[multipart] Deeper Than You Look
Title: Deeper Than You Look
Pairing: Maya x Satoshi, Maya x Sayuri
Rating: NC-17 to be safe
Word Count: 4813
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. The characters and inspiration are from the manga/drama 'Shiritsu Bakaleya Koukou'.
Summary: I wrote this series because Maya's story is far too complex and serious for the amount of coverage it got in the series, also I'd have liked to see a little more of the relationship between Maya and Sayuri even if I totally ship him with Satoshi!
A/N: This is a sequel to Stronger Than You Look. You don't have to have read it to read this but there are a few references to it which will make sense if you have. I'm working on a third part to this series too.
He closes his eyes tightly. “I'm not a girl.” he murmurs under his breath “I don't like boys.”
He opens them again slowly, hoping his words had magically changed his perception in those few short seconds. Whether they had or not, he doesn't find out, Sayuri is standing in front of him now, blocking his view.
“Are you alright?” she asks, as though she finds the idea more strange than concerning.
“I'm fine.” he answers automatically.
She rolls her eyes like she doesn't believe him but isn't particularly bothered anyway. “You're coming tonight right?”
Tonight, food, karaoke, right. Fumie is back from America for the week and Tatsuya and Tetsuya have been competing over who can plan the most fun welcome back party for her. The whole group together is Tatsuya's idea, it's not a bad one, it should be fun and all of Fumie's old school friends will be there, but Maya's money is on Tetsuya and his amusement park date, just the two of them.
Just the thought of their childish competition has Maya rolling his eyes and Sayuri's half smile says she's thinking the exact same thing. Maya still isn't comfortable around girls, the memories of his past still a little too raw, he doesn't mind Sayuri though. “Right.” he agrees.
They're not friends, but she's the closest thing he's got to someone who understands, who can not just sympathise but empathise with him and he feels like that gives them a kind of connection. Whatever it is, Sayuri must feel it too, of all of the boys in their class Maya is the only one she'll actively seek the company of, even if they don't even talk most of the time.
They haven't ever even spoken of that day on the rooftop. He told her some of his story and he knows that Tatsuya filled Fumie in on the rest, so Sayuri probably at least understands why it was he couldn't just leave her alone, but if she's curious about any of it, she's never shown it.
Later that night, Satoshi slumps down in the seat beside him. “Oh man.” he groans, “Look at everyone pairing off.” Maya hadn't even really noticed it until Satoshi had pointed it out, but those that are left have naturally drifted into pairs, a threesome in the case of Tatsuya, Tetsuya and Fumie, and a foursome in Makoto and Yuuki's. Aside from him and Satoshi, Sayuri is the only one left alone, tapping away at her phone in a bored manner at the other end of the table.
He's about to point that fact out, but then Satoshi is leaning up, turning, one arm curling around Maya's shoulder and his other hand resting on Maya's thigh. Maya glances down at it in panic but Satoshi is too busy scanning the room to notice, until he turns back to Maya.
“What?” Maya stutters as Satoshi leans in and looks over his face carefully, critically.
Satoshi sighs and Maya's eyes flutter shut at the feeling of warm breath on his cheek. “You really are pretty, it's kind of a shame you're not a girl after all.” He's pretty sure his jaw drops at the statement, and he's still struggling to decide between angry and heart-broken when Satoshi bursts into laughter. “Maya...your expression...” he chokes out and, deciding on hurt and offended, Maya pushes him away.
Satoshi is still laughing when Sayuri approaches, she casts a disapproving look in Satoshi's direction and then turns to fix her gaze on Maya. “Let's go get drinks.” she says.
His glass is still almost full, but he doesn't want to sit and listen to Satoshi laughing at his expense, especially not when he can't even explain to the other boy why it hurts so much more when it's him. “Sure.” he says, and he gets up to follow Sayuri out.
He's not even surprised when she leads him straight past the drinks counter and out onto the street. They walk a block or two in silence before she slows her pace to walk beside him. “You looked like you needed a break as much as I did.”
He nods but doesn't answer and together they just wander aimlessly until it starts to rain. Neither of them have brought their jackets and it just seems to get heavier every moment. “We should get inside.” Maya says quietly and Sayuri stops suddenly, turning to face him.
She seems to consider him for a moment and then says boldly “There's a love hotel up the next street.”
His eyes widen a little and he swallows hard but Sayuri just watches him passively. “Ok” he says quietly and Sayuri turns from him again to lead him to it, their speed still the same dawdling pace despite the weather.
He feels nervous as they walk between the two flashing neon pillars and into the reception area, he pauses a little to take it in, the shabby grey walls, the lamp in the corner flickering dully. Sayuri doesn't hesitate and just walks straight up to the counter to buy them an hour.
She takes the key and shakes it gently at Maya to get his attention, and obediently he follows her along the corridor to the elevator. It's silent all around them, but while he has an anxious knot in his stomach, it doesn't feel uncomfortable, even if he doesn't understand what is happening.
The room looks nicer than the lobby at least. It's basic, a double bed, a chair, a dresser with a TV on it and a door that presumably leads to the bathroom. She must catch him looking and she walks over to him, stopping at a reasonable distance. “Do you need to use the bathroom?”
“No.” he answers simply, he'd gone only shortly before they left the karaoke place.
She nods “I'll just be a minute.” and she turns and walks through the door herself.
Maya feels awkward standing there in the middle of the room, he doesn't feel much better when he perches stiffly on the end of the bed, but it's something. He takes the few minutes that Sayuri is gone to try and figure this out. How did they get to this? Did she really bring him here for...that?
He thinks he knows the answer soon enough when she comes back out of the bathroom, her blazer and tie resting over her arm and her shirt, still soaked through, with the top three buttons undone. Her socks and shoes are nowhere to be seen.
