[One-shot] It all happened in a rainy day
Title: It all happened in a rainy day
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG
Genre: romance, mild angst
Length: ~ 4,800 words
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The plot is mine, though.
Summary: The only one person that was important to Nino had left him on a rainy day.
A/N: this is beta-ed by potatoos , thank you so much (^3^)/! This came out because I wanted to write something soft and quiet and light… Like a rainy day XD. It wasn’t sadness, it was just something lingering in heart when it started to rain, so much like nostalgia. I just wanted to express it somehow. Hope you will enjoy it as much as I did when writing <3.
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It was a rainy day.
He stood at the peak of the hill, feeling the cool wind stroke his cheeks. The sunlight broke through the dull clouds weakly, shining a faint gold rim on the grass under his feet. The grass was smooth and lively; a fresh light green stretching out to the horizon covered the damped ground. He could smell the familiar scent of a rainy day. The last droplets of water fell from the highest branches of the trees, he extended his hand and caught it easily in his palm. A cool sensation spread over his skin, sprinkling through his body like a rustling rain seeping into his heart, refreshing and cooling his soul. He took back his hand and shoved it into his pocket, feeling the warmth from his own body warming his numb fingers.
The rainy season was coming again.
“Hey, Nino, I’m leaving.” Ohno announced one day with an eager smile on his round face, his eyes dazzling with excitement. His hand wiped the perspiration off his forehead and he was panting slightly from running - he must’ve hurried here to talk to Nino immediately after the idea had popped up in his mind. Surely it was so exciting that his smile was still plastered on his face as he informed the younger man happily.
“Ah” was all Nino could think of at that moment. He was still confused of the other man’s sudden decision, but deep inside him, Nino always knew that this would happen sooner or later. He had predicted that someday Ohno wouldn’t stay here anymore - he would go far away from this country and explore a new world which he would find interesting and refreshing. Nino wouldn’t stop him - he would never be able to. However, Nino thought that this fitted Ohno perfectly; he was the kind of person who dared to live as wholeheartedly as he could. When Ohno told him this, Nino knew that it was the moment.
“I don’t know when I’ll come back,” Ohno continued. His voice was now indistinct that Nino hardly focused on the inaudible tone. The wind and the sound of the rain was singing around them, the melody echoing in their ears, and he felt like he was in a dream - a dream in which they were always together and he found himself being happy and satisfied. But he knew it was never enough for Ohno; the older man now was looking far away to the horizon in front of their eyes, with the desire to explore, to experience.
“Good luck to you…” Nino smiled, his hand outstretched and a drop of water fell onto his palm. The moment it touched his skin, it broke into many tiny glistening crystals. He closed his hand slightly, feeling the coldness seep into his heart. As the rain got heavier, the sound of the water droplets pattering against the windows was no longer a soothing melody, but had become a threatening and lonely cry. Was it only him, or that the sky was crying on his behalf? There was no tear coming from his eyes which were looking at Ohno gently - as he always did, but his heart was on the edge of breaking, and then he would collapse from the overwhelming sadness - or to be exact, frustration.
“But I’ll come back.” Ohno raised his head and looked at him, with a smile still lingering on his lips, and he wrapped an arm around Nino’s shoulder in assurance. They both looked out the window, seeing the grey clouds covered the sky, hiding the sunlight behind its murkiness. Somewhere between the clouds a stinging light tore the sky apart, and its roar breaking the uncomfortable silence between them. Nino shifted, his shoulder touching Ohno’s, and he felt the familiar warmth flowing from his body through the layers of clothes. His heart beat feebly inside his chest, and his body was trembling slightly. They didn’t need words to express their thoughts - because Nino could understand Ohno perfectly with not much talking. And he knew he could never stop the older man from doing whatever he wanted. He leaned in closer to Ohno, his head resting on his shoulder, feeling the other’s even breathing. They usually shared the same feeling when they were together, but today, something was different. Ohno had found his new direction, a dream that might not involve Nino.
“Papa?” A small voice called him; a tiny hand was tugging at his sleeves, calling for his attention. His eyes left the trace of the last rim of the sunlight reflected on the surface of the tranquil lake, as he turned around and smiled gently at the little girl standing beside him, her eyes focused on him with an innocent smile on her face, her cute little fingers wrapped around his wrist in an unsuccessful effort to hold his whole hand.
“What are you doing here?” She asked, her eyes roaming around with excitement - from the trees to the lake, then to his face and back again. His lips curved into a smile as he looked at the girl’s eager eyes; she was tugging his sleeves impatiently and her voice was high, cheerful as her steps were faster.
“It’s the lake!!” She exclaimed happily, her hand left his as she was running faster, towards the shore of the lake. Rain was now starting to pour onto the already wet ground, the sky was grey and the wind was blowing harder. A storm was coming.
“Come on!” He called, as he ran to the girl and took her hand gently. “Let’s go home.”
She was still busy with the tiny colorful fishes which were swimming effortlessly near the surface of the water, and she was displeased that now she must leave as she stood up with a pout on her face. Nino stretched out his hand and pinched her chubby cheek slightly, “We’ll come back tomorrow.” He promised and then lifted her off the ground, and carried her carefully in his arms and turned back to the cottage which was sitting peacefully on the top of the hill.
Ohno was ready for his trip. He had been preparing for it for days, and now was the time to pursue his dream. He carried his backpack on his shoulder, his cap hiding a part of his shining face, but Nino still saw his grin and as he reckoned, his eyes were sparkling with excitement. They stood together at the bottom of the hill and Nino found himself hugging the older man tightly for a moment. Ohno chuckled near his ear, his hand patted Nino’s head softly as he pulled back, not noticing Nino’s hesitation as the younger man didn’t want to part. He put his hands on Ohno’s shoulder, and squeezed it tightly while he looked deeply into the other’s eyes, trying to convey his feeling to him mentally. Please, he pleaded in silence, please come back. Ohno started at his eyes for a moment, and then he smiled, the same smile which had no hesitance. Nino’s heart constricted painfully. Until it was time for them to say goodbye, Nino had been searching for a hint of wavering, of indecisive in those deep brown eyes, but he found nothing. Then he understood it completely - Ohno wouldn’t change his mind because of Nino. The desire to explore this world was too important to him that he didn’t see Nino’s emaciated eyes, waiting for him to say something.
