[One-shot] Runaway
Title: Runaway
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story T^T
Summary: Nino always had someone with him, and that was why Ohno would never let him come any closer.
Beta-ed by potatoos ♥♥♥
A/N: Again, belated birthday present for bubbledrops ♥ I told you, didn't I?
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He knew that Nino always liked guys.
That was perhaps the only thing he was sure about Nino after two weeks of being his bandmate in Arashi. He had known about Nino before, but had never really talked to this boy nor had he really been a friend with Nino. He just saw him dating with other boys in the company, and usually after two or three weeks he would break up with them and found another one. Nino was called a playboy not without a reason.
So when Nino slid into the seat beside him and kind of invade his personal space, Ohno frowned (he didn’t dare to let Nino see it, though. There was something scary about this boy) and shifted a little far from Nino. The other boy seemed not mind Ohno’s avoidance, he just casually leaned onto Ohno’s shoulder and rested there for the rest of the meeting, his eyes kept on his DS and his fingers moving skillfully on the keyboard, not noticing Ohno’s trouble face. He didn’t seem to notice what their manager was talking about either, but whenever a question was asked, he always answered with the same smirk on his face that told everyone that he was still listening. Ohno couldn’t deny that he wanted to change seat with Sho who was sitting beside Aiba and they looked easier to be with. But as he couldn’t find any reason, he stayed there for the rest of the meeting.
When the meeting finally ended, and Nino remained at his spot, his weight onto Ohno’s shoulder, Ohno found the need to do something.
So he nudged Nino and told him to get off.
Nino glanced at him, and when Ohno thought Nino was going to get mad, Nino smiled.
“Ohchan,” Nino said, and the way his voice raised playfully made Ohno squirm inside. The thought of Nino playing around with other boys still full in his mind and Ohno couldn’t get rid of the insecurities inside him when Nino suddenly approached him like this. “I don’t bite.”
It took another ten seconds for Ohno to understand what Nino was saying. The other boy chucked in annoyance and finally got up, his DS put into his pocket and he searched around for his bag. Ohno, finally was freed from the weigh on his side, and stared at Nino.
“Guys, I’m leaving,” Nino waved his salutation. The other three waved back, but Ohno just sat still at his seat. Nino didn’t shoot him any look as he disappeared behind the door.
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The others were already friends for years, and Ohno felt like an outsider. He was new here in Tokyo, and he was new to all of them, too. Therefore usually it was Sho who played the role of a leader, and it was Jun who secretly controlled Arashi’s business; it was Aiba who kept everyone cheerful, and it was Nino who made people laugh every time. Ohno did nothing.
But to his surprise, the others seemed not care. They treated him as if they had been closed friends since forever, and being together like this was natural. Ohno was thankful, because it would be hard if they weren’t the ones making friends with him - he wouldn’t make the first move anyway. Since their first meeting, Sho usually told him to take care of himself, when Jun gave him little smiles when they were on stage and were nervous. Aiba gave him hugs and kisses (on his cheeks, but Aiba kissed the others too so it wasn’t too annoying) here and there. And Nino, the other boy didn’t do anything much but to invade into Ohno’s personal space and leaned to him every time he had a chance. Nino got a bad habit (really bad, Ohno thought) of touching his butt (what was so great about his butt, anyway?), and Ohno couldn’t help being startled whenever Nino did that. He would always shove Nino’s hand away, and apparently made a face that made Nino and also the others burst into laughter. Ohno was confused with their reaction, and he vaguely understood that was Nino’s way of teasing him, so he just let it go like all the other jokes.
However, when Nino started to give him those looks, he couldn’t avoid it anymore.
It was now two years that they were together, and they had gotten used to each other’s presence that it started to feel normal whenever Nino came close to him and without asking for his permission, Nino would use his lap as a pillow as he laid down comfortably. Ohno could stand it, but when Nino started to look at him strangely, like he wanted to say something, Ohno could feel the nagging at the back of his mind telling him to do something to stop this.
“Don’t do that,” so Ohno told Nino one night, when Nino once again sat close to him, their bodies joined from shoulders to hips, and Nino was about to lean his head onto Ohno’s shoulder. Nino stopped at Ohno’s word, and he looked up, confused, a little irritated.
Ohno took a breath, because Nino still didn’t react, he stayed the same as they were, and he was looking at Ohno again. Ohno was scared of that look, because it was asking too much from him, something he couldn’t give.
“I mean,” Ohno said, “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” Nino asked. His face turned stern.
“That. You should look for a boyfriend somewhere else.” Ohno answered.
Nino’s face hardened as Ohno’s word sunk into him, and for that moment, Ohno could see Nino’s eyes flashed with mixture a feelings. But just a second after, Nino changed his expression into a softer one, and Nino just said.
“I’m not looking for boyfriend here.”
And when Nino was about to say something more, Aiba had chosen that moment to enter, so Nino stopped. He turned to tease Aiba instead, and when Ohno realized it, Nino had shifted to the other end of the couch, as Ohno had offered.
Ohno just couldn’t, because Nino having a boyfriend was so usual, so he was scared that he would be Nino’s next target. He didn’t like that idea at all. Nino would play with him for his heart’s content, and when he got bored, he would dump him just like all the others. That was why Ohno never wanted to be anything with Nino in the first place.
He stared at the space between them for a while, with Nino and Aiba’s laugh echoing around, and he found that his mind had stopped functioning altogether.
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Years went by, and they were together for six years. They were still the same. After that incident, Nino was still being himself, like dating and dumping some guys and it annoyed Ohno somehow. How could Nino do that, seriously? But that aside, Nino was still close to Ohno like Ohno had never told him to keep his distance. On screen, at least. When the camera stopped rolling, Nino stopped being by his side and Ohno could feel a strange feeling weigh him down. And Ohno was scared of that feeling. He didn’t want to think of those moments as real, because Nino was just goofing around with him on public. He didn’t want to get hurt, so he didn’t want to have any feeling - if possible - towards Nino. But Nino was always there, and he could find himself look at Nino more often, and when Nino did look back, his heart pounding almost painfully on his chest.
However, he kept telling himself that he couldn’t like Nino, no matter how close Nino was with him, because Nino was never serious. He had never been serious with Ohno, and his acting just was so good that Ohno almost believed Nino liked him.
Ohno kept reminding himself, Nino would never like anyone with his heart.
The last boy Nino dumped bumped into Ohno one day, and he gave Ohno a strange look as if Ohno was the reason why Nino left him. Ohno wanted to protest, to say that I was also just his toy, but his word didn’t come out his mouth because until that moment, he had realized how much that fact hurt him.
And he felt lost in his own maze.
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“He hates me,” Ohno overheard Nino and Aiba’s conversation one day, and it stopped him from entering their greenroom. He heard Nino’s small voice, as if Nino was tired and didn’t want to talk, but Aiba persisted. “Alright? He hates me, so I don’t need to do anything about this.”
