[multichapter] baby blue part 3 chapter 17
Title: Baby Blue: Part 3: Chapter 17
Pairing: JunDa
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2062
Disclaimer: All people mentioned belong only to themselves...aside from JunDa who clearly belong to each other.
Summary: In the fairy tales they fall in love and live happily ever after...but this isn't a fairy tale. How are two people, madly in love, supposed to stay away from each other?
14th June 2013
He kept his head down as he walked into the meeting room. They had a one hour meeting before the mini-bus picked them up to take them to the airport, where they would fly out for their concerts in Hokkaido.
“We'll be using the same hotel as last year” their manager announced. “After the mix up last year they've kindly offered us a discounted price on all of your rooms and to provide access to all of the hotel's facilities at no extra charge.”
Great, Ueda thought. That's exactly what he needed right now, to be back in that hotel, to walk past the same paintings, to drink in the same bar, who knows, to walk past that very same room where everything started for them.
He was pretty sure there was a gym at least, maybe if they had punching bags he could distract himself by hitting things in his free time.
There were nods all around the room but nobody commented, and so their manager handed out the concert revisions for them to discuss.
It took less time than it should, not one of them really in their usual constructive moods, and Ueda had a fair idea why though none of them brought it up to him until they arrived at the hotel itself.
“Are you going to be ok?” A voice asked quietly beside him, Koki's. “We can do some muscle training together while we're here, or there's a pool too, we could hang out and exercise and stuff around the concerts?”
He nodded “Thanks, yeah” but he was feeling a little less enthusiastic about it by the time they got inside and were given their room allocations. They had most of the top floor to themselves even with most of the juniors sharing room again, but somehow Ueda knew it would turn out the way it did, and biting back a sigh he took the room card and followed the others up to put away their things.
Taguchi was the only other member to give any kind of reaction as he walked along the corridor and stopped in front of his door, but of course this room held no significance to any of them. Last year this had been Taguchi's room.
His hands were sweaty as he opened the door and he took a deep breath as he entered, but when he looked around it was just a room, a typical hotel room, probably exactly the same as all the others. He didn't know what he'd expected exactly, it had been over a year since he'd been in this room, hundreds of people had probably used it since, so he didn't know why he expected it to hold any memories of his last visit. What confused him more though was why it hurt him so badly that it didn't.
He left his suitcase in the middle of the room and walked over to the bed, sinking down onto it and running his palm softly over the sheets as though he expected to still feel the warmth of their bodies against them, but there was nothing. He felt so empty that he wanted to cry.
He couldn't say how long he sat there, staring unseeing at the white expanse of the bed, but in time, a gentle knock came at his door. His heart leapt in his chest and his pulse ran a little too fast as he darted to the door.
But the hope drained from his limbs when he opened the door to find Kame standing there “We're all ready to go when you are.” Kame muttered quietly and then he called back “We'll be waiting in the lobby” as he made his way down the corridor.
Ueda closed the door, and leant against it for a few minutes, taking deep breaths to calm him as tears prickled behind his eyes, but he knew there was no time for a break-down now, and so he rushed into his en-suite bathroom and washed his face before heading down to meet the others.
Thankfully, the busy schedule they had of running through the rehearsal, and learning the revisions, then grabbing a quick bite to eat from the catering staff before the concert, kept his mind and body both busy enough to keep him distracted. They went out to eat after the show too, but then as they returned to the hotel each of the others bade their goodnights with tired yawns, and too soon Ueda found himself back in the empty room again.
He tried to push all thoughts from his mind as he readied for bed and climbed under the covers, but as he lay awake, the memories came back. First the memories of this hotel, the first night they'd shared in the double room, and then the night in this one, the way he'd felt a little grossed out as he'd pushed his fingers inside Taguchi for the first time.
He felt stirrings in his abdomen, heat and blood rushing down, and he bolted upright in bed. He really did not need those kinds of feelings confusing him any more right now.
He got up from the bed, dragging on a pair of sweatpants and he stuffed his key into his pocket before rushing from the room. He didn't know exactly where he was planning on going he just chose a direction and ran with it, up a small set of stairs and out onto some kind of garden-like balcony.
There were a couple of seats, and small table too with a number of ashtrays on, and that's when he understood, it was somewhere for the hotel customers to go out and smoke. At least he had it to himself for the moment so the air was pretty clear, and so he wandered over to the railing, looking out over the city as he took long, slow breaths to calm himself.
It was working, and his body was relaxing just enough to feel the night's chill, when he heard the door open behind him and as he turned, his heart froze.
“Having trouble sleeping?” Taguchi asked, his voice a mixture of humour and bitterness, but Ueda's retort was lost as arms closed around him, lingering just a little too long as they wrapped a blanket around him. “Are you still not talking to me?”
