Perverse Christmas Cheer (A Star Trek Reboot Fanfic)
Title: Perverse Christmas Cheer
Author: therumjournals
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,150
Summary: Fluff and poetry and Christmas-y sex. This is a sequel, and takes place one year after A Very Profane Christmas. Written for space_wrapped.
Warnings: first person, blasphemy, profanity, and a rather festive sex toy
Jim started squirming under the covers about forty-five minutes before the alarm was set to go off, flopping around and sighing and pretending that he wasn’t too excited to sleep.
I kept still, vaguely wondering if his eager anticipation might translate into an early morning blow-job, but no such luck - Jim jumped out of bed the moment the alarm finally buzzed. Oh well. Could have been worse. He could have jumped on- "Ooof." I exhaled sharply as Jim settled himself onto my torso and cracked an eyelid open to see him beaming down at me. As I felt the inevitable smile curl my lips, I took a second to ponder how my life had come to this - to waking up with Jim, to wearing a pair of pajama bottoms decorated with polar bears eating ice cream cones, to being alert and happy at 10 o'clock on Christmas morning without a drop of alcohol in my system.
Of course, due a little clever chronometer manipulation (hey, Jim’s not the only one who can hack a complicated system), Jim was under the impression that it was the obscene hour of 8 AM, and I wasn't about to tell him otherwise.
"Get offa me, you perky bastard," I grumbled instead.
"Merry Christmas, Bones!" Jim chirped, my surliness having no impact on his glowing grin.
"Yeah, yeah." To be honest, it was taking every ounce of restraint to maintain this level of cantankerous faux-irritation. My cheeks were warm under Jim's flattering gaze, my chest was expanding with happiness to see Jim so giddy - or it would have been, if Jim hadn't been firmly planted on it.
"Come on, let's go!" he said, dragging me up out of the bed. He pulled on a hoodie and skipped - skipped - into the bathroom, while I made my way over to the replicator. I waited until Jim was out of earshot to place the order. "McCoy, twelve twenty-five." By the time my t-shirt was over my head, the drinks had appeared, just in time for me to hand Jim a steaming mug of hot cocoa, complete with a peppermint stick, as he came out of the bathroom. He looked down at the mug, then back up at me with what I swear was an even bigger grin, and I thought my heart might explode. Jesus Christ. I wondered if there was some kind of antidote to good cheer, 'cause if I didn't get one soon, I’d probably end up leading the crew in Christmas carols or some such nonsense, and we certainly couldn't have that.
**
Jim was surprised to see most of the crew already gathered in the rec room when we arrived. Sure most were clutching festive mugs of coffee, but still, everyone seemed in relatively good spirits.
"Wow," Jim said, glancing around. "The crew must be really excited about Christmas this year! Usually most people don't show up until 9:00 or 9:30 at least."
Uhura gave him a look. I winced and braced myself. "What are you talking about, Captain? It's already 10:30. We were all kind of wondering why you weren't already in here bouncing off the walls, hepped up on eggnog."
Jim turned towards me with a glare. "Bones! You little shit!"
"Come on, Jim, it's Christmas!" I said in my defense. Then, I ran.
Jim caught me in the hallway, but only because I let him, turning and holding out my arms so he could crash into me. I grunted as my back hit the wall and wrapped my arms tightly around him so he couldn't get away - or punch me. But it was Christmas, and I knew he couldn't stay angry long and yep, he was already hugging me back, burying his face in my neck and shaking his head. "I can't believe you," he said, his voice muffled.
"Consider it our Christmas present to the crew," I told him, smiling as I brushed a hand through his hair.
He looked up as a thought occurred to him. "Is this what last night was about? The marathon sex? You were just trying to tire me out?"
"Noooo," I said tolerantly. "I just wanted to have a lot of sex with you."
"A lot," Jim reminded me.
"That's what I said. The fact that it would make my Christmas morning that much more peaceful hadn't even occurred to me." (The sad thing was, it hadn't.)
I could see Jim thinking about it, trying to decide whether to stay angry at my minor deception. I slid a hand down his arm and tangled our fingers together. "Come on, Jim," I said quietly. "Let's go celebrate."
"Did you get me something?" Jim asked, hopping a little with renewed excitement as I pulled him down the corridor.
"Would you still love me if I didn't?"
"Nope."
"That's what I thought."
*
Back in the rec room, everyone had begun to crowd around the pile of presents, seeking out the ones with their names on the tag, joking and jostling as they grabbed for boxes and bags of varying shapes and sizes. I was content to stand back and wait until the crowd had cleared out a little, but of course Jim was shoving his way to the front and saying “Make way for the captain, captain coming through!”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, why do they actually listen to him?” I muttered to Sulu, who was standing beside me clutching a mug of coffee.
“Not all of us have charmed our way into daily insubordination, Doc,” Sulu joked.
“Whatever,” I grumbled, not denying it.
Jim had made his way to the pile and was turning around to grin at me as he held up a small box I recognized, wrapped in plain silver paper. Suddenly I felt my skin go hot. My palms started sweating and I swallowed hard.