Ohno then said with a smile that totally tore Nino’s heart apart, “Good bye, Nino.”
The feeling of losing his most precious person was growing slowly as he stood there, and helplessly looked at Ohno’s silhouette getting smaller until it disappeared into the horizon.
“Where are you going for the whole day?” His sister asked from the kitchen. She was busy preparing a new recipe.
“Nowhere in particular,”he shrugged, and let the small girl down from his numb arms. He was about to leave the room when she called him again.
“You have a letter,” she announced with a nothing-was-important voice, and Nino immediately backed off from the stairs as he rushed to the mailbox in record time.
“Papa!!!” The girl squeaked from her spot at which Nino had just put her down, her hand waving in the air to catch Nino’s attention, but she wasn’t successful as Nino was now searching the mailbox impatiently.
“Sae-chan, I told you many times before, stop calling your uncle ‘papa’!” His sister sighed from behind the door of the refrigerator. She then took out a bag of cabbage and carrots, her eyes turning around to find her brother, “You should teach her too, Kazu!”
“I will,” Nino answered thoughtlessly, his hand touched an envelope at the bottom of the mail box, and he hastily took it out. Ohno’s handwriting was visible on it, with blue ink which was now blurred from the rain. Nino made it to his room on the second floor, unintentionally ignoring Sae’s waving, and left her there with a pout on her face and watering eyes. Nino’s sister stopped cutting the cabbage for a moment and turned to her daughter, ruffling her hair and assuring her that uncle Nino would come back to play with her later.
It was the first time Ohno sent him a card. Nino stared at it for almost an hour, ever since his room was still shining with the faintest gold of the sunlight until the last rim disappeared, and the room was now plunged into darkness. He turned the lamp on as he sat on his chair, the card was placed carefully on the cold surface of the table. His hand touched it gently as though it was made of glass and thus fragile. He cosseted the envelope, feeling happiness growing slowly in his chest, as he opened it and read Ohno’s words carefully.
“It’s really fun here, Nino. I wish you could see it too. I’ve met so many people - they are all good! One of them told me that he likes me - isn’t it funny? We have just met each other for two weeks, and he is already asking me out. I wonder if I should accept it or not. Whatever, are you doing well, Nino? I hope you are. I’ll send you a letter when I find time to write again - I’m drawing so much for the past few days. Good day, Nino!”
His heart twisted with each of Ohno’s words - the innocent, thoughtless words that he found himself sinking helplessly into deep disappointment. He read it over and over, until he had remembered it by heart. Nino held the card to his chest - near his heart - and slowly drifted into a chaotic dream with mixed feelings and strange scenes. He was hugging Ohno, burying his face into the crook of his neck, when he suddenly felt someone snatching Ohno away. A moment later they were kissing; Ohno was focusing on the faceless man and totally abandoned Nino, as though he wasn’t there. He could feel his tears rolling down his cheeks and he struggled in the dream until he jolted up, panting heavily and realizing that it was just a nightmare. But his tears were real - he felt them trailing his cheeks and falling onto Ohno’s letter as he sat up, and stared into the darkness of his room hopelessly. He didn’t care enough to wipe them away; somehow, when they rolled down he could feel the pain in his tired heart being reduced.
It was Ohno’s letter again, contained in a colorful envelope that was decorated with the gold sun and the blue sky with flowers and balloons and clouds. Nino wondered which country was it this time that had such a bright envelope as he opened it carefully. When his eyes fixed on Ohno’s handwriting, he realized how much he had missed the other man, even though he had received letters from the older man frequently. Every time Ohno visited another country he would make it a point to send Nino a card, or a letter, so that Nino knew where he was. Nino was genuninely happy for Ohno, but he also felt extremely lonely whenever the older man wrote about making new friends, meeting new people, and chasing his dreams. Not like me, Nino thought. He was always waiting for Ohno’s return, and no matter how long he had waited, Ohno did not appear ready to return - there was too much to learn, too many things to see and too many countries to visit.
Unlike the older man, Nino was always alone. The only one person that was important to him had left him on a rainy day.
I’m going home.
It was the shortest letter he had ever received from Ohno, but it was the warmest message he had ever gotten from the older man. The words were buzzing in his mind, dancing in his heart, and he couldn’t help but stared at it, feeling happiness building up around him. And he grinned, keeping the letter close to his heart which was beating happily in his chest. Somehow the corners of his eyes were wet, but this time, it had nothing to do with sadness, disappointment or being heart-broken. He couldn’t control the excitement, the rapture now was driving him crazy. He rushed down the staircase and dashed into the dining room, ignoring his sister’s skeptical look as he lifted Sae off the ground and tossed her into air. Sae was surprised at her uncle’s sudden change in mood, but she grinned happily at him. She giggled all the time Nino carried her in his arms, his smile becoming bigger as her tiny knuckles touched the line of his jaw and she tickled him amusingly. His sister then shrugged and returned to her work, a vague smile appeared on her face as she knew that Nino’s lightened mood had something to do with Ohno.
His second letter was worse. It came on a rainy day, and it was raining heavily that the scene was blurred with thousands of water droplets pouring down from the sky, as if it was sharing Nino’s pain with a sympathetic sound patting on the roof of the house. Nino hadn’t noticed it, but his sister took it from the mailbox and left it on the table. The ink was blurred by the water, but it was clearly Ohno’s letter and Nino’s heart skipped a beat when he realized the familiar handwriting. He took it, hope growing inside his chest. He closed his eyes to calm himself down, and until he felt his heart beat returning to its normal rhythm, he took out the letter and read it slowly.
