Coffee?
I went to work today, as usual on weekdays. I got out of the car and shouted, "I must be the biggest fucking idiot in the world!" "Why?" Ben, the hot guy (with bumps on his cock) said. "I forgot my lunch. Again." Oh, well. I had breakfast at least. So I go to clock in. I can't find my time card. Where is it? Where could it be?? Rubek (for the longest time I didn't know his first name) comes in and says, "Tom" who is our boss "has your time card inside." Tom has my time card inside? Why? What could he be doing with it? Why would he take it from me? Am I to be fired? I, quite nervously, follow Rubek inside. Tom has my card. Has all of my hours counted up. Is writing out a check. Before I even begin work for the day. Clearly, I'm not to be working. Am I to be fired? No, it's counter to all indications! I worked my ass off yesterday! Holman was the one who had been taking his time, raking the mulch, daydreaming about who-knows-what. You can't do this to me! I need this job! No!
"I'm giving you the day off today," he says.
The day off? Why? Why would you be giving me a day off? Unformed paranoid thoughts zip through my head. Then... well, good. Maybe now I can watch Hedwig before the show. I can get the sleep I didn't get last night. I won't have to work without lunch. I can... do all sorts of day-off stuff. But, still, it was strange that he just randomly gave me the day off. Just totally randomly. I took the check, then as I was leaving I asked if he was coming to my show tomorrow. He said he would. At least, he said that he would try. Good. 'Cause David, whom I had been inviting since the first show in February, won't be coming 'cause his new roommate and very good friend ex-boyfriend with a very nice body and pretty cock is coming back from his vacation in Florida during which stuff happened that apparently meant a lot to David 'cause he knew him, but that meant very little to me 'cause I didn't. And no one else ever comes to Hedwig. So Tom had better come, or I'm going to... steal all of his drawings and trucks and start my own landscaping business that overshadows his own, in the tradition of Tommy Gnosis. Just to emphasize the overshadowiness, I'll name it "The Ivy Forest," which implies just in the name that it's bigger and better than "The Ivy Tree."
So I head out to my car, and this lady pulls into the drive way, gets out. I thought it might be Tom's daughter. But she looks around in that way that everyone does in a new environment. Then she looks at me, says, "Hi." I reply in kind. Then she asks if she can buy any mulch. I say that she should talk to Tom. I turn and head back. She asks if she should follow me. I say, "Yes. If you don't, you die!" Then I begin to float in the air above her head, glow and point a finger at her. She quivers in fear and follows me. But I move too fast for her. "Tom." "What?" "This lady has a question." "Lady?" "She just pulled into the driveway and asked a question." He's quite confused (this is clearly an unheard-of occurrence) but gets up and follows me back to her anyway. "Would you like me to blast her?" "No."
So, anyway, I have the day off today, and two hundred, seventeen dollars and fifty cents extra in my savings account, as well as strikingly blond hair that was crunchy but is no longer. So what do I do? I sit down at the computer and type out the events of my oh-so-very-unexciting morning.
I'd like to go somewhere. But where? Where? Everywhere requires money, which I am entirely, totally, and completely unwilling to spend any amount of. I refuse to spend a cent I don't have to for several weeks. Of course, that's no indication of what will actually happen. We all know that tomorrow I'm going to withdraw fifty dollars from my savings account and spend it all. But no! No! I have to save for that apartment! I must! I must!
I also had the biggest cup of coffee I've ever had. It was really big.