depressed rantings of my inner mind.....
hmmmm....so I guess I'll just go right into this one. Okay, so I was thinking. I think that I over-analyze things alot. I don't know why but I just can't stop. I guess it relates to the fact that I am bored with no school to challenge me. So I was thinking, and began talking over the phone to my friend. She thanked me for pushing her to tell this person that she liked them. I didn't want to take any credit; I felt I didn't do anything. I tried to tell her it didn't matter, and that I didn't matter. She would've told her anyway. I realized I don't matter. I am one person in a world of billions. If I died, I wouldn't want anyone to grieve. It wouldn't be right; (most) people don't grieve for someone that they don't know. So why would anyone grieve for me? If I was no better than that person, why would they grieve for me??
Also, I don't understand why people care for me at all. I am, once again, one person in billions. I don't matter! I HAVE NEVER MATTERED AND WILL CONTINUE NOT TO MATTER FOR THE REST OF MY EXISTENCE! I must be proven wrong about this. I want to be proven wrong about this...unfortunately, I can not think of how I can be, not right now at least. I require help. If not to prove me wrong than to reinforce what now is hammered into my brain:
I am just one small, fat, pathetic, idiotic, ugly person in billions, and I do not matter.