“Since when wasn't I talking to you?” he asked, and Taguchi's arms finally fell from around him as the taller man moved to stand beside him.
“I don't know...I guess things have just been too weird between us to tell if you're talking to me or not.”
Ueda thought for a moment and then shrugged “It doesn't really make a difference either way, right?”
Taguchi let out a long sigh “How did it get to this?” and Ueda couldn't help the bitter snort of laughter he let out.
“You know how it got to this...”
There was silence again for a while and Ueda shuddered, pulling the blanket closer around him.
When Taguchi spoke again his voice was low and quiet. “I didn't want things to turn out like this...I miss you Tatsuya...” His breath caught in his throat, and suddenly the air was too thick to breathe. “And it's not just...it's not even that. I just want...” but Taguchi didn't even seem to be able to finish, his sentence ending with just heavy breathing and Ueda knew he was trying not to cry.
Just knowing it brought tears to his own eyes, and he automatically reached to his chest to clutch the ring that was hanging from a chain there, the ring Taguchi had given him, and that he couldn't let go of no matter how hard he tried.
It had felt like the world was crashing down on him that first day Taguchi came to work, his fingers free of jewellery, and his first instinct had been to run away and hide, but he'd kept it inside until their lunch break, until he couldn't hold it any more and he'd rushed to the rest room to break down. He'd been so hurt and angry that he wanted nothing more than to rip his own ring from his finger and throw it as hard as he could from the window, but even in his desperation he'd known how much he would regret that, and so instead he'd hidden it in his pocket for the rest of the day and then attached it to a long chain to wear around his neck.
He clutched at it tightly as he inhaled the harsh night air, but it caught him off guard when Taguchi took hold of his shoulder and spun him round to face him. Eyes travelled down his chest, landing on the hand clenched around his ring just as Taguchi's hand came up to peel his hand away from it.
When Taguchi saw it, he gave out a sound somewhere between a gasp and sob, and the tears finally overflowed. “Baby, I'm so sorry...” but his voice caught again as he captured the ring in his own hand, squeezing it as though it would give him strength, the way Ueda did.
He looked back up to Taguchi's face, almost distraught looking, and when their eyes met he let them linger only long enough to notice Taguchi begin to lean in.
“Don't” he said sharply, placing his own hand on Taguchi's chest to push him away gently as he leaned away himself.
Taguchi's expression was desperate “Tatsuya, I can't take it any more...” and Ueda remained still as he leant in closer again, not rejecting him as the taller man placed gentle kisses across his face, one hand coming up to cup his cheek. “I need you...”
With the other hand Taguchi took hold of Ueda's waist, pulling him closer until their bodies connected, and Ueda's senses came back to him.
“Stop” Ueda breathed out harshly “Stop it Taguchi, let me go.”
Taguchi's face fell and scrunched up as though the statement had caused him physical pain “Baby...”
“You know what your problem is?” he muttered as he pushed Taguchi away “You're selfish.”
It clearly wasn't what Taguchi had been expecting. “I'm selfish?”
“Yes, you've barely spoken to me in months and now here you are, all soft words and gentle kisses, expecting me to do who knows what, because you're sad and you 'need me'. Well what about what I need? I don't need you confusing me like this, using me whenever the mood takes you...do you even have any idea how that makes me feel?”
“But...” Taguchi started, but Ueda cut him off.
“Or what about that poor girl you're fucking while you prance around boasting about how much you don't care about her? Have you bothered to stop and consider how she feels when you're using her to get whatever you need...”
The hurt on Taguchi's face was beginning to turn to anger “You're one to talk...” he started as he took a step back “This whole thing is your fault anyway...if you hadn't used me that night then nothing would have even started and both of us would probably be happy now!”
“My fault?” Ueda almost snarled back “I'll admit it was my fault the first time, but after that I said I didn't want to do it any more...you were the one that convinced me it would be ok...you're the one that kept things going.”
“Yeah, cause you took much convincing...it's not like I forced you to do anything...I didn't pin you down and force your cock...”
His sentence was cut off by a quiet cough behind them, and they both turned to see Kame by the door, his cigarettes held up in explanation.
Ueda turned and stormed his way past Kame, turning just in time to see Kame stopping Taguchi from doing the same. And then he felt a sharp pang of jealousy as Taguchi burst into tears and was pulled into Kame's arms.
He turned away, refusing to let his heart feel for Taguchi right now, how dare that idiot act like he still cares about him.
Instead he returned to his room alone, where he allowed himself to finally give in, and tears rolled down his cheeks as he traced his fingertips over the tingling spots of skin that Taguchi's lips had touched.
Chapter 16 | Chapter 18
----------------------------------------
I'm really excited about posting Baby Blue again :D I finally caught up to where I was before losing everything, and I'm excited to get the rest written, it's looking like there'll be around 6 more chapters after this one :) Hang in there guys...we're nearly there :D
Pairing: JunDa
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2062
Disclaimer: All people mentioned belong only to themselves...aside from JunDa who clearly belong to each other.
