Boring summary
I was going to call it an early night tonight so that I could get some annotations done for Heart of Darkness (which I will probably still do; it's just, it will be less of an early night), but I kind of wanted to update this, after having gone through most of my archives over the years and being struck by the fact that I wish that I posted more often. I've always wanted to get into the habit of writing about my day somewhere every night, but honestly, my days are too boring for me to waste my time recounting them.
These next few weeks are already stressing me out and they haven't even begun. At least I got my Medical Week out of the way, so that I won't be missing school left and right (well, I will in a sense, but more on that in a moment). Tuesday I have ORC, which really shouldn't be much of a stress-point, but it always is. This time, I've just given up. I mean, I'm only forty pages away from where I'm supposed to be, and that would really be no problem to read tonight even, but I just can't bring myself to care enough to do it. Besides, I'm more worried about getting some HoD done so that I won't have to worry so much about that while I'm in Portland (again, that will come in a moment). Anyway, I've been more and more in the mood to read absolute trashy teen novels. I don't know where this is coming from (yes, I do, who am I kidding?), but I suspect it has something to do with reading too much "real" literature (I just finished The Age of Innocence today, and I love love love it and recommend it to everyone and their pets). I've filled that quota, now time to empty it with some good mindless drivel. In that same vein, after having read William Blake's "The Tyger," I had an urge to reminisce about my childhood and reread In the Forests of the Night and all those books. I don't even know how many times I read through those books. Many, many times. I'm curious to see just how frustrated I'll get with their lack of plot now that I'm not ten. Oh yes, what I need in my life right now is more vampires.
Last week, as stated, was Medical Week. I had three appointments. First, dentist. Apparently it's surprising that I still have the same sealants in from like, seven or so years ago. Awesome. Second was Standford. This was the appointment where I finally, after six months, got my continuous glucose monitor, which, I have to say, is pretty fucking awesome. We're still getting used to each other, still ironing out our trust and abandonment issues, but overall it's going pretty good. I'm still testing about the same amount as before, but I'm hoping that as soon as I start to trust what it tells me a bit more, that I can ease up on them. In the meantime, though, it's just amazing to look down at my pump and then test my blood sugar and to see the two numbers within forty points of each other. Now they just need to find a way to make only one set necessary for both insulin and blood sugar.... It's really just amazing to see how much better I've been doing since the start of the trial. My HbA1c was (I think) 8.4 at the start of it, and has now dropped down to an all time low of 7.0 (about an average of 150), which is amazing considering that I'm doing this with only a test kit (of course, my fingers would say it's not so amazing...). I'm pleased. It's scary to have to think of complications so early in life, but what with the recent vision thing, I'm more nervous about that sort of thing (not to mention that I recently had to take this test again to see if my kidneys are working properly; I've done this several times before, but once a while back it apparently gave a false positive. my parents didn't tell me until the results for the second go came back normal. I'm just really nervous that that will happen again and that this time it won't be a mistake). But, yeah, speaking of complications, on Friday I finally had my eye appointment that we'd scheduled during Spring Break. I really hate eye appointments, have never had very good experiences at them. I always freak out during them worse than during any other doctor's appointment; I don't know why. But eye problems are really nothing to take lightly, and this time, I had convinced myself that he would find that I had caused my eyes irreversible damage because I haven't been taking good enough care of myself. But this time I managed to stay calm and conscious throughout (even when the whole building lost power!) and after telling me about all the things that he might find and what they would do about such things if that were the case, he looked at my eyes and told me they looked fine. I am, though, slightly nearsighted, which makes sense with the problems I've been having (distant objects are indistinct). I don't know what brought this on, whether it was sudden (apparently a large drop in blood sugar can forever alter vision) or gradual. Either way, I probably won't be getting glasses anytime soon. It's a relief to hear that I'm not going blind, not yet.
And now I'm losing interest in writing this. Let's get on with it.
I fly up to Portland Thursday afternoon so I can overnight at Reed on Friday. I don't know what I'm more nervous about: that no one will like me there and I'll have an awful time, or that I'll realize that Reed isn't for me and then end up going to a UC. (Not that UCs are bad... I just am so set on a private college at this point...) I'm not convinced that I would fit in there. Everyone seems so dedicated to learning, whereas here I am, doing as little as possible in school so that I still get As and have time for naps and writing terrible fiction. I really want to like Reed, and I want to have a good time, and learn a lot there, and make a lot of friends - but what if I hate it there and it becomes a second Mission except a lot more expensive? I hope that I won't regret my overnight. Still, I'm extremely excited.
I've been feeling like I'm on the edge of writer's block for a while now, but I can't tell if that's because I'm tired (since I am still coming up with ideas that I like) or because I'm edging on depression or what. I just feel blah about myself and everything and the sun.