She keeps her eyes locked on his as she steps closer slowly, one lip sucked into her mouth as she unbuttons her shirt the rest of the way. When it's fully undone she pulls it out from her skirt and lets it fall off her arms to the floor, and then she unzips her skirt and lets that fall to the floor too.
He just looks at her, standing there watching him with an almost curious expression on her face, in only her underwear. The underwear part is nothing new, Maya used the girls locker room until half-way through his third year of junior high and Sayuri's body does as little for him now as theirs did then.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Reminding himself mentally that he's not a girl, he might have thought he was back then but he's not and this should be doing something for him.
“You should get out of your wet clothes too.” Sayuri suggests, and when Maya opens his eyes he sees she's crossed her arms in front of her chest self-consciously.
He can do this. He's normal, he's a normal boy, and even if he's never even considered having sex with Sayuri, it makes sense that it should be her. He nods. Sayuri smiles just a little and then holds out her hand to pull him back up to his feet, and then slowly she starts to peel his wet uniform off of him.
When his trousers fall to the floor, he's never felt more glad that his mother has finally given in and bought him boxers. Sayuri hooks her fingers around the top of them and a stab of fear finally spikes through Maya, but she doesn't pull them down, she just shuffles closer, edging him back to the bed.
He falls back onto it and then shuffles up into the middle, watching as Sayuri climbs on after him, crawling up over him to straddle his hips, and then he sucks in a long breath as she leans down to kiss him.
It's just slow presses at first, but then Sayrui licks at his lips and Maya obediently parts them. It's already further than he's ever gone before, but he feels like he has to do this, he has to go all the way with her to prove to himself that he's normal.
The kissing feels nice at least, Sayuri's tongue massaging his own, her lips sucking a little. It feels nice. Only it's being able to roll over and go back to sleep on a Saturday morning nice, or hot chocolate when it's snowing nice, it's not sexy nice.
She must be able to feel the lack of effect and with an exasperated sigh she sits back up. “You're a teenage boy.” she says dryly “Isn't everything supposed to set those things off?” and when he looks away embarrassed, she continues “I'm not asking you to like me, just...can't you at least think of something hot to get it up and then we can get this over with.”
The last bit takes him aback a little. “Wait...” he says softly “If you don't want this either then what are we doing?”
“What they all want right?” she asks tensely. “Everyone else is hooking up, and they all think we're together anyway...This is what we're supposed to do right?”
“But if you don't want to?”
“Like I can have what I want in that place?” she asks with a snort “All the girls are so straight lace even the boys will have to marry them first...”
His eyes pop at the realisation. “You're gay?”
“I told you, I hate men.” she says with an eye-roll “And you're one to talk...I've seen the way you look at that friend of yours.”
He can feel the heat in his cheeks. “That's not...I've been conditioned to think...”
“Make all the excuses you want.” she smiles knowingly “But it doesn't change the fact you're not interested in girls.” she gives a slow roll of her hips to emphasise the point.
He can't argue with that. “So what do we do?”
“I had hoped that we'd fuck tonight and realise it's not as bad as we expected it to be...and then we can at least pretend to be normal...but I guess that's not going to happen.”
“I'm sorry” he says, blushing. “I can try...I could...”
She rolls her eyes again and shifts off of him. “Forget it, I'm not sure I can get myself back in the mood now anyway...we should just quit while we're ahead and at least try to get our clothes dried off a bit before we leave.”
They hang their clothes around the three heaters in their room and then climb under the covers together to keep themselves warm.
“Have you always been gay?” Maya asks eventually.
“I used to have crushes on boys when I was little” she replies with a small smile “I've known for a few years though...since before Cattaleya at least. What about you?”
He'd expected she would ask in return but he's still not quite sure what to say. “I guess so, technically. If that is what I am” he settles for. “It was different for me growing up though...I was a girl...I liked boys because that's what I was supposed to think...only...when I stopped being a girl that didn't change...”
She's silent for a while, but then she rolls over to face him, shuffling a little closer. “It must have been very confusing for you...the whole girl thing...” He shrugs. It was, it still is but there isn't time in what's left of their hour for him to even begin to explain, if he even wanted to. “Does Satoshi-kun know that you like him?”
“Of course not.” he answers a little sharply. “They'd probably all turn on me if they found out...I mean the girl thing was different, I changed, but if I am gay, then I can't change it right?”
“I think tonight is enough proof that we can't fool ourselves.” Sayuri agrees.
The rain has stopped by the time they step outside so they wander along back to the karaoke bar even slower than before. Sayuri takes Maya's hand and offers him a small smile when he looks up questioningly. “I had a nice time with you.” she says.
It was quite nice, even just being able to talk to someone that understands him and wont judge him. “Yeah, me too.”
They walk the rest of the way in silence, silence that is broken the moment they turn the corner to the karaoke place, by loud whoops and cheers.
They both still in fright only to find the source of the noise just to be Shohei and Satoshi, grinning at them both with raised eyebrows. Maya automatically pulls his hand from Sayuri's and blushes as he hides it behind his back.
“Everybody left already, we were waiting here with your things...” Satoshi says, taking a step forward and holding out Maya's things towards him. He takes them with an embarrassed nod while Shohei steps forward too.
“Sayuri-chan” he grins as he passes her her bag and coat.
“Thanks.” she says flatly and then turns to Maya “I'll see you tomorrow.”
“Wait.” he says before he even thinks. “I'll walk you home.”
Sayuri shakes her head. “Don't worry about it, I'll take a taxi.”
There's not much else for him to say so he just nods, his eyes watching Sayuri as she turns and wanders off back around the corner. Then he's left alone with Satoshi and Shohei.
“I knew it! I fucking knew there was something going on between you two.” Satoshi beams.
“It's not like that” Maya answers quietly as they turn and start to walk.
