(no subject)
in light of miranda's craigslist entry i bring you callianne, lauren and matt's letter to the cat in four parts. Written by Lauren and Callianne, X-posted in both our journals. sorry to those who are on both of our lists, but there's really not that many of you anyway.
- stop being dirty despite not be allowed outside: we do not enjoy your cat shaped dirt stains on everything you've slept on/everything we own. we can't even wear white (or light colours) anymore because if you want to take a nap on our shoulders we have to change our shirts after. why are you so fucking dirty anyway? i mean, i know our house isn't the cleanest but callianne takes you in the shower with her so you really have no excuse.
- stay off the fucking counter already! there's nothing up there for you to see/smell/eat/knock over. actually there is, but you're still not allowed to do any of those things. we know you know you're not allowed up there; we see the guilty look on your face when we tell you to get down. sometimes when the counter is completely clean and cleared off you still jump up and just sit there. what the fuck is with that?! what do you want from us and why can't you just ask for it nicely??
- stop trying to make your great escape out the front door/bathroom window/downstairs bedroom window/matt's room/ lauren's window/the hole in the screen of callianne's window that you can only fit your head through. everytime you manage to escape you just stand there all confused about what to do next. if you don't have an agenda why are you trying to get away? outside is fucking scary and you know it! plus there's more dirt out there and you already know how we feel about that.
- stop being dirty despite not be allowed outside: we do not enjoy your cat shaped dirt stains on everything you've slept on/everything we own. we can't even wear white (or light colours) anymore because if you want to take a nap on our shoulders we have to change our shirts after. why are you so fucking dirty anyway? i mean, i know our house isn't the cleanest but callianne takes you in the shower with her so you really have no excuse.
- stay off the fucking counter already! there's nothing up there for you to see/smell/eat/knock over. actually there is, but you're still not allowed to do any of those things. we know you know you're not allowed up there; we see the guilty look on your face when we tell you to get down. sometimes when the counter is completely clean and cleared off you still jump up and just sit there. what the fuck is with that?! what do you want from us and why can't you just ask for it nicely??
- stop trying to make your great escape out the front door/bathroom window/downstairs bedroom window/matt's room/ lauren's window/the hole in the screen of callianne's window that you can only fit your head through. everytime you manage to escape you just stand there all confused about what to do next. if you don't have an agenda why are you trying to get away? outside is fucking scary and you know it! plus there's more dirt out there and you already know how we feel about that.