[One-shot] Night
Title: Night
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
Summary: They broke up.
A/N: I have no idea how to summarize this one O^O. And since my beta-reader is busy she can't help me this time, please forgive my mistakes :)
The idea came when I was sleeping and with a little of personal experiences, it turns out like this. And usually I don't cry over my fics (except some very special ones), this time I did. *O_O*. Hope you'll enjoy :)
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It was a long day.
He came back to his hotel room and carelessly threw his jacket on the sofa, plopped himself down on the bed and buried his nose into the pillow. It smelled strange, and he didn’t like it at all when they had to stay in hotels for their tour. He always felt restless. Even when he closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep, he couldn’t. Everything still pounded inside his head, like slow movie playing back every moments in his life and he couldn’t stop thinking about everything. His head hurt.
When he was finally on the verge of dreaming, he heard the door knock. Quietly, but in the silence of the night it was heard clearly and somehow, he knew who it was immediately. He made no move to get up and open the door because he knew the person himself would enter anyway.
Just as he thought, a minute later the door cracked open and Nino slipped into his room, quietly as though he didn’t dare to make any noise. Ohno closed his eyes, tried to look like he was sleeping, his face was half-hidden in the pillow. Nino hesitated at the threshold for a minute or so before he approached the bed without any word.
Ohno could feel his heart quickened, and it hurt to know that it still reacted to Nino’s presence like this. Even though he had tried so much to suppress it, to make it disappear, he couldn’t stop that pain whenever he and Nino were alone. He would always feel that insistence in Nino’s eyes, still felt that tightness in his chest, still felt that dizziness of his head whenever they were close like this - because it would always remind him of the greatest time of his life when he was able to be himself, when he was able to be with the one he loved the most on this Earth.
They were so naïve back then, though.
The news broke. Everyone disapproved, even their band mates and Johnny himself. Gradually, they had to break up. Nino had cried, and so did him, but they both knew what had to be done. But knowing it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, and it hurt so much that it had killed Ohno inside since that day, when Nino stepped out of his life and they set each other free from the forbidden relationship.
Nino stood beside his bed, his breath soft and Ohno could almost hear Nino’s heartbeat. He knew Nino was also nervous. He knew Nino had thought a lot to come to him tonight. He knew Nino was risking a lot to be with him like this, and he wasn’t going to let Nino do so. Never once would he let Nino be hurt because of him again.
So he pretended to sleep and hoped that Nino would give up when he saw him sleeping.
But Nino wasn’t Nino if he left. And so Ohno could feel the bed dipped near his waist, where he was sure Nino had just sat down. And he could feel Nino’s heat, so close to him it almost suffocating, and painfully reminded him of how warm Nino was, how sweet Nino smelled and how comfortable Nino was to hug at nights. He tried his best not to show any expression on his face, but he knew he failed since Nino brushed his fingers over his brow, and with a soft voice, almost like a plea, Nino said.
“I know you’re awake.”
And Ohno stirred, because he had to, because being so close with Nino like this was dangerous, because he would lose all his control, and everything would return to those days when both of them felt like living in hell, when everyone threw disgusting looks at them and tried to drive them away.
“Ohno,” Nino called, desperate, and Ohno’s heart tightened. He hated how Nino sounded so weak, like Nino was broken - because so did Ohno, because they were both so weak they hadn’t been able to confront for their love. Though they both tried so hard to be away from each other, the love inside them just couldn’t be get rid off. Now all between them was lingering looks, lingering touches, and a small squeeze on the shoulder. Those were enough to make their days. They were always watched, to make sure they wouldn’t come close to each other, and it was the worst since everything they needed was each other’s warmth.
“Why,” Ohno whispered, but it was still so loud in the silence between them. “Why are you here?”
“Ohchan,” Nino said again, his voice trembled with emotion, and Ohno knew Nino was on the verge of giving up. They were enduring everything to make sure everything would be okay between them, between Arashi, between everyone. But inside, they were just dying. The familiar nickname gave a tug a Ohno’s stomach and just until then he realized how much he missed it, and how hurt it was to hear Nino call him that nickname again.
Ohno didn’t answer. He slowly opened his eyes, just to look straightly into Nino’s, and they were brimmed with tears. Ohno could feel tears inside his too. He clutched at his heart as he sat up, avoiding Nino’s stare, because it would never be good… If anyone saw them together right now, it would never be good, they would be watched again and he would have no more chance to be close to Nino, even as a friend - and Ohno wouldn’t be able to live if it happened.
Nino didn’t say anything more, but he scooted closer to Ohno, who knew that he had to push away, he had to get out of here if he wanted everything to be okay, he had to get far from Nino because he needed this so much it was overwhelming. But he couldn’t. He had been yearning for this for so long, and his body couldn’t move like his brain demanded. He stayed still at his spot when Nino’s arms came around him and pulled him into a hug, and Ohno closed his eyes, feeling both pain and warmth rushed into his body, like it was the best and also the worst moment of his life.
