(no subject)
Joe Fox
Final Play
12/9/08
Script Adaptation Class
Characters
SILAS - Father Silas Barker
JAMES - Brother James Thorpe
MORRIS - Gravekeeper Quincy Morris
WOOD - Constable James Wood
LADY - The voice of Lady Joséphine Daviau
(Two priests kneel by an alter in a small church, praying.)
SILAS and JAMES
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil-
JAMES
Such as Old Hag Harper-
SILAS
Brother James!
JAMES
And Constable Wood’s truncheon.
SILAS
...And missus Murray’s possessed children.
JAMES
Mayor William’s belligerent halitosis-
SILAS
The French.
JAMES
Father Silas’s incoherent muttering-
SILAS
Brother James’s persistent flatulence.
JAMES
I deserved that one.
SILAS
And most of all-
SILAS and JAMES
The Americans!
SILAS
Amen!
JAMES
Amen.
SILAS
Is it ten o’clock yet, brother?
JAMES
That depends. What was the time two hours ago?
SILAS
Well, I’d say... eight o’clock?
JAMES
Then it must be ten o’clock now, father.
SILAS
Of course. Just for that, you can go up there and ring them.
JAMES
Father Silas, I’ve already been up there at nine. It is your turn.
SILAS
Aye, but you did such a fine job!
JAMES
But it’s freezing out there!
(MORRIS enters through the side door, the priests oblivious to his presence.)
SILAS
You’d send a frail, old man out into that chilling February air?
JAMES
Come now, you’re not yet ancient. Late fifties, early sixties, fit as an ox...
SILAS
It’s my knees! Climbing a staircase is akin to Judgment Day!
JAMES
Did you just...
(The priests cross themselves, then glance over at MORRIS, who is waiting patiently.)
Yes, Quincy?
MORRIS
Oh... No, I don’t want to interrupt...
SILAS
We’re only making noise. What did you have to say?
MORRIS
Ah, well, it’s... ten o’clock, fathers. Well, it was ten o’clock when I left my cabin a minute ago.
(The priests stare at one another for a brief moment, silent.)
SILAS
Alright, alright... I’ll do it...
(He gets to his feet.)
But only because it is a holiday!
JAMES
It is St. Valentine’s Day, father.
SILAS
A holiday is a holiday. It does have a religious connection, doesn’t it?
JAMES
I suppose so.
(SILAS starts for the side door, sighing)
SILAS
The knees, the knees...
(SILAS leaves the room as MORRIS and JAMES watch.)
MORRIS
...Cold day, innit?
JAMES
Being as it’s February, I can’t say I’m surprised.
MORRIS
Could be worse then, eh?
JAMES
How so?
MORRIS
It could be snowing.
JAMES
Quincy, why are you here?
MORRIS
To check on the bells, father. Also, the fire went out in me shack. I came in to grab a torch.
JAMES
Please, do so.
MORRIS
Aye, father.
(MORRIS wanders over to a fireplace as the bells begin to ring.)
There they are. Late, but no bother. You’d have to be a right bast-... a very boring person to make an issue of that.
JAMES
Yes... goodnight, Morris.
MORRIS
Goodnight, father.
(MORRIS exists the church, humming along with the bells as JAMES stares at the window, stroking his chin.When the commotion ends, a tiny bell jingles quietly in the corner of the room.)
JAMES
Hello... what’s this?
(JAMES wanders over to inspect the bell, sighing.)
Is this some sort of joke?
(As he examines it, SILAS re-enters the room)
SILAS
I do love the sound of those bells.
JAMES
Yes... what about this one?
SILAS
Oh... that? What about it?
JAMES
It has been ringing.
(SILAS stares at JAMES in shock, then keels over onto one of the pews. JAMES gasps and runs to his aid.)
Father Silas! Silas, wake up!
(JAMES grasps SILAS by his shoulders and attempts to make him sit upright.)
What is going on?
(WOOD, the constable, bursts into the church, his truncheon in hand.)
Con,,, Constable Wood! Thank goodness, I could-
WOOD
I knew it! I just knew something was wrong! Those bells were off by three minutes.
JAMES
This is hardly the time. I need your help!
WOOD
Need my help strangling a priest?
JAMES
What? He’s fainted!
