[One-shot] Destiny (Part 1)
Title: Destiny
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Length: ~10,700 words
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
Summary: “Even if I have to fight against the whole world, I’d still want to be with you.”
A/N: Beta-ed by potatoos ♥ .This is my entry for the 2010 contest at ohmiyawedding . Well, I think I better post it here too ^-^
The park was deserted. Nino was the only person around, walking deliberately along the path. He kept his head down as he counted each step, letting his mind wander. He loved this park; it was only when he was here that he would be able to sink into his thoughts without getting interrupted. He stopped at his familiar spot, from where he could see the lake clearly. The lake was densely surrounded by tall trees, and they opened up into an endless blue sky. Seeing this scene always made him feel better, and he would come here whenever something bothered him. He usually stayed until the sun had set and dimmed out his surroundings. He would only sit there and observe, but not do anything. This scene had long been marked into his mind; even if he closed his eyes he could easily picture it: how the slight waves lapped at the lakeshore, how the clouds imprinted their reflections onto the surface of the lake, how the birds flew across the lake and nested at the trees nearby and how said birds chirped cheerfully. It was part of his world, in which he let himself be immersed into his own feelings.
Today was the same. He sat down on the green grass and closed his eyes to enjoy being by himself. He could hear the song of flowing water, the soft whispers of wind, the leaves gossiping with one another as the wind passed by, the birds chirping happily around their nest, footsteps vaguely echoing from afar…
He sighed.
He felt frustrated. Day after day all he did was to pretend to be a good person, He pretended to love, pretended to care. He didn’t remember when was it that he became popular in his high school, with many girls wanting to be his girlfriend. He didn’t know how it felt like to love someone - he simply had never experienced it, and though he did have girlfriends on and off, he had never felt happy whenever he was with them. He was only experimenting, and whenever he discovered that the relationship was not the love he was looking for, he broke up with the girl. They were replacements to fill his heart, which was always empty.
Nino was always alone. No one could understand him, no one could tell that behind his mask there was something else - something that burned him, demanding to exist. It was something that he couldn’t understand. It corroded his feelings, until he started to feel hollow - he didn’t know who he was, or why he existed. He didn’t have any ambition. He felt like an empty shell, and didn’t know what was the meaning to be alive. He felt helpless. Until now, he had only lived his life colourlessly, day by day. Subconsciously, he was waiting for something to happen, for someone to appear. Someone who could change his life.
The scene replayed in his mind, putting him in a daze. He was standing at the front door, with his crumpled t-shirt and pants on, staring at his ex-girlfriend and listening to her half-heartedly. She was yelling, her expression was a mixture of tears and anger. Her hair was ruffled, as though she came in a rush. She took a step closer to him, and roughly wiped away her tears. Her make-up was smeared, and she looked like some doll, broken dolls that he always saw in Shibuya. She stared at him, her brows arched and her eyes opened wide. She challenged, “How can you do that to me?” She bit her lips hard. He could tell she was really angry at him, and he titled his head to look at her, confused. Her voice was broken.
“You must take the responsibility!” Once again her eyes watered, and he could tell that she was anxious. Maybe even desperate. His brows furrowed, and his arms folded across his chest defensively; he didn’t understand what she meant.
“They told me that… I’m pregnant! And… and it’s yours!!!”
“…They told you that it’s mine?” He arched his eyebrows curiously. She gazed at him in disbelief, and again anger took over her, and she yelled into his face.
“You… It’s you!!!! Now how can I look at my parents? How can I live from now on??!! You ruined my life!!!”
“…Then what do you want me to do?” He sighed. He massaged his temple as his head started to ache. He hated arguing.
“Marry me!” The girl was determined. Nino stopped massaging and stared at her. She was looking at him, half-pleading, half-challenging.
“…Okay,” He finally said, but his voice showed no interest. His expression was blank, and he sighed tiredly, “If this is what you want, then okay.”
The girl stiffened, shocked that he had just accepted her demand. Maybe she thought it was too easy to be real; he didn’t even ask if the baby really was his or not, nor did he ask about its condition, he simply didn’t ask anything at all. An insecure feeling swelled inside her, but she dismissed it. Then she nodded, awkwardly. Nino didn’t say anything more, and she turned to leave, not once did she look back. He stood at the doorway until she was gone, and returned to his room.
The sudden decision to marry didn’t evoke any feelings in him at all. He felt as though it was someone else who was making all these decisions for him, and he was hidden somewhere inside this shell, looking at his body move, breathe and talk. The real him was hiding deep inside and didn’t dare to take control.
When it was time to leave Nino stood up, and his eyes focused on a pair of brown eyes which were staring at him intensely. The man seemed startled when their eyes met and he ducked his head hastily. He was sitting not far away from Nino, an easel placed in front of him. Around him were boxes and brushes and paint tubes. Nino must have been too engrossed in his own world that he didn’t notice the man’s presence. He squinted his eyes from the sunlight, and took a step closer. The other man ignored him, the pencil in his hand dancing gracefully across the canvas. The way he concentrated on his drawing made Nino wonder if he really had been looking at him or it was just Nino’s imagination. A second later the man lifted his head and caught Nino’s eyes again, but this time he didn’t look away. He smiled and nodded slightly to Nino, who found himself nodding back. The man stowed his pencil away and stood up, his hand outstretched with a smile on his face.
“Nice to meet you,” he said. “I’m Ohno Satoshi.”
“Ninomiya Kazunari,” Nino answered. He took Ohno’s hand hesitantly and shook it slightly.
“I’ve seen you here many times,” Ohno let go of his hand and Nino nodded, unable to find any words. “Do you come here everyday?”
“Not really,” Nino said. “Just whenever I’m bored.”
“So now you are bored?” Ohno asked curiously, and Nino squinted at him.
“Why should I tell you that?” He frowned slightly.
“I just want to know,” Ohno answered honestly. His voice was gentle and warm. “You look lonely,” Ohno continued. “And you never seem happy.”
Nino didn’t answer. He frowned at the man in front of him and quietly shook his head.
“You observed me?”
“You always sit there,” Ohno smiled gently. “It’s hard not to notice you.”
Silence fell between them, and Nino stared at the man without a word. Ohno smiled shyly (Was it his imagination or was Ohno being shy?), then he sat down again, took up his pencil and continued with his work.
“May I sit here?” Nino suddenly asked, though he didn’t know why, because it was already time for him to leave. The sun started to set and sunlight slowly disappeared, leaving a faint pink line at the horizon. Clouds drifted sluggishly above them, and the branches stirred slightly when a breeze caressed the trees. Ohno looked at him, surprised. He nodded. Nino saw him take his uncompleted drawing and folded it carefully, then he clipped another sheet onto the easel. He patted the space beside him and Nino sat down, feeling the dampness from the dew-painted grass. He stared at the blank paper in front of him.