Jim pushed his way back to my side, tearing open the wrapping as he approached. He opened the box and pulled out a rolled up piece of paper, unfurled it, and grinned at me. “A poem, Bones?” I started to grin, but to my horror Jim was turning to the crew, raising his voice and calling “Hey everyone! Bones wrote me a poem!”
I clutched at his arm. “Jim, maybe you could just read it to yourself, you know, it’s kind of-“
“It’s fine, Bones. Everyone knows how much you love me, anyway.”
Well, okay, due to an unfortunate shipwide communications malfunction last Valentine’s Day, that was true. But still, that wasn’t the same as everyone turning eagerly toward us, all happy and evil with their knowing little grins as Jim started to read, and so help me baby Jesus, I wanted to kill the little shit. (Jim. Not baby Jesus.)
Jim cleared his throat and started to read.
I woke up this morning with perverse Christmas cheer
Realizing that I’ve put up with you for one entire year
So I figured I should tell you, though I know that it sounds sappy
Jim Kirk - you make me so goddamn, ridiculously happy
Merry Christmas, you infant.
Love, Bones
The crew erupted into a chorus of “awws,” and I’m pretty sure Sulu made a few vomiting gestures, as I looked frantically around for the nearest Jefferies tube to climb into.
Jim had wrapped his arms around me, and I couldn’t help but lean into him as he pressed a gentle kiss to my burning cheek.
"Bones..." I tried not to take too much pride in the fact that he sounded like was about to cry. "You wrote that for me...that is so..." Suddenly I realized that maybe the quiver in Jim's voice wasn't signifying the approach of joyful tears. I rolled my eyes.
"Go ahead, Jim, just say it."
"Where's my actual present?" Jim whispered. I would have rolled my eyes again if I’d ever unrolled them in the first place. I pulled Jim close and whispered in his ear. My words had their intended effect - I could feel the heat of his blush almost matching mine, and I smiled as I stepped back.
Jim gulped. "Now?"
I shook my head and checked the time. "We should probably wait until a more respectable hour," I told him.
"Like...noon?" Jim asked hopefully.
I nodded vigorously. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure I can't wait much longer than that."
Jim licked his lips as we stared at each other for a long moment, then we both turned away abruptly, each of us heading for some sort of nearby liquor.
*
Sulu had given Chekov a bottle of genuine wodka, and I’d never been so thankful to have a 19-year old babbling Russian Christmas stories in my ear, keeping my erection at bay as I waited for the clock to inch its merry way toward noon. I could see Jim holding court across the room, his legs tightly crossed as he studiously avoided my smoldering glances. Finally, I turned to Chekov in exasperation. “Kid, why does every Russian fairy tale involve an old woman, a young woman, and death in some combination?” Yes, okay, I was losing my Christmas cheer, goddammit, I could feel the surliness creeping back in. I had a fever, and the only prescription was - okay, fine, it was Jim’s dick, and I wasn’t too proud to admit it. To myself.
I patted Chekov on the shoulder as he looked at me, confused, and said “It’s Russia!” I shook my head and headed across the room, quickly now, since I was starting to think about what would happen next, and let me tell you, polar bear pajama pants do nothing to hide a raging boner.
Jim was already on his feet, holding his hand out for mine and turning to drag me out of the room. “It’s about fucking time,” he muttered.
“Jim, it’s-“ I checked the nearest display, “It’s only 11:15.”
“Is it?” Jim asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “I could hack that to read noon, but really that would just take time.”
“No need,” I said, and picked up my pace as we sped down the corridor to our room.
*
The box that I handed Jim was wrapped in gold paper, which he tore off with wild abandon. I could see him looking at the package, trying to figure out what it could contain as his fingers shook with excitement. The container was just over a foot long, about four inches in height and width and, well, generally perfectly shaped to hold a - “A candy cane dildo!” Jim said in awe when he opened the box, his mouth dropping open and his eyes practically bugging out of his head. He glanced up at me, at the half-grin I couldn’t keep off my face, and I swear to god I’ve never seen Jim Kirk move so fast as he did then. One second he was right in front of me, the next he was on our bed with his pants down and his ass up in the air, looking at me expectantly. I blinked twice and realized that the box was lying abandoned on the floor and somehow I’d wound up clutching the red-and-white-striped sex toy that was my Christmas gift to Jim. I think he liked it.
“Jesus, Jim,” I grumbled, though I knew the grumpy act wouldn’t last long with that piece of tantalizing tail wiggling in my direction.
“Bones, c’mon, put it in me, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon!”
Like a kid on Christmas, I fucking swear. “Ever heard of foreplay, Jim?” I drawled. Now that I thought about it, this had the potential to be very entertaining.
“How about for foreplay, you get over here and shove that fucking dildo up my ass?” If his tone hadn’t been so cheerful, I’d have sworn the kid was starting to sound like me. I smirked at him and held up the Christmas dick.
“What, this?” I held his eye as I ran an experimental fist down over the thick phallus, then brought it slowly to my lips. His eyes widened as I stuck out my tongue and ran it wetly around the head. I rubbed it across my lips, and could have sworn I heard a whimper from Jim’s general direction as I sucked the tip into my mouth.
“Bones….” Jim whimpered, his fingers clutching at the blanket.