WOOD
From you crushing his windpipe, no doubt!
JAMES
Constable, it’s me! Brother James!
WOOD
I know who you are, and I shan’t say I’m surprised. Bickering over who got to ring the bells, were you?
JAMES
Constable, I didn’t touch him.
WOOD
Did he go up to ring the bells? Perhaps his body had enough with it.
JAMES
He fainted immediately after I mentioned the little bell-
WOOD
Bell?
(He gestures to the tiny bell in the corner)
Surely not... this bell.
JAMES
Actually, yes.
(They stare at one another, their expressions blank. Eventually, WOOD falls over backwards as well, unconscious.)
Oh.. dammit, dammit!
(He crosses himself, then rushes to the constable, leaving SILAS on the pew.)
Constable, get up! I have no idea what this bell means, but-
(MORRIS bursts into the church, smirking)
MORRIS
Do my ears deceive me, or did I just hear a priest swear?
JAMES
If that’s the only thing you heard, there’s something wrong with you. Help me!
(MORRIS reluctantly wanders further into the church as James attempts to wake WOOD.)
Were you listening with your ear pressed against the door?
MORRIS
Well, I saw Constable Wood barge in, so I figured there was some trouble. What happened?
JAMES
I don’t know!
(MORRIS grabs a pitcher of water, then dumps it on SILAS’s face.)
What are you doing? That’s holy water!
MORRIS
He’s a priest. He can make more.
SILAS
Burial bell! The burial bell!
JAMES
The what?
MORRIS
Oh, the burial bell...
JAMES
What is the burial bell?
MORRIS
That bleedin’ bell in the corner, there.
JAMES
Thank you, Quincy.
SILAS
My head...
JAMES
Father! Try to keep calm...
SILAS
Who rang the burial bell?
JAMES
I don’t know! What is it?
MORRIS
‘Ere, the constable is coming ‘round.
JAMES
(muttering)
Just what we all need.
(MORRIS tries to help the fidgeting constable sit up.)
Constable Wood!
WOOD
(Groaning)
What time is it?
JAMES
Past ten, constable.
WOOD
Why haven’t the bells sounded yet?
SILAS
The burial bell...
(WOOD hesitates, coming to his senses.)
WOOD
Oh, heavens. The burial bell.
(WOOD swoons, and MORRIS awkwardly places his hand behind WOOD’s head, keeping him upright.)
JAMES
Not again. Constable! What is the burial bell?
MORRIS
That bleedin’ little bell in the corner-
WOOD
The burial bell... it is a precaution....
JAMES
A precaution? Against what?
WOOD
Burying people alive, father!
MORRIS
Yes, yes...
JAMES
You know about it as well?
MORRIS
This is my cemetery, father.
JAMES
What does the bell mean?
MORRIS
You see... When a person dies, we put them in a coffin and bury them deep underground-
JAMES
Thank you, Quincy.
SILAS
The bell...
MORRIS
Right, well... suppose that one of the dames we bury isn’t quite dead. She looks it, though. A premature burial, alright... So, she wakes up, cold and hungry, trapped under six feet of earth.
JAMES
Lovely.
WOOD
The burial bell... is just part of this odd little system that prevents the “presumed dead” from becoming the “truly dead.”
MORRIS
See, I get these long copper tubes-
(MORRIS traces the tube in the air, flaring it at one end.)
Shaped a bit like a trumpet. I stick one in each grave, right through the coffin.
JAMES
So, if someone were to be alive...
MORRIS
They could breathe, and cry for help, aye. I also string a bell through each grave so the poor sod can signal for help when they wake up.
JAMES
I’ve never noticed any bells over the graves...
MORRIS
(Shamefully)
Well, in this case... I only had the funds for the piping and the string.
JAMES
You mean to tell me that EVERY grave is attached to THIS bell?
WOOD
Brother James, please understand... No one has ever been “saved by the bell.” It’s hardly a common practice these days.
MORRIS
It’s a matter of habit, really.
JAMES
If this bell is attached to EVERY grave, surely it could be set off by a... a crow, or a heavy wind.
(WOOD and MORRIS shake their heads, solemnly)
WOOD
No chance.
MORRIS
I’ve been called the master of string and string theory.
WOOD
(muttering)
And not much else...
