!!” Sho winced helplessly.
“Me neither,” Jun shrugged nonchalantly and returned to his magazine, totally ignoring Aiba’s puppy eyes beside him. “It’d be a mess if we wear those things and walk around the company! How will people look at us?!”
“But it’s fun!” Aiba exclaimed fervently as his eyes trailed to Nino, who was still playing his game, totally uninterested.
“No, it’s not,” Nino chucked and paused his game, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “If you want to, do it alone!”
“Riida will do it with me!!!!” Aiba plopped himself down beside Ohno, who still kept his mouth shut until then. “Ne, Riida?? You’ll do it, ne??”
“It’s not that bad though…” Ohno smiled softly as he took the costume and examined it carefully. “We can have fun together…”
“Seriously, I’m not going to do this!” Nino stood up from his spot and started to collect his stuff. “It’s embarrassing!”
“We’ve done many embarrassing things before,” Aiba pouted “And this is hilarious!!”
“Just for the show,” Nino rolled his eyes and he shoved his DS into his bag.
“Huh? You’re leaving?” Jun raised his head and looked at Nino questioningly “Aren’t we going to go out for dinner tonight?”
“Sorry, I'll pass,” Nino shrugged as he slung his bag over his shoulder and smiled mischievously at his friends “I have something to do.”
“You’re not going with us?” Ohno asked in surprise, his eyes leaving the costume and came to Nino. When their eyes met, Ohno’s breath caught inside his throat as he saw Nino was looking at him too. But Nino just smiled softly at Ohno.
“Next time, Ohchan.” He waved his salutation before walking out of the green room.
When the door clicked close, Aiba leaned forwards and said with a low voice, a grin appeared on his face, just like a child had discovered a huge secret.
“You know what? Nino’s in love!!”
“What?" Sho and Jun cried in unison. They were astonished. Ohno just sat still, his face fell and his heart beat faster with the sudden announcement.
“Yeah… Didn't you notice? He’s so active these days… He sings and smiles a lot, and he's being so nice with other people. Don’t you think it’s weird??”
“But… are you sure that he’s in love? Maybe it’s kind of a crush or something?” Sho asked with a frown.
“I’m sure! I've seen him in love many times… But this time, I’m sure he’s serious about this one!” Aiba said with a grin “And I overheard him saying that he’s going to confess this Christmas!”
A pang hit Ohno’s chest as he blinked twice to calm himself down. It was not the first time Nino fell in love, and it was not the first time his heart reacted like this either. But each time it still brought loneliness inside Ohno’s chest, building up the coldness in his heart.
“But we can’t do anything about this, right?” Jun said thoughtfully as he flipped through the magazine and finally put it down “He’s still doing well at work… So as long as he’s happy, then it’s okay, right?”
They all nodded. It was Nino-like, to keep everything to himself even though his closest friends are the Arashi members. They would never know what was really going on with him, or who he was dating, as if Nino had drawn a line between his world and the others, to prevent anyone from stepping into it and discovering what he was feeling. Ohno had realized this fact after ten years of being Nino’s friend, and the realization didn’t make him happy. He always hoped that one day he would be able to break down that wall around Nino, to enter and understand Nino’s world, to see what really existed behind all those smiles. He wanted to know Nino - not the Nino everyone could see, but the Nino only him could see, could feel and could understand.
But Nino didn’t let him. Nino never let anyone, and Ohno was not an exception.
That day, he reached his home, totally exhausted, just like every single day when Nino was not around. Not bothering to turn on the light or to change into his pajamas, Ohno stumbled onto his bed, buried his face to his pillow and tried to wait for sleep to claim him. He curled himself into the blanket, feeling the warmth around him, but in his heart, the coldness just didn’t go away.
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He accidentally ran into Nino one day. There were many individual projects for Arashi these days so they barely met, and if there were any chance they could only nod and smile at each other, then they would go back to their work. Nino was busy with his drama, and Ohno was busy with holding exhibitions himself. This somehow made Ohno feel lonely, when Nino wasn’t around and maybe - just maybe, he was with his new girlfriend already. Ohno didn’t want to think much about this, it always made his heart constrict annoyingly, then he would always end up drowning in his thoughts and feeling frustrated.