“It’s great, Nino. Remember the guy I told you about? The one who asked me out - I agreed to go out with him after all, and it turned out that we get along pretty well. He’s nice - he’s an actor, and he wants to have a serious relationship with me. It’s really weird, don’t you think so? But, anyway, he’s a good guy, and I kind of like him too. How about you, Nino? I wish I could hear something from you, but it’s hard, since I always travel to different countries. So remember all the details, and when I come back, tell me okay? I really miss you.”
The last words lingered on Nino’s mind, he read it over and over and over, until he remembered exactly how the line of the “s” was curved up and how Ohno had ended it with a fade dot. I miss you too, Nino thought painfully, I really really miss you here, Ohchan, why don’t you come back? His heart shattered silently as he knew Ohno was happy with someone - he was thinking about a serious relationship. What could Nino do, after all? He could do nothing but to remain here, feeling the loneliness cover his already numb body. He didn’t bother to turn on the air-conditioner, until his sister came up to find him frozen in his dark cold room. It was the first time ever since he was born that he tugged at his sister’s sleeve for her to sit down. When she did, he leaned in to bury his face into her shoulder. And he cried. The tears came out naturally as if it was always there. His sister didn’t ask anything, and she just rubbed his back comfortably. Gradually, he felt consoled, his tired heart stopped screaming but started to throb painfully instead. However, there was nothing he could do, like how he couldn’t hold Ohno back, to keep the most important person of his life beside him.
The rain was still pouring heavily outside the window. The wind rustled piercingly, and the sound of the pouring rain hitting against the glass surface helped him to gradually drift off into a deep slumber that night. If he focused solely on the sound of nature, then the voice in his heart couldn’t haunt him.
He did not dream; it was all blank. And in that blank space, Ohno’s voice whispered in his ears, the words he had remembered by heart, “I really miss you”.
Days went by, and he still didn’t hear anything about Ohno coming back. He visited Ohno’s house, but his mother said she knew nothing about his return.
“He told me that he wants to go to many countries…” she said thoughtfully “And I haven’t received anything from him telling me that he’s coming back.”
Nino couldn’t deny the disappointment saddling in his stomach as he bowed and left. So Ohno hadn’t told anyone about this, and all Nino could do now was to wait patiently. Sometimes, when Nino felt that Ohno writing to inform that he was returning was only a figment of his imagination, he had to take out Ohno’s letter and reading it again, staring at Ohno’s handwriting, to make sure that it wasn’t just his mind playing tricks on him. Three years. He had waited for Ohno for three years already. Many things had change in his life - his sister got married, Sae-chan was born, and he had become an uncle. He became more mature - and thought about those days, he was sure that if he could go back in time he would tell Ohno to stay, and told him that he loved him, seriously. It wasn’t like an innocent high school love, but that he wanted to be in a serious relationship with the older man. He would surely ask Ohno how he felt about him, and he not to let Ohno leave without trying to hold him back. The unsaid feelings now became an obsession in his mind that he craved to say it out loud.
“Papa, come here!” Sae-chan called from the lake. He walked there and tilted his head to look at the little girl, who was sitting on the damp grass, her hand touching the water lightly as she grinned happily, “Papa, it’s Sae’s face!”
“Yeah,” He chuckled at the simple happiness of children. He was envious of them sometimes, because they could be satisfied with the tiny little things in life. “It’s Sae’s face.”
“Papa, could I go there?” She pointed her finger to the biggest tree, eagerness filling her eyes that Nino couldn’t refuse her request.
“Okay, but don’t run, you could slip on the grass.” Nino smiled, “And be careful, don’t get lost. I’ll wait here, okay?”
Sae grinned and with her short legs, she ran there with an amused smile on her face.
It was a giant tree, and Sae stared at it without blinking. From her point of view the branches were like the huge rods of an umbrella hanging over the high sky, and the leaves were like the odd patterns of that umbrella, totally covering the view of the sky above them. She plucked a handful of grass under her feet, and tossed it into the air to watch it fall right down again with a disappointed pout, as it didn’t reach the top of the umbrella like she had wanted them to. She took another handful of grass and tossed them up again, but still the light grass couldn’t make their way to the tall branches above.
“Hey…what are you doing there?” A soft deep voice suddenly resounded by her left side, and she raised her head up to look at a man walking towards her.
“Sae is trying to reach that umbrella!” She answered, blinked and waited for the strange man’s answer. And she heard he laughed, amused.
“Where’s the umbrella?” He asked. The man had a gentle voice that made Sae feel secured. She grinned involuntarily at the man.
“There!” She pointed to the branches above her head, and the man looked up as he laughed again.
“Ah. Those,” He beamed happily. “I called it an umbrella once when I was a boy. It’s really old, you know? Yet it’s still as strong.”
“Sae’s papa called it an umbrella too,” Sae said with a surprised tone. “Sae’s papa told Sae that he loves it!”
“Who’s Sae’s papa?” The man turned back to Sae, his smile still remained on his friendly face. Sae noticed that this man was tanned, much more than his beloved papa, but his smile was gentler, and his eyes softer. She beamed.
“Sae’s papa is Kazu-kun!!” Sae exclaimed, her eyes sparkling.
“Eh…?” The man hesitated, and his smile somehow became strained. He looked at Sae with curious yet confused eyes. “Sae’s papa is Kazu-kun?” he repeated.
“Yeah… Papa!!!” Sae called noisily, and suddenly she reached out for the man’s hand and dragged him with her, ignoring the hesitance which was visible in his eyes.