Nino must be talking about that last guy he had been dating for two months. And Ohno sighed. When would Nino get out of that routine, having boyfriend on and off for nothing?
“But you really like him.” Aiba’s voice sounded accusing, and Ohno frowned. Nino really liked someone?
“It doesn’t matter.” Nino’s defeated voice was strange. Ohno peered into the room, and he caught Nino’s sight, hunching down on the sofa, his eyes closed and his hand closed into a fist in front of him. “He has been hating me since he found out, Aiba. And I did try, okay? I tried, but he just… He avoids me.”
“I don’t think he does.” Aiba said. Ohno couldn’t see Aiba from here, he just saw Nino looked toward Aiba’s direction.
“You not thinking so doesn’t mean he doesn’t.” Nino concluded with a bitter smile. “This is no good. No, I won’t say anything. And I won’t try anymore. I should just keep doing this.”
“Having boyfriends on and off?” Aiba raised his voice “Look, Nino, you’re just doing bad for yourself. Isn’t it better to just confess to him?”
“And then?” Nino laughed humorlessly “No. I definitely won’t do it.”
“But…”
“Aiba,” Nino said, annoyed “Listen. I know that this is going nowhere and I should just stop this stupid love. I shouldn’t have fallen for him in the first place.”
“But…”
“It’s okay, it’s enough,” Nino sighed “I’ve had enough.”
Ohno couldn’t keep his mind free from Nino’s sad eyes when he said those words. Nino looked strangely uncomfortable, and he didn’t know who was the one that could make Nino like that. Nino had always been confident about himself, and never once he had talked like that…
Maybe Nino was really in love, this time?
Somehow, that thought didn’t please Ohno, either.
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He heard Nino crying one day, when Nino believed there was no one in the bathroom at that time and let the sound escaped from his mouth.
Ohno was standing in a stall, and he stopped when he heard Nino’s muffled voice. He didn’t want to come out, because he knew Nino wouldn’t want him to catch Nino crying. But his hand was moving on its own, and he opened the door before he could stop himself.
Nino looked at him, abashed, and panicked at the same time. Ohno could find his heart hammering inside his chest, because Nino looked so heartbroken that Ohno wanted to hug him. To say that everything was going to be okay.
But he did nothing, just looked at Nino, unmoving. Nino bit his lips, wiped away the tears as fast as he could, and turned away, trying to escape. But Ohno was faster.
“Nino,” He called, and Nino stopped. He could feel that Nino was nervous, and he wondered why. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” The answer came out so fast that Ohno couldn’t believe it.
“You’re crying,” Ohno stated, and he knew that wasn’t helping either. Nino stood still, and then he turned back, his eyes were sad, so sad that Ohno’s heart clenched in his chest. Nino’s tears had stopped, but his eyes were red and he was still trembling. Nino looked like he was debating within himself, and Ohno was about to believe that Nino wouldn’t tell him anything, just like Nino had never told him anything before.
But then, Nino spoke.
“The person I like,” Nino started, and Ohno could feel the same tug at his stomach “doesn’t like me back.”
“Oh,” Ohno could only say that. “Is that still the same person?”
Nino raised an eyebrow at him, and Ohno blushed a little. He forgot that Nino didn’t know that he knew.
“I heard you and Aiba talked about this. Sorry.”
“Oh.” Nino looked away. He looked exhausted “Yes. It’s him.”
“So,” Ohno tried “Have you confessed?”
“No,” Nino shook his head with a sad smile “I don’t need to. He… always avoids me whenever I’m close.”
“But…” Ohno frowned. “I don’t think that means he doesn’t like you.”
“That guy,” Nino said “has always been avoiding me for years.”
Ohno couldn’t say anything, so he just listened. Nino continued.
“I guess he thinks me as a disgusting person. He once said that I should find a boyfriend somewhere else.”
Ohno widened his eyes at that. He had also said the same thing to Nino.
“He never lets me… Well, I know that I’m too needy, and he hates me being all over him like that. I just…”
Nino raised his head and looked at Ohno. His tears had returned, but Nino held himself back as he didn’t let it roll down.
“I really love him.” Nino said quietly. “I really do. I just hope he knows that.”
Ohno’s heart tightened. He didn’t know why, but he had taken a step toward Nino. And Nino just swallowed hard before continuing.
“But he doesn’t need to worry anymore,” Nino’s voice trembled. “… I will never bother him again. I’ve decided to… give up on him from now on.”
Nino gazed deeply into his eyes, and as if Nino was trying to say it to him. Ohno blinked. Nino’s words were strange with his own ears, and he couldn’t grasp what Nino was trying to say. What was that about?
“You should say this to him,” Ohno said, but he wasn’t even aware what he was saying.
Nino looked like he was about to cry again, and he bit his lips as he lowered his head.
“You’re right.” Nino said quietly, and then he turned away “Sorry, Ohno-san. I shouldn’t say this to you.”
Ohno’s heart once again constricted, and he reached out before he could stop himself.
“No, I’m happy that you’re saying this to me.”
Nino turned back. His eyes looked hollow, and Ohno thought there was something missing. Sparkles. Nino’s eyes had lost all the lively sparkles.
“You are really happy?” Nino’s voice was dry, and Ohno could feel something close to surrendering in Nino’s eyes.
Ohno nodded. Nino forced a smile and he turned away, almost running from Ohno.
Somehow, he thought, Nino was broken.
And so was Ohno’s heart.
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Nino was having boyfriends again.
This went unnoticed at first, because they barely met these days. Their personal activities took over their life, and except for those times when they all gathered to film a variety show, they didn’t see each other. Ohno did exchange messages with the other three, but never with Nino, because Nino just simply didn’t text him first. And Ohno didn’t know of anything to say to Nino after that incident.
So when Ohno caught Nino kissing a man in the bathroom, he almost choked on his own breath. He tried to pretend that he wasn’t there, the man behind the locked door wasn’t Nino, it was only strangers and he should get out of here already. But Nino’s voice was unmistakable and Ohno could feel the same shiver running down his spine as he realized who Nino was with.
Jun.
They didn’t stop for a long time, and Ohno couldn’t bring himself to run away, because somehow every cell of his body was telling him to stay. His hand clenched into a tight fist. It was difficult to breath, because something was locked inside Ohno’s throat and he had no idea what that was. He didn’t know what he was waiting and what he wanted Nino to say after that, but he was still waiting. Maybe when Nino walked out of that stall, he would see Ohno here, and he would…
“Don’t do this again,” Jun’s voice was cold, and Ohno wondered what was that they were talking about.
“Jun…” Nino’s pleading voice was also heard, and Ohno bit onto his lips, because he wanted Nino to stop talking to Jun that way. That seductive way.
