Cloud of Glitter Dust
Title: Cloud of Glitter Dust
Author: thisflyingfish
Rating: PG
Pairing: Ryan and Brendon, no slash.
POV: Brendon
Summary: Ryan got too close to something he never should have touched.
Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure Brendon exists.
Beta: Coco. No LJ
It was sunny and the sky was blue, but the air was far from warm. There was this sort of chill in the air that made you feel uncomfortable in your skin. The kind that would make you shiver long after you'd left the chill for the warmth of your apartment because your skin hadn’t had time to adjust, but it was December in New York so what did you expect?
When I came inside though I expected to see my roommate reading like he commonly did on days like this, but he wasn't there today. I looked around, but I couldn't even find the book he claimed was his favorite book; it was just as invisible as he was.
A sudden chill hit me. The kind I had felt when I was outside, but stronger. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself and shuttered. I looked up and noticed that one of the windows in the apartment was open, but when I went to shut it I saw a sight I really didn't need.
"Ryan, what are you doing!?" I exclaimed stretching my body over our windowsill to get a better view of Ryan, his back pressed tightly to the brick wall of our apartment complex. Ryan chuckled and gave me a distant look.
"Purgatory," was all he said, shaking his head. I didn't know what to make of that and couldn`t find the words that would make the situation any better. I could see the steady stream of traffic move below us, and my fear of heights drove my stomach to do a back flip. Gulping, I looked back over towards him.
"Don't do this Ry, there's got to be something better than this. We can get therapy. I'll come with you, it'll be fun. Just please Ry," I say, desperately. I knew I wasn't making much since. I was just simply panicking; giving a list of possible solutions that may or may not work on Ryan's suicide decision. I heard a 'clunk' as Ryan's head hit the bricks as it tilted back.
"No, Brendon not this time. This is all I need; nothing better." his eyes began to drift closed.
"Goddammit Ryan. How do you think everyone's going to take this! Do you ever think of anyone else? If you… If you do this….nothing will be the same, you know that don`t you?" He was close to everything to me, maybe spot on.
Ryan shook his head, and gave a low shallow laugh.
"Miss me? Not. I don't think anyone would so much as notice my absence. I don't have any friends at work or at school, there’s no one in my family that gives a damn about me, yet wonder why I don’t call. I've got no one, Urie, no one!"
"What am I then?" I say, I can feel my voice break, and I hate it. I hate it how he makes me feel like I’m as worthless as an acorn. All the things he says were what I thought I was to him. I was his friend, at work, at school. I was his family, maybe not blood, but I considered myself closer to him than his father or mother. It hurt having him make it seem like all of that didn't exist, like everything was imaginary.
"You, Brendon, are an illusion, negative energy that developed in my mind. You’re my conscience in its physical form. You're what psychologists call ‘imaginary friends’. You don't even really exist. If I die, you die, and vice versa. All the feelings you have for me are artificial, they don’t exist because you don’t exist. You're the reason I have no life." His voice disappeared into a whisper. My eyes widened and I meant to shout out, but I didn’t have time.
I didn't have time to say anything else, prove him wrong by listing all the things I knew I was and all the things I felt for him, I’d prove that my feelings existed, that they weren’t false. He slipped through my imaginary fingers and down to the concrete jungle below. I didn't even have time to scream before I saw the world around me fade. The skyscrapers and yellow taxies and advertisements over Time Square disappeared, and all I was left with was the first song Ryan had me listen to, the last lyric in the song that replayed itself over and over.
"And I would understand, I would understand."
That and a cloud of glitter dust. And it blinded me.
Author: thisflyingfish
Rating: PG
Pairing: Ryan and Brendon, no slash.
POV: Brendon
Summary: Ryan got too close to something he never should have touched.
Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure Brendon exists.
Beta: Coco. No LJ
It was sunny and the sky was blue, but the air was far from warm. There was this sort of chill in the air that made you feel uncomfortable in your skin. The kind that would make you shiver long after you'd left the chill for the warmth of your apartment because your skin hadn’t had time to adjust, but it was December in New York so what did you expect?
When I came inside though I expected to see my roommate reading like he commonly did on days like this, but he wasn't there today. I looked around, but I couldn't even find the book he claimed was his favorite book; it was just as invisible as he was.
A sudden chill hit me. The kind I had felt when I was outside, but stronger. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself and shuttered. I looked up and noticed that one of the windows in the apartment was open, but when I went to shut it I saw a sight I really didn't need.
"Ryan, what are you doing!?" I exclaimed stretching my body over our windowsill to get a better view of Ryan, his back pressed tightly to the brick wall of our apartment complex. Ryan chuckled and gave me a distant look.
"Purgatory," was all he said, shaking his head. I didn't know what to make of that and couldn`t find the words that would make the situation any better. I could see the steady stream of traffic move below us, and my fear of heights drove my stomach to do a back flip. Gulping, I looked back over towards him.
"Don't do this Ry, there's got to be something better than this. We can get therapy. I'll come with you, it'll be fun. Just please Ry," I say, desperately. I knew I wasn't making much since. I was just simply panicking; giving a list of possible solutions that may or may not work on Ryan's suicide decision. I heard a 'clunk' as Ryan's head hit the bricks as it tilted back.
"No, Brendon not this time. This is all I need; nothing better." his eyes began to drift closed.
"Goddammit Ryan. How do you think everyone's going to take this! Do you ever think of anyone else? If you… If you do this….nothing will be the same, you know that don`t you?" He was close to everything to me, maybe spot on.
Ryan shook his head, and gave a low shallow laugh.
"Miss me? Not. I don't think anyone would so much as notice my absence. I don't have any friends at work or at school, there’s no one in my family that gives a damn about me, yet wonder why I don’t call. I've got no one, Urie, no one!"
"What am I then?" I say, I can feel my voice break, and I hate it. I hate it how he makes me feel like I’m as worthless as an acorn. All the things he says were what I thought I was to him. I was his friend, at work, at school. I was his family, maybe not blood, but I considered myself closer to him than his father or mother. It hurt having him make it seem like all of that didn't exist, like everything was imaginary.
"You, Brendon, are an illusion, negative energy that developed in my mind. You’re my conscience in its physical form. You're what psychologists call ‘imaginary friends’. You don't even really exist. If I die, you die, and vice versa. All the feelings you have for me are artificial, they don’t exist because you don’t exist. You're the reason I have no life." His voice disappeared into a whisper. My eyes widened and I meant to shout out, but I didn’t have time.
I didn't have time to say anything else, prove him wrong by listing all the things I knew I was and all the things I felt for him, I’d prove that my feelings existed, that they weren’t false. He slipped through my imaginary fingers and down to the concrete jungle below. I didn't even have time to scream before I saw the world around me fade. The skyscrapers and yellow taxies and advertisements over Time Square disappeared, and all I was left with was the first song Ryan had me listen to, the last lyric in the song that replayed itself over and over.
"And I would understand, I would understand."
That and a cloud of glitter dust. And it blinded me.