“Sure.” Satoshi agrees, “you took her to a love hotel just to talk.”
Maya looks over at him with wide eyes but Satoshi just sniggers. “You were following us?”
“Shohei-san got rejected, surprise, surprise and I was bored...”
“I can't believe you got laid before me.” Shohei whines.
He should set them straight, he knows he should, but he can't think of any reason a straight boy would take a girl to a love hotel just to talk. If he's going to back-pedal he at least needs to think of an excuse first, and consult with Sayuri about it.
By the time he arrives at school the next day, he's already too late, Satoshi has already opened his big mouth and Sayuri just smiles when he walks into the classroom, only confirming the gossip.
“So what did you really do at that Love Hotel?” Shohei asks him, smirking, when they find themselves alone at lunch time.
“What?” Maya asks, surprised by the question. Everyone knows, or thinks they know at least, that he and Sayuri slept together.
“You're no way near relaxed enough for someone that got laid last night...besides, it's clear from the way you look at her that you're not in love with her and you're not the kind of guy that would give yourself so completely to someone you don't love.” There's still a hint of that smirk on Shohei's face but it's softened by a gentle smile, one he knows he can trust, at least with a little of it.
“We just talked...we were going to...but it just wasn't right...we spent the entire time time curled up in bed just talking.” he says with a smile, the memory of it, of how liberating it felt to finally be able to speak openly to someone, still sending warm little tingles through his chest. “We have quite a lot in common...so we understand each other...”
Shohei hums and nods, but then leans in a little closer as he replies “There's a difference between empathising and understanding, you know. Even if we're not exactly the same, that doesn't mean we wouldn't be understanding...”
That has him a little confused. “I didn't mean...”
“I know you didn't.” Shohei shrugs. “You can trust us though...no matter what, we'll still be your friends.” Maya sits stunned, wondering just what Shohei is referring to, true he could be talking about how supportive they'd been about the whole girl thing, but then Shohei laughs and smacks his head. “I've been in love enough times to know how you look at someone you love. I'm not an idiot. He is, he's not an asshole though, you should tell him how you feel, if he doesn't feel the same way then he won't hold it against you.”
Maya takes the advice on board but he never even imagines he'll follow it until a few weeks later when he finds himself hanging back at the club house late, avoiding going home, with Satoshi. Satoshi starts teasing him about Sayuri again, obnoxiously asking for details about their experiences at the love hotel.
He stays silent for as long as he can, but the more dirty words come out of Satoshi's mouth, the more uncomfortable he feels about it all. “I didn't sleep with Sayuri.” He admits eventually, and Satoshi turns to look at him as though he's crazy.
“Why? You spent an hour alone with her in a love hotel...surely she's not that uptight...”
“I don't like Sayuri.” he says simply.
Satoshi looks at him, contemplating for a while and then off to the side as though he's considering Sayuri too. “Well I guess, I mean she's not as pretty as some of the other girls, definitely not as girly, but you never really struck me as that type anyway...”
He can barely believe he's about to say it. “I don't like girls at all.” He did it. He told someone, and that person hasn't run screaming yet, though, admittedly that person doesn't look as though he understands what Maya is trying to say.
He can see the moment when it clicks, when Satoshi's innocently confused face drops into shock. He takes a step backwards away from Maya, and inside Maya kicks himself, why did he think this would be a good idea?
“Oh.” Satoshi says, looking over Maya again and he knows he's seeing someone different now. “Since when?”
Maya shrugs. He feels lost. “Since always...I guess.”
Satoshi nods. “Are you sure...I mean, maybe you're just confused because of how you used to live?”
“I tried to tell myself that too” he assures. “But I've never found any girl that I like that way.”
Satoshi swallows hard, looking almost scared as he asks “And what about any boys that you like that way?”
Shit, this is it, he can't. He looks down at the floor and sure, that one he gets right away. Satoshi lets out a nervous snort, maybe swears Maya thinks, and he has to close his eyes to discourage the tears that try and form in them. “I'm sorry.” he says eventually, and when he looks up Satoshi's expression is unreadable. He looks beautiful and that only makes it harder. “I don't expect an answer or anything...but I can't help the way I feel about you, I've tried believe me...but, I like you.”
Satoshi's eyes widen but he shakes his head. “I can't...this...this is too...” he shakes his head again and without another word he turns and leaves.
It feels like his heart has dropped into his stomach while his stomach is trying to crawl it's way out of his mouth. He swallows it down and flops to the side, tucking his knees up onto the couch, he won't cry, he doesn't get to cry, it's not like he expected Satoshi would like him back anyway.
He can't say how long he's been laying there, hours at least, but he sits up quickly when he hears footsteps coming along the hallway.
He looks up when the door creaks open, but the last person he expects to see sauntering through is Satoshi. “Your Mom said you hadn't come home...I hoped you would still be here.”
Just the idea that Satoshi went to his house looking for him has something squirming inside him. “I didn't think you would want to see me any more...” he says quietly.
Satoshi frowns and takes a few steps forward from where he's lingering in the doorway. “I freaked. It was a surprise...”
“I'm sorry.” Maya says quietly, his head dropping to stare at the floor.
Satoshi sighs and Maya hears his footsteps coming closer, before Satoshi drops onto the sofa beside him. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” it's silent for a few moments and then Satoshi continues “It must have taken a lot of courage for you to tell me...I really admire that about you Maya.”
It sends a shudder down his spine just hearing Satoshi saying his name. If he's honest with himself, just having Satoshi talk to him is enough, a few hours ago he was afraid he'd scared off one of his closest and most precious friends. “Can we still be friends?”
Satoshi looks up at his face and smiles softly. “Of course...” there's another long pause and then Satoshi clears his throat. “How do you know...that you like me like that?”