“Nino,” Jun said sternly “I want to help you. You can’t be like this forever.”
“Just shut up.” Nino’s voice tightened.
“Tell him.” Jun’s voice resounded after a while of hesitance “Just tell him.”
“No.” Nino’s voice lowered, and he sounded defeated. Ohno wanted to yell, to ask who that man was, and why Nino kept loving him for such a long time, and why did he break Nino’s heart? Ohno wanted to know, because he didn’t like Nino like this. “No.”
“Nino…”
“Jun, please.” Nino pleaded, and Ohno’s heart just cried out, demanded to know, demanded to ask.
Ohno wanted to be at Jun’s position right now so badly.
And he heard once again, Nino’s small cry could be heard from here, and Ohno knew that Nino was hugging Jun and Jun was patting Nino’s head gently. He could picture Nino’s crying face, and once again the wonders poured back to Ohno’s mind, and he wanted to beat that unknown name person until Nino could be smiling again. Whoever he was and whatever he did, making Nino cry was the worst crime he had ever done.
But despite all the things that he wanted to do, Ohno left the bathroom quietly, knowing that he could do nothing because Nino would never let him know the truth.
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Nino never got close to him again.
Ohno didn’t really realize it at first, but then, Ohno slowly realized that Nino was doing fan services with Aiba, Sho and Jun, just never him again.
“Why?” He asked one day, when he was with Sho, and Nino was nowhere to be seen, because he was nowhere to be seen a lot these days.
“What?” Sho didn’t look up from his newspaper, and Ohno tried again, this time more precisely.
“Why is Nino avoiding me?”
Sho gave him a look as if telling him Are you an idiot, and Ohno suddenly got irritated. How would he know if nobody told him anything?
“Satoshi,” Sho said slowly, as if testing if Ohno was really oblivious this much “You don’t like his company, do you?”
“Why are you asking this?” Ohno frowned. He didn’t like it when people answered his question by another question. But he thought about it anyway. “It’s not like I don’t like it.”
“But you told him to keep his distance,” Sho reminded, and Ohno could vaguely remember he had said something like that.
“But it’s not like I’ve never told him that before.” Ohno defended. If it was the problem, Nino should be avoiding him since the first time they met, right? And Nino had never said anything about that. He didn’t seem like he noticed, either, because then he just did the same things around Ohno.
“Yeah.” Sho sighed and put down his paper, leaned back to the armrest and looked at Ohno. Somehow Ohno felt like he was being studied by the way Sho’s eyes fixed on his face. “You told him to stay away from you, and now when he does, you ask me why?”
“But…” Ohno’s words locked in his throat. He had never meant it this way. He was worried that Nino would also play with his heart like he had been playing with the others’, and Ohno was just trying to protect himself. But…
“Satoshi, are you really an idiot?” Sho groaned, as if his patience had had enough of this “You two just make everything complicated!”
“I’m not doing anything…!” Ohno defended, but Sho glared at him. And he was taken aback when there was real anger there, the way Sho looked at him, as if telling him to shut up and just think about whatever had happened between them. Ohno did, but he couldn’t come up with anything.
“Nino was dating everyone in our company,” was what Ohno said finally, and his face heat up. The way Sho looked at him encouragingly told him to continue talking, and Ohno bursted out, as if he was always holding the feeling in his chest “And he was… He was just playing around with them.”
“So you hate him because of that?” Sho challenged.
“I don’t hate him!” Ohno bit his lips. Why was Sho asking that? Sho knew that Ohno always had a fond affection for Nino - no, what was he talking about? - Ohno always had this feeling for Nino… the feeling that would always squeeze his heart when Nino smiled at him and Ohno knew Nino also smiled at the others just the same way. The feeling that would always make Ohno dizzy when Nino was so close and Ohno was fully aware that Nino was never serious with him. The feeling that would always make Ohno unable to breath because he just knew that Nino was loving someone else, the very person that could make Nino cry that much and love that much, the person that Ohno wanted to be so badly that it hurt…
He had always been in love with Nino for a very long time.
“He always thinks you hate him,” Sho exclaimed, and Ohno’s face turned pale. So that was why Nino was avoiding him?
When Ohno show no intention to speak, Sho continued with a sigh.
“If you don’t, please just tell him. I don’t want to see Nino like this anymore. It’s heartbreaking to see him being so melancholic everyday.”
“Is he?” Ohno repeated, his voice far away. Ohno’s mind wasn’t exactly here, but it had come back those two days when he caught Nino crying because of his unrequited love.
“Almost.” Sho shook his head “I’ve never seen him like that before. He’s having a very bad time.”
“But,” Ohno bit his lips. He had wanted to know this since the first time he knew Nino loved someone, but he had never had enough courage to ask. But this was Sho, and Sho would understand. “Who is that, Sho?”
“Who is what?” Sho frowned.
“Who is the person that Nino loves?” Ohno asked, and it almost choked when the word pass his throat.
Sho groaned desperately.
“Seriously, Satoshi, you don’t need to be such an idiot!!!”
“But…”
“Can’t you see that it’s…”
A loud bang at the front door, and Nino appeared, looking horrified and his eyes widened at Sho, whose mouth was still hanging open to tell Ohno the truth.
“Stop it, Sho-chan!!!” Nino grinded his teeth “Just stop it!!!”
“Nino!!!” Jun followed closely behind him and tried to stop Nino from approaching Sho. Nino looked very, very, very angry, but more than that, Nino looked scared. Panicky.
“Don’t… Just… Stop! Don’t say anything more!”
“Nino, you don’t need to be suffer alone anymore!!” Sho almost yelled, but his voice lowered as Aiba glared at him, telling him to calm down “Look, I’m not doing anything wrong here, I’m just telling this idiot about your love!”
“Shut up!” Nino’s voice was trembling, and Ohno could see those tears again behind those eyes. And Ohno’s heart made a twist that he knew Nino was again trying to hide it from him. But why?
“I don’t want him to hate me more,” Nino lowered his voice, to the rate that it was hard to hear. The room suddenly went quiet. “It’s okay. It’s enough already.”
“But…” Sho wanted to protest, but Nino hissed.
“I said enough!”
“Nino…”
“I told you…”
“STOP IT ALREADY!!!!”
Ohno didn’t realize that it was him who had just yelled, and everyone immediately shut their mouth. They all looked at Ohno, who looked angrier than he wanted to be, but he had had enough of this - of Nino suffering silently and didn’t let him know anything, of having his bandmates hiding something from him, of Sho being all protective of Nino but Nino was just being a stubborn brat. Ohno wanted everything to be clear. And he wanted to hear it from Nino. Now.