Summary: In the fairy tales they fall in love and live happily ever after...but this isn't a fairy tale. How are two people, madly in love, supposed to stay away from each other?
14th June 2013
He kept his head down as he walked into the meeting room. They had a one hour meeting before the mini-bus picked them up to take them to the airport, where they would fly out for their concerts in Hokkaido.
“We'll be using the same hotel as last year” their manager announced. “After the mix up last year they've kindly offered us a discounted price on all of your rooms and to provide access to all of the hotel's facilities at no extra charge.”
Great, Ueda thought. That's exactly what he needed right now, to be back in that hotel, to walk past the same paintings, to drink in the same bar, who knows, to walk past that very same room where everything started for them.
He was pretty sure there was a gym at least, maybe if they had punching bags he could distract himself by hitting things in his free time.
There were nods all around the room but nobody commented, and so their manager handed out the concert revisions for them to discuss.
It took less time than it should, not one of them really in their usual constructive moods, and Ueda had a fair idea why though none of them brought it up to him until they arrived at the hotel itself.
“Are you going to be ok?” A voice asked quietly beside him, Koki's. “We can do some muscle training together while we're here, or there's a pool too, we could hang out and exercise and stuff around the concerts?”
He nodded “Thanks, yeah” but he was feeling a little less enthusiastic about it by the time they got inside and were given their room allocations. They had most of the top floor to themselves even with most of the juniors sharing room again, but somehow Ueda knew it would turn out the way it did, and biting back a sigh he took the room card and followed the others up to put away their things.
Taguchi was the only other member to give any kind of reaction as he walked along the corridor and stopped in front of his door, but of course this room held no significance to any of them. Last year this had been Taguchi's room.
His hands were sweaty as he opened the door and he took a deep breath as he entered, but when he looked around it was just a room, a typical hotel room, probably exactly the same as all the others. He didn't know what he'd expected exactly, it had been over a year since he'd been in this room, hundreds of people had probably used it since, so he didn't know why he expected it to hold any memories of his last visit. What confused him more though was why it hurt him so badly that it didn't.
He left his suitcase in the middle of the room and walked over to the bed, sinking down onto it and running his palm softly over the sheets as though he expected to still feel the warmth of their bodies against them, but there was nothing. He felt so empty that he wanted to cry.
He couldn't say how long he sat there, staring unseeing at the white expanse of the bed, but in time, a gentle knock came at his door. His heart leapt in his chest and his pulse ran a little too fast as he darted to the door.
But the hope drained from his limbs when he opened the door to find Kame standing there “We're all ready to go when you are.” Kame muttered quietly and then he called back “We'll be waiting in the lobby” as he made his way down the corridor.
Ueda closed the door, and leant against it for a few minutes, taking deep breaths to calm him as tears prickled behind his eyes, but he knew there was no time for a break-down now, and so he rushed into his en-suite bathroom and washed his face before heading down to meet the others.
Thankfully, the busy schedule they had of running through the rehearsal, and learning the revisions, then grabbing a quick bite to eat from the catering staff before the concert, kept his mind and body both busy enough to keep him distracted. They went out to eat after the show too, but then as they returned to the hotel each of the others bade their goodnights with tired yawns, and too soon Ueda found himself back in the empty room again.
He tried to push all thoughts from his mind as he readied for bed and climbed under the covers, but as he lay awake, the memories came back. First the memories of this hotel, the first night they'd shared in the double room, and then the night in this one, the way he'd felt a little grossed out as he'd pushed his fingers inside Taguchi for the first time.
He felt stirrings in his abdomen, heat and blood rushing down, and he bolted upright in bed. He really did not need those kinds of feelings confusing him any more right now.
He got up from the bed, dragging on a pair of sweatpants and he stuffed his key into his pocket before rushing from the room. He didn't know exactly where he was planning on going he just chose a direction and ran with it, up a small set of stairs and out onto some kind of garden-like balcony.
There were a couple of seats, and small table too with a number of ashtrays on, and that's when he understood, it was somewhere for the hotel customers to go out and smoke. At least he had it to himself for the moment so the air was pretty clear, and so he wandered over to the railing, looking out over the city as he took long, slow breaths to calm himself.
It was working, and his body was relaxing just enough to feel the night's chill, when he heard the door open behind him and as he turned, his heart froze.
“Having trouble sleeping?” Taguchi asked, his voice a mixture of humour and bitterness, but Ueda's retort was lost as arms closed around him, lingering just a little too long as they wrapped a blanket around him. “Are you still not talking to me?”
“Since when wasn't I talking to you?” he asked, and Taguchi's arms finally fell from around him as the taller man moved to stand beside him.