So he was happy to catch a glimpse of Nino at the corner of the street, in his usual long gray coat, and he was walking deliberately on the pavement. Ohno’s smile subconsciously appeared on his face, but before Ohno could call him, his voice was caught in his throat as he realized Nino wasn’t alone. Walking happily with an arm clung around Nino’s was a girl, with blond hair and a cheerful smile. She was talking happily with Nino - they were both laughing as Nino turned to her and took a snowflake from her hair. They didn’t see Ohno. He stood still on the pavement, hands gripping tightly by his sides, and he couldn’t move an inch though he knew if Nino raised his head up, he would definitely see him. He would introduce his girlfriend to him, as he always treated Ohno as his friend… And Ohno didn’t know how he would react if Nino actually did so. He could heard his heart crying, but no tears came out from his eyes as he felt like all his senses were numbed. He tried to move, tried to run away from the happy couple in front of him, but from deep within his heart he wanted Nino to see him, to be aware of his love for him…
He could almost hear their laughter when he finally turned around, his legs moved on its own, and he ran as fast as possible from the hurtful scene - to protect his heart from breaking again.
All his senses were awakened as the biting cold of the wind stroked his cheeks in silent sympathy. He wasn't used to crying, but now tears started to fall on his cheeks helplessly. When he reached the corner of the street, he stopped and covered his eyes with his palms, and tried to wipe the tears away. It was the worst, he thought to himself, to love Nino like crazy, to know that Nino would never feel the same way, to see Nino with someone else, someone who could make him happy - that Ohno himself could never achieve. He just couldn’t be the person who was that important to Nino, even though they had been through many years with each other, shared many happiness, many sadness together… That just meant nothing to Nino. The gloomy feelings soaked into Ohno, and he blanked out for the rest of the day. He just stayed in his room, staring at the small figures in front of him - a small face with a blue feather was smiling at him. It hadn’t been finished. And it would never be finished. Ohno had lost all his motivation to do this. It was his present for Nino this Christmas, but it was not necessary anymore.
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“So you won’t be at the Christmas party too?” Jun asked in disbelief when they were together at the greenroom. Aiba and Sho raised their heads to look at their friends in confusion.
“I’m really sorry,” Nino bowed at his friends and said apologetically “I need to do something important that night!”
“What’s wrong with you?” Jun muttered “We barely see you these days. And now you’re not going to the party??”
“You need to finish it before Christmas?” Sho asked softly as he put aside the newspaper “Is it so important?”
“It’s really important to me,” Nino bit his lips “And… Actually, before midnight so…”
“So when you're finished, just come and join us later,” Aiba said cheerfully “We’ll drink until morning!!!”
“Yes, I will,” Nino smiled gratefully at his friend “Sorry, guys… And thank you. You are my best friends!!!”
“Really, Nino…” Jun rolled his eyes “You’re really annoying. Just show up later, okay? I want us to be together at least on Christmas day!”
“Yes, I promise,” Nino grinned “I want to be there too.”
Ohno didn’t say a thing until then, he was leaning against the wall behind him, listening to his friends’ conversation. He couldn’t push himself to say anything to Nino. Nino was always like this - if he had a new girlfriend, he would definitely go out with her on Christmas Day. He might show up later, but it totally destroyed all of Ohno’s day. The void inside his chest just grew bigger and bigger, until it became unbearable and when he was alone, it burst into tears - the tears of loneliness and frustration that drained out his energy, until he was too exhausted to think about Nino anymore.
This would be another Christmas like that. Sometimes Ohno felt like Christmas hated him. He had never been happy on Christmas, though people always said that it was the most peaceful and warm day of the year. How could it be peaceful and warm when Nino wasn’t around, and Ohno knew clearly that he was happy with someone else…?
Ohno didn’t say anything as he quietly slipped away from the green room, trying to not be noticed by the others. He came up to the terrace and sat down, looking up at the dark sky above him. There was no snowflake falling from the sky, and Ohno closed his eyes to feel the gentle stroking of the wind on his cheeks. Somehow, this was similar to ten years ago…
“There you are,” Nino’s voice came from the door which led to the terrace. Ohno hastily wiped away his tears, his back to Nino to hide his red eyes from the other boy, and he kept silent. Nino sat down beside him and looked up to the sky, shivering slightly. “We’ve been looking for you, you know.”