“Can’t I see your drawing?”
“No, it’s not that,” Ohno smiled and took out some of his other paintings. “You can see these.”
“ But why not that one?” Nino smirked and gestured to the paper Ohno had just folded. “Weird.”
“I don’t want to let people see it when it hasn’t been done.”
“Oh, I see.”
And Nino quietly looked through the pictures Ohno had just handed him. They were beautiful - though Nino didn’t really understand art, he could tell they were all amazing. He could feel the water on the surface moving slightly, the trees stirring and the birds flying. He could smell the scents of the grass, the leaves, and he could hear the chirping of the birds. He could feel the breeze caressing his bare skin and he almost felt the freshness of the quiet lake. Ohno had painted not only from this spot but also from many different spots surrounding the lake, including the park. It was impressive, how Ohno could depict the movements of the scene onto paper.
Ohno was staring at him, as if he was waiting for Nino to comment. Nino put down the canvases and smiled.
“It’s wonderful,” he said “I feel like I’m looking at the real scene.”
Ohno smiled wider. Somehow being with Ohno like this made Nino’s heart lighter, as if the burdens weighing on his chest had temporarily been lifted.
They stayed like that for a while until Nino pointed out that it was already dark, and they should be going home. The thought going home didn’t cheer Nino up - on the contrary, it weighed him down again. When Ohno was collecting his stuff and putting them into his bag, Nino studied him carefully. He was nice-looking and they were about the same height. He had a round face, and his skin was tanned. He also had long fingers, and his eyes were bright. Something in this man made Nino trust him.
Nino suddenly blurted out, “I’m getting married. That’s why I’m bored.”
Ohno stopped packing and raised his head to look at Nino, his eyes widened as if in shock. But a second later his eyes softened and he was smiling, and Nino wondered if he had just imagined Ohno’s weird reaction (Why should he be shocked? What’s with my imagination today?).
“Worry about the marriage? People say it’s hard to change your life into a new one…”
“Not really,” Nino shrugged. “It’s just that… I don’t have any motivation.”
“For what?” Ohno asked, confused.
“Being together.” Nino didn’t know why he even brought this up. He sighed and shook his head. “Well, never mind.”
“But… do you love her?” Ohno asked hesitantly.
No answer. And Ohno stared at Nino for a while. When Nino looked up at him a smile was plastered on his lips and he shrugged off the question.
The silence now somehow didn’t feel as comfortable as the one before. It was thick, and uneasiness wrapped around it. Both men had sunk into their own thoughts, wondering about their own problems, until Ohno finished packing and they said goodbye. Nino didn’t know what to say, because he thought he had never really loved anyone. He didn’t even love himself. He didn’t know what ‘love’ was, and he didn’t believe he could love anyone either. It sounded ridiculous to him. He was always alone, and although he had family and friends, in his heart he was always on his own. And that didn’t seem like it would change.
*********************************
Nino hung out with Ohno so often these days, he finally realised it when he was sitting beside the other man, looking at him draw skillfully. It was unintended - he arrived at his favourite spot when Ohno was nowhere in sight, sinking into his own thoughts. But somehow, it would always end up with Ohno sitting near him, and he would approach the other man to start a conversation. Ohno was not type who talked much; he was silent most all the time and only answered Nino when directed a question. More often, Ohno would smile at him or nod to show that he was still listening and hadn’t fallen asleep yet. Nino was never the talkative type either but he found himself talking to Ohno so much that it surprised even himself. There were times when they didn’t say anything, but to enjoy the other’s company in silence, with Nino gazing at the lake thoughtfully and Ohno concentrating on his work.
Nino told Ohno pretty much everything about himself. He didn’t know that he remembered those details so clearly, but he told Ohno many things about his childhood, his schools, his life and his friends. Ohno would smile at his stories, and sometimes (to Nino’s delight) he would make a comment and they would both laugh. Being with Ohno made Nino feel at ease, like when he was looking at the lake - Ohno made him feel like he could stop pretending and just be himself. The other man didn’t question, didn’t condemn, and didn’t judge him. Ohno didn’t want him to be anyone he was not. For the first time in his life Nino felt respected as his own self. He didn’t know he could talk so much about himself to anyone. He even shared his opinions about life. There were times where Ohno would share his own too, but mostly the other just kept silent and listened to him intently.
The days passed peacefully until one day when Nino got a call. As usual, he was with Ohno, and because Ohno had kindly asked Nino not to look at what he was drawing, Nino got bored and sat near the lakeshore. It was then that he heard his handphone rang.
Nino was surprised to hear from his parents. There was urgency in their voices and Nino sensed that something was wrong. He asked, but they didn’t tell him. They only told him to return home immediately and that they had an important announcement for him. Nino winced; he was clueless about what they meant, but he agreed anyway. When he stood up, Ohno looked at him curiously.
“What’s wrong?”
“My parents,” Nino frowned, shaking his head quietly. “I’ve no idea what they called me for.”
“Didn’t they tell you?”
“They told me to return home and that they would tell me about it later.”
“Oh,” Ohno looked a little disappointed, but he smiled anyway. “So… bye-bye, Nino.”
“Bye-bye, Ohchan.”
To be honest, Nino didn’t want to leave. Both Ohno and the lake helped him feel so at peace that he didn’t want to return home, to confront whatever that was waiting for him. He preferred to stay here, to look at Ohno paint, to sometimes shoot Ohno a look, and to see him return the look with a gentle smile. And Nino didn’t need any words to feel happy.
When he returned home, he was shocked to find his ex-girlfriend there as well. She was helping his mom with the chores and making their meal, while his father was sitting at the living room and would sometimes joke with her. Like a happy family. Nino felt uneasiness tingling inside his heart even though he didn’t know why. He didn’t dislike her - she was the best girlfriend he ever had, but he knew that he didn’t love her. She was probably more like a younger sister to him. But seeing her like this, in his house and talking with his parents, made him feel annoyed. He didn’t know what her purpose of visit was, until he caught her eyes and saw her blush - she was cute, but his heart had no reaction. He knew all along that there was nothing that could fill up his empty heart, and she was not an exception. She wasn’t any different from anyone else in his life.