“I know I said I gave up on you,” Nino said huskily, his body was shaking but he was holding Ohno so tight that it was suffocating, but Ohno wouldn’t complain. “But… Can I… Can I hug you like this?”
Ohno could only nod. He also wrapped his arms around Nino’s waist, brought the other man a little closer, totally gave up on reasoning. He didn’t give a damn on who would see them and what would happen. Now he needed this. He needed Nino. He had to hug him, he had to hold him tightly as if he was his only life line.
And Nino was crying. Ohno also felt tear in his eyes too. Once the tears they always hold back came out, it couldn’t stop. They cried for everything they were doing, for everything that was happening, for everything that had tore them apart. Nino’s hand clutched at Ohno’s shirt tightly and Ohno had his hand on Nino’s back, he tried to smooth away the pain but it only rose uncontrollably, because they knew once this moment passed they would have to break apart again. They would have to come back to their normal life, where they couldn’t have each other, where they had to pretend their love didn’t exist, where they had to act like everything was okay when inside they were dying for each other’s presence. And it hurt. It hurt so much that it made their heart shatter.
When they pulled apart, Nino didn’t want to so he kept burying his face onto Ohno’s shoulder. Ohno kissed Nino’s temple slightly, and he didn’t dare to do anything more - he would never be able to stop himself, because he wanted it so much. His hand trembled in attempt to keep in place.
Nino shook his head as Ohno touched his shoulder gently.
“No,” Nino said, almost pleading “Please, Ohchan. I…”
And Nino stopped. But Ohno knew what Nino wanted to say. The word they wanted to say to each other until the day they died, the word always on their tongue, and ready to be said, but never they let it break out. They always hold themselves back, because people were looking and they were never alone, and so the word sounded strange even with themselves, but was still so, so fond that Ohno wanted to cry.
“No one’s here,” Nino bit his lips, as if trying to calm both of them down “No one’s looking.”
Ohno closed his eyes, felt the pain their as if he was the one who made Nino suffer, and he hated it. Every time when Nino tried to look so delight Ohno always hated it. Even when Nino introduced his new girlfriend to the rest of them, his eyes never met Ohno and Ohno just knew Nino was lying. He wished Nino was really happy with his girlfriend, but because Nino never looked Ohno in the eyes, Ohno just knew Nino was lying. The smile became so deceiving and Ohno hated it so, so much.
“Nino,” Ohno said, his voice hoarse. Nino shivered, his head turned so his lips were so close to Ohno’s neck, and Ohno wanted, so wanted Nino to just kiss him, to just make him forget all the things they were bearing, to just become each other’s again. But he couldn’t. “We…”
But the words stuck right there. The word ‘broke up’ was so painful it tore Ohno’s own heart apart, and he never wanted Nino to experience the same feeling. So he stopped. But Nino always understood Ohno without words, so he got it right away, and for a second Nino still, before he closed his eyes and back away. Right when Nino’s warmth around him disappeared, Ohno felt himself being thrown back to the reality where he didn’t even know why he was living and why he was trying. And his heart twisted, crying, screaming, pleading Nino to just hug him again, to never leave him, to warm his heart for a little bit more. He didn’t want Nino to leave. He’d never wanted Nino to leave at the first place.
“I know,” Nino said, tired and so defeat. “I just…”
And Ohno’s tears was there again, but he looked away to hide it from Nino. Nino had cried enough for this, and Nino didn’t have to know that Ohno was just as sensitive, whenever he thought about this, he couldn’t stop himself from crying in frustration.
“Ohchan,” Nino called again, this time small and so painful “Ohno.”
And Ohno closed his eyes, knowing that the moment where they had to part was there, and it was only minutes before Nino stood up. Ohno tried desperately to reach out, but none of his muscle moved, and he helplessly looked at Nino’s retreating back until the door clicked again and Nino stepped outside, closed the door behind him. Ohno’s heart broke just like the day when they were separated - it was also Nino who had left, and Ohno was the one who stood helplessly and looked at his back. Just like he had lost Nino again in his life, the pain took control of his mind and he cried his heart out, didn’t care if anyone was listening, anyone was hearing. He couldn’t stop the tremble of his body, couldn’t stop the tears flowing out, the hurt clawing in his heart was just too, too much.
“Don’t leave,” He said between his tears, and he wished Nino could hear it, Nino would hear it and would come back, because Ohno was breaking, because Ohno needed nothing but him. “I love you, Nino, I…”
But the message just never reached Nino, only the silence of the night answered him in sympathy.