“Yes?” Nino answered from somewhere near the lake. He was still staring absent-mindedly into space when he heard Sae calling him. He frowned slightly and hurriedly stood up; it seemed like Sae had gotten hurt or perhaps, stumbled onto the ground. Since Sae was a really active girl, she always got grazes when Nino didn’t pay enough attention to her.
“Papa, there’s an uncle asking for Kazu-kun!!”
Nino was confused, and he saw Sae running towards him, a man was following hesistantly behind her. The man was wearing a threadbare cap, and his skin was tanned. He didn’t raise his head up and concentrated on keeping his balance so he wouldn’t stumble onto the grass with Sae’s tugging and pulling.
Somehow this man was familiar.
Nino blinked.
This man was really familiar.
When the two were in full vision to one another, Nino felt his heart pierced with unexpected hope and somehow, fear. His mind went blank as he stopped dead at his spot, and his brain was a confused mixture of “No way!” and “Not him!”. However, the man was exactly like the one in his dream, the one he had waited for for three long years, the one whom he had loved for his whole life. He found it hard to breathe as if something had blocked his throat. And quicker than he had thought, Sae had reached him, and the man was raising his head to look at him. After a blink, he felt the man freeze too.
Those eyes - which he had waited for so long just to be able to see them again - were staring at him silently, astonished, and maybe in shock. They both stared at each other, as if they didn’t have words to say, so they used their eyes to convey what they wanted to. But it had been such a long time that the invisible bond between them had faded away, and those familiar eyes became so unreadable. Nino’s heart ached as he felt he couldn’t understand the man in front of him anymore. Ohno was staring at him silently, eyeing him curiously and worriedly, and Nino could feel his heart clenched painfully. Perhaps something had changed between them.
“Papa?” It was Sae who broke the awkward silence.
Her voice pulled the two men back to reality, and Ohno smiled softly at him.
“Nino…”
It was just him or there was bitterness in the older man’s voice?
“Sae!!” His sister’s voice called from the cottage “Come back, it’s time for lunch!!”
Sae’s eyes turned from Nino to Ohno and then back again, but she couldn’t understand the sudden awkwardness between them. After a last curious look, she obediently ran back to the cottage, leaving the two behind, still at a loss for words.
“You came back…” Nino whispered, nearly inaudible as he took a step closer to Ohno. Ohno smiled at him, the smile that he had missed so much in his entire life.
“I’m back…”
And Nino was in Ohno’s arms, as he wrapped his arms around the older man and pulled him into a tight embrace. He buried his face onto Ohno’s neck, feeling the warmth from the older man’s body soaking into his body in the most welcoming way. He closed his eyes, and felt that all the struggling, the waiting, the longing that he had experienced had finally gone, now he had Ohno in his arms again, and he didn’t want anything more than to be close to him, as much as he could.
“She’s cute,” Ohno suddenly said, reluctantly. “When did you… get married?”
“Eh?” Nino pulled back, and tilted his head in confusion. “I haven’t gotten married. You mean… Sae-chan?”
“She calls you Papa…” Ohno mumbled. He clearly felt uncomfortable with the topic, and his lips curved up into an unsuccessful smile.
“She’s my sister’s daughter,” Nino laughed when he suddenly understood what Ohno had meant. “I haven’t had a child yet, Ohchan!”
The familiar name just slipped out his mouth, as naturally as it always had been, and both of them grinned at each other. They walked together towards the cottage, and Nino asked hesistantly. He wanted to know badly - since the day he got Ohno’s second letter he always wanted to know how things would turn out with the other man.
“So… what about you? About… you know, the guy you told me…”
“No, we’re just friends,” Ohno said sheepishly. “I had considered it, but I really only thought of him as a friend.”
“Really?” Relief spread through his body and Nino didn’t even try to hide it. “So why did you decide to come back?”
“Because I’ve found my important person.” Ohno replied. Seriousness was evident in his tone and that startled Nino. He turned to Ohno, feeling both hopeful and fearful with the sudden announcement.
“…You do?” He breathed, and tried to keep his voice cool but failed. “So…”
“Yeah,” Ohno nodded “I’ve traveled around so much… And all I could think of is that person. I had never thought… I can’t believe I have never realized it. But… the longer I’m away, the more I miss him. So much.”
“Is that… a person you met on your way?” Nino asked bitterly, his face lowered and his eyes didn’t dare to look at Ohno but focused on his arms which were folded securely across his chest.
“No,” Ohno said quietly. “It’s a person I’ve met for my whole life.”
They both stopped and stared at each other. Ohno considered it carefully, and as if he felt that no words could describe his feeling clearly, he came closer to Nino, his hand rested on the other’s cheek as he leaned over to him and placed a slight kiss on Nino’s lips.
Nino widened his eyes, feeling the warmth of Ohno’s lips on his own which sent a shiver down his spine. He stayed still until Ohno broke apart.
“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Ohno chuckled sadly. “I’m sorry, Nino. I should’ve realized it sooner.”
He stopped, hesitated, and then continued “I came back to find you.”
Nino didn’t know what to say for what he had waited for, had prayed for such a long time had suddenly come true. He felt like his heart could stop beating at the way Ohno was looking at him gently, his hand tenderly stroking his cheeks. He felt his face burn under the older man’s gaze, and he felt like he was dreaming. But Ohno was really here, and the warmth radiating from him was real. Nino felt his arms automatically wrapped around Ohno’s body, pulling him closer as he mumbled happily.
“Idiot,” he breathed. “I’ve been waiting for you for years.”
The first droplet of rain fell onto the hard ground, and this time it was Ohno who extended his hand to feel the coolness on his palm. Nino took Ohno’s hand in his own, and entwined their fingers together as they walked back to the cottage. Ohno grinned, and kissed Nino’s hand gently while Nino blushed in happiness. The wind was still blowing coldly, and the storm was about to start again. But this time, it didn’t leave any trace of loneliness in Nino’s heart.