Therefore, when his mother announced their wedding - Nino and his ex-girlfriend, he stared at her as if she was crazy. He knew that he was the one who accepted it in the first place, but he had never thought that his parents would be the ones who would decide for him. Wasn’t this his life? His ex-girlfriend (or girlfriend? He didn’t know anymore) ducked her head shyly and blushed under his gaze, and he felt his throat tightened and his mouth went dry. He didn’t know what to say - it was what he had agreed on, even though he did it half-heartedly, and he had done so thinking more for his parents than himself - they wanted him to get married soon for he was over 25 years old already. She looked at him hopefully, like a lost puppy that was pleading him silently. His parents were staring at him too, urging him to agree to the marriage. He couldn’t find any words to say, so he nodded stiffly. Anyway, since he couldn’t love any person then anyone was good enough for him, right? She loved him. His parents loved her. And he would never love anyone. Then, whatever, he thought.
**************************************************
He didn’t know how to tell Ohno that, honestly. He didn’t know what was holding him back, since Ohno was the only person that he could tell everything about himself. And now he found it really hard to mention about the wedding. He would invite Ohno too, right? But he didn’t dare to tell the latter, and felt that something would be broken if he carelessly slipped it out. Ohno was oblivious to his impending marriage, and he concentrated on his drawing while Nino was sitting restlessly beside him.
“Why are you so nervous?”
Nino’s heart jumped. Ohno barely started a conversation. It was always Nino who came up with what to say, and Ohno would be listening. Ohno’s eyes didn’t leave the canvas; he was sketching something and Nino could see that it was a portrait. But whose? He had no idea.
“I…” He stammered and looked away. “Actually, I … have something to give you…”
“What is that?” Ohno arched an eyebrow and stopped sketching. He turned to look at Nino curiously.
Nino took out the envelope from inside his pocket and handed it to Ohno. He didn’t want to say it, the words just didn’t come out, so he used the invitation to help him instead.
Ohno took it, and when he realised what it was his eyes suddenly went dark (or it was just Nino thought so?). He didn’t say anything, but stared at it for a while, then he raised his head and looked straight into Nino’s eyes. There was something in those eyes that told him don’t, and demanded why, but Nino didn’t dare look at them longer, and he looked at the ground instead. Ohno took out the invitation and read it carefully, and he didn’t react when he saw a strange girl’s name beside Nino’s. Nino stole a look at Ohno, wondering why his heart was beating so furiously inside his chest, and seeing Ohno lack of reaction made him feel slightly disappointed (but why would he?).
Ohno finally looked at him and smiled softly.
“Congratulations, Nino,” he said. “I’ll definitely come…”
As if someone had shot him an arrow, Nino felt a wrenching pain spreading from his heart. He looked away and avoided the look Ohno was giving him, but his lips broke into a smile, pretending that all was well.
“Great…”
They didn’t say anything after that, and the silence between them was awkward. A while later, Ohno stopped his drawing and simply stared at the canvas. When Nino happened to look at him, he saw a straight, cold face staring blankly into space. It sent a shiver down his spine, for he had never seen Ohno like that - the other man was always gentle and kind, while this Ohno looked dark from the way his eyes were burning, and his stillness didn’t make things better.
Then suddenly Ohno opened his mouth. It was a barely audible whisper, and Nino had to strain his ears to catch it. The other man was still staring at his uncompleted artwork. He didn’t look at Nino either.
“Why did you agree to the marriage?”
“…She told my parents that I got her pregnant,” Nino started, and he glanced at Ohno hesitantly. “So they made me marry her as soon as possible…”
Ohno’s hurt eyes were too much for Nino to bear. He looked away, and waited for Ohno to react, but the other man didn’t say anything. Once again, there was a painful silence between them. Both were drowning in their own emotions, and they couldn’t read the other’s feelings so that neither dared to make a move. Nino stood still, listening to his heart beat weakly in his chest and feeling frustrated with himself.
“You know…” Nino said, after a while for he couldn’t stand the heavy atmosphere between them anymore. If there was someone whom he couldn’t lie anything, it was definitely this man, who was sitting silently beside him. Ohno didn’t demand any answer from him, but the thought lying to Ohno made him feel terrible. “It’s not my baby…”
Ohno’s eyes brightened a little when Nino turned to look at him. Nino stared deeply into those brown eyes and said calmly, “I remember the last day I was with her. It was over a year now. Base on the day, she could never get pregnant with me.”
“Then why…?” Ohno insisted weakly. Nino sighed and stared at the ground.
“I can’t love anyone, Ohchan. I just can’t. If I need to marry someone for my parents’ sake, then anyone is okay, right?” He swallowed. Ohno kept silent. “She loves me. And my parents love her. And since I don’t love anyone, this is okay, isn’t it?” Nino was already on the verge of tears.
Ohno’s eyes started to water, but then he quickly looked away without glancing back at Nino, who was seated awkwardly beside him, looking at him nervously. The other man didn’t say anything for a while and Nino thought he saw Ohno’s shoulder tremble. But the thought of Ohno being sad or disappointed didn’t cross his mind. He couldn’t find the reason why Ohno should feel that way as it was out of his expectation.
Then Ohno mumbled, “We should go home.” And he stood up to fold his easel. Nino knew that it was the end of their conversation.
When Ohno had packed his stuff, Nino suddenly heard his voice.
“Would you like to visit my place?”
“…Huh?”
Nino turned around, and if Ohno weren’t looking at him he would think that it was his imagination again. But Ohno was looking intently at him, and his eyes were telling him please. Nino found no reason to refuse, and the thought of going to Ohno’s place was pleasant enough for him to accept immediately.
“It takes only ten minutes on foot,” Ohno continued. “Would you like to come over now?”
“Of course,” Nino smiled, the awkwardness between them slowly fading. “That would be nice.”
They walked back to Ohno’s apartment together, and although Nino had offered to help Ohno carry one of his bags, Ohno simply shook his head. So Nino stuff his hands into his pockets and walked beside Ohno. During the walk, neither of them said anything and Nino found it cold. He hated them being like this. It was the first time he felt so heavy when he was beside the other man. This person was still Ohno, but it was one of his sides that Nino had never seen before, so it somehow scared him. He wanted them to be back to normal, he wanted Ohno to back to normal. But like what he had been afraid of, something between them had already broken.
The interior of Ohno’s apartment was warm, and it smelt like home. Nino didn’t know how to describe it, but Ohno’s room was exactly like what he had thought - it smelt like old papers and oil, like an old gallery. It was pleasant though, and Nino took a careful step on the threshold while Ohno turned on the lights.
“It’s a little messy,” Ohno said as he put his bags down. “But I don’t really have time to clean.”
“It’s okay, that’s kind of like mine,” Nino smiled and sat down on the sofa. Ohno’s lips curved into a small smile and upon seeing that, Nino’s heart became lighter. Ohno walked to the kitchen and Nino heard him ask, “Coffee?”