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Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
Summary: They broke up.
A/N: I have no idea how to summarize this one O^O. And since my beta-reader is busy she can't help me this time, please forgive my mistakes :)
The idea came when I was sleeping and with a little of personal experiences, it turns out like this. And usually I don't cry over my fics (except some very special ones), this time I did. *O_O*. Hope you'll enjoy :)
-------------------------------------
It was a long day.
He came back to his hotel room and carelessly threw his jacket on the sofa, plopped himself down on the bed and buried his nose into the pillow. It smelled strange, and he didn’t like it at all when they had to stay in hotels for their tour. He always felt restless. Even when he closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep, he couldn’t. Everything still pounded inside his head, like slow movie playing back every moments in his life and he couldn’t stop thinking about everything. His head hurt.
When he was finally on the verge of dreaming, he heard the door knock. Quietly, but in the silence of the night it was heard clearly and somehow, he knew who it was immediately. He made no move to get up and open the door because he knew the person himself would enter anyway.
Just as he thought, a minute later the door cracked open and Nino slipped into his room, quietly as though he didn’t dare to make any noise. Ohno closed his eyes, tried to look like he was sleeping, his face was half-hidden in the pillow. Nino hesitated at the threshold for a minute or so before he approached the bed without any word.
Ohno could feel his heart quickened, and it hurt to know that it still reacted to Nino’s presence like this. Even though he had tried so much to suppress it, to make it disappear, he couldn’t stop that pain whenever he and Nino were alone. He would always feel that insistence in Nino’s eyes, still felt that tightness in his chest, still felt that dizziness of his head whenever they were close like this - because it would always remind him of the greatest time of his life when he was able to be himself, when he was able to be with the one he loved the most on this Earth.
They were so naïve back then, though.
The news broke. Everyone disapproved, even their band mates and Johnny himself. Gradually, they had to break up. Nino had cried, and so did him, but they both knew what had to be done. But knowing it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, and it hurt so much that it had killed Ohno inside since that day, when Nino stepped out of his life and they set each other free from the forbidden relationship.
Nino stood beside his bed, his breath soft and Ohno could almost hear Nino’s heartbeat. He knew Nino was also nervous. He knew Nino had thought a lot to come to him tonight. He knew Nino was risking a lot to be with him like this, and he wasn’t going to let Nino do so. Never once would he let Nino be hurt because of him again.
So he pretended to sleep and hoped that Nino would give up when he saw him sleeping.
But Nino wasn’t Nino if he left. And so Ohno could feel the bed dipped near his waist, where he was sure Nino had just sat down. And he could feel Nino’s heat, so close to him it almost suffocating, and painfully reminded him of how warm Nino was, how sweet Nino smelled and how comfortable Nino was to hug at nights. He tried his best not to show any expression on his face, but he knew he failed since Nino brushed his fingers over his brow, and with a soft voice, almost like a plea, Nino said.
“I know you’re awake.”
And Ohno stirred, because he had to, because being so close with Nino like this was dangerous, because he would lose all his control, and everything would return to those days when both of them felt like living in hell, when everyone threw disgusting looks at them and tried to drive them away.
“Ohno,” Nino called, desperate, and Ohno’s heart tightened. He hated how Nino sounded so weak, like Nino was broken - because so did Ohno, because they were both so weak they hadn’t been able to confront for their love. Though they both tried so hard to be away from each other, the love inside them just couldn’t be get rid off. Now all between them was lingering looks, lingering touches, and a small squeeze on the shoulder. Those were enough to make their days. They were always watched, to make sure they wouldn’t come close to each other, and it was the worst since everything they needed was each other’s warmth.
“Why,” Ohno whispered, but it was still so loud in the silence between them. “Why are you here?”
“Ohchan,” Nino said again, his voice trembled with emotion, and Ohno knew Nino was on the verge of giving up. They were enduring everything to make sure everything would be okay between them, between Arashi, between everyone. But inside, they were just dying. The familiar nickname gave a tug a Ohno’s stomach and just until then he realized how much he missed it, and how hurt it was to hear Nino call him that nickname again.
Ohno didn’t answer. He slowly opened his eyes, just to look straightly into Nino’s, and they were brimmed with tears. Ohno could feel tears inside his too. He clutched at his heart as he sat up, avoiding Nino’s stare, because it would never be good… If anyone saw them together right now, it would never be good, they would be watched again and he would have no more chance to be close to Nino, even as a friend - and Ohno wouldn’t be able to live if it happened.
Nino didn’t say anything more, but he scooted closer to Ohno, who knew that he had to push away, he had to get out of here if he wanted everything to be okay, he had to get far from Nino because he needed this so much it was overwhelming. But he couldn’t. He had been yearning for this for so long, and his body couldn’t move like his brain demanded. He stayed still at his spot when Nino’s arms came around him and pulled him into a hug, and Ohno closed his eyes, feeling both pain and warmth rushed into his body, like it was the best and also the worst moment of his life.
