after being warned
that continuing
could result in
addiction,
infliction,
and the subsequent
dereliction of
my most fundamental
responsibilities as
a member of
the human race,
I chuckled,
popped the cork,
and reminded myself
of what failure tastes like

some fish belong above water

learn to communicate with women before moving in with three of them.

saran wrap and a Jesus action figure (on wheels)

what the fuck?

my roommates make me miserable. they have boobs and vaginas and weird stuff like that. vaginas that bleed. I hate them. they make me miserable. they totally added Cristal's niece to the tacos they're cooking. they make me sooooooo sad. Like ): sad. Fo sho.

this saturday
our house
just keep this one medium-sized (no friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend shit).
it will be a dignified party.
we will wear formal dress (robes included) and drink wine (bring your own) while enjoying jazz music.
do come.

if your bathroom garbage smells like fetus

I'm gone from the internet for a few days and Robert Altman dies.

I'm going to be living with three women. That just hit me. I'm afraid of women. Help. They're already hiding condoms (used?!) in my blinds ( Read more... )

Every fucking one of you. I don't care who for. Just vote. If you're busy tomorrow, go to your city hall and vote absentee today. You still get a sticker and it takes no more than 5 minutes. For one day set skepticism and apathy aside. Vote.