I winked and slid the toy farther into my mouth, twisting it over my tongue and - “Holy shit, it tastes like peppermint!” I said, pulling it away and staring at it with renewed appreciation.
On the bed, Jim was pulling his shirt off, and he dropped back onto his hands and knees and turned to look at me. My cock twitched and my heart sped up. The fucker knew what he was doing, that was for sure, with that slow smile and hooded gaze, no longer an eager puppy or my goofy best friend, but a sexy starship captain who could have anyone in the galaxy that he wanted and had somehow, inexplicably, chosen me.
“Jim,” I said in a strangled voice, and then I was moving across the room, trying to hold onto the dildo while simultaneously divesting myself of every stitch of clothing I had on, until I was close enough to tumble ungracefully onto the bed, pushing Jim over onto his back as I did.
And like he always did, Jim knew what I was thinking, knew what I needed, and he reached up to run his hands over my back, to run his fingers through my hair and pull me close and say “Bones, baby, I’m yours, all yours.”
I gave up on talking and kissed him, hard at first and then softening, sweetening, as I felt his tongue curl around mine, the quirk of his smile beneath my lips, the rush of his pulse when I brushed my fingers against his neck. I almost didn’t want to let him go, but he twisted away, laughing and catching his breath and saying “Mmm, peppermint.”
I felt fingers wrap around my wrist and Jim pulled my hand up between us, my fist still wrapped around the substantial girth of Jim’s Christmas gift. He smirked and stuck his tongue out from between pink lips to lick a delicate stripe up the underside.
I growled and leaned down to add my tongue to the mix, wide and slobbery over the top of the toy, sliding up and down roughly, the way Jim liked it. Jim moaned and closed his eyes against the sight, opened his mouth a little wider and pressed it into his mouth, farther than I had, until his lips stretched around it, and I could only nip at his stubbled jaw and pray to god that I didn’t explode before we got to the actual fun.
“Jim,” I whispered, swallowing hard before I continued, because I really, really hated to beg, but - “Please, Jim, please let me…guh…before I…”
He got the idea, and pulled the dildo from his mouth with a slurp, grinning at me. I nodded and leaned over, reaching for an oft-used drawer in the bedside table, but before I could pull it open, Jim nudged my shoulder and gasped, “Wait…top left drawer…my dresser.”
I scowled at him. I hadn’t been planning to leave the bed for a good few hours at least, but the look in Jim’s eyes made me think that maybe it would be worth it. I scrambled off of him and made my naked way across the room to his dresser, yanking open the drawer. My first thought was a jolt of pride that his socks were neatly organized (my influence, of course) but that was immediately supplanted by a surge of wicked delight at the sight of an unopened bottle of lube. I peered closer, reading the words on the bottle and I turned around to Jim in disbelief. “You got chocolate lube?”
He grinned at me from the bed. “Great minds think alike?”
At any other time, I might have had a snarky rejoinder for a comment like that, but I was too eager to see Jim’s asshole twitching around that massive dick to wait for my brain to catch up. I clutched the bottle in my fist and did a running jump onto the bed.
I sprawled along Jim’s side, sitting up enough to pour a ton of lube over my fingers and palm, then I slapped half the mess across his bare chest. He inhaled sharply at the unexpected sensation.
“Bones, what are you- Oh fuck, oh fuck,” he gasped as I licked roughly over a nipple. I took advantage of his distraction to press two lube-slicked fingers into him, twisting in as deep as I could, until he made a gurgling sound and squeezed festive bruises into my arm.
“Bones, you fuck, oh god, you can’t just-“ I stopped what I was doing, glanced up to meet his eyes. “You can, I mean, you can, don’t stop, oh fuuuuck.” (I’d added a third finger.)
I licked a trail across his chest as I thrust into him, stopping only to murmur, “Fuck you taste good, Jim, you should taste this.” He agreed, apparently, yanking me up by my hair to slam our mouths together, sucking the chocolate from my lips and tongue. I retaliated by wiggling my fingers, and considered adding a fourth, but I could tell that Jim was barely holding it together, a fact that he confirmed when he arched off the bed and twisted his head away to gasp out “Dildo.”
Now that was an order I was happy to obey. I slid my fingers out of him and he relaxed, sucking in a deep breath, gathering himself. He smeared a hand down his stomach, sticky with pre-come, his fingers twitching, and I could tell how hard it was for him to keep his hand off his aching cock. I understood completely. Every brush of skin or fabric or air across my dick was sending a shiver of tortured pleasure through my body, and I groped frantically for the toy. I needed to get that obscenely merry dick in Jim’s ass now.
I somehow had the presence of mind to remember to grab the lube again, coating the kinky peppermint stick in chocolate before I pressed the head against Jim’s ready hole. I pushed gently, planning to ease it in, but it barely budged, fuck, the thing was huge! Jim had a hold of my wrist and was staring at me with lust-glazed eyes. “Slam it,” he whispered.
“What? No!” I pulled it away, shaking my head, but he gripped me harder and nodded frantically.
“Come on, Bones, I want it hard. Do it.”
