Help me write my e-profile

[thereject]

Ok everyone, I need you to help me write an irresistable online dating profile. So far I have

Comments

[danigolden]

butts

[belgand]

You should also indicate that you occupy three-dimensional space and anyone hoping for a relationship that would be primarily devoted to another geometry should likely look elsewhere. I would also indicate that, for you, time is linear. A brief note about your general tolerances regarding temperature, pressure, accelerative force, and any gases that you feel you simply can't live without should complete it.

Including anything else would probably be seen as being exceedingly picky.

[thought1]

Unless time isn't linear for him... (:

[lulu_belle_r]

Perhaps you should mention that you have hair in all the appropriate places?

If you mention that they must love dogs, you might get a hook up with John Cusack.

[laughing_piggy]

I dunno, seems complete enough to me.
Next comes describing your perfect mate. Maybe something like:

ISO a similar mammal with the capability of lactation.

[fatfeistyfemme]

good lord. every single comment in this thread is pure, unadulterated comic genius.

Then again, I laugh at The Family Guy.

And fart jokes.

[angledge]

And fart jokes.

Did belgand's comment qualify as a fart joke? At least the part about gases? 'Cause my inner six-year-old thought it did.

[fatfeistyfemme]

especially the part about "accelerative force."