Maya smiles at his almost shy expression. “I like everything about you...you're loyal and brave and honest, but you're also funny and kind and incredibly handsome. When I'm with you I feel simultaneously calm and excited, it's like I'm so happy that my heart feels like it's trying to beat out of my chest...”
Satoshi looks some mix of happy and embarrassed, and he looks down to the floor as he seems to try to control his expression. “When you confessed to me...my heart was pounding so hard...I was scared, but after I left...the more I thought about it, the more I realised that it didn't feel bad...it felt strange...but kind of nice.” Maya feels like his breath is caught in his throat. What does he mean? Could Satoshi... “You should feel how hard it's hammering now.” Satoshi continues, looking up at him with a nervous smile, but he reaches a hand out to take hold of Maya's and pull it to his chest.
It sure is hammering, Maya can feel it pumping away under his splayed hand. He looks from his hand to Satoshi's eyes in amazement and he's drawn in by the hope he sees in them “Satoshi...” he starts.
“I can't say for sure that it's because I like you...this is all a bit sudden and confusing...but I really want to kiss you right now.”
He doesn't even think about it, his impulses acting without his brain's input, to clench his hand in the front of Satoshi's shirt and pull him closer until their lips meet. Satoshi gasps against his lips, but quickly shuffles closer to him, moving his own lips in response to Maya's.
It's sloppy and uncoordinated, but Satoshi's enthusiasm makes up for it and before Maya even notices what's happening, Satoshi's hands are on him, one tangled in his hair holding their mouths together as the other pushes gently on his shoulder, encouraging him back to lay down on the sofa.
His legs fall to the sides instinctively as Satoshi leans down over him, fitting perfectly between them. Satoshi doesn't break their kiss even as he shuffles around to get comfortable, ending with his body pressed firmly down against Maya's.
Maya's hands move to Satoshi's shoulders, gripping them tighter with the escalating force of their lips and he groans aloud when he feels the effect their connection is having on Satoshi's body. This is it, there's no denying that this is what he wants. The evidence is right there in the hardening muscle between his own legs, he has far more interest in just kissing a boy than having a mostly naked girl straddling him.
He's gay. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thinks that there should be something more profound about the realisation, but he's kind of known it was true for long enough anyway. Besides, it's hard to concentrate on any other feeling than escalating desire once Satoshi starts shifting his hips experimentally.
He gasps a little at the friction, it feels so much, it's just rubbing, and through clothes too, but it feels so incredible, so perfect. When he pulls away momentarily to catch his breath, Satoshi pulls away a little too, looking at him with a mix of apprehension and surprise on his face.
It isn't right. His breath sounds too shaky, even through the gasps. Maya moves his hands down Satoshi's back in what he hopes is a soothing gesture, and then he takes a firm hold on Satoshi's hips, stilling them. “Are you ok?” he asks quietly, almost afraid to hear the answer.
Satoshi just looks at him for a few moments, his eyes widening. “I'm scared.” he admits eventually.
Maya tries to move him away a little, this is important, this has to be addressed, immediately, but if Satoshi's hips keep twitching in his hold like that, Maya's not sure how much he can concentrate. Satoshi only shakes his head though, keeping his hips firmly down against Maya's. “Satoshi...we don't have to do anything you don't want...”
“I do.” Satoshi says quickly. “I do, I want this so bad, I want more than this...that's why I'm scared.”
Maya has to smile a little at that, and Satoshi leans down to press their lips together again, shifting his hips again once Maya slackens his grip. He keeps his hands there though, stroking, encouragingly as Satoshi kisses him harder.
He can't say who it is that flicks their tongue out first, but before he knows it their tongues are dancing together, battling for dominance inside his mouth and all he can do is groan around them.
Satoshi moves his hand up to Maya's hair again, his fingers knotting into it and tugging gently as he tilts his head, pushing his tongue further into Maya's mouth and Maya's whole body is trembling from the sensation.
“Maya.” Satoshi gasps, pulling his mouth away and Maya wastes no time before attaching his lip to Satoshi's jaw instead, kissing as far down his neck as he can reach and Satoshi's moans sound incredible channelled straight into his ear. It makes him want more, so much more, but what that is he can't even wrap his mind around. His own hips buck up against Satoshi's, the space between them, his abdomen and groin feel like they're on fire, liquid heat pooling down there and he tugs Satoshi's head back, connecting their mouths together again in expression of the feeling.
Time seems to stand still around them, there's nothing but the two of them, mouths and tongues and hot breath coming out in groans as their hips grind mercilessly together.
“Maya, I want...” Satoshi starts, but what it is he wants, Maya doesn't hear, the rest of his words are cut off by a garbled groan as his whole body convulses. For a moment Maya is startled but then Satoshi lets out a relieved moan and he realises what had happened. The thought of it, the knowledge that it was real, that he made Satoshi feel such an intense explosion of pleasure, drags him right to that tantalising edge too.
He tightens his grip on Satoshi's immobile hips and thrusts his own up against them harder, just once, twice, three times and then it's over. His legs feel like lead as they stiffen and his hips jerk uncontrollably, but Satoshi's lips are there, kissing him through it, and when Maya finally has the breath to speak again, all he can say is “Wow.”
Satoshi laughs, his lips still dragging over Maya's softly. “Yeah...that certainly was...”
It was, it was more than that, Maya doesn't even have the words, just the feeling of warmth, and softness, a faint tingle running the entire length of his sated body. Satoshi flops down against him, his whole body seeming to melt against him like liquid and he rests his head down on Maya's shoulder. Instinctively, Maya lifts a hand to sift through Satoshi's hair and the other almost purrs.
“Maya?” Satoshi asks eventually, breaking the comfortable silence, “Will you go out with me?
He has to laugh a little at that, but he answers seriously, leaning up enough to kiss the top of Satoshi's head. “Of course.”