MORRIS
I’ve got most of it strung underground through these pipes...
WOOD
Honestly, brother, I can’t believe you’ve never dealt with this at your old parish.
JAMES
Well, it was a small town, much smaller than this one.
WOOD
What does that mean?
JAMES
It means that we had about three graves to fill. By the time we had another one unearthed, decomposition would have already set in...
(There is a slight pause as they all glance at the bell, nervously)
Alright, let me get this straight. According to this bell, somewhere, within this very cemetery, is a living person trapped underground in a coffin.
MORRIS
Sounds about right.
(They sit in silence for a moment, contemplating. Suddenly, the bell rings again, and WOOD struggles to his feet.)
WOOD
This is an emergency! We must do something!
MORRIS
Right, I’ll disconnect the string, then we’ll head north. I hope neither of you mind wearing kilts.
WOOD
You idiot! This isn’t a crime. We have to save a life!
MORRIS
This late at night? You’re off your nut.
WOOD
The time doesn’t matter! Someone’s life hangs by a thread here... Literally.
MORRIS
The string will hold out until the morning, as will the air.
WOOD
How could you say that? Could YOU imagine being underground? Could you imagine how panicked they must be?
MORRIS
It’s pissing cold.
WOOD
And they’re probably freezing!
MORRIS
Under six feet of dirt? Closer to Hell... must be pleasant.
SILAS
Quincy has a point...
(WOOD glares at SILAS.)
WOOD
You too?
JAMES
Now, calm down... let us take this one step at a time-
MORRIS
Plaid kilts first, then?
JAMES
Shall we FIND the grave first?
(WOOD and MORRIS mutter in agreement, and the three hurry to the door. The stage revolves to show the front of the church and the graveyard beside it. MORRIS, WOOD and JAMES stand at the door. There is a slight flurry of snow.)
MORRIS
Oh, bugger. Remember what I said about it getting worse?
JAMES
Quincy, where are the fresh graves?
MORRIS
At this rate, you’d be better off asking where the fresh graves aren’t.
WOOD
What is THAT supposed to mean?
MORRIS
It’s an old, English churchyard, Constable. I just dig a hole wherever there ain’t already a body. ...Sometimes I miss.
WOOD
We’re looking for something buried today!
JAMES
Or yesterday.
MORRIS
Or last week.
WOOD
Last week?
MORRIS
In the snow, mind you. If we even find the grave, it will be impossible to dig soon.
(JAMES holds up his finger to silence the, listening)
JAMES
Shhh....
WOOD
Then we have to find it now!
JAMES
Be quiet!
(A tiny voice can be heard, barely audible in the silence.)
...Did you hear that?
WOOD
Yes!
MORRIS
Spooky.
JAMES
What do you think?
MORRIS
I think I’m heading back to my cabin.
WOOD
You idiot, that’s our man!
MORRIS
It could be a beetle.
WOOD
Beetles don’t speak!
MORRIS
Bloody Hell they don’t - sorry, father - I’ll tell you, spend as much time digging holes as I have and you learn something about beetles!
JAMES
Would the two of you please keep quiet!
(The voice is heard again, growing louder.)
WOOD
...It sounds like a woman... or a child.
MORRIS
Or the distinct, tiny voice of a beetle.
JAMES
Quincy, did we bury any women or children this week?
MORRIS
I can tell you where I buried some beetles-
LADY
Help!
WOOD
It is a woman!
MORRIS
She’ll blow her lungs out yelling like that.
JAMES
Shh... hello!
LADY
Help!
JAMES
...Hi! Hello! Where are you?!
(They strain to listen, but the next response is inaudible. JAMES urges his group forward, and they begrudgingly begin to walk deeper into the cemetery.)
...I’m... I’m sorry, we couldn’t hear that! Could you repeat it?!
LADY
I don’t know! I’m... in a box!
JAMES
Calm down, madam! You’re in a coffin!
LADY
A what?
JAMES
A coffin, madam!
(Beat.)
LADY
...Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit!
JAMES
You are near a church!
LADY
A what?!
JAMES
A church!
LADY
Shit! Oh, I mean... Sorry!
MORRIS
Quite a tongue on her...
WOOD
She’s in a tiny box under six feet of dirt. Think of how you’d react.
MORRIS
I wouldn’t. I would be dead.