“What’s that?” Ohno asked, and Nino just stared at him. It was the very first time Ohno got angry at his bandmates. “What is that you always keep away from me? Why do you keep saying that I hate you? And why on Earth, Nino, are you hurt and don’t even tell me that you are??”
“Ohchan,” Nino looked scared, and Jun patted his shoulder slightly. Ohno’s heart squirmed at that. He still hadn’t forgot that day he witnessed their kiss. “I… I don’t…”
“Yes, you are,” Ohno scratched his head desperately “Just tell me. Why everyone knows about this and I don’t? Why do you hide it from me?”
“Because it’s you!” Aiba suddenly said, and Nino almost hit Aiba but Jun had stopped his hand by catching his wrist. Aiba looked at Ohno and repeated calmly. “Because it’s always you.”
Those words didn’t sink in until Ohno saw the horrified yet panicky look on Nino’s face, the way he almost cried and ran away from Ohno again, and the way Jun was holding both Nino’s sides to keep him in place. Something ringing and ringing around Ohno like an unstoppable alarm clock, and Ohno couldn’t help but feel his world went chaotic and nothing was making sense anymore.
“What…” Ohno stated, but Sho had talked first.
“Please just talk this over,” He said to both of them “I know you have feelings for each other, so please stop running away this time.”
And then they left, Aiba gave Nino a big hug before leaving, but Nino showed no acknowledgement of the hug, he looked totally lost and suddenly so defeated that Ohno couldn’t stop the need to hug Nino. He wanted to be able to make Nino comfortable, to give him a shoulder to rest on, to give him a place to be peaceful. Everything but not being the reason for Nino to look that miserable.
When there was only the two of them, a thick silence was there as none of them said anything. Nino was still too scared to actually say anything, and Ohno was too stunned to even say something.
“Why?” was all Ohno could came up with, and Nino looked up. Ohno took a step forward. “Why have you never told me that…”
“I’m sorry,” Nino answered, his voice small and he didn’t look at Ohno when he talked “It shouldn’t be like this. You’re not supposed to know…”
“Don’t tell me what I’m supposed to know.” Ohno cut him off sternly.
“I’ve never hated you.” Ohno added when Nino didn’t answer. Nino’s eyes widened at that. “I’ve never… You took it all wrong.”
“But you…” Nino’s voice was full of emotion, something that Ohno couldn’t decipher, but he knew it wasn’t totally sadness.
“I was scared,” Ohno admited quietly “I was scared that you were just playing around with me.”
“But I’m not…”
“You played around with all the other guys,” Ohno accused, and Nino looked away. “So when you approached me… I was really worried.”
“I didn’t like you at first.” Nino finally said, and Ohno arched his eyebrows. “I didn’t approach you because I liked you. I wasn’t playing around with you.”
“So why…”
“I just wanted to be friend.” Nino sighed “But then… I don’t know. I’m such an idiot to fall in love with you.”
“… You do?” Ohno couldn’t bring himself to totally believe Nino’s word, but the way Nino hunched his back as if trying to disappear, he knew Nino wasn’t lying.
“Maybe because you were there with me when my Dad left,” Nino buried his face to his palm “Or because you give me the feeling of home. Someone that I could lean into when I need someone.”
“But I told you to keep distance…”
“I’d been loving you before that. Two years after we were together. You always let me be beside you, but then you just shut me out.”
Ohno remembered that day, the first day he ran away from his feeling and told Nino to stop looking at him as if he had something really important to say.
“And I thought that you might know my feelings. And apparently, you hated it.” Nino didn’t dare to look up, his eyes fixed on his palms. Ohno couldn’t take his eyes off Nino. “So I used filming as an excuse to get close to you. But you… just gave me the feeling that you hated it every time I was beside you.”
“I didn’t…”
“I should stop loving you after that,” Nino’s voice lowered, and he didn’t let Ohno a chance to talk. As if he had held back enough, and now it just poured out. “But I couldn’t. I… couldn’t forget those times when you were there for me. I didn’t know how to get you back as my friend. I tried to show you that I was having boyfriends, and by that you’d understand that I didn’t love you anymore, and you’d let me be your friend again. But you never did.”
“You’re my friend.” Ohno burst out, and Nino looked at him, a hint of a thankful smile in his eyes.
“That time when you caught me crying,” Nino continued “I thought you knew that I still loved you.”
“But you didn’t say anything…” Ohno started, but he suddenly remembered. Nino was telling him that he loved a person. He was telling him that he loved a person that didn’t love him back, always shoved him away when he was closed, a person that Nino was always all over him, a person that told Nino to find somewhere else for boyfriend…
As if reading Ohno’s mind, Nino smiled sadly.
“That person is you.”
Why had he never realized it before?
“I thought you understood and you were happy when I said I would give up on you. You broke my heart by saying you were happy.”
“But I…”
“It’s … only that. They are just too worried. I’m fine, Ohchan. You don’t need to worry for me. I’m really fine…”
“Shut up and let me say something, will you?” Ohno snapped. Nino looked startled, but he kept quiet, because Ohno looked frustrated and more than that, Ohno was angry. “I’ve never hated you, and that is for sure, Nino.”
Nino nodded, and he bit his lips.
“And I didn’t - I didn’t tell you to keep distance because I knew your feelings. I didn’t know anything, for God’s sake!!”
Nino widened his eyes and opened his mouth, but Ohno glared at him, and he didn’t dare to say anything.
“I was worried that you didn’t like me and you just wanted to play with my heart.”
“I wasn’t…”
“But I was worried, okay? Because you were dating too many people and I just couldn’t believe that you actually liked me.”
Nino was about to protest, but then he let Ohno continue.
“And I’ve never been happy when I know that you love someone. Someone that makes you cry and hurt you like that. I even wanted to beat up that someone just because of you.”
Nino blinked, and before he could utter a word, Ohno sighed.
“And my heart broke when you were dating around, when you kissed Jun or anyone else, because I knew that I wasn’t allowed, and I didn’t have your love no matter how long it would be.”
Nino looked like he was about to cry, and Ohno took a step forward and gathered Nino in his arms carefully. He put his chin onto Nino’s shoulder and whispered.
“I’ve been loving you for a very long time, Nino.”
He heard Nino’s choke when the other’s arms wounded around him and pulled him close until their bodies met, and Ohno could feel Nino’s heart was beating so fast that it could probably break through his ribs. So he ran his hand up and down Nino’s back, to try to sooth the nerve away, and Nino cried, his voice muffled against Ohno’s shoulder.
“Don’t cry,” Ohno murmured quietly “You’ve cried enough because of me.”
But Ohno knew, this time it was different. Nino’s tear was different, because Nino was smiling, and that was what really mattered.
And he promised to himself, he would never make Nino cry again.
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A/N: Well... Yes? I'm not really satisfied with this one but... I like it. So I hope you enjoy it :D.