It felt like the sun was shining above them instead.
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG
Genre: romance, mild angst
Length: ~ 4,800 words
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The plot is mine, though.
Summary: The only one person that was important to Nino had left him on a rainy day.
A/N: this is beta-ed by potatoos , thank you so much (^3^)/! This came out because I wanted to write something soft and quiet and light… Like a rainy day XD. It wasn’t sadness, it was just something lingering in heart when it started to rain, so much like nostalgia. I just wanted to express it somehow. Hope you will enjoy it as much as I did when writing <3.
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It was a rainy day.
He stood at the peak of the hill, feeling the cool wind stroke his cheeks. The sunlight broke through the dull clouds weakly, shining a faint gold rim on the grass under his feet. The grass was smooth and lively; a fresh light green stretching out to the horizon covered the damped ground. He could smell the familiar scent of a rainy day. The last droplets of water fell from the highest branches of the trees, he extended his hand and caught it easily in his palm. A cool sensation spread over his skin, sprinkling through his body like a rustling rain seeping into his heart, refreshing and cooling his soul. He took back his hand and shoved it into his pocket, feeling the warmth from his own body warming his numb fingers.
The rainy season was coming again.
“Hey, Nino, I’m leaving.” Ohno announced one day with an eager smile on his round face, his eyes dazzling with excitement. His hand wiped the perspiration off his forehead and he was panting slightly from running - he must’ve hurried here to talk to Nino immediately after the idea had popped up in his mind. Surely it was so exciting that his smile was still plastered on his face as he informed the younger man happily.
“Ah” was all Nino could think of at that moment. He was still confused of the other man’s sudden decision, but deep inside him, Nino always knew that this would happen sooner or later. He had predicted that someday Ohno wouldn’t stay here anymore - he would go far away from this country and explore a new world which he would find interesting and refreshing. Nino wouldn’t stop him - he would never be able to. However, Nino thought that this fitted Ohno perfectly; he was the kind of person who dared to live as wholeheartedly as he could. When Ohno told him this, Nino knew that it was the moment.
“I don’t know when I’ll come back,” Ohno continued. His voice was now indistinct that Nino hardly focused on the inaudible tone. The wind and the sound of the rain was singing around them, the melody echoing in their ears, and he felt like he was in a dream - a dream in which they were always together and he found himself being happy and satisfied. But he knew it was never enough for Ohno; the older man now was looking far away to the horizon in front of their eyes, with the desire to explore, to experience.
“Good luck to you…” Nino smiled, his hand outstretched and a drop of water fell onto his palm. The moment it touched his skin, it broke into many tiny glistening crystals. He closed his hand slightly, feeling the coldness seep into his heart. As the rain got heavier, the sound of the water droplets pattering against the windows was no longer a soothing melody, but had become a threatening and lonely cry. Was it only him, or that the sky was crying on his behalf? There was no tear coming from his eyes which were looking at Ohno gently - as he always did, but his heart was on the edge of breaking, and then he would collapse from the overwhelming sadness - or to be exact, frustration.
“But I’ll come back.” Ohno raised his head and looked at him, with a smile still lingering on his lips, and he wrapped an arm around Nino’s shoulder in assurance. They both looked out the window, seeing the grey clouds covered the sky, hiding the sunlight behind its murkiness. Somewhere between the clouds a stinging light tore the sky apart, and its roar breaking the uncomfortable silence between them. Nino shifted, his shoulder touching Ohno’s, and he felt the familiar warmth flowing from his body through the layers of clothes. His heart beat feebly inside his chest, and his body was trembling slightly. They didn’t need words to express their thoughts - because Nino could understand Ohno perfectly with not much talking. And he knew he could never stop the older man from doing whatever he wanted. He leaned in closer to Ohno, his head resting on his shoulder, feeling the other’s even breathing. They usually shared the same feeling when they were together, but today, something was different. Ohno had found his new direction, a dream that might not involve Nino.
“Papa?” A small voice called him; a tiny hand was tugging at his sleeves, calling for his attention. His eyes left the trace of the last rim of the sunlight reflected on the surface of the tranquil lake, as he turned around and smiled gently at the little girl standing beside him, her eyes focused on him with an innocent smile on her face, her cute little fingers wrapped around his wrist in an unsuccessful effort to hold his whole hand.
“What are you doing here?” She asked, her eyes roaming around with excitement - from the trees to the lake, then to his face and back again. His lips curved into a smile as he looked at the girl’s eager eyes; she was tugging his sleeves impatiently and her voice was high, cheerful as her steps were faster.
“It’s the lake!!” She exclaimed happily, her hand left his as she was running faster, towards the shore of the lake. Rain was now starting to pour onto the already wet ground, the sky was grey and the wind was blowing harder. A storm was coming.
“Come on!” He called, as he ran to the girl and took her hand gently. “Let’s go home.”
She was still busy with the tiny colorful fishes which were swimming effortlessly near the surface of the water, and she was displeased that now she must leave as she stood up with a pout on her face. Nino stretched out his hand and pinched her chubby cheek slightly, “We’ll come back tomorrow.” He promised and then lifted her off the ground, and carried her carefully in his arms and turned back to the cottage which was sitting peacefully on the top of the hill.
Ohno was ready for his trip. He had been preparing for it for days, and now was the time to pursue his dream. He carried his backpack on his shoulder, his cap hiding a part of his shining face, but Nino still saw his grin and as he reckoned, his eyes were sparkling with excitement. They stood together at the bottom of the hill and Nino found himself hugging the older man tightly for a moment. Ohno chuckled near his ear, his hand patted Nino’s head softly as he pulled back, not noticing Nino’s hesitation as the younger man didn’t want to part. He put his hands on Ohno’s shoulder, and squeezed it tightly while he looked deeply into the other’s eyes, trying to convey his feeling to him mentally. Please, he pleaded in silence, please come back. Ohno started at his eyes for a moment, and then he smiled, the same smile which had no hesitance. Nino’s heart constricted painfully. Until it was time for them to say goodbye, Nino had been searching for a hint of wavering, of indecisive in those deep brown eyes, but he found nothing. Then he understood it completely - Ohno wouldn’t change his mind because of Nino. The desire to explore this world was too important to him that he didn’t see Nino’s emaciated eyes, waiting for him to say something.