I held his gaze for a long second, making sure he meant it, then I leaned over to get a better angle, tightened my grip, and growled “Merry Christmas,” as I shoved it into him in one smooth stroke.
He arched his back with a wordless cry, and I held on as he writhed beneath my touch, panting out a steady stream of encouraging obscenities about how much he loved me. I pumped into him with abandon, imagining what it felt like, spikes of pleasure surging up through his spine, the pressure building as though I could feel it in my own cock, and I couldn’t help myself, I had to lean down to taste.
I slowed my thrusts down, twisting my wrist, pulling out inch by inch and sliding back in like we had all day. And I pressed the flat of my tongue against Jim’s stretched hole, going dizzy with the taste of peppermint and sweat and the twitch of muscle as he clenched around the base. It was almost too much, my vision going white around the edges, and I pulled back a little, scraped my teeth up the inside of Jim’s thigh as I reached for his throbbing cock. He batted my hand away and said something that sounded like “Wait…”
Wait? I’d been waiting since Deep Space 2 to take Jim apart with this thing, waiting months to shake myself to pieces at the same time, and I was just about done with waiting. But Jim grunted and groaned and ground out, “If you touch my dick right now I’m gonna lose it, Bones, please…I want...I want you…” His fingers scrabbled over mine, pushing my hand off the dildo until he was holding it, and I almost lost it myself as I realized what he was asking. I threw a leg over his stomach, straddling him, and leaned down to indulge myself with a messy kiss before I made my move. I pinched him hard in the side.
“Ow!” he said, but he was grinning at me, knew what I was up to, making sure that he could wait as I shifted back until the head of his cock brushed my hole. I hadn’t touched myself yet, or had Jim’s fingers in me, but I wasn’t too concerned. I had willingness and chocolate lube and last night’s marathon sex on my side, and I relished the burn as I eased down onto his thick, dripping length.
“Christ,” I grunted as I settled onto him, his cock filling me, then pushing even farther in as he shoved the dildo into himself, moving inside me, and my eyes rolled back in my head. I sat up a little and slid back down, not even trying for any kind of rhythm, knowing this wasn’t going to last long. I had these ideas in my head to tell Jim how I felt, how he made me feel, how beautiful he looked splayed out beneath me, but I was having trouble thinking of words, thinking of anything but how his cock nudged against my prostate as I moved, and lights danced in front of my eyes. “Jim, I…”
“Nnngh!” Apparently Jim wasn’t at his most eloquent either, his hips jerking up off the bed, his head thrashing back and forth like he was trying to hold off the inevitable. I could feel him slam the dildo into himself one more time, the chain reaction as he pushed into me, the rush of sensation as he came, and then I was coming to, white heat pulsing from my cock and splashing onto his stomach and chest. My body shook as I came harder than I had in weeks, harder than I ever had, maybe, judging by the way it seemed to go on forever, surging through me in waves and coating Jim in a gorgeous wash of spunk.
I pulled off of him slowly, dropped onto the mattress along his side, and eyed my work. I opened my mouth to apologize, maybe, but he was looking down over his chest, licking his lips and saying, “Well, I was dreaming of a white-“ I cut him off with a hand over his mouth and growled, and the little fucker just laughed and bit playfully at my palm and I swear, if I thought it was at all possible, I would tell you that at that moment, I loved him even more.
*
“What did you get me for Christmas?”
I had to ask. Granted, it had taken me an hour to get up the energy to form words, the time spent lying lazily beside Jim, floating in and out of sleep, trailing fingers up his torso and letting Jim take them into his mouth one by one.
Jim rolled his head over to look at me. “You mean, besides the chocolate lube?”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh please. That was for you and we both know it.” Jim smirked in agreement.
“And besides the mind-blowing orgasm?”
“Yeah. Besides that.”
Jim made a face. “I got you a fucking book of poetry.”
I tipped my head back and laughed. “You serious?” I asked, glancing sideways at him after I’d caught my breath.
“Yes. I thought it would be, I don’t know…” Jim gestured aimlessly with his hand.
“Romantic?” I asked, rolling over to run my fingers across his ribs, tickling him.
“Quit it,” he laughed, squirming and breathless. “That’s an order!”
I quit it, propping myself up on an elbow to look at him. “You are the sappiest commanding officer ever,” I told him.
We tangled our fingers together and stared at each other with hearts in our eyes. “We really are disgustingly cute, aren’t we?” Jim said after a minute.
“God, yes. It’s revolting.” I leaned in to kiss him lightly on the lips.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“Love you, too, darlin’.” I rested my head on his shoulder as we held each other and breathed each other in, along with an unmistakable trace of chocolate and peppermint. Something occurred to me.
“Jim?”
“Mmm-hmm?”
“It’s a book of erotic poetry, isn’t it?”
“Please, Bones, give me a little credit.” I raised an eyebrow at him, waiting. “It’s erotic Christmas poetry!”
Count on Jim to find that somewhere in the universe.
“Well, are you gonna read it to me or what?”
Jim looked surprised. “I…uh…sure?”
“I mean, unless you were planning to wait a little longer for round two?”
And I swear I’ve never seen Jim Kirk move faster than he did then.
Merry fucking Christmas to me.