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story T^T
Summary: Nino always had someone with him, and that was why Ohno would never let him come any closer.
Beta-ed by potatoos ♥♥♥
A/N: Again, belated birthday present for bubbledrops ♥ I told you, didn't I?
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He knew that Nino always liked guys.
That was perhaps the only thing he was sure about Nino after two weeks of being his bandmate in Arashi. He had known about Nino before, but had never really talked to this boy nor had he really been a friend with Nino. He just saw him dating with other boys in the company, and usually after two or three weeks he would break up with them and found another one. Nino was called a playboy not without a reason.
So when Nino slid into the seat beside him and kind of invade his personal space, Ohno frowned (he didn’t dare to let Nino see it, though. There was something scary about this boy) and shifted a little far from Nino. The other boy seemed not mind Ohno’s avoidance, he just casually leaned onto Ohno’s shoulder and rested there for the rest of the meeting, his eyes kept on his DS and his fingers moving skillfully on the keyboard, not noticing Ohno’s trouble face. He didn’t seem to notice what their manager was talking about either, but whenever a question was asked, he always answered with the same smirk on his face that told everyone that he was still listening. Ohno couldn’t deny that he wanted to change seat with Sho who was sitting beside Aiba and they looked easier to be with. But as he couldn’t find any reason, he stayed there for the rest of the meeting.
When the meeting finally ended, and Nino remained at his spot, his weight onto Ohno’s shoulder, Ohno found the need to do something.
So he nudged Nino and told him to get off.
Nino glanced at him, and when Ohno thought Nino was going to get mad, Nino smiled.
“Ohchan,” Nino said, and the way his voice raised playfully made Ohno squirm inside. The thought of Nino playing around with other boys still full in his mind and Ohno couldn’t get rid of the insecurities inside him when Nino suddenly approached him like this. “I don’t bite.”
It took another ten seconds for Ohno to understand what Nino was saying. The other boy chucked in annoyance and finally got up, his DS put into his pocket and he searched around for his bag. Ohno, finally was freed from the weigh on his side, and stared at Nino.
“Guys, I’m leaving,” Nino waved his salutation. The other three waved back, but Ohno just sat still at his seat. Nino didn’t shoot him any look as he disappeared behind the door.
------------------
The others were already friends for years, and Ohno felt like an outsider. He was new here in Tokyo, and he was new to all of them, too. Therefore usually it was Sho who played the role of a leader, and it was Jun who secretly controlled Arashi’s business; it was Aiba who kept everyone cheerful, and it was Nino who made people laugh every time. Ohno did nothing.
But to his surprise, the others seemed not care. They treated him as if they had been closed friends since forever, and being together like this was natural. Ohno was thankful, because it would be hard if they weren’t the ones making friends with him - he wouldn’t make the first move anyway. Since their first meeting, Sho usually told him to take care of himself, when Jun gave him little smiles when they were on stage and were nervous. Aiba gave him hugs and kisses (on his cheeks, but Aiba kissed the others too so it wasn’t too annoying) here and there. And Nino, the other boy didn’t do anything much but to invade into Ohno’s personal space and leaned to him every time he had a chance. Nino got a bad habit (really bad, Ohno thought) of touching his butt (what was so great about his butt, anyway?), and Ohno couldn’t help being startled whenever Nino did that. He would always shove Nino’s hand away, and apparently made a face that made Nino and also the others burst into laughter. Ohno was confused with their reaction, and he vaguely understood that was Nino’s way of teasing him, so he just let it go like all the other jokes.
However, when Nino started to give him those looks, he couldn’t avoid it anymore.
It was now two years that they were together, and they had gotten used to each other’s presence that it started to feel normal whenever Nino came close to him and without asking for his permission, Nino would use his lap as a pillow as he laid down comfortably. Ohno could stand it, but when Nino started to look at him strangely, like he wanted to say something, Ohno could feel the nagging at the back of his mind telling him to do something to stop this.
“Don’t do that,” so Ohno told Nino one night, when Nino once again sat close to him, their bodies joined from shoulders to hips, and Nino was about to lean his head onto Ohno’s shoulder. Nino stopped at Ohno’s word, and he looked up, confused, a little irritated.
Ohno took a breath, because Nino still didn’t react, he stayed the same as they were, and he was looking at Ohno again. Ohno was scared of that look, because it was asking too much from him, something he couldn’t give.
“I mean,” Ohno said, “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” Nino asked. His face turned stern.
“That. You should look for a boyfriend somewhere else.” Ohno answered.
Nino’s face hardened as Ohno’s word sunk into him, and for that moment, Ohno could see Nino’s eyes flashed with mixture a feelings. But just a second after, Nino changed his expression into a softer one, and Nino just said.
“I’m not looking for boyfriend here.”
And when Nino was about to say something more, Aiba had chosen that moment to enter, so Nino stopped. He turned to tease Aiba instead, and when Ohno realized it, Nino had shifted to the other end of the couch, as Ohno had offered.
Ohno just couldn’t, because Nino having a boyfriend was so usual, so he was scared that he would be Nino’s next target. He didn’t like that idea at all. Nino would play with him for his heart’s content, and when he got bored, he would dump him just like all the others. That was why Ohno never wanted to be anything with Nino in the first place.
He stared at the space between them for a while, with Nino and Aiba’s laugh echoing around, and he found that his mind had stopped functioning altogether.
-----------------
Years went by, and they were together for six years. They were still the same. After that incident, Nino was still being himself, like dating and dumping some guys and it annoyed Ohno somehow. How could Nino do that, seriously? But that aside, Nino was still close to Ohno like Ohno had never told him to keep his distance. On screen, at least. When the camera stopped rolling, Nino stopped being by his side and Ohno could feel a strange feeling weigh him down. And Ohno was scared of that feeling. He didn’t want to think of those moments as real, because Nino was just goofing around with him on public. He didn’t want to get hurt, so he didn’t want to have any feeling - if possible - towards Nino. But Nino was always there, and he could find himself look at Nino more often, and when Nino did look back, his heart pounding almost painfully on his chest.
However, he kept telling himself that he couldn’t like Nino, no matter how close Nino was with him, because Nino was never serious. He had never been serious with Ohno, and his acting just was so good that Ohno almost believed Nino liked him.
Ohno kept reminding himself, Nino would never like anyone with his heart.
The last boy Nino dumped bumped into Ohno one day, and he gave Ohno a strange look as if Ohno was the reason why Nino left him. Ohno wanted to protest, to say that I was also just his toy, but his word didn’t come out his mouth because until that moment, he had realized how much that fact hurt him.
And he felt lost in his own maze.
--------------------
“He hates me,” Ohno overheard Nino and Aiba’s conversation one day, and it stopped him from entering their greenroom. He heard Nino’s small voice, as if Nino was tired and didn’t want to talk, but Aiba persisted. “Alright? He hates me, so I don’t need to do anything about this.”