Ohno then said with a smile that totally tore Nino’s heart apart, “Good bye, Nino.”
The feeling of losing his most precious person was growing slowly as he stood there, and helplessly looked at Ohno’s silhouette getting smaller until it disappeared into the horizon.
“Where are you going for the whole day?” His sister asked from the kitchen. She was busy preparing a new recipe.
“Nowhere in particular,”he shrugged, and let the small girl down from his numb arms. He was about to leave the room when she called him again.
“You have a letter,” she announced with a nothing-was-important voice, and Nino immediately backed off from the stairs as he rushed to the mailbox in record time.
“Papa!!!” The girl squeaked from her spot at which Nino had just put her down, her hand waving in the air to catch Nino’s attention, but she wasn’t successful as Nino was now searching the mailbox impatiently.
“Sae-chan, I told you many times before, stop calling your uncle ‘papa’!” His sister sighed from behind the door of the refrigerator. She then took out a bag of cabbage and carrots, her eyes turning around to find her brother, “You should teach her too, Kazu!”
“I will,” Nino answered thoughtlessly, his hand touched an envelope at the bottom of the mail box, and he hastily took it out. Ohno’s handwriting was visible on it, with blue ink which was now blurred from the rain. Nino made it to his room on the second floor, unintentionally ignoring Sae’s waving, and left her there with a pout on her face and watering eyes. Nino’s sister stopped cutting the cabbage for a moment and turned to her daughter, ruffling her hair and assuring her that uncle Nino would come back to play with her later.
It was the first time Ohno sent him a card. Nino stared at it for almost an hour, ever since his room was still shining with the faintest gold of the sunlight until the last rim disappeared, and the room was now plunged into darkness. He turned the lamp on as he sat on his chair, the card was placed carefully on the cold surface of the table. His hand touched it gently as though it was made of glass and thus fragile. He cosseted the envelope, feeling happiness growing slowly in his chest, as he opened it and read Ohno’s words carefully.
“It’s really fun here, Nino. I wish you could see it too. I’ve met so many people - they are all good! One of them told me that he likes me - isn’t it funny? We have just met each other for two weeks, and he is already asking me out. I wonder if I should accept it or not. Whatever, are you doing well, Nino? I hope you are. I’ll send you a letter when I find time to write again - I’m drawing so much for the past few days. Good day, Nino!”
His heart twisted with each of Ohno’s words - the innocent, thoughtless words that he found himself sinking helplessly into deep disappointment. He read it over and over, until he had remembered it by heart. Nino held the card to his chest - near his heart - and slowly drifted into a chaotic dream with mixed feelings and strange scenes. He was hugging Ohno, burying his face into the crook of his neck, when he suddenly felt someone snatching Ohno away. A moment later they were kissing; Ohno was focusing on the faceless man and totally abandoned Nino, as though he wasn’t there. He could feel his tears rolling down his cheeks and he struggled in the dream until he jolted up, panting heavily and realizing that it was just a nightmare. But his tears were real - he felt them trailing his cheeks and falling onto Ohno’s letter as he sat up, and stared into the darkness of his room hopelessly. He didn’t care enough to wipe them away; somehow, when they rolled down he could feel the pain in his tired heart being reduced.
It was Ohno’s letter again, contained in a colorful envelope that was decorated with the gold sun and the blue sky with flowers and balloons and clouds. Nino wondered which country was it this time that had such a bright envelope as he opened it carefully. When his eyes fixed on Ohno’s handwriting, he realized how much he had missed the other man, even though he had received letters from the older man frequently. Every time Ohno visited another country he would make it a point to send Nino a card, or a letter, so that Nino knew where he was. Nino was genuninely happy for Ohno, but he also felt extremely lonely whenever the older man wrote about making new friends, meeting new people, and chasing his dreams. Not like me, Nino thought. He was always waiting for Ohno’s return, and no matter how long he had waited, Ohno did not appear ready to return - there was too much to learn, too many things to see and too many countries to visit.
Unlike the older man, Nino was always alone. The only one person that was important to him had left him on a rainy day.
I’m going home.
It was the shortest letter he had ever received from Ohno, but it was the warmest message he had ever gotten from the older man. The words were buzzing in his mind, dancing in his heart, and he couldn’t help but stared at it, feeling happiness building up around him. And he grinned, keeping the letter close to his heart which was beating happily in his chest. Somehow the corners of his eyes were wet, but this time, it had nothing to do with sadness, disappointment or being heart-broken. He couldn’t control the excitement, the rapture now was driving him crazy. He rushed down the staircase and dashed into the dining room, ignoring his sister’s skeptical look as he lifted Sae off the ground and tossed her into air. Sae was surprised at her uncle’s sudden change in mood, but she grinned happily at him. She giggled all the time Nino carried her in his arms, his smile becoming bigger as her tiny knuckles touched the line of his jaw and she tickled him amusingly. His sister then shrugged and returned to her work, a vague smile appeared on her face as she knew that Nino’s lightened mood had something to do with Ohno.
His second letter was worse. It came on a rainy day, and it was raining heavily that the scene was blurred with thousands of water droplets pouring down from the sky, as if it was sharing Nino’s pain with a sympathetic sound patting on the roof of the house. Nino hadn’t noticed it, but his sister took it from the mailbox and left it on the table. The ink was blurred by the water, but it was clearly Ohno’s letter and Nino’s heart skipped a beat when he realized the familiar handwriting. He took it, hope growing inside his chest. He closed his eyes to calm himself down, and until he felt his heart beat returning to its normal rhythm, he took out the letter and read it slowly.