LADY
Get me out of here!
JAMES
We are trying, madam! Please remain calm!
LADY
Tr-... trying?! What do you mean?
JAMES
We...
(He glances back at his companions, looking for support. They shrug.)
We don’t know where you are!
(They wait for a response, silent. Soon, they hear the soft sounds of LADY crying. WOOD starts forward, breaking from the group.)
Constable, what are you-
WOOD
I’m going to find her. Now!
JAMES
You have no idea where she could be!
WOOD
Then I’ll search for her! We can hear her, so she must be nearby!
MORRIS
Sound does travel far on a cold, empty night-
JAMES
Quincy, inside. Constable, we’ll fetch a torch for you!
(JAMES pulls MORRIS inside as the focus returns to the church.)
Quincy, I need you to bring the constable a torch. Let him search for a while. I need to think. Do you have any questions?
MORRIS
Yes... Why don’t they make sure people are really dead before they let us bury them?
JAMES
Go.
(MORRIS hurries out the door as JAMES turns to SILAS)
How are you feeling, Father?
SILAS
Fine. I’m fine, thank you.
JAMES
That was a nasty fall back there...
SILAS
I’ll survive. I hope our bell ringer can say the same... Have you found them?
JAMES
Not quite. We’ve spoken, but we’re still searching for her grave.
SILAS
Ah... a woman, is it?
JAMES
The constable is rather determined to find her. I fear he’s becoming hysterical.
SILAS
And what about you?
JAMES
I just need a moment to think.
(Beat.)
SILAS
I’m rather impressed at how well you’re handling the situation.
JAMES
(distracted)
It is nothing. If I had known the purpose of the bell, perhaps I’d have been on the floor beside you.
SILAS
You must understand... This has never happened before. That bell has hung there for years, and I have never heard it make such a sound. Its movement tonight almost seems to be a...
JAMES
...An omen?
SILAS
Or a miracle. Tonight, we will save a life.
JAMES
(snickering)
Or tomorrow, if Quincy has his way.
(The scene shifts back to the graveyard, revealing WOOD furiously checking each grave with a match. Every so often, the match burns out, and he strikes a new one, muttering angrily.)
WOOD
Just stay calm, ma’am... we’ll find you.
LADY
Y-you don’t know where I am!
WOOD
No, but we’re looking. I’M looking. Could you try yelling again? Perhaps I can go by your voice...
(MORRIS enters from stage left with a lit torch, and WOOD glances up, scowling.)
Why did that take so long?
MORRIS
Apologies, sir. Still haven’t quite got the fire in my cabin going, so I had to light this the hard way.
WOOD
Give it here.
(WOOD holds out his hand, then snatches the torch when it is within reach.)
You could help me search while you’re out here, Quincy. Show me to a fresh grave.
MORRIS
I wish I could, constable, but I don’t even know how long she’s been down there.
WOOD
Just show me something you buried in the last week!
MORRIS
Again, I would not know where to begin.
WOOD
If we don’t find this woman before sunrise, I will personally kill you.
LADY
Who’s killing somebody?!
WOOD
No one, ma’am! Nothing was said!
MORRIS
‘e said-
(WOOD clamps his hand over MORRIS’s mouth, sneering.)
WOOD
(whispering)
Painfully, Quincy. Painfully.
MORRIS
(Through WOOD’s hand)
You couldn’t really kill me, right?
WOOD
Perhaps we will find out if you continue to hamper my search.
MORRIS
What are you even searching for?
WOOD
I’m checking the headstones for her name, you-
(Beat)
Thank you, Quincy. Ma’am!
(Silence. MORRIS and WOOD glance at one another.)
...Ma’am!
LADY
....What?
WOOD
I believe it would be easier to locate you if we knew your name!
LADY
...My what?
WOOD
YOUR NAME!
MORRIS
Everyone in town will wonder what we’ve been yelling about this late at night-
WOOD
And they will discover that we were saving a life. Now, stop worrying about your own life and help-
(LADY yells something indiscernible.)
Could you please repeat that?! I couldn’t hear you over Quincy’s yammering!
LADY
...Joséphine! Joséphine Daviau!
WOOD
(whispering)
French?
MORRIS
I don’t recall a Daviau.