Ohno shrugged. He didn’t answer but he forced a smile at Nino. The other boy continued.
“What are you doing here? It’s freezing.” Nino shuddered as he tightened his coat around his slim body, his hand came to his face, tried to warm up his frozen cheeks. Ohno lowered his head, his trembling lips didn’t let him form a word to answer.
“Ohchan?” Nino turned to Ohno, surprise was evident in his voice as he frowned and scooted closer to the older boy “What’s wrong?”
Ohno smiled bitterly. What was wrong with him? He couldn’t tell that he was hurt, seeing Nino shining in love, seeing him grinning like an idiot whenever she texted him, or seeing Nino planning to go out with her on Christmas day… and wasn't even a little aware of his love.
“Nothing.” Ohno muttered, but he knew Nino noticed that he lied.
“Really?” Nino shook his head and asked incredulously “Are you crying, Ohchan?”
“No,” Ohno turned away and refused to let Nino look at his eyes again.
“You’re lying, come on!” Nino shoved Ohno’s hand away and looked straight into his eyes “What’s wrong, Ohchan?”
Ohno bit his lips. Maybe this was his chance. His only chance to confess, his only chance to let Nino know about his love. His only chance to escape from his lonely world, in which Nino was the center, and everything about him existed because of Nino. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes tightly.
“You’re not going to the party this year, right?” Ohno finally asked.
Nino shifted beside him, and he looked surprise, but his eyes were sparkling, and there was undeniable happiness inside those eyes.
“Yeah…”
“Is that so…?” Ohno’s voice caught in his throat as he sighed in frustration. He knew he couldn’t win. The person that could make Nino shine like that, he just couldn’t win against her.
“So?” Nino frowned slightly “Are you mad at me because of that?”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“You’re mad at me” Nino exclaimed “Why is that, Ohchan?”
“I’m not mad at you!” Ohno repeated, and he didn’t even notice that he had raised his tone. When he saw Nino’s stunned face, he looked away. “Sorry, I just… I didn’t mean…”
“Ohchan…” Nino sighed “What’s your problem?”
“…You’re my problem.” Ohno muttered.
“What?”
“You’re my problem, Nino.” Ohno hold his head desperately.
“I… don’t understand, Ohchan.” Nino titled his head as he looked at Ohno’s face “Why am I your problem?”
“You better understand!” A wave of anger suddenly washed through Ohno’s body. After all he had suffered for Nino, and now Nino said that he didn’t know?
“Why?” Nino frowned.
“Because it hurts, Nino,” Ohno’s voice was trembling as he could feel his blood running to his face “It hurts seeing you with someone else, dating someone else, loving someone else… And the only day I can spend with you, you just simple say that you can’t go and throw me aside like that! I just… I can’t bear with it anymore!”
Nino’s eyes widened as he stared at his friend, unable to say a word. Reality sunk into him slowly as he suddenly got what Ohno was trying to say, as he gasped and put his hand over his mouth.
“Don’t you tell me…”
“I’m telling you,” Ohno said miserably “It’s because I love you, Nino. Not as a friend. I love you!”
Ohno’s courage was drained out when he stared deeply into Nino’s eyes, and saw nothing despite of astonishment, worry, fear filled up inside them. No hint of love. No hint of affection. Though he still always knew, since the first day he knew he was in love with Nino, that Nino didn’t have the same feeling… It was still too much for him to bear. His heart hurt, as if it had never been hurt before. He didn’t even know if he was breathing or not.
And then, the words he always expected, the words he had prayed that it wouldn’t come from Nino’s mouth, finally was said.
“I’m sorry, Ohchan…” Nino bit his lips as he said apologetically “I… I didn’t know… But… you’re my friend, Ohchan. Couldn’t we just… be friends, like we always are?”
Ohno closed his eyes, letting the words sink in like knives piercing through his heart. He could almost feel his heart bleeding inside his chest, though it was expected, it still was unbearable when Nino said it. He held back his tears as he stood up, and avoided Nino’s gaze on him as he forced a smile.