“Thank you.”
Then he heard the sound of running water, and Ohno started to make coffee in the kitchen. He let his eyes wander around Ohno’s place. It was messy, but in an organised way. The man had some fishing rods standing at the corner, and some strange figurines on the table. He walked to the table and took one of them - they all had uncanny expressions on their faces, which Nino thought had many meanings behind them: there was happiness, but also despair. It was as though the figurines enjoyed their sufferings. There was wish to escape, yet there was also strength to continue living. Nino didn’t know why all these ideas came to him, but when he looked at the figurines, he could see Ohno smiling and laughing, but also crying and worrying - it was like the other man was as conflicted inside as Nino was.
When he put the figurine down carefully on the table and turned around, his foot accidentally kicked something on the floor. He looked down to see some rolls of paper, similar to the one he had seen Ohno worked on some days back - the one the other man didn’t want to show him because it hadn’t been completed. It was lying here so maybe Ohno had finished it, Nino assumed. So he took one of them.
When he saw what he was looking at, he froze.
It was him. It was a picture of him sitting near the lakeshore silently, his eyes slightly closed. He was sitting with his arms folded over his knees. There was the scenes, but from the way it was drawn Nino could tell that he was the focus of the picture. When did Ohno draw this? And why didn’t he let Nino see it before?
Nino took some more pieces and they were all drawings of him - there was him when he was lying on the grass and staring at the sky, his arms tucked under his head and his eyes looked dreamy and unfocused; there was him when he was leaning against the tree and simply enjoying the coolness of the shade, his eyes closed like he was sleeping. There were many more, and Nino had never thought that Ohno had drawn him so many times - the other man didn’t tell him anything, and whenever Nino tried to look at the canvas, Ohno always flipped to a new sheet and started to draw the lake alone. Ohno never showed him these and if he didn’t accidentally find them, he would never know.
There was movement near the door and when he raised his head, he was staring at a pair of eyes which was staring back at him in panic, and they moved from him to the drawings in his hand and then back again. The man seemed unable to say anything, and Nino thought he was trembling. Nino put down the papers, and looked at Ohno, who was looking back at him wordlessly.
“Ohchan…” He started, swallowing hard. “Why did you… draw me?”
Ohno didn’t answer. He pursed his lips perplexedly. A minute later, as if he had regained control over his emotions, Ohno came to him and gave him his cup of coffee.
Then, he admitted quietly.
“I’ve always observed you ever since the first time I met you at the park.” Ohno’s eyes were strong but there was also sadness hiding behind those eyes. “Even though you didn’t know me then. But you made beautiful scenes. And… I had an urge to draw you.”
Nino didn’t say a word. He waited for Ohno to continue. He knew what to expect, but he was still afraid of it coming true. There were things he couldn’t take back. It would be regretful for both of them if Ohno were to say what Nino thought.
“Sorry, I didn’t tell you about this… But,” Ohno came to him, put his cup aside to free both his hands, then held Nino’s shoulder while staring deeply into his eyes “…Nino, I want to tell you, that…”
Nino felt that it was difficult to tear away from those eyes, but he had to. If not, he wouldn’t be able to handle the consequences. Nothing could ever happen between them because Nino was already getting married, and he knew this very clearly. The thought hurt him deeply, but he chose to ignore it, and shook Ohno’s hands away, his eyes fixed on the latter’s.
“Ohchan…” He breathed. “Please, don’t, Ohchan…”
And Ohno stopped. He redrew his hands, and didn’t dare to reach out again. Nino could see the pain in Ohno’s eyes, as much as he could feel his regret building up inside his chest. He wanted to escape, to stop pretending and be himself. And he wanted to feel Ohno’s touch again. But he didn’t dare to; the consequences were too much for him to bear. These feelings needed to stop, or else he would never go through with the marriage anymore.
“It’s already late,” Ohno’s quiet voice broke the silence. He seemed to have regained composure. “You should go home.”
Nino nodded quietly and without looking back at Ohno, he made for the front door and left hurriedly. The part of his shoulders where Ohno had touched started to burn, and somehow he wanted Ohno to continue, to finish whatever he wanted to say. But he had no choice. Everything was already too late.
***************************************************
Ohno buried his face into his palms. What did he just do? He had done the worst thing anyone could do - putting Nino in a spot. He was told that he was good at controlling his emotions, but he had lost it tonight - he wanted to tell Nino his feelings, he wanted Nino to understand him. He knew it was impossible, but he had hoped that Nino would listen to him, to allow him to confess his love. But Nino knew…and had stopped him from saying anything stupid. He didn’t stand a chance in the first place.
He took out the envelope that contained Nino’s wedding invitation, and his heart broke painfully. He had waited, and had hoped that there was still time for him. But now, all his wishes had turned into dust.
Ohno had had a crush on Nino ever since the first time he saw the man sitting alone, absorbed by the peacefulness of the lake. He looked as if he didn’t belong here, and it was as though the real world was unreal and the world in which he had built for himself was the real one. Nino’s eyes had made Ohno’s heart tightened in a pleasant way, and they urged him to record them on his canvas. Ohno always went to the lake to draw, and he would walk around to choose different scenery. But ever since he saw Nino, Ohno would subconsciously go to that certain spot to see if Nino was already there. And he would set his easel down and quietly observe the younger man. The other man didn’t pay any attention to him, and Ohno thought it was difficult to pull the man out of his own world, so he just sat there, pencil in hand and quietly sketched him. He didn’t have any chance to make friends with him. The man came and left without noticing Ohno who was observing him from nearby.
One day, Ohno decided to go closer to Nino to have a good look at his eyes, so that he would be able to draw it livelier. When Nino looked up, he caught his eyes and Ohno froze with the sudden contact. An electric current jolted through his body, and Ohno ducked his head shyly, his heart beating furiously in a strange way that he had never thought it could. He pretended to focus on his drawing, but because Nino’s gaze was still on him his heartbeat didn’t slow down. He knew that he couldn’t pretend forever, and maybe it was a chance for him to finally meet Nino! He took a deep breath to calm himself, then raised his head and smiled. When they started talking and Nino was sitting by his side, Ohno thought that he was dreaming.
However, when Nino mentioned about getting married, his heart sunk into his stomach. But knowing that Nino was bored about the wedding, and that he was hesitant about mentioning her to him gave Ohno hope. So Ohno tried his best; he went to the park everyday just to meet Nino. Slowly, they became friends, and his crush grew into love.
Sometimes, between their happy smiles, Ohno thought that maybe he stood a chance.