“It’s great, Nino. Remember the guy I told you about? The one who asked me out - I agreed to go out with him after all, and it turned out that we get along pretty well. He’s nice - he’s an actor, and he wants to have a serious relationship with me. It’s really weird, don’t you think so? But, anyway, he’s a good guy, and I kind of like him too. How about you, Nino? I wish I could hear something from you, but it’s hard, since I always travel to different countries. So remember all the details, and when I come back, tell me okay? I really miss you.”
The last words lingered on Nino’s mind, he read it over and over and over, until he remembered exactly how the line of the “s” was curved up and how Ohno had ended it with a fade dot. I miss you too, Nino thought painfully, I really really miss you here, Ohchan, why don’t you come back? His heart shattered silently as he knew Ohno was happy with someone - he was thinking about a serious relationship. What could Nino do, after all? He could do nothing but to remain here, feeling the loneliness cover his already numb body. He didn’t bother to turn on the air-conditioner, until his sister came up to find him frozen in his dark cold room. It was the first time ever since he was born that he tugged at his sister’s sleeve for her to sit down. When she did, he leaned in to bury his face into her shoulder. And he cried. The tears came out naturally as if it was always there. His sister didn’t ask anything, and she just rubbed his back comfortably. Gradually, he felt consoled, his tired heart stopped screaming but started to throb painfully instead. However, there was nothing he could do, like how he couldn’t hold Ohno back, to keep the most important person of his life beside him.
The rain was still pouring heavily outside the window. The wind rustled piercingly, and the sound of the pouring rain hitting against the glass surface helped him to gradually drift off into a deep slumber that night. If he focused solely on the sound of nature, then the voice in his heart couldn’t haunt him.
He did not dream; it was all blank. And in that blank space, Ohno’s voice whispered in his ears, the words he had remembered by heart, “I really miss you”.
Days went by, and he still didn’t hear anything about Ohno coming back. He visited Ohno’s house, but his mother said she knew nothing about his return.
“He told me that he wants to go to many countries…” she said thoughtfully “And I haven’t received anything from him telling me that he’s coming back.”
Nino couldn’t deny the disappointment saddling in his stomach as he bowed and left. So Ohno hadn’t told anyone about this, and all Nino could do now was to wait patiently. Sometimes, when Nino felt that Ohno writing to inform that he was returning was only a figment of his imagination, he had to take out Ohno’s letter and reading it again, staring at Ohno’s handwriting, to make sure that it wasn’t just his mind playing tricks on him. Three years. He had waited for Ohno for three years already. Many things had change in his life - his sister got married, Sae-chan was born, and he had become an uncle. He became more mature - and thought about those days, he was sure that if he could go back in time he would tell Ohno to stay, and told him that he loved him, seriously. It wasn’t like an innocent high school love, but that he wanted to be in a serious relationship with the older man. He would surely ask Ohno how he felt about him, and he not to let Ohno leave without trying to hold him back. The unsaid feelings now became an obsession in his mind that he craved to say it out loud.
“Papa, come here!” Sae-chan called from the lake. He walked there and tilted his head to look at the little girl, who was sitting on the damp grass, her hand touching the water lightly as she grinned happily, “Papa, it’s Sae’s face!”
“Yeah,” He chuckled at the simple happiness of children. He was envious of them sometimes, because they could be satisfied with the tiny little things in life. “It’s Sae’s face.”
“Papa, could I go there?” She pointed her finger to the biggest tree, eagerness filling her eyes that Nino couldn’t refuse her request.
“Okay, but don’t run, you could slip on the grass.” Nino smiled, “And be careful, don’t get lost. I’ll wait here, okay?”
Sae grinned and with her short legs, she ran there with an amused smile on her face.
It was a giant tree, and Sae stared at it without blinking. From her point of view the branches were like the huge rods of an umbrella hanging over the high sky, and the leaves were like the odd patterns of that umbrella, totally covering the view of the sky above them. She plucked a handful of grass under her feet, and tossed it into the air to watch it fall right down again with a disappointed pout, as it didn’t reach the top of the umbrella like she had wanted them to. She took another handful of grass and tossed them up again, but still the light grass couldn’t make their way to the tall branches above.
“Hey…what are you doing there?” A soft deep voice suddenly resounded by her left side, and she raised her head up to look at a man walking towards her.
“Sae is trying to reach that umbrella!” She answered, blinked and waited for the strange man’s answer. And she heard he laughed, amused.
“Where’s the umbrella?” He asked. The man had a gentle voice that made Sae feel secured. She grinned involuntarily at the man.
“There!” She pointed to the branches above her head, and the man looked up as he laughed again.
“Ah. Those,” He beamed happily. “I called it an umbrella once when I was a boy. It’s really old, you know? Yet it’s still as strong.”
“Sae’s papa called it an umbrella too,” Sae said with a surprised tone. “Sae’s papa told Sae that he loves it!”
“Who’s Sae’s papa?” The man turned back to Sae, his smile still remained on his friendly face. Sae noticed that this man was tanned, much more than his beloved papa, but his smile was gentler, and his eyes softer. She beamed.
“Sae’s papa is Kazu-kun!!” Sae exclaimed, her eyes sparkling.
“Eh…?” The man hesitated, and his smile somehow became strained. He looked at Sae with curious yet confused eyes. “Sae’s papa is Kazu-kun?” he repeated.
“Yeah… Papa!!!” Sae called noisily, and suddenly she reached out for the man’s hand and dragged him with her, ignoring the hesitance which was visible in his eyes.
“Yes?” Nino answered from somewhere near the lake. He was still staring absent-mindedly into space when he heard Sae calling him. He frowned slightly and hurriedly stood up; it seemed like Sae had gotten hurt or perhaps, stumbled onto the ground. Since Sae was a really active girl, she always got grazes when Nino didn’t pay enough attention to her.