One year later (written for space_wrapped 2011) - A Goddamn Christmas Miracle
Author: therumjournals
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,150
Summary: Fluff and poetry and Christmas-y sex. This is a sequel, and takes place one year after A Very Profane Christmas. Written for space_wrapped.
Warnings: first person, blasphemy, profanity, and a rather festive sex toy
Jim started squirming under the covers about forty-five minutes before the alarm was set to go off, flopping around and sighing and pretending that he wasn’t too excited to sleep.
I kept still, vaguely wondering if his eager anticipation might translate into an early morning blow-job, but no such luck - Jim jumped out of bed the moment the alarm finally buzzed. Oh well. Could have been worse. He could have jumped on- "Ooof." I exhaled sharply as Jim settled himself onto my torso and cracked an eyelid open to see him beaming down at me. As I felt the inevitable smile curl my lips, I took a second to ponder how my life had come to this - to waking up with Jim, to wearing a pair of pajama bottoms decorated with polar bears eating ice cream cones, to being alert and happy at 10 o'clock on Christmas morning without a drop of alcohol in my system.
Of course, due a little clever chronometer manipulation (hey, Jim’s not the only one who can hack a complicated system), Jim was under the impression that it was the obscene hour of 8 AM, and I wasn't about to tell him otherwise.
"Get offa me, you perky bastard," I grumbled instead.
"Merry Christmas, Bones!" Jim chirped, my surliness having no impact on his glowing grin.
"Yeah, yeah." To be honest, it was taking every ounce of restraint to maintain this level of cantankerous faux-irritation. My cheeks were warm under Jim's flattering gaze, my chest was expanding with happiness to see Jim so giddy - or it would have been, if Jim hadn't been firmly planted on it.
"Come on, let's go!" he said, dragging me up out of the bed. He pulled on a hoodie and skipped - skipped - into the bathroom, while I made my way over to the replicator. I waited until Jim was out of earshot to place the order. "McCoy, twelve twenty-five." By the time my t-shirt was over my head, the drinks had appeared, just in time for me to hand Jim a steaming mug of hot cocoa, complete with a peppermint stick, as he came out of the bathroom. He looked down at the mug, then back up at me with what I swear was an even bigger grin, and I thought my heart might explode. Jesus Christ. I wondered if there was some kind of antidote to good cheer, 'cause if I didn't get one soon, I’d probably end up leading the crew in Christmas carols or some such nonsense, and we certainly couldn't have that.
**
Jim was surprised to see most of the crew already gathered in the rec room when we arrived. Sure most were clutching festive mugs of coffee, but still, everyone seemed in relatively good spirits.
"Wow," Jim said, glancing around. "The crew must be really excited about Christmas this year! Usually most people don't show up until 9:00 or 9:30 at least."
Uhura gave him a look. I winced and braced myself. "What are you talking about, Captain? It's already 10:30. We were all kind of wondering why you weren't already in here bouncing off the walls, hepped up on eggnog."
Jim turned towards me with a glare. "Bones! You little shit!"
"Come on, Jim, it's Christmas!" I said in my defense. Then, I ran.
Jim caught me in the hallway, but only because I let him, turning and holding out my arms so he could crash into me. I grunted as my back hit the wall and wrapped my arms tightly around him so he couldn't get away - or punch me. But it was Christmas, and I knew he couldn't stay angry long and yep, he was already hugging me back, burying his face in my neck and shaking his head. "I can't believe you," he said, his voice muffled.
"Consider it our Christmas present to the crew," I told him, smiling as I brushed a hand through his hair.
He looked up as a thought occurred to him. "Is this what last night was about? The marathon sex? You were just trying to tire me out?"
"Noooo," I said tolerantly. "I just wanted to have a lot of sex with you."
"A lot," Jim reminded me.
"That's what I said. The fact that it would make my Christmas morning that much more peaceful hadn't even occurred to me." (The sad thing was, it hadn't.)
I could see Jim thinking about it, trying to decide whether to stay angry at my minor deception. I slid a hand down his arm and tangled our fingers together. "Come on, Jim," I said quietly. "Let's go celebrate."
"Did you get me something?" Jim asked, hopping a little with renewed excitement as I pulled him down the corridor.
"Would you still love me if I didn't?"
"Nope."
"That's what I thought."
*
Back in the rec room, everyone had begun to crowd around the pile of presents, seeking out the ones with their names on the tag, joking and jostling as they grabbed for boxes and bags of varying shapes and sizes. I was content to stand back and wait until the crowd had cleared out a little, but of course Jim was shoving his way to the front and saying “Make way for the captain, captain coming through!”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, why do they actually listen to him?” I muttered to Sulu, who was standing beside me clutching a mug of coffee.
“Not all of us have charmed our way into daily insubordination, Doc,” Sulu joked.
“Whatever,” I grumbled, not denying it.
Jim had made his way to the pile and was turning around to grin at me as he held up a small box I recognized, wrapped in plain silver paper. Suddenly I felt my skin go hot. My palms started sweating and I swallowed hard.