WOOD
I doubt you could remember any names you buried this week.
MORRIS
Constable, I bury so many people. I can’t take the time to get acquainted with them.
WOOD
And what about those who are alive?
MORRIS
...That’s low, constable. It’s not as if I have the means to check-
WOOD
You could give them a quick pinch on the leg, for Heaven’s sake! How hard is it to discern between sleeping and dead?!
MORRIS
One is breathing, the other ain’t.
WOOD
Exactly!
LADY
Hello! Please stop arguing!
WOOD
Do you hear that? You’ve upset her now!
MORRIS
What? No, you said-...
(MORRIS hesitates, then shakes his head and turns to leave.)
I’m not dealing with this any longer. Good riddance.
WOOD
Her life is on your hands now, Quincy!
(Beat.)
Miserable little wretch.
(The door opens, and JAMES sticks his head out, smiling nervously.)
JAMES
Constable Wood, I just thought of a simple way to make our search easier.
WOOD
Name?
JAMES
Er... yes.
WOOD
She’s French. Lady Joséphine Daviau.
(The smile vanishes from JAMES’s face.)
JAMES
Of course. How utterly convenient.
WOOD
Will that be a problem?
JAMES
We shall see. Could I speak to you inside?
WOOD
Father, I cannot stop searching-
JAMES
Please, constable. Just for a moment.
(WOOD obeys, though reluctantly. They head back inside the church together. SILAS is nowhere to be seen.)
Father Silas?
SILAS
(Offstage)
In the back! I thought we kept a registry for every single person buried here!
JAMES
Not since I arrived here. In my understanding, that’s not how Quincy works!
WOOD
The lady-
JAMES
Father Silas, we have another issue.
SILAS
What is it?
JAMES
The girl is French!
(Beat.)
SILAS
...She could have been buried with a different name.
WOOD
What? Why?
JAMES
Father Silas hates the French.
WOOD
Bollocks! ..Sorry.
(WOOD and JAMES sink down into the pews, drained.)
This is agonizing, Father.
JAMES
We’ll find her, Constable. As Quincy said, we can hold out until the morning-
WOOD
No! We cannot! I will continue searching-
JAMES
Constable, there isn’t much we can do right now.
WOOD
How can you give up when a woman’s life is at stake?!
(Beat. WOOD slumps down, defeated.)
Forgive me, Father.
JAMES
We all wish to see her free. No one is giving up. We’re just doing what we can.
WOOD
I understand. It’s just... this means a lot to me.
JAMES
Constable-
WOOD
You’re new to this parish, Father. You never got to meet my wife... my Morgan. That was her name - Morgan Wood. She was beautiful. Long, blonde hair, always smiling... Such a devout Christian. She never swore, and she found joy in everything.
(He hesitates briefly before continuing, his face set.)
She died in childbirth... six months ago. Fortunately, my daughter survived...
JAMES
Oh... I am sorry for your loss... She is... certainly with God now.
WOOD
Yes, yes... my daughter is very precious to me, but... I cannot help but feel guilty.
JAMES
What could you have done?
WOOD
That’s just it. Nothing. I could do nothing to save her. Saving the lady, though... that feels like closure for me. I couldn’t save Morgan’s life, but I still have a chance to save the Lady Joséphine.
JAMES
I understand...
(They sit in silence. Soon, the bell rings again.)
WOOD
There she is again... the poor woman.
(JAMES slowly gets to his feet, his eyes focused on the bell.)
JAMES
I have an idea...
WOOD
Father?
JAMES
Quincy claims to be the master of string, does he not?
WOOD
I... well, yes.
(SILAS emerges from the other room as JAMES continues.)
JAMES
Do you suppose he could lead us to the lady by letting her guide us?
WOOD
(exasperated)
But she doesn’t even know where she’s buried!
JAMES
Aye... but the string knows.
(WOOD stops and stares at JAMES, running the idea through his mind.)
WOOD
...That’s... brilliant! I’ll summon the grave keeper!
(He hurries from the church, leaving JAMES and SILAS to stare at the bell.)
SILAS
...Very clever idea.
JAMES
Yes, well... let us hope that it works. The way this cemetery is designed, we may as well be searching into the morning.
SILAS
Have faith. She’ll be out soon.
(Beat.)
What do you suppose will happen when we find her?
