[One-shot] When he wasn't looking (Part 1)
Title: When he wasn't looking (Part 1)
Pairing: Ohmiya, Juntoshi
Rating: PG-13
Genre: angst, romance
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story @_@
Summary: Not all the time he noticed those messages Nino was sending him when he wasn't looking. When he finally did, was it too late already?
Beta-ed by potatoos , of course ♥ ♥ ♥
A/N: How long has it been?? O_O I didn't post anything here for over a month! *oh* But, today, my summer break officially starts, so you will see I spam your Friend list a little too much the next few weeks XD XD XD!!! Please bear with me though XD XD XD And as I still haven't written her request, this one is for vietnga as she always wants something angsty, and this was what I wrote when I came to my angsty self.
Hope you will enjoy it! ♥♥♥
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He didn’t notice the sadness which was perfectly hidden behind Nino’s look, when his hand entwined with Jun’s and he grinned sheepishly at his friends.
It was the first time they announced it to the other members since Ohno and Jun had agreed to be in a relationship. It had been a month now, since the day Jun asked Ohno out and Ohno had nodded - he liked Jun a lot, and thinking about being with Jun excited him. Ohno just didn’t know how the others would react - it wasn’t like they hadn’t noticed it before, but he and Jun still needed to make it official, didn’t they?
Aiba was the first one to react. He beamed brightly and hugged both of them in honest congratulation, earning himself a lovely smack on his head by Jun. As Aiba continued with tons of questions, demanding them to tell their love story and why they had chosen to hide it from them, Jun answered them all with cheer in his voice.
Sho simply smiled encouragingly at Ohno, his hand patting their shoulders, as he said that he was happy for them. Sho joined Aiba a minute later, and he started to question them too, and this time Ohno answered some here and there, just to help Jun out because there were too many things his friends wanted to know.
The only one who was late to react was Nino. He sat on the sofa, his eyes glued onto the happy couple as he didn’t say anything for the first few minutes. When he opened his mouth, wanting to say something, Aiba cut him off by another chain of questions and Ohno turned to answer Aiba, not noticing Nino looking away and closed his mouth quietly. He stood up and came to them, ignorantly or intentionally walking past where Jun was sitting, and approached Ohno with a tender smile.
“Congrats,” Nino said simply. Ohno smiled back.
“Thank you, Nino.” He answered. Nino just smiled and sat down beside him, leaning in a little closer. Jun was too busy talking to Sho and Aiba, and they sometimes laughed out loud, their cheerful voice covering Nino’s quiet mumble.
“Guess I can no longer can do this to you,” He said, his shoulder bumping Ohno’s. Ohno turned to him, a little surprise at Nino’s soft tone - it wasn’t suitable for a congratulation, was it? But he just smiled. He knew what Nino meant - Nino didn’t only talk about the gesture itself, but he was also talking about himself and Ohno. The lovey-dovey that they always shared together, the fan services they were offering too much these days. Ohno would miss it, he thought, a little wistful about the thinking.
“Guess not,” Ohno nodded. Nino didn’t say anything more, his hand came to Ohno’s as he squeezed it tightly. “Nino?”
“Oh, nothing.” Nino shrugged and stood up, his hand left Ohno’s, as if the contact had never been there. “I need to go to the bathroom.”
Nino smiled again and turned away. The door clicked soundlessly, and it was not enough for the others to realize that Nino had gone out of the room. Ohno turned back to the other three, his mind was somehow bothered by Nino’s smile - Nino must be so surprised with this piece of news… After all, although he hadn’t really hid this from Nino, Nino seemed not notice that he and Jun had gotten together…
Later when Nino re-entered the room, Ohno had already to his conversation with the others and he didn’t notice Nino’s slightly reddened eyes.
