(no subject)
I'm back home home. My house. My bedroom. For some reason it kinda doesn't feel like home anymore. It's all different now. I'm not sure I can explain, I guess maybe I've changed alot over the last few months. Momma and Daddy and the girls were happy to see me and I them. I can honestly say I missed them. Seeing them made me realize what I would have missed if I had stayed in Avalon. A part of me will always remain there, but I know I belong here, for now at least.
Carlos decided to stay behind. My 'rents seem a little down about this. I think they were looking forward to us all being under the same roof again. But I sorta understand why he didn't come back. I just, I'm gonna miss him and I know things weren't good between us, but I was sorta hoping for the chance to make things better. He's the only big brother I have. Who's gonna look out for me now?
I guess him and Sera broke up before she came home. I hope she will still consider me a friend even though she isn't dating my brother anymore. I don't really have too many friends these days. Really only Nick and Marcus. I have isolated myself and pushed people away. I haven't talk talked to Dawn in ages or JT. So loosing anymore potential friends like Sera would really make me sad. But I guess, its not like we were actually friends, i think she just was nice cause I was Carlos's little sister, So hwo knows what will happen now. Maybe its just easier to stay in my own little bubble.
I called Anya and asked if she wanted me to come back to work or not. She said she did and said i could start back tonight, but I asked if it would be okay if I waited until Monday to start back cause I had to get back into the swing of things with school and being back home and stuff. She grudgingly agreed. I'm kind of excited to go back to work. She is gonna give me as many hours as I want, like she agreed to before.
For some reason, saving some money for whatever comes next seems like something I need to do. I don't know if I'll go to college. I mean my grades are good, I've never had a problem with school work and stuff. It's just I had always planned to go to college on a music scholarship. Stafs was helping me out with making sure my applications would look good when the time came to apply. But now...now I don't think I ever want to sing again. Stafs is still in a coma. His wife had him moved to hospital in San Fransisco right after the earthquake. One that specialized in caring for people with head injuries. Singing is just something I can't do anymore. So it changes all my plans I had for after high school. I guess maybe I could try for a soccer scholarship, it depends how this season goes.
The thing is I'm not hell bent for college like Nick is. He's been like obsessed about GPAs and class standings. And he's nearly bouncing off the walls to be back at our school and back in classes and stuff. Marcus and I kinda just roll our eyes. No one should be that excited about school. Theres been a bunch of new people starting school here this week. Nick had to show one of the new girls around. For some reason the girl bothers him cause thats about all he could talk about for the last couple days. He even went so far to ask me if I could do a spell to see if she had a soul. It was driving me crazy. I mean I don't think I'm like jealous or anything, but he just wouldn't stop talking about her. I was tempted to turn him into a frog if he didn't stop. Not that I really know how to do that yet, but thats how mad it was making me.
Maybe Willow could teach me. Though I'm thinking she wouldn't. Saying "Hey Willow will you teach me how to turn my boyfriend into a frog so whenever I'm feeling a teeny bit jealous I can cast a spell on him to make me feel better" would go ever like a lead balloon. She did call me though and we're gonna get together after school today. She says she wanted to talk to me about something. I'm hoping she still wants to teach me magic. It kinda of the only thing I've go going for me right now, I don't wanna stop learning. And I like Willow she's a good teacher of school stuff and magic stuff. I'm really hoping thats not what she's gonna say. Though I am excited to tell her about Avalon.
Momma and Daddy invited Nick over for dinner last night. Of course Gabby was still trying to convince him to marry her. She so has him wrapped around her fingers. The 'rents were actually cool to him. I think they have gotten over the whole worrying over us thing. Okay maybe not but they have eased up a bit. It was a good time actually, not the same tensions as before. I think he had a good time too. I was kinda bummed out when it was time for him to go.
I guess it's something I should get used to real quick. I'm mean I don't need to be around him 24/7 to be happy and have fun. I really don't. It's just like everything else. After doing something for so long you get used to it and it feels weird not to have that anymore. I don't wanna be one of those girls whose be all end all existance is about their boyfriend. I mean I really don't think I'm like that, at least I didn't before getting back this week. But now I'm all freaking out about stuff I never used to freak out about and I don't know if I like it. 'Specially when he doesn't seem overly bothered by any of this. I should be happy to be home, and that all my friends and family is safe. I should be ecstatic that the majority of the the things that scared me before don't scare me anymore. I shouldn't be here pouting and worrtyng about things I have no idea why I am worrying about them. I probably just suck at the being happy and grateful thing.