JAMES
We’ll unearth her coffin... help her out... take her home...
SILAS
Aye, but what will be said? No one has ever been saved this way.
(JAMES falls silent, thinking.)
...Will people be more cautious about these premature burials? ...And where do you think they’ll direct the blame?
JAMES
...I don’t understand.
SILAS
A woman was buried alive. Who was at fault? Perhaps her own family arranged a funeral much too quickly. Maybe the doctor never took the time to feel for a pulse, maybe no one tried awakening her...
(SILAS takes a seat across from JAMES and leans back, his eyes scanning the church.)
Or maybe... two priests - one old, and one new - hadn’t bothered with either of these things, and continue to run their dilapidated, disorganized church with a gravekeeper who believes in magic more than he does in Jesus Christ.
(The two priests stare at one another, frowning. A moment later, WOOD enters, dragging MORRIS by his arm.)
MORRIS
-and no respect, pulling a man from his bed in the middle of the night. The least you could do is talk to me about what I’ve been summoned for.
JAMES
Quincy! I’ve had an idea.
MORRIS
Splendid! Can I go back to bed?
WOOD
Be quiet!
JAMES
We need your help.
MORRIS
(frustrated)
Here, I have an idea. Why don’t we start burying people in coffins they can escape from on their own? That’d be easy. They can pop out of the ground while we’re asleep-
JAMES
It deals with your string.
(Beat. The bell rings in the silence.)
MORRIS
The... my string?
JAMES
Yes, Quincy. Your string work.
MORRIS
What must we do?
(JAMES smirks and gets to his feet.)
JAMES
First, I’ll need you to disconnect the bell-
MORRIS
Right, let me grab the kilts first.
(WOOD claps MORRIS on the shoulder, holding him still.)
WOOD
We aren’t running, you idiot!
JAMES
No... listen. We are going to let the Lady Joséphine guide us to her grave. We’ll take hold of this end of the string, then tell her to pull. This will lead us to the right string - her string.
WOOD
...Amazing.
SILAS
And from there... I assume we follow whichever string we feel her tugging on?
MORRIS
Alright... if that’s the plan, I’ll have to grab a shovel or two.
WOOD
Shouldn’t we find her first?
MORRIS
Nay, the shovels would be for the string.
(MORRIS grins as he heads for the door)
How else would I keep the birds from landing on ‘em?
(Scene change. The lights go out as the church disappears, and a graveyard takes its place. The group enters stage right, brandishing shovels and torches. MORRIS is hunched low to the ground, pulling at something in the dirt.)
MORRIS
Almost... almost...
JAMES
Start checking these headstones, constable!
(WOOD nods and hurries forward with a torch in one hand and a shovel in another, excitedly reading the headstones. SILAS hesitantly begins searching as well. Suddenly, MORRIS stops and stands upright, then points at a headstone facing away from the audience.)
MORRIS
That one!
(WOOD practically trips over himself hurrying to the grave. He briefly holds the torch to the name, then cheers.)
WOOD
The Lady Joséphine Daviau! She was buried with her real name!
JAMES
Can you hear us, Madam?
(LADY responds, her voice clearer.)
LADY
Of course! You’re standing right on top of me... I can feel it!
MORRIS
That’s funny... this grave doesn’t look new.
WOOD
Oh, can you honestly tell in this light? Get those shovels ready! We’re digging!
(SILAS and JAMES look at one another, smiling. WOOD hands his torch to MORRIS, then stabs his shovel into the ground, chipping at the hard dirt.)
Well...
MORRIS
What’s wrong?
WOOD
The ground must be frozen... as you said, it’s rather chilly out here.
MORRIS
Something doesn’t feel right...
(With WOOD distracted, MORRIS takes a second to get a closer look at the headstone. Without warning, he leaps back, yelling.)
No! Stop digging!
(MORRIS tears the shovel from WOOD’s hands, then attacks the copper tube protruding from the grave, attempting to destroy it. JAMES and SILAS take a step back in shock, but WOOD manages to grab MORRIS, pulling him away.)
WOOD
One of you - help me, dammit!
(JAMES sighs and rushes forward, grabbing hold of MORRIS’s shoulder. MORRIS struggles, kicking at the dirt.)