Part 2
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Length: ~10,700 words
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
Summary: “Even if I have to fight against the whole world, I’d still want to be with you.”
A/N: Beta-ed by potatoos ♥ .This is my entry for the 2010 contest at ohmiyawedding . Well, I think I better post it here too ^-^
The park was deserted. Nino was the only person around, walking deliberately along the path. He kept his head down as he counted each step, letting his mind wander. He loved this park; it was only when he was here that he would be able to sink into his thoughts without getting interrupted. He stopped at his familiar spot, from where he could see the lake clearly. The lake was densely surrounded by tall trees, and they opened up into an endless blue sky. Seeing this scene always made him feel better, and he would come here whenever something bothered him. He usually stayed until the sun had set and dimmed out his surroundings. He would only sit there and observe, but not do anything. This scene had long been marked into his mind; even if he closed his eyes he could easily picture it: how the slight waves lapped at the lakeshore, how the clouds imprinted their reflections onto the surface of the lake, how the birds flew across the lake and nested at the trees nearby and how said birds chirped cheerfully. It was part of his world, in which he let himself be immersed into his own feelings.
Today was the same. He sat down on the green grass and closed his eyes to enjoy being by himself. He could hear the song of flowing water, the soft whispers of wind, the leaves gossiping with one another as the wind passed by, the birds chirping happily around their nest, footsteps vaguely echoing from afar…
He sighed.
He felt frustrated. Day after day all he did was to pretend to be a good person, He pretended to love, pretended to care. He didn’t remember when was it that he became popular in his high school, with many girls wanting to be his girlfriend. He didn’t know how it felt like to love someone - he simply had never experienced it, and though he did have girlfriends on and off, he had never felt happy whenever he was with them. He was only experimenting, and whenever he discovered that the relationship was not the love he was looking for, he broke up with the girl. They were replacements to fill his heart, which was always empty.
Nino was always alone. No one could understand him, no one could tell that behind his mask there was something else - something that burned him, demanding to exist. It was something that he couldn’t understand. It corroded his feelings, until he started to feel hollow - he didn’t know who he was, or why he existed. He didn’t have any ambition. He felt like an empty shell, and didn’t know what was the meaning to be alive. He felt helpless. Until now, he had only lived his life colourlessly, day by day. Subconsciously, he was waiting for something to happen, for someone to appear. Someone who could change his life.
The scene replayed in his mind, putting him in a daze. He was standing at the front door, with his crumpled t-shirt and pants on, staring at his ex-girlfriend and listening to her half-heartedly. She was yelling, her expression was a mixture of tears and anger. Her hair was ruffled, as though she came in a rush. She took a step closer to him, and roughly wiped away her tears. Her make-up was smeared, and she looked like some doll, broken dolls that he always saw in Shibuya. She stared at him, her brows arched and her eyes opened wide. She challenged, “How can you do that to me?” She bit her lips hard. He could tell she was really angry at him, and he titled his head to look at her, confused. Her voice was broken.
“You must take the responsibility!” Once again her eyes watered, and he could tell that she was anxious. Maybe even desperate. His brows furrowed, and his arms folded across his chest defensively; he didn’t understand what she meant.
“They told me that… I’m pregnant! And… and it’s yours!!!”
“…They told you that it’s mine?” He arched his eyebrows curiously. She gazed at him in disbelief, and again anger took over her, and she yelled into his face.
“You… It’s you!!!! Now how can I look at my parents? How can I live from now on??!! You ruined my life!!!”
“…Then what do you want me to do?” He sighed. He massaged his temple as his head started to ache. He hated arguing.
“Marry me!” The girl was determined. Nino stopped massaging and stared at her. She was looking at him, half-pleading, half-challenging.
“…Okay,” He finally said, but his voice showed no interest. His expression was blank, and he sighed tiredly, “If this is what you want, then okay.”
The girl stiffened, shocked that he had just accepted her demand. Maybe she thought it was too easy to be real; he didn’t even ask if the baby really was his or not, nor did he ask about its condition, he simply didn’t ask anything at all. An insecure feeling swelled inside her, but she dismissed it. Then she nodded, awkwardly. Nino didn’t say anything more, and she turned to leave, not once did she look back. He stood at the doorway until she was gone, and returned to his room.
The sudden decision to marry didn’t evoke any feelings in him at all. He felt as though it was someone else who was making all these decisions for him, and he was hidden somewhere inside this shell, looking at his body move, breathe and talk. The real him was hiding deep inside and didn’t dare to take control.
When it was time to leave Nino stood up, and his eyes focused on a pair of brown eyes which were staring at him intensely. The man seemed startled when their eyes met and he ducked his head hastily. He was sitting not far away from Nino, an easel placed in front of him. Around him were boxes and brushes and paint tubes. Nino must have been too engrossed in his own world that he didn’t notice the man’s presence. He squinted his eyes from the sunlight, and took a step closer. The other man ignored him, the pencil in his hand dancing gracefully across the canvas. The way he concentrated on his drawing made Nino wonder if he really had been looking at him or it was just Nino’s imagination. A second later the man lifted his head and caught Nino’s eyes again, but this time he didn’t look away. He smiled and nodded slightly to Nino, who found himself nodding back. The man stowed his pencil away and stood up, his hand outstretched with a smile on his face.
“Nice to meet you,” he said. “I’m Ohno Satoshi.”
“Ninomiya Kazunari,” Nino answered. He took Ohno’s hand hesitantly and shook it slightly.
“I’ve seen you here many times,” Ohno let go of his hand and Nino nodded, unable to find any words. “Do you come here everyday?”
“Not really,” Nino said. “Just whenever I’m bored.”
“So now you are bored?” Ohno asked curiously, and Nino squinted at him.
“Why should I tell you that?” He frowned slightly.
“I just want to know,” Ohno answered honestly. His voice was gentle and warm. “You look lonely,” Ohno continued. “And you never seem happy.”
Nino didn’t answer. He frowned at the man in front of him and quietly shook his head.
“You observed me?”
“You always sit there,” Ohno smiled gently. “It’s hard not to notice you.”
Silence fell between them, and Nino stared at the man without a word. Ohno smiled shyly (Was it his imagination or was Ohno being shy?), then he sat down again, took up his pencil and continued with his work.
“May I sit here?” Nino suddenly asked, though he didn’t know why, because it was already time for him to leave. The sun started to set and sunlight slowly disappeared, leaving a faint pink line at the horizon. Clouds drifted sluggishly above them, and the branches stirred slightly when a breeze caressed the trees. Ohno looked at him, surprised. He nodded. Nino saw him take his uncompleted drawing and folded it carefully, then he clipped another sheet onto the easel. He patted the space beside him and Nino sat down, feeling the dampness from the dew-painted grass. He stared at the blank paper in front of him.