“It’s okay, Nino” Ohno murmured “It’s okay. We’re friends. I’m sorry for saying stupid things… Just forget it, okay?”
“But…” Nino said, uncertainty weighing in his tone.
“Have a good day with your girlfriend.” Ohno smiled despite the pain in his chest. It was all he could do now, for Nino “I… I need to leave.”
And he ran away, as fast as possible, from Nino, from his love. He told himself, that he would never let Nino have that look on his face again. He would kill this love, even though it meant he would kill his heart which was shattered helplessly inside his chest. He ran, until he reached the doorknob of the bathroom door and stabled himself, his tears rolled down on his cheeks.
This had to end. All of this had to end.
--------------------------
“You’re bad at hiding yourself, you know that?” A familiar voice resounded from the door, and Ohno didn’t turn around as he knew who he was. This time it brought a trace of warmth inside Ohno’s chest, as he realized Nino was still looking for him, Nino didn’t leave him alone this time. He felt the warmth radiated from Nino’s body as the other man sat down beside him.
“I’m not hiding myself.” Ohno answered softly. Nino chuckled.
“Liar.” Nino shrugged as he scooted closer to Ohno’s side.
“Well, maybe.” Ohno replied vaguely. He raised his head to look up to the sky. There was no star, no cloud either. The sky was dark.
“This evokes memories, ne.” Nino smiled and relaxed himself.
“Well…” Ohno smiled “You’re having a date again, right?”
“Not really,” Nino’s smile suddenly turned shy as he looked away from Ohno’s gaze “Just… to meet each other…”
“You two make a perfect couple,” Ohno said, trying to hide the sadness in his tone.
“You know who I am…?” Nino asked in surprise as he turned to Ohno.
“Yes, I saw you two on the streets…” Ohno blinked “Ah, you didn’t see me. Sorry, I didn’t call you.”
“You mean… Toda-san?” Nino frowned, confused “Why do you think it’s her?”
“Because… you looked so happy?” Ohno tried. But Nino shook his head and smiled at him.
“No, she’s just a colleague. We act together in a drama and became good friends after that.”
“So… Another one? You seem to have too many relationships,” Ohno shrugged, trying to cover his embarrassment. He could feel his cheeks flushed helplessly.
“Yes… But, this hasn’t been a relationship yet.” Nino bit his lip “I’m not sure… if he’d accept me or not… “
“This time it's a guy?” Ohno stared at Nino in shock. Why not him?
“Yeah, well…” Nino shyly looked at his hand “… yes.”
“… Is that… so?” Ohno found his hands starting to tremble. Surely this time, he wouldn’t say any stupid thing. But why… a guy?
“… I've loved him for a long time,” Nino looked dreamily, and at that moment, Ohno knew that Aiba was right. Nino was really in love, this time. The happiness in Nino’s eyes was obvious. Ohno’s heart ached quietly “I just didn’t recognize it… How stupid I was, ne?”
“… Nishikido?” Ohno tried again. Even though he clearly knew that he shouldn’t ask, but he wanted to know. He needed to know. He wanted to know who was the one could make Nino that happy. Why it never be him? Even though he had tried that much for Nino’s love?
“No, of course not!!!” Nino rolled his eyes in disbelief “Ohchan, how could you even think it’s him??”
“But… You are hanging out too much with him these days…” Ohno stammered.
“Am I?” Nino laughed “That’s because you noticed me too much, Ohchan!”
“Well, that…” Ohno couldn’t say anything. It was the truth, after all.
“Is it okay… Ohchan?” Nino hesitated.
“That’s okay.” Ohno smiled, trying to be a little happy “I’m… over you now. Don’t worry.”
“Really?” Nino said.
“Yeah…”
They stayed silent, until snowflakes started to fall down from the sky. Nino caught one on his palm and beamed cheerfully. How much Ohno love Nino’s bright expression like this. At that moment, Ohno wished he could keep this scene in his mind forever. He wished he could have Nino for only himself for just this moment. But, at usual, his wish was never granted. He knew clearly that as long as he kept this secret love for Nino, he still never had a wish coming true.
Part 2