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They were just as perfect as they always were, with Arashi’s work going smoothly and their individual activities too. They had gone out for drinks more often, with the conversation mostly turned around the hot topic of how Ohno and Jun got together. At those times, Nino would wrap himself in the corner and be a listener as he didn’t ask anything. They didn’t sit beside each other like they used to, but this time Nino sat alone on a separate seat, while Sho and Aiba shared one and Jun with Ohno, too. Ohno noticed this time, Nino seemed less talkative than he had ever been, and he looked tired more often. He looked unfocused, like he wasn’t paying attention to the conversation, his eyes looked dense and dark.
When Nino excused himself for the bathroom, again, Ohno thought there must be something wrong with Nino, so he stood up as well and followed him.
Therefore when he heard Nino’s voice from one of the stalls, he knew immediately Nino was throwing up. Ohno tried to open the door but Nino had locked it. He called in worry.
“Nino, are you okay?”
Nino hadn’t drunk that much, he recalled, Nino barely drank anything since they were there. Most of the time Nino was just sitting and staring, not drinking.
So it was strange.
The noise stopped, and he heard Nino’s mumble. His voice was raw and harsh.
“I’m okay.”
“Really? You sound like you’re sick.” Ohno couldn’t stop himself from wondering.
“Really. Go back.”
Nino’s voice was cold. Oddly cold. And Ohno frowned, had he ever heard Nino speaking to him like that before? Maybe, but that was ten years ago when they had just met. Not in these few years, when they had gotten so close as if nothing could wedge between them.
“I… If you need anything, just tell me, okay?” Ohno said uncertainly, and because Nino didn’t answer after that, he went out of the bathroom, still feeling a little worried for his best friend.
He didn’t hear Nino’s cry after that, when Nino was sure he had gone and finally let it burst out without holding back.
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They met less often, since they were all busy with their own activities. Jun had called Ohno sometimes and they spent time together after work. That made him happy, but he felt like something was missing, something that he couldn’t really understand. Like he believed that he would catch something in his hand if he reached out, but after all, there was only dust in his tight fist. He looked around, confused, because there was no reason for him to feel it this way. Jun was perfectly nice to him, as usual, and he was happy with Jun, as usual too. But something was missing. Something that he needed desperately, like air for his lungs, but he didn’t know what that was.
Nino was nowhere to be seen, Ohno thought. He was busy with filming and composing for the new album, so he barely saw them, except during the show. But since Himitsu had changed to a new setting and unintentionally or not he and Nino had no filming together, he barely met Nino. For Shiyagare or VS, Nino looked tired, and distant. And even though he told Ohno with a smile that because he was busy and nothing was wrong, Ohno was still not convinced.
So he called Nino one day and waited, hoping to hear Nino’s voice after a long time of not being able to hear it. He had missed Nino somehow, and he told himself, he would miss Sho and Aiba just as much if he didn’t see them for two whole weeks like this.
Nino didn’t answer his call. And Ohno hang up, disappointed, he threw his phone away and lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling his mind becoming blank at the moment.
He didn’t know Nino had been holding his phone with his shaking hand, staring at his name on the screen, and when he hang up Nino had brought the phone to his left chest, where his heart was beating unevenly. And Nino closed his eyes, pretending that the tingling tear wasn’t there.
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Jun started to ask him what was wrong, and Ohno couldn’t find a proper answer. He didn’t know it himself. The distance between Nino and him had started to bother him, and it started to affect his relationship with Jun as well. He didn’t want Jun to know that he recently thought only about Nino because Jun wouldn’t be happy.
Jun had gotten jealous a couple of times before, and Nino had smiled when he heard that - Nino had told Jun that there was nothing between them, so stop being so childish. Though Jun had stopped after that, Ohno didn’t want to make Jun sad again, so he stopped being close to Nino, too. He didn’t notice the insistent look Nino was giving him when he told Nino that they should keep a little distant. When he turned around, he didn’t see Nino almost reaching out his hand to catch his arm, but Nino didn’t, and Ohno had walked away, leaving Nino behind. He didn’t hear Nino mumbled his name after that, didn’t see the tears on Nino’s face, which Nino didn’t bother to hide anymore.
