TM 228: 3 A.M.
It was the wrong time to be making such decisions.
The long conversation -- which was really code for 'argument' -- with Sasha aside, the inescapable logic he had run out of excuses for aside, and the equally inescapable unconscious yet unfortunately conscious knowledge that it was in fact time, had been time for way too long, aside...
From three to four in the morning was not the time you made life changing decisions.
Miles was was convinced of this, even as he shut down his computer so he could finally get some sleep. While he started planning inside his head to stave off the meltdown he felt coming. He wanted to be in control of the situation, but he felt the exact opposite, and that made any fears paranoid notions irrational bullshit uncomfortable thoughts inside his head compound.
He wanted to drink this off and pass out, but he even he had the sense to know that was absolutely the wrong idea. The only viable option here was to calm down, and try to find a rational moment somewhere in all this.
Even though, to his mind, he wouldn't find one. He'd finally decided to break down and pop the question to his girlfriend of over five years. And it wasn't because he'd been sex deprived for weeks now, felt jittery and more irritable than usual all the time, and was constantly fighting with her. It wasn't even entirely about knowing that she'd leave him if he stuck to his bullshit guns on this matter, although that was playing a big role in this too.
No, he realized now, staring at his computer monitor in uncharacteristically quiet terrified thought, that he really wanted to do this. For her. For them.
Miles badly wanted to know when he'd lost his mind.
He wanted to rethink this whole thing, definitely not at three in the fucking morning, so he could convince himself otherwise and move on. Get back to trying to get Lorelai to see his side of all this even though there wasn't a cold chance in hell of that happening.
But he knew he wouldn't.
Miles shut down his computer finally, and rose gradually from his chair, feeling like a man on the way to an execution. He stopped once he'd finally straightened up, realizing how she'd react this when he finally did it. She'd assume he was full of shit, just doing this to get laid, and she might actually say no. The thought absolutely mortified him, and made him want to go into the bedroom and spend all the time it would take to wake her up just to pick a fight with her, all at once.
He wouldn't do that either.
He sighed. Running a hand through his hair, staring at wall in front of him like it was going to hand him some kind of assurance that it was all going to be okay. It wouldn't be. But he was still going to do it.
A life changing moment. An evolutionary moment. Miles growing up.
With another sigh, he turned, going into the living room to make a vain attempt at getting some sleep.
Tomorrow was going to be such a bad day.
Muse: Miles Lawson
Fandom: Original Character
Word Count: 538
The long conversation -- which was really code for 'argument' -- with Sasha aside, the inescapable logic he had run out of excuses for aside, and the equally inescapable unconscious yet unfortunately conscious knowledge that it was in fact time, had been time for way too long, aside...
From three to four in the morning was not the time you made life changing decisions.
Miles was was convinced of this, even as he shut down his computer so he could finally get some sleep. While he started planning inside his head to stave off the meltdown he felt coming. He wanted to be in control of the situation, but he felt the exact opposite, and that made any fears paranoid notions irrational bullshit uncomfortable thoughts inside his head compound.
He wanted to drink this off and pass out, but he even he had the sense to know that was absolutely the wrong idea. The only viable option here was to calm down, and try to find a rational moment somewhere in all this.
Even though, to his mind, he wouldn't find one. He'd finally decided to break down and pop the question to his girlfriend of over five years. And it wasn't because he'd been sex deprived for weeks now, felt jittery and more irritable than usual all the time, and was constantly fighting with her. It wasn't even entirely about knowing that she'd leave him if he stuck to his bullshit guns on this matter, although that was playing a big role in this too.
No, he realized now, staring at his computer monitor in uncharacteristically quiet terrified thought, that he really wanted to do this. For her. For them.
Miles badly wanted to know when he'd lost his mind.
He wanted to rethink this whole thing, definitely not at three in the fucking morning, so he could convince himself otherwise and move on. Get back to trying to get Lorelai to see his side of all this even though there wasn't a cold chance in hell of that happening.
But he knew he wouldn't.
Miles shut down his computer finally, and rose gradually from his chair, feeling like a man on the way to an execution. He stopped once he'd finally straightened up, realizing how she'd react this when he finally did it. She'd assume he was full of shit, just doing this to get laid, and she might actually say no. The thought absolutely mortified him, and made him want to go into the bedroom and spend all the time it would take to wake her up just to pick a fight with her, all at once.
He wouldn't do that either.
He sighed. Running a hand through his hair, staring at wall in front of him like it was going to hand him some kind of assurance that it was all going to be okay. It wouldn't be. But he was still going to do it.
A life changing moment. An evolutionary moment. Miles growing up.
With another sigh, he turned, going into the living room to make a vain attempt at getting some sleep.
Tomorrow was going to be such a bad day.
Muse: Miles Lawson
Fandom: Original Character
Word Count: 538