“I know I said I gave up on you,” Nino said huskily, his body was shaking but he was holding Ohno so tight that it was suffocating, but Ohno wouldn’t complain. “But… Can I… Can I hug you like this?”
Ohno could only nod. He also wrapped his arms around Nino’s waist, brought the other man a little closer, totally gave up on reasoning. He didn’t give a damn on who would see them and what would happen. Now he needed this. He needed Nino. He had to hug him, he had to hold him tightly as if he was his only life line.
And Nino was crying. Ohno also felt tear in his eyes too. Once the tears they always hold back came out, it couldn’t stop. They cried for everything they were doing, for everything that was happening, for everything that had tore them apart. Nino’s hand clutched at Ohno’s shirt tightly and Ohno had his hand on Nino’s back, he tried to smooth away the pain but it only rose uncontrollably, because they knew once this moment passed they would have to break apart again. They would have to come back to their normal life, where they couldn’t have each other, where they had to pretend their love didn’t exist, where they had to act like everything was okay when inside they were dying for each other’s presence. And it hurt. It hurt so much that it made their heart shatter.
When they pulled apart, Nino didn’t want to so he kept burying his face onto Ohno’s shoulder. Ohno kissed Nino’s temple slightly, and he didn’t dare to do anything more - he would never be able to stop himself, because he wanted it so much. His hand trembled in attempt to keep in place.
Nino shook his head as Ohno touched his shoulder gently.
“No,” Nino said, almost pleading “Please, Ohchan. I…”
And Nino stopped. But Ohno knew what Nino wanted to say. The word they wanted to say to each other until the day they died, the word always on their tongue, and ready to be said, but never they let it break out. They always hold themselves back, because people were looking and they were never alone, and so the word sounded strange even with themselves, but was still so, so fond that Ohno wanted to cry.
“No one’s here,” Nino bit his lips, as if trying to calm both of them down “No one’s looking.”
Ohno closed his eyes, felt the pain their as if he was the one who made Nino suffer, and he hated it. Every time when Nino tried to look so delight Ohno always hated it. Even when Nino introduced his new girlfriend to the rest of them, his eyes never met Ohno and Ohno just knew Nino was lying. He wished Nino was really happy with his girlfriend, but because Nino never looked Ohno in the eyes, Ohno just knew Nino was lying. The smile became so deceiving and Ohno hated it so, so much.
“Nino,” Ohno said, his voice hoarse. Nino shivered, his head turned so his lips were so close to Ohno’s neck, and Ohno wanted, so wanted Nino to just kiss him, to just make him forget all the things they were bearing, to just become each other’s again. But he couldn’t. “We…”
But the words stuck right there. The word ‘broke up’ was so painful it tore Ohno’s own heart apart, and he never wanted Nino to experience the same feeling. So he stopped. But Nino always understood Ohno without words, so he got it right away, and for a second Nino still, before he closed his eyes and back away. Right when Nino’s warmth around him disappeared, Ohno felt himself being thrown back to the reality where he didn’t even know why he was living and why he was trying. And his heart twisted, crying, screaming, pleading Nino to just hug him again, to never leave him, to warm his heart for a little bit more. He didn’t want Nino to leave. He’d never wanted Nino to leave at the first place.
“I know,” Nino said, tired and so defeat. “I just…”
And Ohno’s tears was there again, but he looked away to hide it from Nino. Nino had cried enough for this, and Nino didn’t have to know that Ohno was just as sensitive, whenever he thought about this, he couldn’t stop himself from crying in frustration.
“Ohchan,” Nino called again, this time small and so painful “Ohno.”
And Ohno closed his eyes, knowing that the moment where they had to part was there, and it was only minutes before Nino stood up. Ohno tried desperately to reach out, but none of his muscle moved, and he helplessly looked at Nino’s retreating back until the door clicked again and Nino stepped outside, closed the door behind him. Ohno’s heart broke just like the day when they were separated - it was also Nino who had left, and Ohno was the one who stood helplessly and looked at his back. Just like he had lost Nino again in his life, the pain took control of his mind and he cried his heart out, didn’t care if anyone was listening, anyone was hearing. He couldn’t stop the tremble of his body, couldn’t stop the tears flowing out, the hurt clawing in his heart was just too, too much.
“Don’t leave,” He said between his tears, and he wished Nino could hear it, Nino would hear it and would come back, because Ohno was breaking, because Ohno needed nothing but him. “I love you, Nino, I…”
But the message just never reached Nino, only the silence of the night answered him in sympathy.
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