“What’s wrong, Satoshi?” Jun asked, and Ohno snapped out of his daydream, looking at Jun, confused.
“What’s wrong?” He repeated, more to himself, because he didn’t know the answer.
“You look… weird. What’s wrong?” Jun asked again, tapping the pencil on his table. They were at Jun’s house, and they were planning for the upcoming concert. Jun did most of the work, and Ohno was just listening to him.
“I don’t know…” Ohno frowned, trying to get his mind working again “I’m weird?”
“Yes, weird. Are you tired? We could stop here.” Jun put down the pencil and collected the paper. “We should sleep, it’s late already.”
Ohno looked at the clock. It was near midnight, and Nino probably had finished his work today. He hesitated, before standing up.
“I’m going home.” Ohno announced, thinking of going to Nino’s home. Jun looked at him in disbelief.
“You should stay here. It’s dangerous going outside alone at this time.”
“But…” He hesitated, and looked outside the window. It had started to snow. He sighed. Nino probably would go straight to bed and didn’t want to be bothered at this time.
He didn’t know that Nino was standing in front of his apartment, with a small present in his tightened hand. Nino had pressed the doorbell, and was waiting for him to open the door. Tomorrow, Nino had filming also and he couldn’t come to the party Arashi had prepared for Ohno.
Tomorrow was Ohno’s birthday.
He didn’t know, and he also didn’t know the frustrated sigh Nino gave when he realized that Ohno would never open the door, and Nino leaned against the wall, sat down and tiredly closed his eyes, slowly drifting off. He didn’t know that in Nino’s dream that night, he was there, and he had run back to his apartment, breathless, and his eyes brightened to see Nino there. He didn’t know Nino woke up at the early morning in front of his apartment, with his eyes wet and the present was abandoned near the door.
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It was a month after his birthday and it was Christmas again. That morning when Ohno came home he saw a small present near his door and when he opened it, it was Nino’s present for him - Nino’s handwriting was on the card, with a simple “tanjoubi omedetou”. It was enough to make Ohno smile for the rest of the day, knowing that Nino still remembered and though Nino couldn’t come, he had texted Nino “arigatou” at the party.
And it was Christmas. He wanted to buy something for Nino. It was hard to meet Nino, as the other man seemed crazily busy and as if Nino was avoiding him, too. He wasn’t so sure, but Nino looked scared when facing him, as if Nino was worried that he could read Nino easily. He wished he could, so he could stop wondering about Nino everyday and every night like this, not sure what to do and what to say to Nino anymore. Jun was still extremely caring, but sometimes it started to bother Ohno, that he felt like Jun was treating him too carefully as if he was a child.
There was a party in the company on Christmas, and they needed to find a person to play as a partner in the dance event. Jun didn’t need to ask Ohno - though Ohno preferred him to ask - he and Ohno would go there together. When Ohno asked Nino who he would be with, Nino just shrugged and answered that he wasn’t sure, because Aiba had agreed to go with Sho. Nino had no choice but to ask someone outside the group. Ohno found himself being a little disappointed at Nino’s answer.
When they came to the party, Ohno couldn’t see Nino anywhere. He was tugged by Jun to the dance floor, his eyes continuously darted around, hoping to catch a glimpse of Nino, the present for Nino laying silently in his pocket.
And when he saw Nino, after hours of searching, Nino was there, at the corner of the bar, kissing a man.
His heart stopped beating at that.
He didn’t have time to realize who that man was, in the same company or not. All he could see was Nino, kissing him, his hand clinging onto the man’s shirt, as if he was desperate. Ohno’s eyes suddenly blurred, and he knew he didn’t want to see that. He didn’t want to see Nino with that man at all.
So he turned away, struggled out of Jun’s hold, and ignored Jun’s surprised call, Ohno ran as fast as possible, far away from the colorful lights of the dance floor and not once turned his head back.