Pairing: Maya x Satoshi, Maya x Sayuri
Rating: NC-17 to be safe
Word Count: 4813
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. The characters and inspiration are from the manga/drama 'Shiritsu Bakaleya Koukou'.
Summary: I wrote this series because Maya's story is far too complex and serious for the amount of coverage it got in the series, also I'd have liked to see a little more of the relationship between Maya and Sayuri even if I totally ship him with Satoshi!
A/N: This is a sequel to Stronger Than You Look. You don't have to have read it to read this but there are a few references to it which will make sense if you have. I'm working on a third part to this series too.
He closes his eyes tightly. “I'm not a girl.” he murmurs under his breath “I don't like boys.”
He opens them again slowly, hoping his words had magically changed his perception in those few short seconds. Whether they had or not, he doesn't find out, Sayuri is standing in front of him now, blocking his view.
“Are you alright?” she asks, as though she finds the idea more strange than concerning.
“I'm fine.” he answers automatically.
She rolls her eyes like she doesn't believe him but isn't particularly bothered anyway. “You're coming tonight right?”
Tonight, food, karaoke, right. Fumie is back from America for the week and Tatsuya and Tetsuya have been competing over who can plan the most fun welcome back party for her. The whole group together is Tatsuya's idea, it's not a bad one, it should be fun and all of Fumie's old school friends will be there, but Maya's money is on Tetsuya and his amusement park date, just the two of them.
Just the thought of their childish competition has Maya rolling his eyes and Sayuri's half smile says she's thinking the exact same thing. Maya still isn't comfortable around girls, the memories of his past still a little too raw, he doesn't mind Sayuri though. “Right.” he agrees.
They're not friends, but she's the closest thing he's got to someone who understands, who can not just sympathise but empathise with him and he feels like that gives them a kind of connection. Whatever it is, Sayuri must feel it too, of all of the boys in their class Maya is the only one she'll actively seek the company of, even if they don't even talk most of the time.
They haven't ever even spoken of that day on the rooftop. He told her some of his story and he knows that Tatsuya filled Fumie in on the rest, so Sayuri probably at least understands why it was he couldn't just leave her alone, but if she's curious about any of it, she's never shown it.
Later that night, Satoshi slumps down in the seat beside him. “Oh man.” he groans, “Look at everyone pairing off.” Maya hadn't even really noticed it until Satoshi had pointed it out, but those that are left have naturally drifted into pairs, a threesome in the case of Tatsuya, Tetsuya and Fumie, and a foursome in Makoto and Yuuki's. Aside from him and Satoshi, Sayuri is the only one left alone, tapping away at her phone in a bored manner at the other end of the table.
He's about to point that fact out, but then Satoshi is leaning up, turning, one arm curling around Maya's shoulder and his other hand resting on Maya's thigh. Maya glances down at it in panic but Satoshi is too busy scanning the room to notice, until he turns back to Maya.
“What?” Maya stutters as Satoshi leans in and looks over his face carefully, critically.
Satoshi sighs and Maya's eyes flutter shut at the feeling of warm breath on his cheek. “You really are pretty, it's kind of a shame you're not a girl after all.” He's pretty sure his jaw drops at the statement, and he's still struggling to decide between angry and heart-broken when Satoshi bursts into laughter. “Maya...your expression...” he chokes out and, deciding on hurt and offended, Maya pushes him away.
Satoshi is still laughing when Sayuri approaches, she casts a disapproving look in Satoshi's direction and then turns to fix her gaze on Maya. “Let's go get drinks.” she says.
His glass is still almost full, but he doesn't want to sit and listen to Satoshi laughing at his expense, especially not when he can't even explain to the other boy why it hurts so much more when it's him. “Sure.” he says, and he gets up to follow Sayuri out.
He's not even surprised when she leads him straight past the drinks counter and out onto the street. They walk a block or two in silence before she slows her pace to walk beside him. “You looked like you needed a break as much as I did.”
He nods but doesn't answer and together they just wander aimlessly until it starts to rain. Neither of them have brought their jackets and it just seems to get heavier every moment. “We should get inside.” Maya says quietly and Sayuri stops suddenly, turning to face him.
She seems to consider him for a moment and then says boldly “There's a love hotel up the next street.”
His eyes widen a little and he swallows hard but Sayuri just watches him passively. “Ok” he says quietly and Sayuri turns from him again to lead him to it, their speed still the same dawdling pace despite the weather.
He feels nervous as they walk between the two flashing neon pillars and into the reception area, he pauses a little to take it in, the shabby grey walls, the lamp in the corner flickering dully. Sayuri doesn't hesitate and just walks straight up to the counter to buy them an hour.
She takes the key and shakes it gently at Maya to get his attention, and obediently he follows her along the corridor to the elevator. It's silent all around them, but while he has an anxious knot in his stomach, it doesn't feel uncomfortable, even if he doesn't understand what is happening.
The room looks nicer than the lobby at least. It's basic, a double bed, a chair, a dresser with a TV on it and a door that presumably leads to the bathroom. She must catch him looking and she walks over to him, stopping at a reasonable distance. “Do you need to use the bathroom?”
“No.” he answers simply, he'd gone only shortly before they left the karaoke place.
She nods “I'll just be a minute.” and she turns and walks through the door herself.
Maya feels awkward standing there in the middle of the room, he doesn't feel much better when he perches stiffly on the end of the bed, but it's something. He takes the few minutes that Sayuri is gone to try and figure this out. How did they get to this? Did she really bring him here for...that?
He thinks he knows the answer soon enough when she comes back out of the bathroom, her blazer and tie resting over her arm and her shirt, still soaked through, with the top three buttons undone. Her socks and shoes are nowhere to be seen.
