Dope kung fu ninja motherfucker.
"My brain is awash with uncertainty - my head feels like one of those plastic egg dispensers they have in places like Rhyl and Blackpool. I am full of questions, and I am at a loss for decent answers... Like, what will it take to end Walkers' evil dominance of the crisps industry? And how did they manage to take over, so completely, and yet so discreetly? It wasn't like we saw footage of the mafia styled thumb-breaking of the top man at Smiths' bit on the side, and neither did we read about the cruel disembowelling of his children. Walkers Crisps did a Bush At Florida on those poor swine at Golden Wonder, and no one will tell me how. Surely it wasn't all down to the endorsement of a retired footballer villainous and foil packaging? And do you think the guy that invented foil packaging gets royalties? And before you start - it was blatantly not a woman that invented foil packaging. Women do not work in the crisps technologies industry. There used to be a few at Smiths, but I suspect the Walkers people had them artificially inseminated with babies of the wrong colour whilst asleep. See, that's how hardcore those Walkers motherfuckers are. You go not get that kind of market share without dirty tricks and ugly tactics. Ask Irv Gotti.
And while you're there, could you ask him why western children are not taught kung fu? If I had a child, I would teach it kung fu from as soon as it could fucking crawl. By the time the little fucker was, like, eight, he or she (I got over the "may my child be a masculine child" thing last week) would be the fucking Zen Master - little shit could fuck you up in a second, but wouldn't bother, 'cos they'd be too busy being a dope kung fu ninja motherfucker, doing dope kung fu ninja motherfucking things, like achieving Nirvana before lunch, and walking up walls real quick. See, if everybody knew kung fu, we would be a much less shitty bunch of people. We would all be healthy and fit, and we'd be able to do loads of useful stuff, like running up and down mountains carrying huge barrels of water, and kicking the asses of the greedheads and the swine. And children doing kung fu look totally sweet. Have you seen Kids Of Shaolin? What a brilliant movie. Full of kids being dope. BUT... The kids learn discipline. And not in the shitty way I did, where the big person twats you when you do something they disagree with and you don't really get it, but you do learn that being big and able to twat small things is pretty much how things work. Kung Fu teaches the child respect, for other, and for themselves. It teaches discipline. It teaches calm, focus, humility, bravery, consideration, and all that other ninja shit I don't have a fucking clue about. Not that I have a clue about kung fu either, outside of what I've seen in movies, and read in Wu-Tang interviews."
Word.
And while you're there, could you ask him why western children are not taught kung fu? If I had a child, I would teach it kung fu from as soon as it could fucking crawl. By the time the little fucker was, like, eight, he or she (I got over the "may my child be a masculine child" thing last week) would be the fucking Zen Master - little shit could fuck you up in a second, but wouldn't bother, 'cos they'd be too busy being a dope kung fu ninja motherfucker, doing dope kung fu ninja motherfucking things, like achieving Nirvana before lunch, and walking up walls real quick. See, if everybody knew kung fu, we would be a much less shitty bunch of people. We would all be healthy and fit, and we'd be able to do loads of useful stuff, like running up and down mountains carrying huge barrels of water, and kicking the asses of the greedheads and the swine. And children doing kung fu look totally sweet. Have you seen Kids Of Shaolin? What a brilliant movie. Full of kids being dope. BUT... The kids learn discipline. And not in the shitty way I did, where the big person twats you when you do something they disagree with and you don't really get it, but you do learn that being big and able to twat small things is pretty much how things work. Kung Fu teaches the child respect, for other, and for themselves. It teaches discipline. It teaches calm, focus, humility, bravery, consideration, and all that other ninja shit I don't have a fucking clue about. Not that I have a clue about kung fu either, outside of what I've seen in movies, and read in Wu-Tang interviews."
Word.