I woke up today feeling a little less rested than I had been. I'm in love with my own deceptive fabrication, this beautiful, loving woman who walks through my head as if she lived there. I find myself waking up heartbroken every morning. How come we are the best decievers of ourself? I don't trust myself so why do I keep falling for my own tricks ( Read more... )

I walked with you awhile before I decided. I want you to stay in my life. But how do I make you stay. I asked you to please sit. Let me draw your portrait while the light is right and the air is cool. Who wouldn't want to be sketched into eternity. I stared your face into lines, obscuring you're flaws. I perfected you. I looked down at my paper ( Read more... )

Pain is pleasure as a pain and pain is pleasure because it eventually subsides. Being stabbed in the face feels good... being stabbed in the back does not. Supposedly it hurts less when you see it coming. I disagree. I like to close my eyes and feed it through lesser senses. Touch doesn't trigger any imagination anymore. I wish. Really though I'd ( Read more... )

My lips peirced. Twice. It's wonderfully sexy and it didn't hurt. Except I was so happy afterwards I kept smiling and that kind of hurt. It makes me want to stare menacingly at little kids and kiss every pretty person I see ( Read more... )

Welcome. Wait. The numbers arn't guaranteed but take one anyways. Nothing? Sit. Flip through the pages of this out of date magazine and look at the timeless faces of people you'll never be. Want to look like but never be them. Stare into the all too repetative pattern of my wallpaper till you find a discrepancy. Use your imagination to peel at this ( Read more... )

I sleep a little less these days but at least I sleep a little longer. My all too eventful life is constantly happening while I nap and I'm happy I'm not awake for it. One day something will happen worth watching. Then, life will be perfect. If no one is going to turn on the light no matter how much I scream, I'll take death over this darkness. ( Read more... )

I've never disliked myself so much while at the same time being loved so much. My defenses have become my downfall. My friends my enemies. And like the good little bug zappers they are have successfully killed anything that tried to fly into my light. I'm just bait for someone elses amusement I guess. And so my happiness drops like flies and ( Read more... )

A year ago today I wrote in my journal ( Read more... )

If there were a little man inside my head with red shoes and a hat who wrote down every thought and dreams I had and made little books of magical lengths I would let you read them all. But there isn't and magic books nor little man so I just grab about one in ever 300 thoughts that goes by and give them to you. Here you go. Eat it. Mmmm ( Read more... )

Today I shall get things accomplished. It's a productive kind of day and so nice outside. Fine day for driving aboot. It's accepted that I will never be done. I will never get everything done so procrastination is my friend and ally. In my complicated clockworks one day someone will figure out that I am as simple an idea as a spoon and as easy to ( Read more... )