I read it, and I like it. I'd suggest going over it again sometime tomorow...some things need to be changed, such as the use of the same phrases ("raw human emotion") and things like that. I loved what you did with the tree, how you sort of created the tree from Genes feelings...you may want to expound on that...
I think you may also want to talk about the innocence v age thing more...really stress how they were innocenct and carefree in the beginning.
Find a way to close it without "in conclusion" !!! lol
Looks good though. You'll want to go back and revise it. Sorry for the half-baked sorta review, its a bit late for me...
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I think you may also want to talk about the innocence v age thing more...really stress how they were innocenct and carefree in the beginning.
Find a way to close it without "in conclusion" !!! lol
Looks good though. You'll want to go back and revise it. Sorry for the half-baked sorta review, its a bit late for me...
I did like it though.
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