(no subject)
things like this make me feel weird inside.
this happened after the car crash. this just complete doubt, complete absence of faith in humanity. this complete...shock.
i don't know anyone personally at virginia tech. julie bindelglass's boyfriend goes there. a girl in my jesus chorus, cathy trasborg, her brother goes there. i know julie's boyfriend is okay but i don't know about cathy's brother.
it's not about knowing anyone.
i kept thinking about it on the drive to piano.
we got there four minutes early.
we never get there early. its like god wanted us to hear this report on NPR or something.
it was the report of some girl whose friend had been in the hall with the massacre.
"she was taking an exam, and she said she heard something that sounding like shots. her professor said 'no, no, those aren't shots.' but they continued, and he said 'wow, those might be shots'. and we stopped and we heard shots and we thought we heard laughing in between each shot."
and i just kept picturing being that girl, trying to take like, a history test or something, and hearing shots and manaical laughter in between and it occurred to me that 31 people died in that part alone, and including my teacher that's as many people as there are in my physics class and god that's my physics class and then i heard words like carnage and gruesome and shot beyond recognition and i had to get out of that car.
piano has never been so cathartic.
then on the way home. we heard the testimony of an assistant professor who was in the hall and how he heard shots too and god i just wanted to go home.
people may think its weird
that i'm this affected
and i don't even know anyone
and i'm not even near virginia
i just
lose hope sometimes
what if one of those kids decided to skip class
or overslept
or didn't want to take the exam because he didn't study because he was busy cheating on his girlfriend
or what if one those kids
did go to class this once
to try to start doing better when he had been slacking all year
i hear indians are among the dead.
we were just debating cruelty
and if humans were innately good or innately corrupt
and i can't believe that people are good when they can do this
i know people say
god only takes the best
and god needs angels
but if he exists
does he need to take them
in such cruel and forceful and inhumane and terrible horrifying ways.
and my friends faces just kept flashing before my eyes
"shot beyond recognition"
and i just wanted to talk to someone
a certain someone
or anyone, actually.
because things like this shake me up and make me indescribably sad and usually i run away from sad things.
in fact, not usually.
all of the time, i run away.
shit like this shouldn't happen.
i'm meant to take chances.
i just want to stay home.
this happened after the car crash. this just complete doubt, complete absence of faith in humanity. this complete...shock.
i don't know anyone personally at virginia tech. julie bindelglass's boyfriend goes there. a girl in my jesus chorus, cathy trasborg, her brother goes there. i know julie's boyfriend is okay but i don't know about cathy's brother.
it's not about knowing anyone.
i kept thinking about it on the drive to piano.
we got there four minutes early.
we never get there early. its like god wanted us to hear this report on NPR or something.
it was the report of some girl whose friend had been in the hall with the massacre.
"she was taking an exam, and she said she heard something that sounding like shots. her professor said 'no, no, those aren't shots.' but they continued, and he said 'wow, those might be shots'. and we stopped and we heard shots and we thought we heard laughing in between each shot."
and i just kept picturing being that girl, trying to take like, a history test or something, and hearing shots and manaical laughter in between and it occurred to me that 31 people died in that part alone, and including my teacher that's as many people as there are in my physics class and god that's my physics class and then i heard words like carnage and gruesome and shot beyond recognition and i had to get out of that car.
piano has never been so cathartic.
then on the way home. we heard the testimony of an assistant professor who was in the hall and how he heard shots too and god i just wanted to go home.
people may think its weird
that i'm this affected
and i don't even know anyone
and i'm not even near virginia
i just
lose hope sometimes
what if one of those kids decided to skip class
or overslept
or didn't want to take the exam because he didn't study because he was busy cheating on his girlfriend
or what if one those kids
did go to class this once
to try to start doing better when he had been slacking all year
i hear indians are among the dead.
we were just debating cruelty
and if humans were innately good or innately corrupt
and i can't believe that people are good when they can do this
i know people say
god only takes the best
and god needs angels
but if he exists
does he need to take them
in such cruel and forceful and inhumane and terrible horrifying ways.
and my friends faces just kept flashing before my eyes
"shot beyond recognition"
and i just wanted to talk to someone
a certain someone
or anyone, actually.
because things like this shake me up and make me indescribably sad and usually i run away from sad things.
in fact, not usually.
all of the time, i run away.
shit like this shouldn't happen.
i'm meant to take chances.
i just want to stay home.