She keeps her eyes locked on his as she steps closer slowly, one lip sucked into her mouth as she unbuttons her shirt the rest of the way. When it's fully undone she pulls it out from her skirt and lets it fall off her arms to the floor, and then she unzips her skirt and lets that fall to the floor too.
He just looks at her, standing there watching him with an almost curious expression on her face, in only her underwear. The underwear part is nothing new, Maya used the girls locker room until half-way through his third year of junior high and Sayuri's body does as little for him now as theirs did then.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Reminding himself mentally that he's not a girl, he might have thought he was back then but he's not and this should be doing something for him.
“You should get out of your wet clothes too.” Sayuri suggests, and when Maya opens his eyes he sees she's crossed her arms in front of her chest self-consciously.
He can do this. He's normal, he's a normal boy, and even if he's never even considered having sex with Sayuri, it makes sense that it should be her. He nods. Sayuri smiles just a little and then holds out her hand to pull him back up to his feet, and then slowly she starts to peel his wet uniform off of him.
When his trousers fall to the floor, he's never felt more glad that his mother has finally given in and bought him boxers. Sayuri hooks her fingers around the top of them and a stab of fear finally spikes through Maya, but she doesn't pull them down, she just shuffles closer, edging him back to the bed.
He falls back onto it and then shuffles up into the middle, watching as Sayuri climbs on after him, crawling up over him to straddle his hips, and then he sucks in a long breath as she leans down to kiss him.
It's just slow presses at first, but then Sayrui licks at his lips and Maya obediently parts them. It's already further than he's ever gone before, but he feels like he has to do this, he has to go all the way with her to prove to himself that he's normal.
The kissing feels nice at least, Sayuri's tongue massaging his own, her lips sucking a little. It feels nice. Only it's being able to roll over and go back to sleep on a Saturday morning nice, or hot chocolate when it's snowing nice, it's not sexy nice.
She must be able to feel the lack of effect and with an exasperated sigh she sits back up. “You're a teenage boy.” she says dryly “Isn't everything supposed to set those things off?” and when he looks away embarrassed, she continues “I'm not asking you to like me, just...can't you at least think of something hot to get it up and then we can get this over with.”
The last bit takes him aback a little. “Wait...” he says softly “If you don't want this either then what are we doing?”
“What they all want right?” she asks tensely. “Everyone else is hooking up, and they all think we're together anyway...This is what we're supposed to do right?”
“But if you don't want to?”
“Like I can have what I want in that place?” she asks with a snort “All the girls are so straight lace even the boys will have to marry them first...”
His eyes pop at the realisation. “You're gay?”
“I told you, I hate men.” she says with an eye-roll “And you're one to talk...I've seen the way you look at that friend of yours.”
He can feel the heat in his cheeks. “That's not...I've been conditioned to think...”
“Make all the excuses you want.” she smiles knowingly “But it doesn't change the fact you're not interested in girls.” she gives a slow roll of her hips to emphasise the point.
He can't argue with that. “So what do we do?”
“I had hoped that we'd fuck tonight and realise it's not as bad as we expected it to be...and then we can at least pretend to be normal...but I guess that's not going to happen.”
“I'm sorry” he says, blushing. “I can try...I could...”
She rolls her eyes again and shifts off of him. “Forget it, I'm not sure I can get myself back in the mood now anyway...we should just quit while we're ahead and at least try to get our clothes dried off a bit before we leave.”
They hang their clothes around the three heaters in their room and then climb under the covers together to keep themselves warm.
“Have you always been gay?” Maya asks eventually.
“I used to have crushes on boys when I was little” she replies with a small smile “I've known for a few years though...since before Cattaleya at least. What about you?”
He'd expected she would ask in return but he's still not quite sure what to say. “I guess so, technically. If that is what I am” he settles for. “It was different for me growing up though...I was a girl...I liked boys because that's what I was supposed to think...only...when I stopped being a girl that didn't change...”
She's silent for a while, but then she rolls over to face him, shuffling a little closer. “It must have been very confusing for you...the whole girl thing...” He shrugs. It was, it still is but there isn't time in what's left of their hour for him to even begin to explain, if he even wanted to. “Does Satoshi-kun know that you like him?”
“Of course not.” he answers a little sharply. “They'd probably all turn on me if they found out...I mean the girl thing was different, I changed, but if I am gay, then I can't change it right?”
“I think tonight is enough proof that we can't fool ourselves.” Sayuri agrees.
The rain has stopped by the time they step outside so they wander along back to the karaoke bar even slower than before. Sayuri takes Maya's hand and offers him a small smile when he looks up questioningly. “I had a nice time with you.” she says.
It was quite nice, even just being able to talk to someone that understands him and wont judge him. “Yeah, me too.”
They walk the rest of the way in silence, silence that is broken the moment they turn the corner to the karaoke place, by loud whoops and cheers.
They both still in fright only to find the source of the noise just to be Shohei and Satoshi, grinning at them both with raised eyebrows. Maya automatically pulls his hand from Sayuri's and blushes as he hides it behind his back.
“Everybody left already, we were waiting here with your things...” Satoshi says, taking a step forward and holding out Maya's things towards him. He takes them with an embarrassed nod while Shohei steps forward too.
“Sayuri-chan” he grins as he passes her her bag and coat.
“Thanks.” she says flatly and then turns to Maya “I'll see you tomorrow.”
“Wait.” he says before he even thinks. “I'll walk you home.”
Sayuri shakes her head. “Don't worry about it, I'll take a taxi.”
There's not much else for him to say so he just nods, his eyes watching Sayuri as she turns and wanders off back around the corner. Then he's left alone with Satoshi and Shohei.
“I knew it! I fucking knew there was something going on between you two.” Satoshi beams.
“It's not like that” Maya answers quietly as they turn and start to walk.