“Can’t I see your drawing?”
“No, it’s not that,” Ohno smiled and took out some of his other paintings. “You can see these.”
“ But why not that one?” Nino smirked and gestured to the paper Ohno had just folded. “Weird.”
“I don’t want to let people see it when it hasn’t been done.”
“Oh, I see.”
And Nino quietly looked through the pictures Ohno had just handed him. They were beautiful - though Nino didn’t really understand art, he could tell they were all amazing. He could feel the water on the surface moving slightly, the trees stirring and the birds flying. He could smell the scents of the grass, the leaves, and he could hear the chirping of the birds. He could feel the breeze caressing his bare skin and he almost felt the freshness of the quiet lake. Ohno had painted not only from this spot but also from many different spots surrounding the lake, including the park. It was impressive, how Ohno could depict the movements of the scene onto paper.
Ohno was staring at him, as if he was waiting for Nino to comment. Nino put down the canvases and smiled.
“It’s wonderful,” he said “I feel like I’m looking at the real scene.”
Ohno smiled wider. Somehow being with Ohno like this made Nino’s heart lighter, as if the burdens weighing on his chest had temporarily been lifted.
They stayed like that for a while until Nino pointed out that it was already dark, and they should be going home. The thought going home didn’t cheer Nino up - on the contrary, it weighed him down again. When Ohno was collecting his stuff and putting them into his bag, Nino studied him carefully. He was nice-looking and they were about the same height. He had a round face, and his skin was tanned. He also had long fingers, and his eyes were bright. Something in this man made Nino trust him.
Nino suddenly blurted out, “I’m getting married. That’s why I’m bored.”
Ohno stopped packing and raised his head to look at Nino, his eyes widened as if in shock. But a second later his eyes softened and he was smiling, and Nino wondered if he had just imagined Ohno’s weird reaction (Why should he be shocked? What’s with my imagination today?).
“Worry about the marriage? People say it’s hard to change your life into a new one…”
“Not really,” Nino shrugged. “It’s just that… I don’t have any motivation.”
“For what?” Ohno asked, confused.
“Being together.” Nino didn’t know why he even brought this up. He sighed and shook his head. “Well, never mind.”
“But… do you love her?” Ohno asked hesitantly.
No answer. And Ohno stared at Nino for a while. When Nino looked up at him a smile was plastered on his lips and he shrugged off the question.
The silence now somehow didn’t feel as comfortable as the one before. It was thick, and uneasiness wrapped around it. Both men had sunk into their own thoughts, wondering about their own problems, until Ohno finished packing and they said goodbye. Nino didn’t know what to say, because he thought he had never really loved anyone. He didn’t even love himself. He didn’t know what ‘love’ was, and he didn’t believe he could love anyone either. It sounded ridiculous to him. He was always alone, and although he had family and friends, in his heart he was always on his own. And that didn’t seem like it would change.
*********************************
Nino hung out with Ohno so often these days, he finally realised it when he was sitting beside the other man, looking at him draw skillfully. It was unintended - he arrived at his favourite spot when Ohno was nowhere in sight, sinking into his own thoughts. But somehow, it would always end up with Ohno sitting near him, and he would approach the other man to start a conversation. Ohno was not type who talked much; he was silent most all the time and only answered Nino when directed a question. More often, Ohno would smile at him or nod to show that he was still listening and hadn’t fallen asleep yet. Nino was never the talkative type either but he found himself talking to Ohno so much that it surprised even himself. There were times when they didn’t say anything, but to enjoy the other’s company in silence, with Nino gazing at the lake thoughtfully and Ohno concentrating on his work.
Nino told Ohno pretty much everything about himself. He didn’t know that he remembered those details so clearly, but he told Ohno many things about his childhood, his schools, his life and his friends. Ohno would smile at his stories, and sometimes (to Nino’s delight) he would make a comment and they would both laugh. Being with Ohno made Nino feel at ease, like when he was looking at the lake - Ohno made him feel like he could stop pretending and just be himself. The other man didn’t question, didn’t condemn, and didn’t judge him. Ohno didn’t want him to be anyone he was not. For the first time in his life Nino felt respected as his own self. He didn’t know he could talk so much about himself to anyone. He even shared his opinions about life. There were times where Ohno would share his own too, but mostly the other just kept silent and listened to him intently.
The days passed peacefully until one day when Nino got a call. As usual, he was with Ohno, and because Ohno had kindly asked Nino not to look at what he was drawing, Nino got bored and sat near the lakeshore. It was then that he heard his handphone rang.
Nino was surprised to hear from his parents. There was urgency in their voices and Nino sensed that something was wrong. He asked, but they didn’t tell him. They only told him to return home immediately and that they had an important announcement for him. Nino winced; he was clueless about what they meant, but he agreed anyway. When he stood up, Ohno looked at him curiously.
“What’s wrong?”
“My parents,” Nino frowned, shaking his head quietly. “I’ve no idea what they called me for.”
“Didn’t they tell you?”
“They told me to return home and that they would tell me about it later.”
“Oh,” Ohno looked a little disappointed, but he smiled anyway. “So… bye-bye, Nino.”
“Bye-bye, Ohchan.”
To be honest, Nino didn’t want to leave. Both Ohno and the lake helped him feel so at peace that he didn’t want to return home, to confront whatever that was waiting for him. He preferred to stay here, to look at Ohno paint, to sometimes shoot Ohno a look, and to see him return the look with a gentle smile. And Nino didn’t need any words to feel happy.
When he returned home, he was shocked to find his ex-girlfriend there as well. She was helping his mom with the chores and making their meal, while his father was sitting at the living room and would sometimes joke with her. Like a happy family. Nino felt uneasiness tingling inside his heart even though he didn’t know why. He didn’t dislike her - she was the best girlfriend he ever had, but he knew that he didn’t love her. She was probably more like a younger sister to him. But seeing her like this, in his house and talking with his parents, made him feel annoyed. He didn’t know what her purpose of visit was, until he caught her eyes and saw her blush - she was cute, but his heart had no reaction. He knew all along that there was nothing that could fill up his empty heart, and she was not an exception. She wasn’t any different from anyone else in his life.