“Papa, there’s an uncle asking for Kazu-kun!!”
Nino was confused, and he saw Sae running towards him, a man was following hesistantly behind her. The man was wearing a threadbare cap, and his skin was tanned. He didn’t raise his head up and concentrated on keeping his balance so he wouldn’t stumble onto the grass with Sae’s tugging and pulling.
Somehow this man was familiar.
Nino blinked.
This man was really familiar.
When the two were in full vision to one another, Nino felt his heart pierced with unexpected hope and somehow, fear. His mind went blank as he stopped dead at his spot, and his brain was a confused mixture of “No way!” and “Not him!”. However, the man was exactly like the one in his dream, the one he had waited for for three long years, the one whom he had loved for his whole life. He found it hard to breathe as if something had blocked his throat. And quicker than he had thought, Sae had reached him, and the man was raising his head to look at him. After a blink, he felt the man freeze too.
Those eyes - which he had waited for so long just to be able to see them again - were staring at him silently, astonished, and maybe in shock. They both stared at each other, as if they didn’t have words to say, so they used their eyes to convey what they wanted to. But it had been such a long time that the invisible bond between them had faded away, and those familiar eyes became so unreadable. Nino’s heart ached as he felt he couldn’t understand the man in front of him anymore. Ohno was staring at him silently, eyeing him curiously and worriedly, and Nino could feel his heart clenched painfully. Perhaps something had changed between them.
“Papa?” It was Sae who broke the awkward silence.
Her voice pulled the two men back to reality, and Ohno smiled softly at him.
“Nino…”
It was just him or there was bitterness in the older man’s voice?
“Sae!!” His sister’s voice called from the cottage “Come back, it’s time for lunch!!”
Sae’s eyes turned from Nino to Ohno and then back again, but she couldn’t understand the sudden awkwardness between them. After a last curious look, she obediently ran back to the cottage, leaving the two behind, still at a loss for words.
“You came back…” Nino whispered, nearly inaudible as he took a step closer to Ohno. Ohno smiled at him, the smile that he had missed so much in his entire life.
“I’m back…”
And Nino was in Ohno’s arms, as he wrapped his arms around the older man and pulled him into a tight embrace. He buried his face onto Ohno’s neck, feeling the warmth from the older man’s body soaking into his body in the most welcoming way. He closed his eyes, and felt that all the struggling, the waiting, the longing that he had experienced had finally gone, now he had Ohno in his arms again, and he didn’t want anything more than to be close to him, as much as he could.
“She’s cute,” Ohno suddenly said, reluctantly. “When did you… get married?”
“Eh?” Nino pulled back, and tilted his head in confusion. “I haven’t gotten married. You mean… Sae-chan?”
“She calls you Papa…” Ohno mumbled. He clearly felt uncomfortable with the topic, and his lips curved up into an unsuccessful smile.
“She’s my sister’s daughter,” Nino laughed when he suddenly understood what Ohno had meant. “I haven’t had a child yet, Ohchan!”
The familiar name just slipped out his mouth, as naturally as it always had been, and both of them grinned at each other. They walked together towards the cottage, and Nino asked hesistantly. He wanted to know badly - since the day he got Ohno’s second letter he always wanted to know how things would turn out with the other man.
“So… what about you? About… you know, the guy you told me…”
“No, we’re just friends,” Ohno said sheepishly. “I had considered it, but I really only thought of him as a friend.”
“Really?” Relief spread through his body and Nino didn’t even try to hide it. “So why did you decide to come back?”
“Because I’ve found my important person.” Ohno replied. Seriousness was evident in his tone and that startled Nino. He turned to Ohno, feeling both hopeful and fearful with the sudden announcement.
“…You do?” He breathed, and tried to keep his voice cool but failed. “So…”
“Yeah,” Ohno nodded “I’ve traveled around so much… And all I could think of is that person. I had never thought… I can’t believe I have never realized it. But… the longer I’m away, the more I miss him. So much.”
“Is that… a person you met on your way?” Nino asked bitterly, his face lowered and his eyes didn’t dare to look at Ohno but focused on his arms which were folded securely across his chest.
“No,” Ohno said quietly. “It’s a person I’ve met for my whole life.”
They both stopped and stared at each other. Ohno considered it carefully, and as if he felt that no words could describe his feeling clearly, he came closer to Nino, his hand rested on the other’s cheek as he leaned over to him and placed a slight kiss on Nino’s lips.
Nino widened his eyes, feeling the warmth of Ohno’s lips on his own which sent a shiver down his spine. He stayed still until Ohno broke apart.
“It’s bad, isn’t it?” Ohno chuckled sadly. “I’m sorry, Nino. I should’ve realized it sooner.”
He stopped, hesitated, and then continued “I came back to find you.”
Nino didn’t know what to say for what he had waited for, had prayed for such a long time had suddenly come true. He felt like his heart could stop beating at the way Ohno was looking at him gently, his hand tenderly stroking his cheeks. He felt his face burn under the older man’s gaze, and he felt like he was dreaming. But Ohno was really here, and the warmth radiating from him was real. Nino felt his arms automatically wrapped around Ohno’s body, pulling him closer as he mumbled happily.
“Idiot,” he breathed. “I’ve been waiting for you for years.”
The first droplet of rain fell onto the hard ground, and this time it was Ohno who extended his hand to feel the coolness on his palm. Nino took Ohno’s hand in his own, and entwined their fingers together as they walked back to the cottage. Ohno grinned, and kissed Nino’s hand gently while Nino blushed in happiness. The wind was still blowing coldly, and the storm was about to start again. But this time, it didn’t leave any trace of loneliness in Nino’s heart.
It felt like the sun was shining above them instead.