I'm a telemarketer (I know, I know, I'm pure evil) and was dialling people when I noticed one number had a note next to it saying "eating owner". I assumed meant that last time somebody had tried calling, the owner had been eating dinner.

When I called, I asked for the owner and was told that he had just recently died.

I thought OC Transpo was terrible, but it turns out that New York has the most retarded transit system on the face of the planet. We (Jason, Mel and Kevin) had rented a room in New Jersey to save money on ridiculous NY hotel prices, so we had to take the bus into the city. The first morning we got off at the station, and tripped into the ( Read more... )

Dear asshole Toronto fans ( Read more... )

So apparently when somebody asks you "Hey, do you want to climb a mountain this weekend?" the answer is 'are you retarded?' and not 'gee, that sounds like fun'. Lake Placid. Mount Algonquin. Four thousand and something feet. Eight hours of pure and utter fun ( Read more... )

Today I was in Mel's apartment watching TV when everybody but me heard a large thump from outside. When we went outside to look, there was a body lying face up in the garden just below us, arm twisted and blood all over his stomach and boxer shorts. A guy committed suicide 10 feet away from me. If I'd stepped outside instead of watching TV inside ( Read more... )

I think I want to marry my new apartment. First of all, there's ten thousand windows, so many that our problem wasn't so much not enough space to put our things as a problem of how to not block out the sunlight. Then there's our swanky balcony on the second floor, which looks out over suburbia and beyond. Next, I wake up to the sound of birds ( Read more... )

For some reason I don't really understand, I've always really liked turtles and tortoises. They're so motherfucking cool. Which is why this is the best thing I've ever seen in my life.


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I would like to announce that Jason Skucas makes the best omelettes I have ever tasted in my entire life. Apparently, the secret to delicious omelettes is not to cook anything IN the omelette. Instead, you're supposed to fry up bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms and onions and put them aside. Only then do you cook the eggs (drowned, obviously, in ( Read more... )

Sarah asked me to act in a two-person scene for her directing class - and I didn't even have to audition. I bypassed this horrible process because, according to Sarah, I'm the obvious choice to play a male, middle aged, hot tempered Texan from the 1920s, based off this real life dude:


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I HAVE MY G2!!!!!

My parents have been nagging me forever to get my license. So I did.

ME: "So dad, can I have the car tonight?"
*blank stare*
DAD:"No, you're not on the insurance." *walks away*

So...bus it is. Got to love OC Transpo and hour long bus rides to downtown.