Nino must be talking about that last guy he had been dating for two months. And Ohno sighed. When would Nino get out of that routine, having boyfriend on and off for nothing?
“But you really like him.” Aiba’s voice sounded accusing, and Ohno frowned. Nino really liked someone?
“It doesn’t matter.” Nino’s defeated voice was strange. Ohno peered into the room, and he caught Nino’s sight, hunching down on the sofa, his eyes closed and his hand closed into a fist in front of him. “He has been hating me since he found out, Aiba. And I did try, okay? I tried, but he just… He avoids me.”
“I don’t think he does.” Aiba said. Ohno couldn’t see Aiba from here, he just saw Nino looked toward Aiba’s direction.
“You not thinking so doesn’t mean he doesn’t.” Nino concluded with a bitter smile. “This is no good. No, I won’t say anything. And I won’t try anymore. I should just keep doing this.”
“Having boyfriends on and off?” Aiba raised his voice “Look, Nino, you’re just doing bad for yourself. Isn’t it better to just confess to him?”
“And then?” Nino laughed humorlessly “No. I definitely won’t do it.”
“But…”
“Aiba,” Nino said, annoyed “Listen. I know that this is going nowhere and I should just stop this stupid love. I shouldn’t have fallen for him in the first place.”
“But…”
“It’s okay, it’s enough,” Nino sighed “I’ve had enough.”
Ohno couldn’t keep his mind free from Nino’s sad eyes when he said those words. Nino looked strangely uncomfortable, and he didn’t know who was the one that could make Nino like that. Nino had always been confident about himself, and never once he had talked like that…
Maybe Nino was really in love, this time?
Somehow, that thought didn’t please Ohno, either.
--------------------------------
He heard Nino crying one day, when Nino believed there was no one in the bathroom at that time and let the sound escaped from his mouth.
Ohno was standing in a stall, and he stopped when he heard Nino’s muffled voice. He didn’t want to come out, because he knew Nino wouldn’t want him to catch Nino crying. But his hand was moving on its own, and he opened the door before he could stop himself.
Nino looked at him, abashed, and panicked at the same time. Ohno could find his heart hammering inside his chest, because Nino looked so heartbroken that Ohno wanted to hug him. To say that everything was going to be okay.
But he did nothing, just looked at Nino, unmoving. Nino bit his lips, wiped away the tears as fast as he could, and turned away, trying to escape. But Ohno was faster.
“Nino,” He called, and Nino stopped. He could feel that Nino was nervous, and he wondered why. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” The answer came out so fast that Ohno couldn’t believe it.
“You’re crying,” Ohno stated, and he knew that wasn’t helping either. Nino stood still, and then he turned back, his eyes were sad, so sad that Ohno’s heart clenched in his chest. Nino’s tears had stopped, but his eyes were red and he was still trembling. Nino looked like he was debating within himself, and Ohno was about to believe that Nino wouldn’t tell him anything, just like Nino had never told him anything before.
But then, Nino spoke.
“The person I like,” Nino started, and Ohno could feel the same tug at his stomach “doesn’t like me back.”
“Oh,” Ohno could only say that. “Is that still the same person?”
Nino raised an eyebrow at him, and Ohno blushed a little. He forgot that Nino didn’t know that he knew.
“I heard you and Aiba talked about this. Sorry.”
“Oh.” Nino looked away. He looked exhausted “Yes. It’s him.”
“So,” Ohno tried “Have you confessed?”
“No,” Nino shook his head with a sad smile “I don’t need to. He… always avoids me whenever I’m close.”
“But…” Ohno frowned. “I don’t think that means he doesn’t like you.”
“That guy,” Nino said “has always been avoiding me for years.”
Ohno couldn’t say anything, so he just listened. Nino continued.
“I guess he thinks me as a disgusting person. He once said that I should find a boyfriend somewhere else.”
Ohno widened his eyes at that. He had also said the same thing to Nino.
“He never lets me… Well, I know that I’m too needy, and he hates me being all over him like that. I just…”
Nino raised his head and looked at Ohno. His tears had returned, but Nino held himself back as he didn’t let it roll down.
“I really love him.” Nino said quietly. “I really do. I just hope he knows that.”
Ohno’s heart tightened. He didn’t know why, but he had taken a step toward Nino. And Nino just swallowed hard before continuing.
“But he doesn’t need to worry anymore,” Nino’s voice trembled. “… I will never bother him again. I’ve decided to… give up on him from now on.”
Nino gazed deeply into his eyes, and as if Nino was trying to say it to him. Ohno blinked. Nino’s words were strange with his own ears, and he couldn’t grasp what Nino was trying to say. What was that about?
“You should say this to him,” Ohno said, but he wasn’t even aware what he was saying.
Nino looked like he was about to cry again, and he bit his lips as he lowered his head.
“You’re right.” Nino said quietly, and then he turned away “Sorry, Ohno-san. I shouldn’t say this to you.”
Ohno’s heart once again constricted, and he reached out before he could stop himself.
“No, I’m happy that you’re saying this to me.”
Nino turned back. His eyes looked hollow, and Ohno thought there was something missing. Sparkles. Nino’s eyes had lost all the lively sparkles.
“You are really happy?” Nino’s voice was dry, and Ohno could feel something close to surrendering in Nino’s eyes.
Ohno nodded. Nino forced a smile and he turned away, almost running from Ohno.
Somehow, he thought, Nino was broken.
And so was Ohno’s heart.
---------------
Nino was having boyfriends again.
This went unnoticed at first, because they barely met these days. Their personal activities took over their life, and except for those times when they all gathered to film a variety show, they didn’t see each other. Ohno did exchange messages with the other three, but never with Nino, because Nino just simply didn’t text him first. And Ohno didn’t know of anything to say to Nino after that incident.
So when Ohno caught Nino kissing a man in the bathroom, he almost choked on his own breath. He tried to pretend that he wasn’t there, the man behind the locked door wasn’t Nino, it was only strangers and he should get out of here already. But Nino’s voice was unmistakable and Ohno could feel the same shiver running down his spine as he realized who Nino was with.
Jun.
They didn’t stop for a long time, and Ohno couldn’t bring himself to run away, because somehow every cell of his body was telling him to stay. His hand clenched into a tight fist. It was difficult to breath, because something was locked inside Ohno’s throat and he had no idea what that was. He didn’t know what he was waiting and what he wanted Nino to say after that, but he was still waiting. Maybe when Nino walked out of that stall, he would see Ohno here, and he would…
“Don’t do this again,” Jun’s voice was cold, and Ohno wondered what was that they were talking about.
“Jun…” Nino’s pleading voice was also heard, and Ohno bit onto his lips, because he wanted Nino to stop talking to Jun that way. That seductive way.