Therefore, when his mother announced their wedding - Nino and his ex-girlfriend, he stared at her as if she was crazy. He knew that he was the one who accepted it in the first place, but he had never thought that his parents would be the ones who would decide for him. Wasn’t this his life? His ex-girlfriend (or girlfriend? He didn’t know anymore) ducked her head shyly and blushed under his gaze, and he felt his throat tightened and his mouth went dry. He didn’t know what to say - it was what he had agreed on, even though he did it half-heartedly, and he had done so thinking more for his parents than himself - they wanted him to get married soon for he was over 25 years old already. She looked at him hopefully, like a lost puppy that was pleading him silently. His parents were staring at him too, urging him to agree to the marriage. He couldn’t find any words to say, so he nodded stiffly. Anyway, since he couldn’t love any person then anyone was good enough for him, right? She loved him. His parents loved her. And he would never love anyone. Then, whatever, he thought.
**************************************************
He didn’t know how to tell Ohno that, honestly. He didn’t know what was holding him back, since Ohno was the only person that he could tell everything about himself. And now he found it really hard to mention about the wedding. He would invite Ohno too, right? But he didn’t dare to tell the latter, and felt that something would be broken if he carelessly slipped it out. Ohno was oblivious to his impending marriage, and he concentrated on his drawing while Nino was sitting restlessly beside him.
“Why are you so nervous?”
Nino’s heart jumped. Ohno barely started a conversation. It was always Nino who came up with what to say, and Ohno would be listening. Ohno’s eyes didn’t leave the canvas; he was sketching something and Nino could see that it was a portrait. But whose? He had no idea.
“I…” He stammered and looked away. “Actually, I … have something to give you…”
“What is that?” Ohno arched an eyebrow and stopped sketching. He turned to look at Nino curiously.
Nino took out the envelope from inside his pocket and handed it to Ohno. He didn’t want to say it, the words just didn’t come out, so he used the invitation to help him instead.
Ohno took it, and when he realised what it was his eyes suddenly went dark (or it was just Nino thought so?). He didn’t say anything, but stared at it for a while, then he raised his head and looked straight into Nino’s eyes. There was something in those eyes that told him don’t, and demanded why, but Nino didn’t dare look at them longer, and he looked at the ground instead. Ohno took out the invitation and read it carefully, and he didn’t react when he saw a strange girl’s name beside Nino’s. Nino stole a look at Ohno, wondering why his heart was beating so furiously inside his chest, and seeing Ohno lack of reaction made him feel slightly disappointed (but why would he?).
Ohno finally looked at him and smiled softly.
“Congratulations, Nino,” he said. “I’ll definitely come…”
As if someone had shot him an arrow, Nino felt a wrenching pain spreading from his heart. He looked away and avoided the look Ohno was giving him, but his lips broke into a smile, pretending that all was well.
“Great…”
They didn’t say anything after that, and the silence between them was awkward. A while later, Ohno stopped his drawing and simply stared at the canvas. When Nino happened to look at him, he saw a straight, cold face staring blankly into space. It sent a shiver down his spine, for he had never seen Ohno like that - the other man was always gentle and kind, while this Ohno looked dark from the way his eyes were burning, and his stillness didn’t make things better.
Then suddenly Ohno opened his mouth. It was a barely audible whisper, and Nino had to strain his ears to catch it. The other man was still staring at his uncompleted artwork. He didn’t look at Nino either.
“Why did you agree to the marriage?”
“…She told my parents that I got her pregnant,” Nino started, and he glanced at Ohno hesitantly. “So they made me marry her as soon as possible…”
Ohno’s hurt eyes were too much for Nino to bear. He looked away, and waited for Ohno to react, but the other man didn’t say anything. Once again, there was a painful silence between them. Both were drowning in their own emotions, and they couldn’t read the other’s feelings so that neither dared to make a move. Nino stood still, listening to his heart beat weakly in his chest and feeling frustrated with himself.
“You know…” Nino said, after a while for he couldn’t stand the heavy atmosphere between them anymore. If there was someone whom he couldn’t lie anything, it was definitely this man, who was sitting silently beside him. Ohno didn’t demand any answer from him, but the thought lying to Ohno made him feel terrible. “It’s not my baby…”
Ohno’s eyes brightened a little when Nino turned to look at him. Nino stared deeply into those brown eyes and said calmly, “I remember the last day I was with her. It was over a year now. Base on the day, she could never get pregnant with me.”
“Then why…?” Ohno insisted weakly. Nino sighed and stared at the ground.
“I can’t love anyone, Ohchan. I just can’t. If I need to marry someone for my parents’ sake, then anyone is okay, right?” He swallowed. Ohno kept silent. “She loves me. And my parents love her. And since I don’t love anyone, this is okay, isn’t it?” Nino was already on the verge of tears.
Ohno’s eyes started to water, but then he quickly looked away without glancing back at Nino, who was seated awkwardly beside him, looking at him nervously. The other man didn’t say anything for a while and Nino thought he saw Ohno’s shoulder tremble. But the thought of Ohno being sad or disappointed didn’t cross his mind. He couldn’t find the reason why Ohno should feel that way as it was out of his expectation.
Then Ohno mumbled, “We should go home.” And he stood up to fold his easel. Nino knew that it was the end of their conversation.
When Ohno had packed his stuff, Nino suddenly heard his voice.
“Would you like to visit my place?”
“…Huh?”
Nino turned around, and if Ohno weren’t looking at him he would think that it was his imagination again. But Ohno was looking intently at him, and his eyes were telling him please. Nino found no reason to refuse, and the thought of going to Ohno’s place was pleasant enough for him to accept immediately.
“It takes only ten minutes on foot,” Ohno continued. “Would you like to come over now?”
“Of course,” Nino smiled, the awkwardness between them slowly fading. “That would be nice.”
They walked back to Ohno’s apartment together, and although Nino had offered to help Ohno carry one of his bags, Ohno simply shook his head. So Nino stuff his hands into his pockets and walked beside Ohno. During the walk, neither of them said anything and Nino found it cold. He hated them being like this. It was the first time he felt so heavy when he was beside the other man. This person was still Ohno, but it was one of his sides that Nino had never seen before, so it somehow scared him. He wanted them to be back to normal, he wanted Ohno to back to normal. But like what he had been afraid of, something between them had already broken.
The interior of Ohno’s apartment was warm, and it smelt like home. Nino didn’t know how to describe it, but Ohno’s room was exactly like what he had thought - it smelt like old papers and oil, like an old gallery. It was pleasant though, and Nino took a careful step on the threshold while Ohno turned on the lights.
“It’s a little messy,” Ohno said as he put his bags down. “But I don’t really have time to clean.”
“It’s okay, that’s kind of like mine,” Nino smiled and sat down on the sofa. Ohno’s lips curved into a small smile and upon seeing that, Nino’s heart became lighter. Ohno walked to the kitchen and Nino heard him ask, “Coffee?”