“Sure.” Satoshi agrees, “you took her to a love hotel just to talk.”
Maya looks over at him with wide eyes but Satoshi just sniggers. “You were following us?”
“Shohei-san got rejected, surprise, surprise and I was bored...”
“I can't believe you got laid before me.” Shohei whines.
He should set them straight, he knows he should, but he can't think of any reason a straight boy would take a girl to a love hotel just to talk. If he's going to back-pedal he at least needs to think of an excuse first, and consult with Sayuri about it.
By the time he arrives at school the next day, he's already too late, Satoshi has already opened his big mouth and Sayuri just smiles when he walks into the classroom, only confirming the gossip.
“So what did you really do at that Love Hotel?” Shohei asks him, smirking, when they find themselves alone at lunch time.
“What?” Maya asks, surprised by the question. Everyone knows, or thinks they know at least, that he and Sayuri slept together.
“You're no way near relaxed enough for someone that got laid last night...besides, it's clear from the way you look at her that you're not in love with her and you're not the kind of guy that would give yourself so completely to someone you don't love.” There's still a hint of that smirk on Shohei's face but it's softened by a gentle smile, one he knows he can trust, at least with a little of it.
“We just talked...we were going to...but it just wasn't right...we spent the entire time time curled up in bed just talking.” he says with a smile, the memory of it, of how liberating it felt to finally be able to speak openly to someone, still sending warm little tingles through his chest. “We have quite a lot in common...so we understand each other...”
Shohei hums and nods, but then leans in a little closer as he replies “There's a difference between empathising and understanding, you know. Even if we're not exactly the same, that doesn't mean we wouldn't be understanding...”
That has him a little confused. “I didn't mean...”
“I know you didn't.” Shohei shrugs. “You can trust us though...no matter what, we'll still be your friends.” Maya sits stunned, wondering just what Shohei is referring to, true he could be talking about how supportive they'd been about the whole girl thing, but then Shohei laughs and smacks his head. “I've been in love enough times to know how you look at someone you love. I'm not an idiot. He is, he's not an asshole though, you should tell him how you feel, if he doesn't feel the same way then he won't hold it against you.”
Maya takes the advice on board but he never even imagines he'll follow it until a few weeks later when he finds himself hanging back at the club house late, avoiding going home, with Satoshi. Satoshi starts teasing him about Sayuri again, obnoxiously asking for details about their experiences at the love hotel.
He stays silent for as long as he can, but the more dirty words come out of Satoshi's mouth, the more uncomfortable he feels about it all. “I didn't sleep with Sayuri.” He admits eventually, and Satoshi turns to look at him as though he's crazy.
“Why? You spent an hour alone with her in a love hotel...surely she's not that uptight...”
“I don't like Sayuri.” he says simply.
Satoshi looks at him, contemplating for a while and then off to the side as though he's considering Sayuri too. “Well I guess, I mean she's not as pretty as some of the other girls, definitely not as girly, but you never really struck me as that type anyway...”
He can barely believe he's about to say it. “I don't like girls at all.” He did it. He told someone, and that person hasn't run screaming yet, though, admittedly that person doesn't look as though he understands what Maya is trying to say.
He can see the moment when it clicks, when Satoshi's innocently confused face drops into shock. He takes a step backwards away from Maya, and inside Maya kicks himself, why did he think this would be a good idea?
“Oh.” Satoshi says, looking over Maya again and he knows he's seeing someone different now. “Since when?”
Maya shrugs. He feels lost. “Since always...I guess.”
Satoshi nods. “Are you sure...I mean, maybe you're just confused because of how you used to live?”
“I tried to tell myself that too” he assures. “But I've never found any girl that I like that way.”
Satoshi swallows hard, looking almost scared as he asks “And what about any boys that you like that way?”
Shit, this is it, he can't. He looks down at the floor and sure, that one he gets right away. Satoshi lets out a nervous snort, maybe swears Maya thinks, and he has to close his eyes to discourage the tears that try and form in them. “I'm sorry.” he says eventually, and when he looks up Satoshi's expression is unreadable. He looks beautiful and that only makes it harder. “I don't expect an answer or anything...but I can't help the way I feel about you, I've tried believe me...but, I like you.”
Satoshi's eyes widen but he shakes his head. “I can't...this...this is too...” he shakes his head again and without another word he turns and leaves.
It feels like his heart has dropped into his stomach while his stomach is trying to crawl it's way out of his mouth. He swallows it down and flops to the side, tucking his knees up onto the couch, he won't cry, he doesn't get to cry, it's not like he expected Satoshi would like him back anyway.
He can't say how long he's been laying there, hours at least, but he sits up quickly when he hears footsteps coming along the hallway.
He looks up when the door creaks open, but the last person he expects to see sauntering through is Satoshi. “Your Mom said you hadn't come home...I hoped you would still be here.”
Just the idea that Satoshi went to his house looking for him has something squirming inside him. “I didn't think you would want to see me any more...” he says quietly.
Satoshi frowns and takes a few steps forward from where he's lingering in the doorway. “I freaked. It was a surprise...”
“I'm sorry.” Maya says quietly, his head dropping to stare at the floor.
Satoshi sighs and Maya hears his footsteps coming closer, before Satoshi drops onto the sofa beside him. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” it's silent for a few moments and then Satoshi continues “It must have taken a lot of courage for you to tell me...I really admire that about you Maya.”
It sends a shudder down his spine just hearing Satoshi saying his name. If he's honest with himself, just having Satoshi talk to him is enough, a few hours ago he was afraid he'd scared off one of his closest and most precious friends. “Can we still be friends?”
Satoshi looks up at his face and smiles softly. “Of course...” there's another long pause and then Satoshi clears his throat. “How do you know...that you like me like that?”