“Nino,” Jun said sternly “I want to help you. You can’t be like this forever.”
“Just shut up.” Nino’s voice tightened.
“Tell him.” Jun’s voice resounded after a while of hesitance “Just tell him.”
“No.” Nino’s voice lowered, and he sounded defeated. Ohno wanted to yell, to ask who that man was, and why Nino kept loving him for such a long time, and why did he break Nino’s heart? Ohno wanted to know, because he didn’t like Nino like this. “No.”
“Nino…”
“Jun, please.” Nino pleaded, and Ohno’s heart just cried out, demanded to know, demanded to ask.
Ohno wanted to be at Jun’s position right now so badly.
And he heard once again, Nino’s small cry could be heard from here, and Ohno knew that Nino was hugging Jun and Jun was patting Nino’s head gently. He could picture Nino’s crying face, and once again the wonders poured back to Ohno’s mind, and he wanted to beat that unknown name person until Nino could be smiling again. Whoever he was and whatever he did, making Nino cry was the worst crime he had ever done.
But despite all the things that he wanted to do, Ohno left the bathroom quietly, knowing that he could do nothing because Nino would never let him know the truth.
-------------------
Nino never got close to him again.
Ohno didn’t really realize it at first, but then, Ohno slowly realized that Nino was doing fan services with Aiba, Sho and Jun, just never him again.
“Why?” He asked one day, when he was with Sho, and Nino was nowhere to be seen, because he was nowhere to be seen a lot these days.
“What?” Sho didn’t look up from his newspaper, and Ohno tried again, this time more precisely.
“Why is Nino avoiding me?”
Sho gave him a look as if telling him Are you an idiot, and Ohno suddenly got irritated. How would he know if nobody told him anything?
“Satoshi,” Sho said slowly, as if testing if Ohno was really oblivious this much “You don’t like his company, do you?”
“Why are you asking this?” Ohno frowned. He didn’t like it when people answered his question by another question. But he thought about it anyway. “It’s not like I don’t like it.”
“But you told him to keep his distance,” Sho reminded, and Ohno could vaguely remember he had said something like that.
“But it’s not like I’ve never told him that before.” Ohno defended. If it was the problem, Nino should be avoiding him since the first time they met, right? And Nino had never said anything about that. He didn’t seem like he noticed, either, because then he just did the same things around Ohno.
“Yeah.” Sho sighed and put down his paper, leaned back to the armrest and looked at Ohno. Somehow Ohno felt like he was being studied by the way Sho’s eyes fixed on his face. “You told him to stay away from you, and now when he does, you ask me why?”
“But…” Ohno’s words locked in his throat. He had never meant it this way. He was worried that Nino would also play with his heart like he had been playing with the others’, and Ohno was just trying to protect himself. But…
“Satoshi, are you really an idiot?” Sho groaned, as if his patience had had enough of this “You two just make everything complicated!”
“I’m not doing anything…!” Ohno defended, but Sho glared at him. And he was taken aback when there was real anger there, the way Sho looked at him, as if telling him to shut up and just think about whatever had happened between them. Ohno did, but he couldn’t come up with anything.
“Nino was dating everyone in our company,” was what Ohno said finally, and his face heat up. The way Sho looked at him encouragingly told him to continue talking, and Ohno bursted out, as if he was always holding the feeling in his chest “And he was… He was just playing around with them.”
“So you hate him because of that?” Sho challenged.
“I don’t hate him!” Ohno bit his lips. Why was Sho asking that? Sho knew that Ohno always had a fond affection for Nino - no, what was he talking about? - Ohno always had this feeling for Nino… the feeling that would always squeeze his heart when Nino smiled at him and Ohno knew Nino also smiled at the others just the same way. The feeling that would always make Ohno dizzy when Nino was so close and Ohno was fully aware that Nino was never serious with him. The feeling that would always make Ohno unable to breath because he just knew that Nino was loving someone else, the very person that could make Nino cry that much and love that much, the person that Ohno wanted to be so badly that it hurt…
He had always been in love with Nino for a very long time.
“He always thinks you hate him,” Sho exclaimed, and Ohno’s face turned pale. So that was why Nino was avoiding him?
When Ohno show no intention to speak, Sho continued with a sigh.
“If you don’t, please just tell him. I don’t want to see Nino like this anymore. It’s heartbreaking to see him being so melancholic everyday.”
“Is he?” Ohno repeated, his voice far away. Ohno’s mind wasn’t exactly here, but it had come back those two days when he caught Nino crying because of his unrequited love.
“Almost.” Sho shook his head “I’ve never seen him like that before. He’s having a very bad time.”
“But,” Ohno bit his lips. He had wanted to know this since the first time he knew Nino loved someone, but he had never had enough courage to ask. But this was Sho, and Sho would understand. “Who is that, Sho?”
“Who is what?” Sho frowned.
“Who is the person that Nino loves?” Ohno asked, and it almost choked when the word pass his throat.
Sho groaned desperately.
“Seriously, Satoshi, you don’t need to be such an idiot!!!”
“But…”
“Can’t you see that it’s…”
A loud bang at the front door, and Nino appeared, looking horrified and his eyes widened at Sho, whose mouth was still hanging open to tell Ohno the truth.
“Stop it, Sho-chan!!!” Nino grinded his teeth “Just stop it!!!”
“Nino!!!” Jun followed closely behind him and tried to stop Nino from approaching Sho. Nino looked very, very, very angry, but more than that, Nino looked scared. Panicky.
“Don’t… Just… Stop! Don’t say anything more!”
“Nino, you don’t need to be suffer alone anymore!!” Sho almost yelled, but his voice lowered as Aiba glared at him, telling him to calm down “Look, I’m not doing anything wrong here, I’m just telling this idiot about your love!”
“Shut up!” Nino’s voice was trembling, and Ohno could see those tears again behind those eyes. And Ohno’s heart made a twist that he knew Nino was again trying to hide it from him. But why?
“I don’t want him to hate me more,” Nino lowered his voice, to the rate that it was hard to hear. The room suddenly went quiet. “It’s okay. It’s enough already.”
“But…” Sho wanted to protest, but Nino hissed.
“I said enough!”
“Nino…”
“I told you…”
“STOP IT ALREADY!!!!”
Ohno didn’t realize that it was him who had just yelled, and everyone immediately shut their mouth. They all looked at Ohno, who looked angrier than he wanted to be, but he had had enough of this - of Nino suffering silently and didn’t let him know anything, of having his bandmates hiding something from him, of Sho being all protective of Nino but Nino was just being a stubborn brat. Ohno wanted everything to be clear. And he wanted to hear it from Nino. Now.