Carlos decided to stay behind. My 'rents seem a little down about this. I think they were looking forward to us all being under the same roof again. But I sorta understand why he didn't come back. I just, I'm gonna miss him and I know things weren't good between us, but I was sorta hoping for the chance to make things better. He's the only big brother I have. Who's gonna look out for me now?
I guess him and Sera broke up before she came home. I hope she will still consider me a friend even though she isn't dating my brother anymore. I don't really have too many friends these days. Really only Nick and Marcus. I have isolated myself and pushed people away. I haven't talk talked to Dawn in ages or JT. So loosing anymore potential friends like Sera would really make me sad. But I guess, its not like we were actually friends, i think she just was nice cause I was Carlos's little sister, So hwo knows what will happen now. Maybe its just easier to stay in my own little bubble.
I called Anya and asked if she wanted me to come back to work or not. She said she did and said i could start back tonight, but I asked if it would be okay if I waited until Monday to start back cause I had to get back into the swing of things with school and being back home and stuff. She grudgingly agreed. I'm kind of excited to go back to work. She is gonna give me as many hours as I want, like she agreed to before.
For some reason, saving some money for whatever comes next seems like something I need to do. I don't know if I'll go to college. I mean my grades are good, I've never had a problem with school work and stuff. It's just I had always planned to go to college on a music scholarship. Stafs was helping me out with making sure my applications would look good when the time came to apply. But now...now I don't think I ever want to sing again. Stafs is still in a coma. His wife had him moved to hospital in San Fransisco right after the earthquake. One that specialized in caring for people with head injuries. Singing is just something I can't do anymore. So it changes all my plans I had for after high school. I guess maybe I could try for a soccer scholarship, it depends how this season goes.
The thing is I'm not hell bent for college like Nick is. He's been like obsessed about GPAs and class standings. And he's nearly bouncing off the walls to be back at our school and back in classes and stuff. Marcus and I kinda just roll our eyes. No one should be that excited about school. Theres been a bunch of new people starting school here this week. Nick had to show one of the new girls around. For some reason the girl bothers him cause thats about all he could talk about for the last couple days. He even went so far to ask me if I could do a spell to see if she had a soul. It was driving me crazy. I mean I don't think I'm like jealous or anything, but he just wouldn't stop talking about her. I was tempted to turn him into a frog if he didn't stop. Not that I really know how to do that yet, but thats how mad it was making me.
Maybe Willow could teach me. Though I'm thinking she wouldn't. Saying "Hey Willow will you teach me how to turn my boyfriend into a frog so whenever I'm feeling a teeny bit jealous I can cast a spell on him to make me feel better" would go ever like a lead balloon. She did call me though and we're gonna get together after school today. She says she wanted to talk to me about something. I'm hoping she still wants to teach me magic. It kinda of the only thing I've go going for me right now, I don't wanna stop learning. And I like Willow she's a good teacher of school stuff and magic stuff. I'm really hoping thats not what she's gonna say. Though I am excited to tell her about Avalon.
Momma and Daddy invited Nick over for dinner last night. Of course Gabby was still trying to convince him to marry her. She so has him wrapped around her fingers. The 'rents were actually cool to him. I think they have gotten over the whole worrying over us thing. Okay maybe not but they have eased up a bit. It was a good time actually, not the same tensions as before. I think he had a good time too. I was kinda bummed out when it was time for him to go.
I guess it's something I should get used to real quick. I'm mean I don't need to be around him 24/7 to be happy and have fun. I really don't. It's just like everything else. After doing something for so long you get used to it and it feels weird not to have that anymore. I don't wanna be one of those girls whose be all end all existance is about their boyfriend. I mean I really don't think I'm like that, at least I didn't before getting back this week. But now I'm all freaking out about stuff I never used to freak out about and I don't know if I like it. 'Specially when he doesn't seem overly bothered by any of this. I should be happy to be home, and that all my friends and family is safe. I should be ecstatic that the majority of the the things that scared me before don't scare me anymore. I shouldn't be here pouting and worrtyng about things I have no idea why I am worrying about them. I probably just suck at the being happy and grateful thing.