Shit!fic Review...

[jayden_scott]

Ugh. I found this gem on my own.

I'm so sorry...

Title: Stress Relief
Author: Ann a.k.a. Ann911 a.k.a. N3wY0rkGiirl a.k.a. PrincesaProdigy
Pairing: Emily/JJ
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Beta: jessi_08, Rogan
Summary: Sex on drugs.
A/N: I am against drugs! But it's sooo much fun to write about them!

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

I

Comments

[ladyrashida]

What a pointless exercise in fuckery. The drugs come from nowhere, no explanation, no introduction, no feelings, no nothing. It just fails on every front. Thank you so much for you review Jay, as always it's fantastic!

This isn’t a sportscast play-by-play. “She’s rounding the clit, headed towards the vagina, the thumb is sliding into home and ORGASM! The Sox win the pennant! The Sox win the pennant!”

... This is just perfect. Exactely what I think 9/10 times when reading "smut" only I lack the skill to express it quite as well.

[jayden_scott]

I think most of the time, sportscast play by plays have more emotion and intensity than the smut described in fics.

I'm glad you liked it, and as always, I am more than happy to entertain.

[magicalmongoose]

Fic: fail. Review: win.

And you're right, it has to be some pretty good shit. Like pure Dutch weed. And another thing: I can't believe the author didn't say anything about the smell. I mean, that's the first thing you notice when someone's smoking pot, right?

[jayden_scott]

Or the taste? Or the burning in the back of your throat? Not that I would know anything about that...

The author obviously doesn't know what the hell she's talking about, or she just really, really, really can't write even more than I originally though.

Either way, glad you liked. :-)

[magicalmongoose]

I've never actually tasted pot, so I'll take your word for it. Strange, huh, that I live in a country where it's semi-legal and never even touched the stuff?

Indeed. (x2)

[aeryn_27]

thank you for that. the review was amazing, as always, and i needed that laugh.

i think i'll still go with 'most precious area' as my favorite (or is it least favorite?), with 'most intimate parts' running a close second.

you are most awesome. i kneel at the altar of your awesomeness.

[jayden_scott]

I think most precious area is still my favorite too. In fact, were I ever to get a tattoo around my most intimate parts, it would be those words in pretty script "Most Precious Area."

I'm glad I could make you laugh. I miss you girl!

[aeryn_27]

i've been catching up on Sin Den posts, as i'm not spending a lot of time on LJ these days, so you've made me laugh quite a lot today.

i miss you too! christmas time is right around the corner. time is tight while i'm home, but barring accident or injury i aim to spend some time with you. even if it's just for coffee.

i have a little something for you...

[ariestess]

I almost, ALMOST want to go leave real commentary to said fuckwit, but I don't think she'd get it...

[jayden_scott]

No... I don't think she will either. Besides, I don't think she really cares about what she writes anyway...

[ariestess]

*nods* I think you're right...

[jayden_scott]

Your hair is fabulous, sweetie.

Pot is the least horny-drug ever. Like... why would you want to have sex when you can barely feel your own feet and things like... "I be there are more blades of grass than people in the world." cross your mind. If she wanted a drug to make her characters horny and/or lower their inhibition, plain old alcohol works just fine. As does a tab of ecstasy. Geez.

It hurts me inside sometimes that I actually read this shit. But then I just remember JJ's entrance at Khazad-dum and well... I just giggle helplessly.

As always, I have done my duty if you enjoyed it.

[ariestess]

I might have a couple for you that I haven't had time to get to, if you're interested...