Jim pushed his way back to my side, tearing open the wrapping as he approached. He opened the box and pulled out a rolled up piece of paper, unfurled it, and grinned at me. “A poem, Bones?” I started to grin, but to my horror Jim was turning to the crew, raising his voice and calling “Hey everyone! Bones wrote me a poem!”
I clutched at his arm. “Jim, maybe you could just read it to yourself, you know, it’s kind of-“
“It’s fine, Bones. Everyone knows how much you love me, anyway.”
Well, okay, due to an unfortunate shipwide communications malfunction last Valentine’s Day, that was true. But still, that wasn’t the same as everyone turning eagerly toward us, all happy and evil with their knowing little grins as Jim started to read, and so help me baby Jesus, I wanted to kill the little shit. (Jim. Not baby Jesus.)
Jim cleared his throat and started to read.
I woke up this morning with perverse Christmas cheer
Realizing that I’ve put up with you for one entire year
So I figured I should tell you, though I know that it sounds sappy
Jim Kirk - you make me so goddamn, ridiculously happy
Merry Christmas, you infant.
Love, Bones
The crew erupted into a chorus of “awws,” and I’m pretty sure Sulu made a few vomiting gestures, as I looked frantically around for the nearest Jefferies tube to climb into.
Jim had wrapped his arms around me, and I couldn’t help but lean into him as he pressed a gentle kiss to my burning cheek.
"Bones..." I tried not to take too much pride in the fact that he sounded like was about to cry. "You wrote that for me...that is so..." Suddenly I realized that maybe the quiver in Jim's voice wasn't signifying the approach of joyful tears. I rolled my eyes.
"Go ahead, Jim, just say it."
"Where's my actual present?" Jim whispered. I would have rolled my eyes again if I’d ever unrolled them in the first place. I pulled Jim close and whispered in his ear. My words had their intended effect - I could feel the heat of his blush almost matching mine, and I smiled as I stepped back.
Jim gulped. "Now?"
I shook my head and checked the time. "We should probably wait until a more respectable hour," I told him.
"Like...noon?" Jim asked hopefully.
I nodded vigorously. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure I can't wait much longer than that."
Jim licked his lips as we stared at each other for a long moment, then we both turned away abruptly, each of us heading for some sort of nearby liquor.
*
Sulu had given Chekov a bottle of genuine wodka, and I’d never been so thankful to have a 19-year old babbling Russian Christmas stories in my ear, keeping my erection at bay as I waited for the clock to inch its merry way toward noon. I could see Jim holding court across the room, his legs tightly crossed as he studiously avoided my smoldering glances. Finally, I turned to Chekov in exasperation. “Kid, why does every Russian fairy tale involve an old woman, a young woman, and death in some combination?” Yes, okay, I was losing my Christmas cheer, goddammit, I could feel the surliness creeping back in. I had a fever, and the only prescription was - okay, fine, it was Jim’s dick, and I wasn’t too proud to admit it. To myself.
I patted Chekov on the shoulder as he looked at me, confused, and said “It’s Russia!” I shook my head and headed across the room, quickly now, since I was starting to think about what would happen next, and let me tell you, polar bear pajama pants do nothing to hide a raging boner.
Jim was already on his feet, holding his hand out for mine and turning to drag me out of the room. “It’s about fucking time,” he muttered.
“Jim, it’s-“ I checked the nearest display, “It’s only 11:15.”
“Is it?” Jim asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “I could hack that to read noon, but really that would just take time.”
“No need,” I said, and picked up my pace as we sped down the corridor to our room.
*
The box that I handed Jim was wrapped in gold paper, which he tore off with wild abandon. I could see him looking at the package, trying to figure out what it could contain as his fingers shook with excitement. The container was just over a foot long, about four inches in height and width and, well, generally perfectly shaped to hold a - “A candy cane dildo!” Jim said in awe when he opened the box, his mouth dropping open and his eyes practically bugging out of his head. He glanced up at me, at the half-grin I couldn’t keep off my face, and I swear to god I’ve never seen Jim Kirk move so fast as he did then. One second he was right in front of me, the next he was on our bed with his pants down and his ass up in the air, looking at me expectantly. I blinked twice and realized that the box was lying abandoned on the floor and somehow I’d wound up clutching the red-and-white-striped sex toy that was my Christmas gift to Jim. I think he liked it.
“Jesus, Jim,” I grumbled, though I knew the grumpy act wouldn’t last long with that piece of tantalizing tail wiggling in my direction.
“Bones, c’mon, put it in me, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon!”
Like a kid on Christmas, I fucking swear. “Ever heard of foreplay, Jim?” I drawled. Now that I thought about it, this had the potential to be very entertaining.
“How about for foreplay, you get over here and shove that fucking dildo up my ass?” If his tone hadn’t been so cheerful, I’d have sworn the kid was starting to sound like me. I smirked at him and held up the Christmas dick.
“What, this?” I held his eye as I ran an experimental fist down over the thick phallus, then brought it slowly to my lips. His eyes widened as I stuck out my tongue and ran it wetly around the head. I rubbed it across my lips, and could have sworn I heard a whimper from Jim’s general direction as I sucked the tip into my mouth.
“Bones….” Jim whimpered, his fingers clutching at the blanket.
