First of all, without even speaking to the girl, or her BF, I completely agree with all of your theories. This guy sounds like a complete ass. Maybe she's just too sweet to see that he's quickly on his way to being abusive. Hiding behind clothing racks? Calling obsessively? Screaming in public? RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAAAAG.
It sucks that she opted for the 'ruin our friendship' line, but for the sake of being friends with her, you should try to find solid evidence of this guy's assery before being like: "UHM OMG BREAK UP WITH HIM."
In my experience, I'd have always preferred my male friends told me my boyfriend was an asshole, even if I knew that they liked me. She should be able to tell you lying out of jealousy and talking out of concern if she's a true friend.
I really thought the 'ruin our friendship' thing was a line but then i talked to her again the next day or something and she explained. You'd have to know her but she's had a lot of issues in the past and i can see now that if me and her had a huge fight like she had with asshat in the mall and we stopped talking she honestly would take it really really badly. Plus there's religious stuff that would make it difficult for us to be together long term so, meh... i'll deal
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IMO, the whole guy/girl friend thing doesn't work out. I used to vehemently argue that it does work out, and that it's possible for a guy and a girl to be "just friends," but then, after I tested the theory time and time again, I finally admitted that it doesn't work. I won't go so far as to say that there will never be a case where it happens, but in my honest opinion, a guy cannot be really good friends with a girl. Acquaintances, yes, convenience friends, yes. REALLY GREAT FRIENDS? No. Even if they are both involved with someone, even if one of them is involved with someone, and especially NOT if both are single. Something eventually becomes tangled, twisted, or just plain awkward
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my theory on that is the same yet different. Any time a guy and girl are friends at least one of them has romantic feelings for the other even if they're small. That's law. She knows how i feel about her but she also trusts me to not be trying to sabotage her relationship. If i tell her he's an asshat she knows it's not out of bias. She is, however, too sweet for her own good and spends alot of time afraid she'll hurt me or make me uncomfortable or ruin our friendship. It's this very fear which often threatens to ruin our friendship because it makes her want to keep things from me. It makes her not want to talk about asshat because i might get jealous and when he's been an asshat and she forgives him it makes her not want to tell me because she thinks i'll be upset. She has alot going on, stress and all, so i try to keep that to a minimum by usually acting like everything is fine, thus putting her at ease about things with us at least.
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First of all, without even speaking to the girl, or her BF, I completely agree with all of your theories. This guy sounds like a complete ass. Maybe she's just too sweet to see that he's quickly on his way to being abusive. Hiding behind clothing racks? Calling obsessively? Screaming in public? RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAAAAG.
It sucks that she opted for the 'ruin our friendship' line, but for the sake of being friends with her, you should try to find solid evidence of this guy's assery before being like: "UHM OMG BREAK UP WITH HIM."
In my experience, I'd have always preferred my male friends told me my boyfriend was an asshole, even if I knew that they liked me. She should be able to tell you lying out of jealousy and talking out of concern if she's a true friend.
Ugh, that's so annoying.
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She knows how i feel about her but she also trusts me to not be trying to sabotage her relationship. If i tell her he's an asshat she knows it's not out of bias.
She is, however, too sweet for her own good and spends alot of time afraid she'll hurt me or make me uncomfortable or ruin our friendship. It's this very fear which often threatens to ruin our friendship because it makes her want to keep things from me. It makes her not want to talk about asshat because i might get jealous and when he's been an asshat and she forgives him it makes her not want to tell me because she thinks i'll be upset. She has alot going on, stress and all, so i try to keep that to a minimum by usually acting like everything is fine, thus putting her at ease about things with us at least.
I promise to keep you posted though.
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