"I love you." Yeah right.
I really hate love, and I hate liking someone and they just don't like you back. I hate it more then anything.
Ok, so as some of you know, I've liked Josh for awhile now. Like really liked him. I haven't felt this way since I first started dating Dillon. And he's of course a fucking tease, flirting with me everytime we're together, and being all huggy and cuddly with me at chorus concerts and leading me on. Then when Eva goes, "Will you go out with her?" he makes up a STUPID excuse. "She's too young for me." Or... "She's a Freshman, I don't date Freshman." Or even, "Oh, I barely know her." He HAS my number, and he CALLS me, and we TALK. How can he say he BARELY KNOWS ME?!
He's literally breaking my heart. I feel like dying right now, and he doesn't even know or care. And it just hurts so bad, and there's nothing I can do. I just want to die. And I wish he would just say yes so that I could be happy, but I know that he won't because he doesn't like me at all. He just likes leading girls like me on, and making girls cry.
Like I'm sobbing right now, because I can't take it. And no one knows (until now) how much I'm hurting. I haven't met a single guy that I like, and people try so hard to get me a new boyfriend, and there's just no one I like other then Josh. What's worse is how everyone says he's a bad person. He's not a totally bad person, he's not perfect, but he's not bad either. I just don't know what to do.
I'm really just rambling right now. And crying. And I want Eva or someone like that to call me. And no one is calling me. So I'm forgotten AGAIN. Fuck... why doesn't anyone ever like me?! Why?! What is it about me?! Moments like this make me feel so damn UGLY that I just wanna take a knife and carve my face off or something.
And my mom knows I'm crying right now, and she wants to do something about it, I can tell she does, but there's nothing she can do. Nothing can really be done right now about how I feel. Uggggggh... JOSH YOU JERK! I HATE YOU AND LOVE YOU AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME!!
*kills herself*