I winked and slid the toy farther into my mouth, twisting it over my tongue and - “Holy shit, it tastes like peppermint!” I said, pulling it away and staring at it with renewed appreciation.
On the bed, Jim was pulling his shirt off, and he dropped back onto his hands and knees and turned to look at me. My cock twitched and my heart sped up. The fucker knew what he was doing, that was for sure, with that slow smile and hooded gaze, no longer an eager puppy or my goofy best friend, but a sexy starship captain who could have anyone in the galaxy that he wanted and had somehow, inexplicably, chosen me.
“Jim,” I said in a strangled voice, and then I was moving across the room, trying to hold onto the dildo while simultaneously divesting myself of every stitch of clothing I had on, until I was close enough to tumble ungracefully onto the bed, pushing Jim over onto his back as I did.
And like he always did, Jim knew what I was thinking, knew what I needed, and he reached up to run his hands over my back, to run his fingers through my hair and pull me close and say “Bones, baby, I’m yours, all yours.”
I gave up on talking and kissed him, hard at first and then softening, sweetening, as I felt his tongue curl around mine, the quirk of his smile beneath my lips, the rush of his pulse when I brushed my fingers against his neck. I almost didn’t want to let him go, but he twisted away, laughing and catching his breath and saying “Mmm, peppermint.”
I felt fingers wrap around my wrist and Jim pulled my hand up between us, my fist still wrapped around the substantial girth of Jim’s Christmas gift. He smirked and stuck his tongue out from between pink lips to lick a delicate stripe up the underside.
I growled and leaned down to add my tongue to the mix, wide and slobbery over the top of the toy, sliding up and down roughly, the way Jim liked it. Jim moaned and closed his eyes against the sight, opened his mouth a little wider and pressed it into his mouth, farther than I had, until his lips stretched around it, and I could only nip at his stubbled jaw and pray to god that I didn’t explode before we got to the actual fun.
“Jim,” I whispered, swallowing hard before I continued, because I really, really hated to beg, but - “Please, Jim, please let me…guh…before I…”
He got the idea, and pulled the dildo from his mouth with a slurp, grinning at me. I nodded and leaned over, reaching for an oft-used drawer in the bedside table, but before I could pull it open, Jim nudged my shoulder and gasped, “Wait…top left drawer…my dresser.”
I scowled at him. I hadn’t been planning to leave the bed for a good few hours at least, but the look in Jim’s eyes made me think that maybe it would be worth it. I scrambled off of him and made my naked way across the room to his dresser, yanking open the drawer. My first thought was a jolt of pride that his socks were neatly organized (my influence, of course) but that was immediately supplanted by a surge of wicked delight at the sight of an unopened bottle of lube. I peered closer, reading the words on the bottle and I turned around to Jim in disbelief. “You got chocolate lube?”
He grinned at me from the bed. “Great minds think alike?”
At any other time, I might have had a snarky rejoinder for a comment like that, but I was too eager to see Jim’s asshole twitching around that massive dick to wait for my brain to catch up. I clutched the bottle in my fist and did a running jump onto the bed.
I sprawled along Jim’s side, sitting up enough to pour a ton of lube over my fingers and palm, then I slapped half the mess across his bare chest. He inhaled sharply at the unexpected sensation.
“Bones, what are you- Oh fuck, oh fuck,” he gasped as I licked roughly over a nipple. I took advantage of his distraction to press two lube-slicked fingers into him, twisting in as deep as I could, until he made a gurgling sound and squeezed festive bruises into my arm.
“Bones, you fuck, oh god, you can’t just-“ I stopped what I was doing, glanced up to meet his eyes. “You can, I mean, you can, don’t stop, oh fuuuuck.” (I’d added a third finger.)
I licked a trail across his chest as I thrust into him, stopping only to murmur, “Fuck you taste good, Jim, you should taste this.” He agreed, apparently, yanking me up by my hair to slam our mouths together, sucking the chocolate from my lips and tongue. I retaliated by wiggling my fingers, and considered adding a fourth, but I could tell that Jim was barely holding it together, a fact that he confirmed when he arched off the bed and twisted his head away to gasp out “Dildo.”
Now that was an order I was happy to obey. I slid my fingers out of him and he relaxed, sucking in a deep breath, gathering himself. He smeared a hand down his stomach, sticky with pre-come, his fingers twitching, and I could tell how hard it was for him to keep his hand off his aching cock. I understood completely. Every brush of skin or fabric or air across my dick was sending a shiver of tortured pleasure through my body, and I groped frantically for the toy. I needed to get that obscenely merry dick in Jim’s ass now.
I somehow had the presence of mind to remember to grab the lube again, coating the kinky peppermint stick in chocolate before I pressed the head against Jim’s ready hole. I pushed gently, planning to ease it in, but it barely budged, fuck, the thing was huge! Jim had a hold of my wrist and was staring at me with lust-glazed eyes. “Slam it,” he whispered.
“What? No!” I pulled it away, shaking my head, but he gripped me harder and nodded frantically.
“Come on, Bones, I want it hard. Do it.”
I held his gaze for a long second, making sure he meant it, then I leaned over to get a better angle, tightened my grip, and growled “Merry Christmas,” as I shoved it into him in one smooth stroke.