And because he didn’t look back, he didn’t see Nino’s tears rolling down, because Nino could feel nothing but hollowness in his heart, wishing that Ohno was the one he was kissing, wishing that Ohno was the one he was hugging. And Ohno also didn’t know that by getting drunk that night, Nino could pretend that it was him, pretend that he loved Nino, pretend things that when Nino was sober he could never pretend, because he had known Ohno and Jun for too long.
He didn’t know Nino was calling for him in his heart.
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He hadn’t seen Nino again after that night, when he had ran away and Jun had finally caught up with him and they went home together. He had told Jun that he felt sick, and Jun had gently helped him to bed and stayed there with him until morning. Jun didn’t ask why he was crying, why he was burying his face to Jun’s shoulder and why he didn’t say anything. He felt grateful, because he would have no answer for those questions.
He didn’t want to look for Nino anymore. He was scared that he would see what he shouldn’t, because it would again bring him to tears.
Time flew, and he found himself missing Nino again. Thoughts about Nino overflowed in his mind and it was hard to understand at first, when he was supposed to be Jun’s boyfriend. Shouldn’t he miss Jun instead? Maybe because he and Jun spent time together too much and that was why he had no chance to miss him anymore. But for now, he missed Nino. He wanted to see Nino, just to make sure that Nino was still living well. But whenever they met for filming variety shows, Nino just acted politely in front of him and left as soon as the filming finished, so he had no chance to talk to him. He missed the Nino who would always laugh and joke around.
Valentine’s Day was coming, and Ohno found it irritable how Jun was waiting for his present. He knew he shouldn’t feel it this way, because Jun had the right to be, and he had no reason not to give him chocolate. Though he had no heart to do it - his mind was too occupied with other things that he barely thought about Jun these days.
Would that man give Nino anything, he thought, or would Nino give him anything? For Valentine’s Day? Were they a couple, or not yet, or just dating, or was it just a one night stand? How much did they loved each other, and who was he, and why hadn’t Nino ever mentioned about him before? Those questions remained unanswered in Ohno’s mind, preventing him from doing his work and it started to get annoying. So he decided to ask Nino one day. The day before Valentine’s Day. He stood right in front of the door when Nino was about to leave again, refusing to let Nino go, and he stared at Nino in the eyes. Somehow, it was difficult to look at those deep brown eyes, but Ohno wasn’t going to look away.
“Ohno-san?” Nino asked cautiously.
“I want to talk to you.” Ohno said, realizing that his voice was trembling. Was there any reason for him to get nervous when talking to Nino? No.
“We can talk later,” Nino said, apparently avoiding Ohno’s eyes “I have to go home now…”
“No, Nino!” Ohno caught Nino’s arm, and for a second he felt his hand burning. Nino was startled, and immediately withdrew his hand, his eyes darted around in worry that Jun was standing somewhere nearby.
“Then, what is your problem?” Nino asked. His voice dropped.
“Nino, you don’t talk to me anymore,” Ohno stated, and he could feel it was true. Nino was avoiding him, and why on Earth didn’t he notice it before?
“I do,” Nino replied “I’m talking to you.”
“Not like this.” Ohno bit his lips “We used to be better than this.”
“Oh, yes?” Nino chuckled sarcastically “Time has changed everything, Ohno-san.”
“What has changed?” Ohno asked desperately “Why, Nino?”
Nino didn’t answer. He stared at Ohno, and at that moment, Ohno could see all the loneliness inside Nino’s eyes. Didn’t Nino find himself the person he loved…? Why did Nino look so sad, so melancholic like this?
“I…” Nino opened his mouth, but Jun suddenly appeared from behind him. Nino was startled and he immediately pushed Ohno aside to walk out the room, not looking back once. Ohno sighed in frustration, while Jun shot him a questioning look.
He was too busy answering Jun’s questions to see Nino’s steps becoming faster, to see Nino’s shaking legs and Nino’s hands clenched into a fist. Nino tried to not show his true feelings to him, and so Ohno could never know how Nino’s heart was broken being around him everyday and knowing that he stood no chance to be his lover.
