(no subject)
i wonder what its like to be you.
i wonder what its like to be you. to be so well liked that nothing you could do would be deemed wrong; glossed over just because you are you. then again, you don't make mistakes, so i dont even know if they would be glossed over. i wonder what its like to have everything going for you so much that others pale in comparison; they're not you, they don't matter. they're forced to live insignificantly in your shadow. sometimes i selfishly wait for your downfall, you know. but i never truly want it to happen, i just sometimes get tired of living in inferiority. i get tired of that because its not even feeling inferior because of my inferiority complex either; its because i'm inferior because everyone else deems me so, not beacuse my own self-esteem does. because people like you are out there. because of that, i turn to you for everything. you seem to be the best person to go to for advice. and yet it always seems that you never come to me, never need me, so why do i bother coming to you? i wonder sometimes if in your quiet you have ulterior motives.
i wonder what its like to be you. to be so loud and overbearing and pompous that half the people that say they are your friends dont like you, and every time they hear your voice they roll their eyes "there they go again." i wonder what its like to be constantly but subtly, with your mastery of words, bringing up your accomplishments into every conversation, sending glowering looks when you're not the best and deeming everyone else not good enough to be on par with you; when in truth, there are people light years ahead. i wonder. i tell myself its because of insecurity. and it seems like every time you can go and squash someone and prove how much better you are, you do.
i wonder what its like to be you. to be so crazy that you leave an impression, but so crazy enough that people don't tell you off and write you off. to have that biting humor and sense of presence that everyone you meet falls at your feet, and before they get to know you you are their god. it seems that everyone i know has liked you at some point; they cant help it, fascinated by your charisma and your fun. how can someone have that much energy? how can leave such a deep impression the first time they meet someone, while other people have to wait for so long to even make a dent? can you give me lessons, perhaps?
i wonder what its like to be you. where you've wanted to be so good looking and so well liked and so popular and best friends with everyone that its backfired on you; you're never where you want to be in any of those areas. in fact, in some, your far from it. i wonder how you can turn on people so easily, how one remark can switch you to the backstabbing side. is it because you always want to come out on top, and have the best of everything? be everything? i would say its going to backfire on you someday; it already has. you've become hypocritical by doing all the side-switching; i'm not sure which side you really are on.
i wonder what its like to be you. to want to get away with everything you say, just because you're who you are. to have it all and yet still feel inadequate. you never see what you have, and it seems that you hold different standards for everyone. of course everyone has different standards for everyone but it seems that you've got a completely different set. i could say something and someone else could say something and you'd react so differently it could almost qualify as a double standard. and again, it seems that i would turn to you first for every single thing, and i end up getting left out of the loop. that you would rather turn to someone else, hang with someone else, get close to someone else. it seems you only do it when you have to. you only do it when it suits you. i wonder why i bother.
i hate waiting. i made my move, and it was supposed to change everything. it changed nothing. so once again, my situation is stagnant. even when i take control and carpe diem like everyone tells me to, nothing happens. i'm perpetually destined for the same outcome. perpetually. i'm not sure why everyone else deserves it and i don't. i wonder what i did wrong in a past life or this life or something. and everyone says my time will come. i find that hard to believe. i hate waiting.
entry about alanna's later when i learn how to put pictures onto entries.
i wonder what its like to be you. to be so well liked that nothing you could do would be deemed wrong; glossed over just because you are you. then again, you don't make mistakes, so i dont even know if they would be glossed over. i wonder what its like to have everything going for you so much that others pale in comparison; they're not you, they don't matter. they're forced to live insignificantly in your shadow. sometimes i selfishly wait for your downfall, you know. but i never truly want it to happen, i just sometimes get tired of living in inferiority. i get tired of that because its not even feeling inferior because of my inferiority complex either; its because i'm inferior because everyone else deems me so, not beacuse my own self-esteem does. because people like you are out there. because of that, i turn to you for everything. you seem to be the best person to go to for advice. and yet it always seems that you never come to me, never need me, so why do i bother coming to you? i wonder sometimes if in your quiet you have ulterior motives.
i wonder what its like to be you. to be so loud and overbearing and pompous that half the people that say they are your friends dont like you, and every time they hear your voice they roll their eyes "there they go again." i wonder what its like to be constantly but subtly, with your mastery of words, bringing up your accomplishments into every conversation, sending glowering looks when you're not the best and deeming everyone else not good enough to be on par with you; when in truth, there are people light years ahead. i wonder. i tell myself its because of insecurity. and it seems like every time you can go and squash someone and prove how much better you are, you do.
i wonder what its like to be you. to be so crazy that you leave an impression, but so crazy enough that people don't tell you off and write you off. to have that biting humor and sense of presence that everyone you meet falls at your feet, and before they get to know you you are their god. it seems that everyone i know has liked you at some point; they cant help it, fascinated by your charisma and your fun. how can someone have that much energy? how can leave such a deep impression the first time they meet someone, while other people have to wait for so long to even make a dent? can you give me lessons, perhaps?
i wonder what its like to be you. where you've wanted to be so good looking and so well liked and so popular and best friends with everyone that its backfired on you; you're never where you want to be in any of those areas. in fact, in some, your far from it. i wonder how you can turn on people so easily, how one remark can switch you to the backstabbing side. is it because you always want to come out on top, and have the best of everything? be everything? i would say its going to backfire on you someday; it already has. you've become hypocritical by doing all the side-switching; i'm not sure which side you really are on.
i wonder what its like to be you. to want to get away with everything you say, just because you're who you are. to have it all and yet still feel inadequate. you never see what you have, and it seems that you hold different standards for everyone. of course everyone has different standards for everyone but it seems that you've got a completely different set. i could say something and someone else could say something and you'd react so differently it could almost qualify as a double standard. and again, it seems that i would turn to you first for every single thing, and i end up getting left out of the loop. that you would rather turn to someone else, hang with someone else, get close to someone else. it seems you only do it when you have to. you only do it when it suits you. i wonder why i bother.
i hate waiting. i made my move, and it was supposed to change everything. it changed nothing. so once again, my situation is stagnant. even when i take control and carpe diem like everyone tells me to, nothing happens. i'm perpetually destined for the same outcome. perpetually. i'm not sure why everyone else deserves it and i don't. i wonder what i did wrong in a past life or this life or something. and everyone says my time will come. i find that hard to believe. i hate waiting.
entry about alanna's later when i learn how to put pictures onto entries.