“I don't know...I guess things have just been too weird between us to tell if you're talking to me or not.”
Ueda thought for a moment and then shrugged “It doesn't really make a difference either way, right?”
Taguchi let out a long sigh “How did it get to this?” and Ueda couldn't help the bitter snort of laughter he let out.
“You know how it got to this...”
There was silence again for a while and Ueda shuddered, pulling the blanket closer around him.
When Taguchi spoke again his voice was low and quiet. “I didn't want things to turn out like this...I miss you Tatsuya...” His breath caught in his throat, and suddenly the air was too thick to breathe. “And it's not just...it's not even that. I just want...” but Taguchi didn't even seem to be able to finish, his sentence ending with just heavy breathing and Ueda knew he was trying not to cry.
Just knowing it brought tears to his own eyes, and he automatically reached to his chest to clutch the ring that was hanging from a chain there, the ring Taguchi had given him, and that he couldn't let go of no matter how hard he tried.
It had felt like the world was crashing down on him that first day Taguchi came to work, his fingers free of jewellery, and his first instinct had been to run away and hide, but he'd kept it inside until their lunch break, until he couldn't hold it any more and he'd rushed to the rest room to break down. He'd been so hurt and angry that he wanted nothing more than to rip his own ring from his finger and throw it as hard as he could from the window, but even in his desperation he'd known how much he would regret that, and so instead he'd hidden it in his pocket for the rest of the day and then attached it to a long chain to wear around his neck.
He clutched at it tightly as he inhaled the harsh night air, but it caught him off guard when Taguchi took hold of his shoulder and spun him round to face him. Eyes travelled down his chest, landing on the hand clenched around his ring just as Taguchi's hand came up to peel his hand away from it.
When Taguchi saw it, he gave out a sound somewhere between a gasp and sob, and the tears finally overflowed. “Baby, I'm so sorry...” but his voice caught again as he captured the ring in his own hand, squeezing it as though it would give him strength, the way Ueda did.
He looked back up to Taguchi's face, almost distraught looking, and when their eyes met he let them linger only long enough to notice Taguchi begin to lean in.
“Don't” he said sharply, placing his own hand on Taguchi's chest to push him away gently as he leaned away himself.
Taguchi's expression was desperate “Tatsuya, I can't take it any more...” and Ueda remained still as he leant in closer again, not rejecting him as the taller man placed gentle kisses across his face, one hand coming up to cup his cheek. “I need you...”
With the other hand Taguchi took hold of Ueda's waist, pulling him closer until their bodies connected, and Ueda's senses came back to him.
“Stop” Ueda breathed out harshly “Stop it Taguchi, let me go.”
Taguchi's face fell and scrunched up as though the statement had caused him physical pain “Baby...”
“You know what your problem is?” he muttered as he pushed Taguchi away “You're selfish.”
It clearly wasn't what Taguchi had been expecting. “I'm selfish?”
“Yes, you've barely spoken to me in months and now here you are, all soft words and gentle kisses, expecting me to do who knows what, because you're sad and you 'need me'. Well what about what I need? I don't need you confusing me like this, using me whenever the mood takes you...do you even have any idea how that makes me feel?”
“But...” Taguchi started, but Ueda cut him off.
“Or what about that poor girl you're fucking while you prance around boasting about how much you don't care about her? Have you bothered to stop and consider how she feels when you're using her to get whatever you need...”
The hurt on Taguchi's face was beginning to turn to anger “You're one to talk...” he started as he took a step back “This whole thing is your fault anyway...if you hadn't used me that night then nothing would have even started and both of us would probably be happy now!”
“My fault?” Ueda almost snarled back “I'll admit it was my fault the first time, but after that I said I didn't want to do it any more...you were the one that convinced me it would be ok...you're the one that kept things going.”
“Yeah, cause you took much convincing...it's not like I forced you to do anything...I didn't pin you down and force your cock...”
His sentence was cut off by a quiet cough behind them, and they both turned to see Kame by the door, his cigarettes held up in explanation.
Ueda turned and stormed his way past Kame, turning just in time to see Kame stopping Taguchi from doing the same. And then he felt a sharp pang of jealousy as Taguchi burst into tears and was pulled into Kame's arms.
He turned away, refusing to let his heart feel for Taguchi right now, how dare that idiot act like he still cares about him.
Instead he returned to his room alone, where he allowed himself to finally give in, and tears rolled down his cheeks as he traced his fingertips over the tingling spots of skin that Taguchi's lips had touched.
Chapter 16 | Chapter 18
----------------------------------------
I'm really excited about posting Baby Blue again :D I finally caught up to where I was before losing everything, and I'm excited to get the rest written, it's looking like there'll be around 6 more chapters after this one :) Hang in there guys...we're nearly there :D