JAMES
Calm down, man! What has gotten into you?
WOOD
What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?
MORRIS
The... the headstone! Read the bloody headstone!
(MORRIS continues to struggle as SILAS steps forward, holding the torch out to read. WOOD and JAMES hesitate in silence, watching SILAS. After a long pause, SILAS looks back at the group, collecting his thoughts.)
SILAS
I believe I’ve discovered why we feel the need to bury our dead without any immediate means of escape.
(He turns back to the headstone, crossing himself.)
The Lady Joséphine Daviau was buried exactly two years ago.
(beat)
LADY
...An absolute lie.
MORRIS
...I knew this was an old spot.
WOOD
Father, are you certain that, er... that date is correct?
(SILAS sighs, then hands the torch to WOOD, who steps forward to get a better look.)
...Well, I’ll be damned. That couldn’t be a mistake?
JAMES
That’s an old headstone...
WOOD
You don’t suppose it could be, uh.. attempted murder? Perhaps... someone buried her here and moved an old headstone in her place...
LADY
Yes! My... husband! He tried to murder me!
MORRIS
Interesting theory. However... it has her name.
WOOD
...Couldn’t be a fraud, could it?
JAMES
Constable, I sincerely doubt a murderer would take the time to carve a two-year-old headstone for a victim he was going to bury.
LADY
But he did!
MORRIS
Nice try. He wouldn’t put a bloody copper tube in the coffin, and I recognize my own string work!
(Beat.)
SILAS
...Well, have we all been convinced?
MORRIS
Surely.
JAMES
Indeed.
WOOD
(hesitantly)
I... suppose.
(JAMES nods, then steps forward, leaning towards the tube.)
JAMES
I apologize, Miss Joséphine, but I fear that we will have to leave you underground.
LADY
Oh...
JAMES
Please understand, it will be presumably safer for us if you stayed in that coffin.
LADY
No, no, I understand...
(There is an awkward silence.)
MORRIS
...Maybe you can try again in a few more years.
SILAS
Yes, or if they ever desecrate this cemetery...
LADY
Yes, yes.... maybe.
JAMES
Well... goodbye, Joséphine.
SILAS, MORRIS and WOOD
(muttering)
Yes... goodbye. Uh... adieu. Bye.
LADY
Au revoir!
(JAMES clears his throat, then hastily yanks then copper tube from the ground and lets it fall into the snow gathering beside him. WOOD nods slightly, then carefully packs some loose snow into the hole with the shovel.)
MORRIS
I should, er... I should disconnect that string.
SILAS
...Do us a favor, Quincy, and just disconnect the damn bell.
MORRIS
Without the ki-
SILAS
Without the kilts.
MORRIS
Yes, father.
(MORRIS bows his head, then quickly wanders offstage, returning to the church. SILAS, JAMES and WOOD stare at the headstone for another brief moment in silence.)
WOOD
...I do feel rather bad about this.
SILAS
She was French.
JAMES
She was French AND dead.
WOOD
She was French AND dead AND sounded like a sweet woman.
SILAS
I’ll bet she had fangs. She’d have killed you, Constable Wood.
WOOD
...Aye. She probably would have.
SILAS
...Well, I’m heading back. I’ll catch my death in this cold.
WOOD
Goodnight, father.
(SILAS nods and ambles offstage, head down. WOOD and JAMES glance at one another, still befuddled.)
JAMES
...You may not have saved a woman tonight, but just think of all the... children who won’t have to suffer at the hands of this, uh, beast.
(WOOD continues to stare at JAMES. After a few seconds, he laughs, then pats JAMES on the back.)
WOOD
All in a day’s work, Brother James. All in a day’s work...
(Beat)
What should we say of all the yelling?
JAMES
Grave robbers. Several. We frightened them off.
WOOD
Yes, yes... and they’ve already left town, so I won’t have to hunt them.
JAMES
Of course.
(More silence. Suddenly, church bells are heard. WOOD sighs, then pulls out his pocket watch.)
WOOD
Silas is early.
JAMES
He can’t tell time.
WOOD
Brilliantly run church. Goodnight, Brother.
JAMES
Goodnight, Constable.
(WOOD walks off stage left, away from the church. JAMES watches him leave, then hurries off in the opposite direction. The scene ends on the silent grave.)