“Thank you.”
Then he heard the sound of running water, and Ohno started to make coffee in the kitchen. He let his eyes wander around Ohno’s place. It was messy, but in an organised way. The man had some fishing rods standing at the corner, and some strange figurines on the table. He walked to the table and took one of them - they all had uncanny expressions on their faces, which Nino thought had many meanings behind them: there was happiness, but also despair. It was as though the figurines enjoyed their sufferings. There was wish to escape, yet there was also strength to continue living. Nino didn’t know why all these ideas came to him, but when he looked at the figurines, he could see Ohno smiling and laughing, but also crying and worrying - it was like the other man was as conflicted inside as Nino was.
When he put the figurine down carefully on the table and turned around, his foot accidentally kicked something on the floor. He looked down to see some rolls of paper, similar to the one he had seen Ohno worked on some days back - the one the other man didn’t want to show him because it hadn’t been completed. It was lying here so maybe Ohno had finished it, Nino assumed. So he took one of them.
When he saw what he was looking at, he froze.
It was him. It was a picture of him sitting near the lakeshore silently, his eyes slightly closed. He was sitting with his arms folded over his knees. There was the scenes, but from the way it was drawn Nino could tell that he was the focus of the picture. When did Ohno draw this? And why didn’t he let Nino see it before?
Nino took some more pieces and they were all drawings of him - there was him when he was lying on the grass and staring at the sky, his arms tucked under his head and his eyes looked dreamy and unfocused; there was him when he was leaning against the tree and simply enjoying the coolness of the shade, his eyes closed like he was sleeping. There were many more, and Nino had never thought that Ohno had drawn him so many times - the other man didn’t tell him anything, and whenever Nino tried to look at the canvas, Ohno always flipped to a new sheet and started to draw the lake alone. Ohno never showed him these and if he didn’t accidentally find them, he would never know.
There was movement near the door and when he raised his head, he was staring at a pair of eyes which was staring back at him in panic, and they moved from him to the drawings in his hand and then back again. The man seemed unable to say anything, and Nino thought he was trembling. Nino put down the papers, and looked at Ohno, who was looking back at him wordlessly.
“Ohchan…” He started, swallowing hard. “Why did you… draw me?”
Ohno didn’t answer. He pursed his lips perplexedly. A minute later, as if he had regained control over his emotions, Ohno came to him and gave him his cup of coffee.
Then, he admitted quietly.
“I’ve always observed you ever since the first time I met you at the park.” Ohno’s eyes were strong but there was also sadness hiding behind those eyes. “Even though you didn’t know me then. But you made beautiful scenes. And… I had an urge to draw you.”
Nino didn’t say a word. He waited for Ohno to continue. He knew what to expect, but he was still afraid of it coming true. There were things he couldn’t take back. It would be regretful for both of them if Ohno were to say what Nino thought.
“Sorry, I didn’t tell you about this… But,” Ohno came to him, put his cup aside to free both his hands, then held Nino’s shoulder while staring deeply into his eyes “…Nino, I want to tell you, that…”
Nino felt that it was difficult to tear away from those eyes, but he had to. If not, he wouldn’t be able to handle the consequences. Nothing could ever happen between them because Nino was already getting married, and he knew this very clearly. The thought hurt him deeply, but he chose to ignore it, and shook Ohno’s hands away, his eyes fixed on the latter’s.
“Ohchan…” He breathed. “Please, don’t, Ohchan…”
And Ohno stopped. He redrew his hands, and didn’t dare to reach out again. Nino could see the pain in Ohno’s eyes, as much as he could feel his regret building up inside his chest. He wanted to escape, to stop pretending and be himself. And he wanted to feel Ohno’s touch again. But he didn’t dare to; the consequences were too much for him to bear. These feelings needed to stop, or else he would never go through with the marriage anymore.
“It’s already late,” Ohno’s quiet voice broke the silence. He seemed to have regained composure. “You should go home.”
Nino nodded quietly and without looking back at Ohno, he made for the front door and left hurriedly. The part of his shoulders where Ohno had touched started to burn, and somehow he wanted Ohno to continue, to finish whatever he wanted to say. But he had no choice. Everything was already too late.
***************************************************
Ohno buried his face into his palms. What did he just do? He had done the worst thing anyone could do - putting Nino in a spot. He was told that he was good at controlling his emotions, but he had lost it tonight - he wanted to tell Nino his feelings, he wanted Nino to understand him. He knew it was impossible, but he had hoped that Nino would listen to him, to allow him to confess his love. But Nino knew…and had stopped him from saying anything stupid. He didn’t stand a chance in the first place.
He took out the envelope that contained Nino’s wedding invitation, and his heart broke painfully. He had waited, and had hoped that there was still time for him. But now, all his wishes had turned into dust.
Ohno had had a crush on Nino ever since the first time he saw the man sitting alone, absorbed by the peacefulness of the lake. He looked as if he didn’t belong here, and it was as though the real world was unreal and the world in which he had built for himself was the real one. Nino’s eyes had made Ohno’s heart tightened in a pleasant way, and they urged him to record them on his canvas. Ohno always went to the lake to draw, and he would walk around to choose different scenery. But ever since he saw Nino, Ohno would subconsciously go to that certain spot to see if Nino was already there. And he would set his easel down and quietly observe the younger man. The other man didn’t pay any attention to him, and Ohno thought it was difficult to pull the man out of his own world, so he just sat there, pencil in hand and quietly sketched him. He didn’t have any chance to make friends with him. The man came and left without noticing Ohno who was observing him from nearby.
One day, Ohno decided to go closer to Nino to have a good look at his eyes, so that he would be able to draw it livelier. When Nino looked up, he caught his eyes and Ohno froze with the sudden contact. An electric current jolted through his body, and Ohno ducked his head shyly, his heart beating furiously in a strange way that he had never thought it could. He pretended to focus on his drawing, but because Nino’s gaze was still on him his heartbeat didn’t slow down. He knew that he couldn’t pretend forever, and maybe it was a chance for him to finally meet Nino! He took a deep breath to calm himself, then raised his head and smiled. When they started talking and Nino was sitting by his side, Ohno thought that he was dreaming.
However, when Nino mentioned about getting married, his heart sunk into his stomach. But knowing that Nino was bored about the wedding, and that he was hesitant about mentioning her to him gave Ohno hope. So Ohno tried his best; he went to the park everyday just to meet Nino. Slowly, they became friends, and his crush grew into love.
Sometimes, between their happy smiles, Ohno thought that maybe he stood a chance.
Part 2