“What’s that?” Ohno asked, and Nino just stared at him. It was the very first time Ohno got angry at his bandmates. “What is that you always keep away from me? Why do you keep saying that I hate you? And why on Earth, Nino, are you hurt and don’t even tell me that you are??”
“Ohchan,” Nino looked scared, and Jun patted his shoulder slightly. Ohno’s heart squirmed at that. He still hadn’t forgot that day he witnessed their kiss. “I… I don’t…”
“Yes, you are,” Ohno scratched his head desperately “Just tell me. Why everyone knows about this and I don’t? Why do you hide it from me?”
“Because it’s you!” Aiba suddenly said, and Nino almost hit Aiba but Jun had stopped his hand by catching his wrist. Aiba looked at Ohno and repeated calmly. “Because it’s always you.”
Those words didn’t sink in until Ohno saw the horrified yet panicky look on Nino’s face, the way he almost cried and ran away from Ohno again, and the way Jun was holding both Nino’s sides to keep him in place. Something ringing and ringing around Ohno like an unstoppable alarm clock, and Ohno couldn’t help but feel his world went chaotic and nothing was making sense anymore.
“What…” Ohno stated, but Sho had talked first.
“Please just talk this over,” He said to both of them “I know you have feelings for each other, so please stop running away this time.”
And then they left, Aiba gave Nino a big hug before leaving, but Nino showed no acknowledgement of the hug, he looked totally lost and suddenly so defeated that Ohno couldn’t stop the need to hug Nino. He wanted to be able to make Nino comfortable, to give him a shoulder to rest on, to give him a place to be peaceful. Everything but not being the reason for Nino to look that miserable.
When there was only the two of them, a thick silence was there as none of them said anything. Nino was still too scared to actually say anything, and Ohno was too stunned to even say something.
“Why?” was all Ohno could came up with, and Nino looked up. Ohno took a step forward. “Why have you never told me that…”
“I’m sorry,” Nino answered, his voice small and he didn’t look at Ohno when he talked “It shouldn’t be like this. You’re not supposed to know…”
“Don’t tell me what I’m supposed to know.” Ohno cut him off sternly.
“I’ve never hated you.” Ohno added when Nino didn’t answer. Nino’s eyes widened at that. “I’ve never… You took it all wrong.”
“But you…” Nino’s voice was full of emotion, something that Ohno couldn’t decipher, but he knew it wasn’t totally sadness.
“I was scared,” Ohno admited quietly “I was scared that you were just playing around with me.”
“But I’m not…”
“You played around with all the other guys,” Ohno accused, and Nino looked away. “So when you approached me… I was really worried.”
“I didn’t like you at first.” Nino finally said, and Ohno arched his eyebrows. “I didn’t approach you because I liked you. I wasn’t playing around with you.”
“So why…”
“I just wanted to be friend.” Nino sighed “But then… I don’t know. I’m such an idiot to fall in love with you.”
“… You do?” Ohno couldn’t bring himself to totally believe Nino’s word, but the way Nino hunched his back as if trying to disappear, he knew Nino wasn’t lying.
“Maybe because you were there with me when my Dad left,” Nino buried his face to his palm “Or because you give me the feeling of home. Someone that I could lean into when I need someone.”
“But I told you to keep distance…”
“I’d been loving you before that. Two years after we were together. You always let me be beside you, but then you just shut me out.”
Ohno remembered that day, the first day he ran away from his feeling and told Nino to stop looking at him as if he had something really important to say.
“And I thought that you might know my feelings. And apparently, you hated it.” Nino didn’t dare to look up, his eyes fixed on his palms. Ohno couldn’t take his eyes off Nino. “So I used filming as an excuse to get close to you. But you… just gave me the feeling that you hated it every time I was beside you.”
“I didn’t…”
“I should stop loving you after that,” Nino’s voice lowered, and he didn’t let Ohno a chance to talk. As if he had held back enough, and now it just poured out. “But I couldn’t. I… couldn’t forget those times when you were there for me. I didn’t know how to get you back as my friend. I tried to show you that I was having boyfriends, and by that you’d understand that I didn’t love you anymore, and you’d let me be your friend again. But you never did.”
“You’re my friend.” Ohno burst out, and Nino looked at him, a hint of a thankful smile in his eyes.
“That time when you caught me crying,” Nino continued “I thought you knew that I still loved you.”
“But you didn’t say anything…” Ohno started, but he suddenly remembered. Nino was telling him that he loved a person. He was telling him that he loved a person that didn’t love him back, always shoved him away when he was closed, a person that Nino was always all over him, a person that told Nino to find somewhere else for boyfriend…
As if reading Ohno’s mind, Nino smiled sadly.
“That person is you.”
Why had he never realized it before?
“I thought you understood and you were happy when I said I would give up on you. You broke my heart by saying you were happy.”
“But I…”
“It’s … only that. They are just too worried. I’m fine, Ohchan. You don’t need to worry for me. I’m really fine…”
“Shut up and let me say something, will you?” Ohno snapped. Nino looked startled, but he kept quiet, because Ohno looked frustrated and more than that, Ohno was angry. “I’ve never hated you, and that is for sure, Nino.”
Nino nodded, and he bit his lips.
“And I didn’t - I didn’t tell you to keep distance because I knew your feelings. I didn’t know anything, for God’s sake!!”
Nino widened his eyes and opened his mouth, but Ohno glared at him, and he didn’t dare to say anything.
“I was worried that you didn’t like me and you just wanted to play with my heart.”
“I wasn’t…”
“But I was worried, okay? Because you were dating too many people and I just couldn’t believe that you actually liked me.”
Nino was about to protest, but then he let Ohno continue.
“And I’ve never been happy when I know that you love someone. Someone that makes you cry and hurt you like that. I even wanted to beat up that someone just because of you.”
Nino blinked, and before he could utter a word, Ohno sighed.
“And my heart broke when you were dating around, when you kissed Jun or anyone else, because I knew that I wasn’t allowed, and I didn’t have your love no matter how long it would be.”
Nino looked like he was about to cry, and Ohno took a step forward and gathered Nino in his arms carefully. He put his chin onto Nino’s shoulder and whispered.
“I’ve been loving you for a very long time, Nino.”
He heard Nino’s choke when the other’s arms wounded around him and pulled him close until their bodies met, and Ohno could feel Nino’s heart was beating so fast that it could probably break through his ribs. So he ran his hand up and down Nino’s back, to try to sooth the nerve away, and Nino cried, his voice muffled against Ohno’s shoulder.
“Don’t cry,” Ohno murmured quietly “You’ve cried enough because of me.”
But Ohno knew, this time it was different. Nino’s tear was different, because Nino was smiling, and that was what really mattered.
And he promised to himself, he would never make Nino cry again.
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A/N: Well... Yes? I'm not really satisfied with this one but... I like it. So I hope you enjoy it :D.