Maya smiles at his almost shy expression. “I like everything about you...you're loyal and brave and honest, but you're also funny and kind and incredibly handsome. When I'm with you I feel simultaneously calm and excited, it's like I'm so happy that my heart feels like it's trying to beat out of my chest...”
Satoshi looks some mix of happy and embarrassed, and he looks down to the floor as he seems to try to control his expression. “When you confessed to me...my heart was pounding so hard...I was scared, but after I left...the more I thought about it, the more I realised that it didn't feel bad...it felt strange...but kind of nice.” Maya feels like his breath is caught in his throat. What does he mean? Could Satoshi... “You should feel how hard it's hammering now.” Satoshi continues, looking up at him with a nervous smile, but he reaches a hand out to take hold of Maya's and pull it to his chest.
It sure is hammering, Maya can feel it pumping away under his splayed hand. He looks from his hand to Satoshi's eyes in amazement and he's drawn in by the hope he sees in them “Satoshi...” he starts.
“I can't say for sure that it's because I like you...this is all a bit sudden and confusing...but I really want to kiss you right now.”
He doesn't even think about it, his impulses acting without his brain's input, to clench his hand in the front of Satoshi's shirt and pull him closer until their lips meet. Satoshi gasps against his lips, but quickly shuffles closer to him, moving his own lips in response to Maya's.
It's sloppy and uncoordinated, but Satoshi's enthusiasm makes up for it and before Maya even notices what's happening, Satoshi's hands are on him, one tangled in his hair holding their mouths together as the other pushes gently on his shoulder, encouraging him back to lay down on the sofa.
His legs fall to the sides instinctively as Satoshi leans down over him, fitting perfectly between them. Satoshi doesn't break their kiss even as he shuffles around to get comfortable, ending with his body pressed firmly down against Maya's.
Maya's hands move to Satoshi's shoulders, gripping them tighter with the escalating force of their lips and he groans aloud when he feels the effect their connection is having on Satoshi's body. This is it, there's no denying that this is what he wants. The evidence is right there in the hardening muscle between his own legs, he has far more interest in just kissing a boy than having a mostly naked girl straddling him.
He's gay. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thinks that there should be something more profound about the realisation, but he's kind of known it was true for long enough anyway. Besides, it's hard to concentrate on any other feeling than escalating desire once Satoshi starts shifting his hips experimentally.
He gasps a little at the friction, it feels so much, it's just rubbing, and through clothes too, but it feels so incredible, so perfect. When he pulls away momentarily to catch his breath, Satoshi pulls away a little too, looking at him with a mix of apprehension and surprise on his face.
It isn't right. His breath sounds too shaky, even through the gasps. Maya moves his hands down Satoshi's back in what he hopes is a soothing gesture, and then he takes a firm hold on Satoshi's hips, stilling them. “Are you ok?” he asks quietly, almost afraid to hear the answer.
Satoshi just looks at him for a few moments, his eyes widening. “I'm scared.” he admits eventually.
Maya tries to move him away a little, this is important, this has to be addressed, immediately, but if Satoshi's hips keep twitching in his hold like that, Maya's not sure how much he can concentrate. Satoshi only shakes his head though, keeping his hips firmly down against Maya's. “Satoshi...we don't have to do anything you don't want...”
“I do.” Satoshi says quickly. “I do, I want this so bad, I want more than this...that's why I'm scared.”
Maya has to smile a little at that, and Satoshi leans down to press their lips together again, shifting his hips again once Maya slackens his grip. He keeps his hands there though, stroking, encouragingly as Satoshi kisses him harder.
He can't say who it is that flicks their tongue out first, but before he knows it their tongues are dancing together, battling for dominance inside his mouth and all he can do is groan around them.
Satoshi moves his hand up to Maya's hair again, his fingers knotting into it and tugging gently as he tilts his head, pushing his tongue further into Maya's mouth and Maya's whole body is trembling from the sensation.
“Maya.” Satoshi gasps, pulling his mouth away and Maya wastes no time before attaching his lip to Satoshi's jaw instead, kissing as far down his neck as he can reach and Satoshi's moans sound incredible channelled straight into his ear. It makes him want more, so much more, but what that is he can't even wrap his mind around. His own hips buck up against Satoshi's, the space between them, his abdomen and groin feel like they're on fire, liquid heat pooling down there and he tugs Satoshi's head back, connecting their mouths together again in expression of the feeling.
Time seems to stand still around them, there's nothing but the two of them, mouths and tongues and hot breath coming out in groans as their hips grind mercilessly together.
“Maya, I want...” Satoshi starts, but what it is he wants, Maya doesn't hear, the rest of his words are cut off by a garbled groan as his whole body convulses. For a moment Maya is startled but then Satoshi lets out a relieved moan and he realises what had happened. The thought of it, the knowledge that it was real, that he made Satoshi feel such an intense explosion of pleasure, drags him right to that tantalising edge too.
He tightens his grip on Satoshi's immobile hips and thrusts his own up against them harder, just once, twice, three times and then it's over. His legs feel like lead as they stiffen and his hips jerk uncontrollably, but Satoshi's lips are there, kissing him through it, and when Maya finally has the breath to speak again, all he can say is “Wow.”
Satoshi laughs, his lips still dragging over Maya's softly. “Yeah...that certainly was...”
It was, it was more than that, Maya doesn't even have the words, just the feeling of warmth, and softness, a faint tingle running the entire length of his sated body. Satoshi flops down against him, his whole body seeming to melt against him like liquid and he rests his head down on Maya's shoulder. Instinctively, Maya lifts a hand to sift through Satoshi's hair and the other almost purrs.
“Maya?” Satoshi asks eventually, breaking the comfortable silence, “Will you go out with me?
He has to laugh a little at that, but he answers seriously, leaning up enough to kiss the top of Satoshi's head. “Of course.”