More haiku
Brilliant performance!
Too bad no one did see it;
You weren't in your light.
So you're an actor?
Yet you work as a waiter.
Go get a real job.
Auditions galore.
Your only source of income?
Unemployment checks.
Silence is golden.
But not at an audition;
You won't get the part.
Audition mistake:
Director wanted "classic,"
You chose Neil LaBute.
Unemployed actors;
Their numbers seem infinite.
Don't quit your day job.
A tenuous grasp
Of your lines -- Forgotten words.
You scorn the playwright
Many private words
Shared with the whole audience;
Your mic was still on.
Shakespeare 101:
"Tragedy" simply means that
Everybody dies.
The play Othello:
More of a tragedy when
The set collapses.
Romeo you fool!
You killed yourself even though
Juliet's not dead!
When I hear the term
"Star-crossed lovers," I think of
Not fate, but NASA.
Good improv showcase!
Except this show was scripted.
You forgot your lines.
Bzzzz! The timer sounds.
Your monologue ran too long.
Yet you keep going...
A vexed director
Watches the play with much grief.
Just go to a bar!
I hate my agent.
He never, EVER calls me --
Excuse me, its my phone.
Whisting on stage
Might well bring things crashing down.
So please don't do it.
The Back Stage Handbook:
Filled with such gems as
"Front-loading washer"
Equity members:
"Appearing courtesy of"
With an asterisk.
Actors Equity:
Organized labor? No thanks.
Yet I wish to join.
Dual meaning hence:
"Performance anxiety,"
Doing it on stage
Old superstition:
Certain things should not be said
Don't mention Mac -- ow!
Technical staffers
Do the lights and the sound, too.
And, they dress in black.
"Genie" vertigo
Up, up, high over the stage,
"Don't look down!" they said.
Please pass my Gerber
A knife, screwdriver, pliers...
Quite useful tool, no?
Colors are faded.
The sweet smell of burned plastic.
Purchase new gels, please?
A gigantic set:
Even though you followed plans,
The wrong scale was used.
Too bad no one did see it;
You weren't in your light.
So you're an actor?
Yet you work as a waiter.
Go get a real job.
Auditions galore.
Your only source of income?
Unemployment checks.
Silence is golden.
But not at an audition;
You won't get the part.
Audition mistake:
Director wanted "classic,"
You chose Neil LaBute.
Unemployed actors;
Their numbers seem infinite.
Don't quit your day job.
A tenuous grasp
Of your lines -- Forgotten words.
You scorn the playwright
Many private words
Shared with the whole audience;
Your mic was still on.
Shakespeare 101:
"Tragedy" simply means that
Everybody dies.
The play Othello:
More of a tragedy when
The set collapses.
Romeo you fool!
You killed yourself even though
Juliet's not dead!
When I hear the term
"Star-crossed lovers," I think of
Not fate, but NASA.
Good improv showcase!
Except this show was scripted.
You forgot your lines.
Bzzzz! The timer sounds.
Your monologue ran too long.
Yet you keep going...
A vexed director
Watches the play with much grief.
Just go to a bar!
I hate my agent.
He never, EVER calls me --
Excuse me, its my phone.
Whisting on stage
Might well bring things crashing down.
So please don't do it.
The Back Stage Handbook:
Filled with such gems as
"Front-loading washer"
Equity members:
"Appearing courtesy of"
With an asterisk.
Actors Equity:
Organized labor? No thanks.
Yet I wish to join.
Dual meaning hence:
"Performance anxiety,"
Doing it on stage
Old superstition:
Certain things should not be said
Don't mention Mac -- ow!
Technical staffers
Do the lights and the sound, too.
And, they dress in black.
"Genie" vertigo
Up, up, high over the stage,
"Don't look down!" they said.
Please pass my Gerber
A knife, screwdriver, pliers...
Quite useful tool, no?
Colors are faded.
The sweet smell of burned plastic.
Purchase new gels, please?
A gigantic set:
Even though you followed plans,
The wrong scale was used.