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Valentine’s Day was the worst day ever, when Nino didn’t show up at work. His manager told them that Nino was sick and though Nino refused to take a day off, he had forced Nino to. So that was why their photo shoot would be done individually, and Nino would do his part later. Ohno couldn’t deny that he found it frustrating, because it meant he wouldn’t see Nino for the whole day.
A tiny box beside the present for Jun seemed so lonely.
That night, Ohno had come to a decision. He would go to Nino’s house. Nino was sick, and it was Valentine’s Day, and because he had made Nino chocolates, he wanted to give it to Nino no matter what. So that was the reason why he was standing here at midnight, shuddering hard by the cold wind, hands holding the tiny box tightly. He took a deep breath before pushing the button. A small, clear sound resounded inside the house.
A minute passed, and Ohno pushed it again. It felt like Nino was sleeping, or that he was too tired to open the door. Worried, Ohno searched for the key that he knew Nino always hid under the carpet, and opened the door quietly.
The house was dark. No light, as if Nino had gone to sleep already. Ohno searched blindly for the light and switched on, just to see a mess in front of his eyes. Seemed like Nino had never had time to clean up the house, as papers were scattered everywhere, games pilling up at the corner, controllers scatting around. Ohno looked around, Nino wasn’t there. Ohno tiptoed to Nino’s bedroom, opened the door quietly and peered inside. Nino was lying on his bed, his blanket wrapped around his thin body and he was sleeping. He didn’t look peaceful at all, instead he had a frown on his face. Since when did Nino become so tired and fragile, like this?
Ohno stepped inside and sat down beside Nino. He contemplated the sleeping face in front of him, a vague feeling rose inside him like a wind on a sunny day. He knew what he was missing now - the feeling of having Nino around, the feeling of being alone with Nino like this. He had lost this since the day he and Jun got together - he had lost Nino since then.
He reached out his hand involuntarily and touched Nino’s cheek gently. The contact warmed his heart unexplainably. He missed Nino’s warmth; he missed their skin contact. He missed Nino’s smile, he missed Nino’s joke.
He missed everything about Nino.
“I missed you…” He mumbled softly, and Nino slowly stirred. He was startled, but he didn’t withdraw his hand. Nino opened his eyes second later, and he stared at Nino, unable to utter a word.
He knew what he wanted, now.
“Ohchan…?” Nino breathed, as if he was scared that if he ever raised his voice, Ohno would disappear. Again, because Ohno would always disappear in his dreams. “You’re here…”
“Nino… Do you feel better?” Ohno asked gently as he moved closer to Nino. They were face to face now, and Nino was staring at him, half-awaked.
“Yes…” Nino smiled softly as he leaned closer to Ohno’s hand “Seeing you makes me feel better already…”
Ohno could feel his face redden. Nino had never told him something as sappy as that before. Had sickness made Nino become so weak? But he couldn’t deny that he felt extremely happy at Nino’s words.
“…Ohchan?” Nino called, and this time he closed his eyes again.
“Huh?”
“Don’t leave, okay?” Nino pleaded quietly.
“I won’t leave.” Ohno immediately said. His other hand came to hold Nino’s.
“You always leave in the end…” Nino mumbled, starting to drift off “You always told me you wouldn’t leave, but you always do…”
“Nino…?” Ohno asked, puzzled. As if Nino wasn’t talking to him anymore, but more to himself. And Nino’s hold on his hand tightened.
“Ohchan…” Nino called again, and before he could answer, Nino continued “…I love you…”
Ohno could feel his heart tighten. Why hadn’t he ever realized this before? Why had he always missed the moment Nino was trying to tell him this? The silent message Nino sent him every single time he wasn’t looking, why didn’t he realize it?
The overwhelming feeling rushed over his body, and Ohno realized he was shaking. He couldn’t stop the trembling of his hand which was holding onto Nino’s tightly, and he couldn’t help but feel butterflies in his stomach.
Nino loved him. Nino loved him. Nino loved him.
What about him?
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Part 2