He arched his back with a wordless cry, and I held on as he writhed beneath my touch, panting out a steady stream of encouraging obscenities about how much he loved me. I pumped into him with abandon, imagining what it felt like, spikes of pleasure surging up through his spine, the pressure building as though I could feel it in my own cock, and I couldn’t help myself, I had to lean down to taste.
I slowed my thrusts down, twisting my wrist, pulling out inch by inch and sliding back in like we had all day. And I pressed the flat of my tongue against Jim’s stretched hole, going dizzy with the taste of peppermint and sweat and the twitch of muscle as he clenched around the base. It was almost too much, my vision going white around the edges, and I pulled back a little, scraped my teeth up the inside of Jim’s thigh as I reached for his throbbing cock. He batted my hand away and said something that sounded like “Wait…”
Wait? I’d been waiting since Deep Space 2 to take Jim apart with this thing, waiting months to shake myself to pieces at the same time, and I was just about done with waiting. But Jim grunted and groaned and ground out, “If you touch my dick right now I’m gonna lose it, Bones, please…I want...I want you…” His fingers scrabbled over mine, pushing my hand off the dildo until he was holding it, and I almost lost it myself as I realized what he was asking. I threw a leg over his stomach, straddling him, and leaned down to indulge myself with a messy kiss before I made my move. I pinched him hard in the side.
“Ow!” he said, but he was grinning at me, knew what I was up to, making sure that he could wait as I shifted back until the head of his cock brushed my hole. I hadn’t touched myself yet, or had Jim’s fingers in me, but I wasn’t too concerned. I had willingness and chocolate lube and last night’s marathon sex on my side, and I relished the burn as I eased down onto his thick, dripping length.
“Christ,” I grunted as I settled onto him, his cock filling me, then pushing even farther in as he shoved the dildo into himself, moving inside me, and my eyes rolled back in my head. I sat up a little and slid back down, not even trying for any kind of rhythm, knowing this wasn’t going to last long. I had these ideas in my head to tell Jim how I felt, how he made me feel, how beautiful he looked splayed out beneath me, but I was having trouble thinking of words, thinking of anything but how his cock nudged against my prostate as I moved, and lights danced in front of my eyes. “Jim, I…”
“Nnngh!” Apparently Jim wasn’t at his most eloquent either, his hips jerking up off the bed, his head thrashing back and forth like he was trying to hold off the inevitable. I could feel him slam the dildo into himself one more time, the chain reaction as he pushed into me, the rush of sensation as he came, and then I was coming to, white heat pulsing from my cock and splashing onto his stomach and chest. My body shook as I came harder than I had in weeks, harder than I ever had, maybe, judging by the way it seemed to go on forever, surging through me in waves and coating Jim in a gorgeous wash of spunk.
I pulled off of him slowly, dropped onto the mattress along his side, and eyed my work. I opened my mouth to apologize, maybe, but he was looking down over his chest, licking his lips and saying, “Well, I was dreaming of a white-“ I cut him off with a hand over his mouth and growled, and the little fucker just laughed and bit playfully at my palm and I swear, if I thought it was at all possible, I would tell you that at that moment, I loved him even more.
*
“What did you get me for Christmas?”
I had to ask. Granted, it had taken me an hour to get up the energy to form words, the time spent lying lazily beside Jim, floating in and out of sleep, trailing fingers up his torso and letting Jim take them into his mouth one by one.
Jim rolled his head over to look at me. “You mean, besides the chocolate lube?”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh please. That was for you and we both know it.” Jim smirked in agreement.
“And besides the mind-blowing orgasm?”
“Yeah. Besides that.”
Jim made a face. “I got you a fucking book of poetry.”
I tipped my head back and laughed. “You serious?” I asked, glancing sideways at him after I’d caught my breath.
“Yes. I thought it would be, I don’t know…” Jim gestured aimlessly with his hand.
“Romantic?” I asked, rolling over to run my fingers across his ribs, tickling him.
“Quit it,” he laughed, squirming and breathless. “That’s an order!”
I quit it, propping myself up on an elbow to look at him. “You are the sappiest commanding officer ever,” I told him.
We tangled our fingers together and stared at each other with hearts in our eyes. “We really are disgustingly cute, aren’t we?” Jim said after a minute.
“God, yes. It’s revolting.” I leaned in to kiss him lightly on the lips.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“Love you, too, darlin’.” I rested my head on his shoulder as we held each other and breathed each other in, along with an unmistakable trace of chocolate and peppermint. Something occurred to me.
“Jim?”
“Mmm-hmm?”
“It’s a book of erotic poetry, isn’t it?”
“Please, Bones, give me a little credit.” I raised an eyebrow at him, waiting. “It’s erotic Christmas poetry!”
Count on Jim to find that somewhere in the universe.
“Well, are you gonna read it to me or what?”
Jim looked surprised. “I…uh…sure?”
“I mean, unless you were planning to wait a little longer for round two?”
And I swear I’ve never seen Jim Kirk move faster than he did then.
Merry fucking Christmas to me.
One year later (written for space_wrapped 2011) - A Goddamn Christmas Miracle