I'll take 8, it comes between 7 and 9, I like that in a number
Attachment Like a Sunburn
Attachment like a sunburn comes and goes, for me it came this past summer. Three months into my eighteenth year and I was helpless with out my mother. I was never much of a alpha-male to begin with, I took a lot of abuse for preferring theater to football and independent films to war movies, but this- this I was sure would be considered an all time low. Three months into manhood and I was a pile of sadness on the kitchen floor pleading with my mommy.
The accident that brought me to my current state was horrendous, and it was my mother’s fault. A week ago, on our way home from the dentist my mother ran what she likes to call an “orange” light, which to the sighted is more commonly known as red. In her perpetual rush to arrive, my mother ran the light, and before I had time to comment on her infraction another car hit us, passenger side. I was the only one injured and I walked myself to the ambulance. The bones in my right wrist had shattered upon impact. It required a reconstructive surgery to fix. The operation was scheduled for three days after the accident to let the swelling to go down. The pain in the days following the accident was easy, twisted ankle easy, nothing vicodin and sleep couldn’t remedy.
The operation came too quickly, I was given a “block” shot in my armpit which caused my arm to twitch, cementing my distaste for nurses. The spasms went on for a few minutes and left my arm dead in my lap, next was the anaesthesia. The operation came and went and I woke up confused and alone. My arm was now held together with metal pins and staples more at home in a tool box than on my body. Coming up from my stupor, the only thing I wanted was my mother. The need for her was sudden and inescapable. I didn’t know where she was, I kept asking and asking but all the nurses seemed too busy to listen to me. The nurse who had given my hospital gown was now busy getting me orange juice and crackers to break my pre-surgery fast. No one was listening to me. I was talking, I’m sure my voice was working, but it seemed no one could hear me. After minutes like hours my mother entered with another nurse.
“Where were you?” I asked.
“The nurse had to come and get me, I was in the waiting room”
“But I needed you. Wait, where were you? I don’t understand why you weren’t here.”
“Ben, I told you...”
“Hey mom, Look” I said letting my comatose arm flop to the tray
“stop that” the nurse said “you’ll regret it later”
“Mom, hey mom, look” I said doing it again “ I can’t feel anything. I can’t even hold my arm up the nurse gave me orange juice, do we have any orange juice at home? Let’s get some, I love orange juice, how did they know? Where were you mom?”
My mother helped me dress and on the way home we picked up my six year old sister from summer camp.
“Hey doodle” I said
“Hi Benny, ooooh how’s your hand?” she asked squirming into her car seat.
“It’s fine” I said holding my arm up. “Look doodle, I can’t even feel it” my arm flopping back onto my lap
“ooooh” she said
Once home, my mother decided to make the most of her “day off” by laying outside asking God for skin cancer, it was summer, after-all. Doodle was left in charge of me. We sat on the couch watching Vin diesel learn once again that he is a human with feelings and not an android in “The Pacifier”. I drifted in and out of consciousness as she tried to knot my short hair into “braids”. I continued to sleep and rouse for what felt like hours but was about forty minutes, and then gradually and suddenly the block wore off, the pain was sudden, sharp, and increasing exponentially. I was wide awake and whimpering.
“Um, Ben, what’s wrong? Is your hand okay? Do you maybe need some more juice?”
“Doodle, I need mom” I said cradling my wrist as I rocked back and forth
“Okay, here take kitty, I’ll be right back, just play with kitty” she said jogging away
I rocked and rocked until I heard little footsteps falling quickly towards the couch
“Um, Benny I don’t know if you know but mom, she looked pretty busy” she said
To doodle anyone doing anything looked too busy for her to interrupt, certainly a product of her being the youngest child by eleven years.
“It’s okay, I’ll get her” I said wincing as I shifted for balance, standing up with only one arm was a concept I did not yet understand. I drug myself to the patio door which doodle had conveniently left open.
“Mom” I said. She couldn’t hear me over the music. “Mom ” I said again
she looked up
“I need you.”
“What is it? I only have ten minutes to go before I come in, can it wait?”
“Mom, I need something for my wrist” I said trying to speak over the radio and tear induced lump in my throat
“Oh, no, it’s not time yet”
“Mom, it feels like my hand is being torn from my arm, I need something.”
“Is your movie over? Benny, you know I can’t give you anything until 4
I slumped to the floor and resumed my rocking, I needed something anything. I would cut it off it that would make this better, I would do anything. Getting the pills myself was out of the question, and Doodle was no help with child-proof bottles. I had to wait. I sat on the floor rocking and counting to 60, evens forward, odds backward.
Her ten minutes were over, I heard the egg timer go off and a minute later she came to where I was on the floor.
“44, 45, 46 I counted
“Ben? What are you doin’? Here, I’ll help you back to the couch, I will bring you your pills when it’s time. Do you need more juice? Ben? I’m sorry, it’s just not time yet.”
“I can’t, I can’t” I said in time with my forward motion.
“Ben, please buddy, you can’t take anything until 4
“But I need it now, mom, you don’t understand, I can’t wait.”
“Benny” she said
“I can’t, I can’t, Mom, I need your help”
Her eyes were wet “Just 15 more minutes, please, you can do this, you have to, there is nothing I can do before that, nothing”
“But the doctor said they take 30 minutes to start working. Mom, why?”
“Ben, I just can’t give them to you now”
“I can’t wait that long Why are you doing this to me? I didn’t ask for this Mom, please” I had moved from rocking slowly to shaking, my hand felt like it was coming off under the layers of gauze and plaster splint and blue sling the muscle was pulling itself from the bone, the fibers snapping. I closed my eyes and saw miniature men dressed in plaid shirts with hack sawing their way through my tendons. I opened my eyes and shook my head vigorously to rid my mind of the miniature lumberjacks.
“Mom, I can’t wait I can’t , I can’t”
“You have to, Ben, I am going to go upstairs and change, I will come back down when it’s time for your medicine”
I heard a radio turn on and water running. I sat waiting, shaking and crying. And soon enough sleep came hard and fast. I woke up at 5:30 to my best friend ringing the doorbell, I was still on the kitchen floor. I hear soft footsteps coming towards me as I struggle to sit up.
“Hey you, how are ya feelin’?” she asks.
and to think, Lora, you told me just yesterday that I never update.